How Are You Buying Into The Illusion?

island-beautiful-boat-courttio-Favim.com-573018Hey you,

It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. I apologize for that. My year 2 has started for school and booooooooy is it gonna be a full year. Fulfilling as well. My blog here has been put on the back-burner for the most part, but as always, I will continue to express as and when I can.

Something I want to discuss today is the idea of the comfort zone and what stepping outside of it means.

This year in class we are being pushed to excellence and although it’s going to be a very exciting journey, it also is very scary. It’s scary because in order to reach excellence, it calls for us to step outside of our comfort zone. It calls for us to grow beyond where we stand right now. It calls for us to step into this space that can be very uncomfortable to say the least. It calls for us to deal with ALLLLLL the reasons we aren’t there right now.

The space between the comfort zone and excellence is that space of uncomfortableness. A space we can refer to as the Divine Unknowing. In order to reach excellence, we have to willingly choose to navigate the path of the unknown. The one thing about that is, when we begin to navigate that path there is a natural inclination to want to move back into the comfort zone. We often let fear get the best of us and we move back into what we feel is safe, secure, and what is already known.

If you are ok with your life as it is right now, wonderful…stay in your comfort zone. But if you want to live the life of your dreams, learn and grow, become the best you can be, experience true freedom, and rise to excellence as you are here to do, then it calls that you take a risk. It means that you must choose to be uncomfortable. Yes I said it, you have to CHOOSE to be uncomfortable. You must get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

What are your dreams? Are you still looking for that dream job, that dream mate, that dream place to call home? What stops you from going for it? I’ve had a lot of talks the last few days that have to do with being in this place of fear. I like to call it “What If” Island.

Imagine you just landed on this mysterious Island in which you didn’t know anything about. You weren’t sure what kind of animals lived there, if there were other people, the weather, what food to eat. How do you go about navigating this Island?

Well most of us suffer from the “What Ifs”. Hence I said SUFFER. What if there are scary animals that will eat me? What if the people don’t like me? What if I can’t find anything to eat?

Now let’s move these What Ifs off the Island and into your real life. What if I make this move and then something else comes along? What if I don’t like it? What if he doesn’t want to date me? What if I run out of money? What if I don’t get this job? What if they like someone else better? What if I don’t have enough experience? What if they say no? What if I’m not good enough?

We can sit there and list a MILLION reasons as to why something MIGHT not work out for us. A BILLION reasons. I have a few questions though. What If the animals are friendly? What if the people do like you? What if you do like it? What if he does want to date you? What if you make even more money? What if you do get this job? What if you get the life you’ve always dreamed of? What if that island is filled with the most loving, accepting, fun people, with the most beautiful wildlife, and most amazing food?Why is it so hard to think about how GREAT your life can be?

What is the number one reason people like to stay in the comfort zone?

Yes, you guessed it…. CONTROL. We like to feel like we have some control over our lives and our surroundings. But guess what. Control is just an illusion of the ego. Think about it. Do you ever REALLY have control? You could walk outside and get hit by a bus tomorrow. Do you control that? You walk around every single day not really knowing what’s going to happen next. You don’t have any more control in your comfort zone than you do outside of it. Yet guess what. You THINK you do. You buy into the illusion. And because of that you feel safe, and secure, and a knowing. And because of that, you try hard to control the next steps, you try hard to know the answers, you try hard to make SURE you know the results. Because of that, you stay in the same life with nothing really changing and never really growing. Because of that, you suffer. Your life suffers.

Remember you must CHOOSE to live the life of your dreams. You must CHOOSE to step outside your comfort zone. You must CHOOSE to reside in the Divine Unknowing. It’s in your choice, where most of the growth comes from. On your way to Excellence, you must risk not knowing. Simple as that. Not only must you risk it, you must be ok with not knowing. Hell, you need to LOVE not knowing.

Maybe some things you are worried about are correct. Maybe he wont like you. Maybe you won’t get that job. Maybe they will say no. The question is, what is the meaning you are putting to it all? What are you choosing to believe about the outcome? How are you letting it stop you? The thing you always have to remember is that no matter WHAT happens… you will be ok. If you believe the Universe is on your side, you will be better than ok. You know why? Because you will have had the opportunity for growth and learning, from taking the risk in the first place. And if you believe the Universe is on your side, when you get a NO, then you know that it only means something better is waiting for you. You have to risk it regardless of the possible outcome.

When you can become ok with the outcome, whatever it may be… You will be supported. It just may not always be in the way you expect. When you can let go of YOUR way and open up for A way to show up, it is then you experience TRUE freedom! It is then you can relax in the bliss of knowing the Universe is on your side. You are MEANT to reach excellence. That is what you are here for.

The cool thing about stepping outside your comfort zone is, as that as you start getting comfortable in the Divine Unknowing, your comfort level will rise. That new space will then become your new comfort zone and you will once again have a new chance to choose to go even higher than before. There is no cap for your excellence.

As we reach the edges of our comfort zone, we get scared. It’s natural. But instead of letting that fear stop you…. how are you gonna use it to move forward? What new job and meaning can you give it?

