Tiny Buddha: 5 Ways You Attract Great People When You Like Yourself More

By Paul Sanders via Tiny Buddha

Picture from: hungryforchange.tv

Picture from: hungryforchange.tv

“By accepting yourself and being fully what you are, your presence can make others happy.” ~Jane Roberts

Several years ago, I was so unhappy with my harsh loneliness that I decided that I was going to try anything under the sun to build a social life and have friends that cared about me.I read all the books I could find and tried all the techniques they shared, but I still had to make a lot of effort to build friendships and hold my social life together.Then I started to learn and apply the principles of self-esteem.I used to think that I needed to be as extroverted as possible. It was exhausting, and people could see that it wasn’t really how I wanted to present myself.As a celebration of my uniqueness, I started behaving a little more like who I am—a little calmer and more interested in the depth of things.While I became less gregarious-sounding, I actually started making more friends, and more genuine ones; and the relationships with them were more solid.I was amazed at those results; I knew that self-esteem would contribute to my happiness, but never thought that being less of a gregarious person would improve my social life.When I met new people, I no longer talked about the trendy subjects that everyone was raving about. I talked about what I wanted to talk about. I expressed my unique perspective.People responded well; it gave them the chance to meet a human being who’s not afraid to express his genuine thoughts and opinions.Self-esteem completely shifted the way I interacted with people and made my social much easier to hold and develop.

Here, I want to dig deeper and share with you 5 reasons why self-esteem can help you have a better, more fulfilling social life. When you have high self-esteem:

1. You have healthy boundaries.

When you like yourself, you no longer have to say “yes” when you mean “no,” and don’t have to make false promises, either. People love to be friends with those who aren’t afraid to say “no.” This strength of spirit inspires them.This character makes people see you as trustworthy. Everyone wants friends they can trust.When you preserve your self-respect and stand up for yourself, you keep more of your energy and value. If you have no boundaries, you and your energy get depleted.

2. You’re naturally a giver of value.

When you like yourself, you believe you have value to offer, so you naturally start to see abundance instead of scarcity. You realize that the world is generous, there is enough for everyone, and we can create even more that didn’t exist before.People can tell that you’re not one of those people who think they have to take value from others to have more.This instantly puts you out of the selfish category. People fear that they’ll end up with selfish friends, who are only there to take whatever they can and give as little as possible. That’s not who they want in their life; they want friends that like them for who they are.Liking yourself indicates that you don’t have any neediness, and therefore, you only hang out with people because you genuinely appreciate them.

3. You know you’re not perfect, and you’re not for everyone; you appreciate your uniqueness.

When you like yourself, you appreciate your uniqueness and have no problem with some people seeing things differently than you. You therefore celebrate your unique talents and opinions.When you appreciate your uniqueness, you tend to cultivate and grow it. That is exactly what makes you an interesting person to be around.For example, if you like Southern Italian cuisine, even if no one you know else does, you start to get more and more interested in it, which means you’ll start to know more about Italian geography, history, and world views. You’ll maybe even go there on vacation.People love being around others who are passionate about something; it inspires them to get passionate about their own interests.

4. You’re cheerful and you can see the good in people.

When you like yourself, you see the good in yourself, but you also see the good in others. This is an instant charmer! People are keen to know if you’ll appreciate who they are and what they have to offer to the world.When you have that positive energy within your own life, you start to project it on to others. First, your cheerfulness catches their attention; second, they realize that you’re not only optimistic for yourself, but for them as well.

5. You’re not overly serious.

Liking yourself means that you’re realistic and can recognize your imperfections, quirks, and mistakes. You know you can improve what you want but will never be perfect, and you’re okay with that.This means you’ll have enough confidence to poke fun at yourself. Other people recognize this, and know that they can have lots of fun around you, as you don’t take yourself too seriously.This also shows a side of you that is vulnerable and completely human. People get fixated on this on the spot because they recognize the same human vulnerability in themselves.Great people reserve a special spot in their life for people who can interact and relate without masks or barriers to hide behind—and that comes from liking yourself.

Advertisements

Tiny Buddha: Trusting in the Present When You’ve Been Hurt in the Past

Re-Post via Tiny Buddha
 

Photo by Damian Gadal

“The only way to know if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemmingway

In a world where it seems as though all we hear about and see is how one person betrayed another, how do we allow ourselves to trust someone to get close at all, let alone trust them to be near the most fragile parts of us?

Over the course of the last year, I’ve been working as an intern-counselor at a residential high school with around 70 teenagers. Many of them have come from unbelievably challenging backgrounds where they have had to learn to not trust anyone as a matter of survival.

Imagine having spent your entire life always having to watch your back literally and figuratively, not just because there are strangers who may want to harm you, but also because even those who are supposed to be close to you could turn against you in an instant.

How difficult do you think it would be to let down the defenses that kept you safe and in some cases, alive, for so long?

In my own world, I’ve struggled with allowing people to really know me because for most of my life, it felt as though I was burned every time I did.

Over time, I learned how to seem friendly but kept virtually everyone at a distance, and those who got too close I rapidly pushed away, sometimes completely out of my life.

I was already struggling to put my pieces back together after several major tragedies in my family, and allowing others in meant (the possibility of) compounding my heartbreak. I just couldn’t handle anymore at the time.

Eventually I began to open up, but each time found myself wondering why I had been so naive again.

Then there came a point where, slowly but surely, people began to enter my life who showed me what it meant to be able to trust—trust them to show up, trust them to listen, trust them with commitments, and the biggest one of all, trust them with my heart.

These people came in the form of friends who are now my family and have had my back in countless ways over the years, and the most surprising and recent of all, a man who is not only telling me, but showing me, what a man does to express his profound interest beyond just the physical.

If I wouldn’t have begun to take down my walls, I may have never found these amazing people. They didn’t appear because I had perfectly learned to trust already. They appeared because I was willing to learn to trust, even if imperfectly.

As I’ve been learning to trust and lower my defenses, I’ve been working with my students to do the same.

Their stories are different in that many of them have come from a history of abuse and/or gang related activities. But we share a similar outcome in struggling to realize that what once protected us is no longer needed, and in some cases, is actually hurting us further by isolating us from the love we need to heal and move forward.

It’s like taking too much medicine; sometimes a certain amount is necessary to get better, but beyond that it can break our systems down.

We each come to crossroads in our lives where we have to make the decision to let go of our old survival mechanisms in order to grow and make room for something better.

Sometimes what used to protect us becomes what harms us and stifles the capacity for our lives to be open and full of joy, love, and peace.

When it comes to trusting each other, we have to accept that our past is not our present. We have to be able to recognize that what hurt us before is not necessarily what is currently standing before us—even sometimes when the situation looks frighteningly similar, and sometimes even when it’s the same person.

Does this mean we won’t ever get hurt again? Nope. That’s a part of life. People will let us down, and we will let them down, but that doesn’t mean our efforts to disassemble our defense mechanisms are in vain.

If we never allow ourselves any vulnerability, we lose out on the opportunity to make incredibly deep and meaningful connections that open up our lives in ways that couldn’t happen any other way.

Those connections draw out the very best within and create a new reality—one where we learn that the only way to know if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

Tiny Buddha: 7 Steps To Hear Your Own Inner Wisdom

I have been talking to a close friend of mine a lot over the last couple of weeks and this spiritual self-growth path is something she’s become more interested in over the last couple of months. A question she asked me recently was “How can I learn to listen to my inner self?”. I was thinking “GOOD QUESTION” because after 5 years of reading books, seminars, blogs, etc it’s been something I have been focusing on more then I have before. Especially since I have been reading “May Cause Miracles”.

Listening to your Inner Self is, I think, one of the most important things you can learn to do on The Path to reach your highest potential. YOU have all the answers you need right there in that heart of yours. We often seek advice from others be it friends, family, teachers, counselors etc and we want THEM to give us answers and tell us what to do. Why? Because we don’t take the risk or responsibility for the outcome. Some of us become so used to ignoring that little whispers of our hearts that we just don’t think it even exists. But it does and I found this awesome article on Tiny Buddha that explains ways you can start to HEAR it better.

219409813066022652_Z3kZGb4b_c

7 Steps To Hear Your Own Inner Wisdom  By: Lindsey Lewis

“I don’t know what to do.” “I can’t figure it out.” “How do I know which choice to make?” “Which one is right for me?”