Are you tired of suffering? Are you ready to reach excellence?

It’s funny that most of us dream about Islands for get-a-ways…we seek pictures of Islands as comfort… what if that’s just your soul’s way of calling you to step into the unknown.

You deserve the life of your dreams. GO FOR IT!

xoxo,

barista

 

Advertisements

Guest Blogger: Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

 Hello… I haven’t always been a straight “A” student nor a contributor to life. Growing up disturbed, lonely, and afraid led me into a constant cycle of abuse which varied between abuse coming from outside myself and the abuse coming from inside my own beliefs and decisions. I always knew I was meant for something greater than a life in the adult industry, but I never had the enthusiasm and determination it takes to overcome the obstacles I was facing. That is, until I became a single mother and vowed to do whatever it took to learn what it meant to heal and become a healthy, hard-working mama. The love I had for my child gave me the key to my motivation and success. Through showing up for her, I get to heal myself and give her all the things I needed as a child. Love is a powerful thing.

I would say most people do not like to be uncomfortable… the ones who do, get used to being uncomfortable because they have seen the payoffs. Those are the ones truly living. Like Olympic athletes who struggle through every training, push themselves to the edge & triumph in their success after they have reached their goals. They have to learn discipline, dedication, and foster the ability to overcome adversity. I have realized, I am the Olympic athlete of my life.

Ever since I can remember, I have lived with this deep pain in my heart and the overwhelming feeling of not belonging to anyone or any group. I experienced a lot of adversity through multiple layers of abuse that no child should ever experience. I was in so much pain that I had to learn how to survive, not life, but survive my own feelings of discomfort (suffering). I would run, literally, I would hide, and I would self-medicate for over a decade. Until one day, an innocent human life was put in my hands to take care of & I decided to face reality once in for all. Intuitively, I knew that the only way to being capable of mothering a child would be to stop the crap & get ready for battle with my own demons.

Over time the lessons get deeper and more clear. Just recently I transferred to UC Berkeley with a bundle of fears and self-doubt. How can I, an ex-stripper (some would say ex-whore), keep up with the big dogs here in the academic & spiritual world? I have recently won 29 awards for my community service efforts, my club involvement, and advocacy. I am riding on a full-ride scholarship to the best public school in the world. Most people without heavy abuse baggage & decades of self-loathing would be delighted. I, however, went into a terrible depression. All the issues I thought I had already worked on came rearing their ugly faces & for a moment I believed it was who I was. But then, through reaching out to God, to my inner self, to my friends, and my family… I realized this is the lesson. I am allowed to feel. Deeply, truly, for better or for worse & this very torment I was going through, I knew it would soon come to an end & I would be bigger, stronger, and ready for the next level.

The trick is acceptance & non-judgement BUT how can I not judge myself when I am on the kitchen floor crying wanting to give up and feeling so alone? You just have to breath and ride this part of the wave and trust this the path will not abandon you. I chose this! I will practice receiving & soaking up the fruits of my hard work & dedication. This is the hardest part for me… just accept the goodness & let go of everything that I AM NOT. I can testify that when you set out the intention to heal & to reach your fullest potential… WATCH out bc it ain’t no joke! You will have to face the deepest darkest ugliest parts of yourself & the world to emerge on the other side. 

All I wanted four years ago, when I became pregnant, was to not party and to heal for this child. I wanted to be a good mama, I wanted no one to ever take this child from me… and I got it! I didn’t know how hard this road would be, but I also had no idea how deeply rewarding it was going to be as well. Just when I think it can’t get any better, it does. And, then it gets bumpy again… but those bumps catapult me into another level of existence with my heart blazing on fire, ready to take on the world & love & be & sing & dance & play & eat & feel. That’s the adventure.

People always tell me “your so inspirational” “how do you do it” “you are so brave”… For me, there’s absolutely no other option anymore. I refuse to live in misery and pain and shame anymore. I have the most precious responsibility to adhere to raising a little girl… I don’t dare give up or back down from that even when everything in me screams to run away. Get comfy with being uncomfy & wonderful things will happen.

If you want to heal, if you want to be free, if you want to learn what it means to live, just ask & get ready. Take your stance.

xo, Robin

Robin Rivera, a former worker in the adult industry and abuser of alcohol and drugs for many years, is now an ambassador for the CalWORKs Association (which supports low-income families get out of poverty through education & training). She is also a mentor at MISSSEY (Motivating, Inspiring, Supporting, and Serving Sexually Exploited Youth) where she works helping many young girls and prevent sexual exploitation of young children through raising awareness, education, and development. Recently Robin was awarded the  2012 Miller Scholar at UC Berkeley as an undergrad and started her curriculum there this August. “All of these involvements have been part of my healing process teaching me one step at a time to love my path and to have self-acceptance. 29 awards later and numerous public speaking engagements, I have accepted that because of my position it is my obligation to give voice to all the people who society can not hear”. You can follow Robin’s personal blog, Crazy Beautiful.