Sound like someone you know? Here’s one thing I know for sure: You’ve got the power. You’ve got the love.

You’ve got the innate talent—you gorgeous, loveable soul—to know without a doubt what is right for you. You’ve got the power to know what to do, to figure it out, to know which choice to make. Your soul is calling. And all you need to do is listen.

At one time not so long ago my innate talent was ignoring my soul. I had developed an acute ability for lasering ahead no matter what my essential self was saying—even when it was “Wrong way!”

I set goals and made plans and went for it no matter what—and soon I was a stressed-out, exhausted insomniac. So that was fun.

In fact, fun was exactly what was missing from my life. I put external touchstones ahead of inner happiness. I let my ego tell me what to do, based on what I thought the standards for success were.

I bought into the mantra: Work, work, work and then work more. You can enjoy your life when you’re retired. It was no wonder my entire system went into revolt; it’s no wonder our systems do that. They’re designed to tell us when we’re off track.

They’re designed to tell us when we’re on track, too. It’s like magic—except scientifically-proven. The verbal part of our brain processes about forty bits of information per second. That’s pretty impressive.

The non-verbal part of our brain processes about eight to eleven million bits of information per second. Eight to eleven million!

That means that the thoughts we hear from the verbal part of our brain actually know less than the physical sensations and emotions that we feel coming from the non-verbal part of our brain.

So if “I don’t want to make this one choice but everyone tells me I should” seems logical, but every physical sensation or emotion about it just feels so wrong, it probably is. Wrong, that is.

Wondering how to tap into your own innate talent for knowing how to live the life that’s right for you and be who you want to be? Start small.

1. Start small.

Begin with simply noticing physical sensations. Check in with your body from time to time. What physical sensations are you noticing right now?

2. Fine tune.

Once you start to check in with your body, you’ll probably also notice emotions, and associations with whether or not the emotions you’re feeling are good or bad. It’s normal—but in this case it’s not all that helpful. Keep on fine-tuning your radar until you’re paying attention to only physical sensations.

3. Benchmark your “yes.”

Make a list of times that you knew things were right for you, or felt that things were exactly as they were meant to be, really great, going well, etc. Then do a body scan: What physical sensations do you feel? Write ‘em down and then label them.

4. Benchmark your “no.”

Make a list of times that you knew things were not right for you, or felt that things were not as they were meant to be, not going great or well, etc. Then do a body scan: What physical sensations do you feel? Write ‘em down and then label them.

5. Practice.

You’ve just created your body compass. Using it is fun. Orange or apple? Imagine making each choice and then see what physical sensations come up—closer to “yes” or closer to “no”?

6. Trust.

The verbal part of your brain might come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t trust your body compass. Practicing on the little things helps to build up enough trust to use it on the big decisions.

7. Live it in the moment.

Once you’ve got your compass down pat, keep on using it. Living it in the moment is about remembering your innate talent for knowing, and using it with reckless abandon and firm intention.

What’s your inner wisdom telling you?

 

Take some time to really think about these steps and start practicing them in your daily life and decisions. Like the article said, START SMALL. I hope this helps!

xoxo,

barista

50 FREE REASONS TO LOVE LIFE

So I was snooping through my favorite blogs and came across a post on Tiny Buddha that I thought was very much needed now.

I have a 3-year-old son and it’s amazing to watch him through out the day. He gets so excited about the littlest of things. When I bring home oranges because they’re his favorite. When I signed up for soccer shots because it’s his favorite. When we go on a walk around the block because he gets to ride his favorite Lightening McQueen scooter. When he have a playdate with his friend, because Diego is his favorite buddy. He even has his favorite pair of socks. You get the point? And the BEST part about all of this is that his favorite things change practically daily. 🙂

Remember when you were a child and you used to want to be in a rush to grow up? And all the adults would tell you when you grow up you’ll just wish you were a kid again, yet for that “we think we know it all” syndrome we had we never believed them. You know what’s so magical about little kids? They are untouched by all the ruckus going on in the outside world. They are innocent and can see the PURE beauty of life. Yes, as we get older we rack up the responsibilities but this shouldn’t stop us from being able to stop and smell the roses. What is the point of life if you can’t enjoy it?

Last weekend I was on a bit of a strict schedule and I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. I had turned on some music because it helps me get in the mood and keeps me less distracted then television. My son loves dancing and he wanted to stop and dance. Of course I was thinking about how I was already running out of time to do some of the things that were on the good ‘ol “To-Do List”. But the look on my son’s face just made everything else non-existent for that moment. So I put everything down and I started dancing with him and let me tell you, it was probably the most enjoyable thing I did all day. We were just acting completely crazy and I actually felt like a kid again. Yes, I didn’t get to carry out every thing I meant to that day but sometimes you have to just stop and ENJOY LIFE!!!! Was it the end of the world that my list was completed, NO!!! It’s so awesome how a 3-year old can teach me to enjoy the little things life has to offer.

Tiny Buddha had their readers send in things that make them happy. They compiled a list of their favorite and here it is:

50 way to love life for free

1. Love. (Hansoul Kim)

2. Family. (Jo Alunan Taguinod)

3. Just being able to wake up to the sun shining in the morning. (Norma Lewis)

4. The ability to overcome hardships and appreciate what I already have instead of wishing I had more. (Ivy Lokojarvi)

5. Our ability to empathize. It allows us to connect and support each. (Heather Fulton)

6. The ridiculous things my dog and cats do. They live in the moment and enjoy being alive, and it reminds me to do the same. (Rachel Campbell)

7. That I am someone who makes a real difference in the world. (Marlu A Soria)

8.Moments of realization that I’m not as alone as I too often think I am. (Caleb Davis)

9. My children being healthy and happy. (Angelica Ortega)

10. Every breath I take reminds me I’m still here and still have much to enjoy. (Lorna Goodman)

11. The ones who never give up on me. (Li Maddocks)

12. Positive and creative people. (Vicky Agnew)

13. I love the moments when more than one person ‘get’s’ the illusory joke and for a moment sees that we are one. (Darla Shanti Serafina)

14. The love and support of my life partner. (Diane Delude)

15. Being alive and happy at this moment because is the only thing that exists. (Indi Pa)

16. Affecting people without realizing it. (Mike Love)

17. The beauty of it. No matter how bad things get, there is always something beautiful to keep us going forward. (Noel Knights)

18. All the funny people. (Neelie Echelon Michele Oliver)

19. Hope. (Majo Bustamante)

20. The unexpected things. (María Victoria Arteaga Hung)

21. That every moment in life is a chance for a new beginning. (Vanessa Powell)

22. Creating abundant joy is what I love most about life. (Shyloh Robinson)

23. The diversity that everyone brings to the table. (Andy Clemenko)

24. Trying new things. (Karen Gallion-Biggers)

25. The amazing way the universe can materialize just what you need. (Allison Seals McGee)

26. The way life’s traumas end up making the good times even sweeter. (Lisa McConnell)

27. Second chances. (Shari Ouillette)

28. I love when my daughter smiles at me, and says “Mommy, I love you.” (Haydee Lopez Cruz)

29. Freedom of choice! (Denise Robinson)

30. Everyday is another chance to get it right. (Jan Bu)

31. Seeing small plants start to bud and grow. (Erin Anderson)

32. It’s the little things that matter the most to me, like kisses on my forehead. (Manda Keifer)

33. I love the fact that I can see only love around me. (Kalpana Tewani)

34. People, nature, animals—everything. (Aisha Ar Radiyah)

35. Opportunities to start all over again. (Cristina Villacres)

36. Good food, good friends, good health, and a good night’s sleep! (Mikel O’Brien)

37. Smiles and laughter. (Erin Leslie Cassinelli)

38. Being free to do what I want when I want how I want. (Kim Toney)

39. How there are many paths to happiness, not just one. (Melanie Hazim ॐ)

40. The fact that nothing is permanent. You can always change what you don’t like. (Marcia Johnson)

41. All the free things like air, fresh water, kisses from my love, a hug from my daughter, learning from other people, observing nature and smelling flowers. ( Sarita A. Salas)

42. That we never really know what’s going to happen next. (Slovydal O’Brien)

43. Music. (Lori O’Connor)

44. The spontaneous and unexpected, if it’s positive. (Teresa O’Connor)

45. Knowing the difference between being alive and living. (Belinda Poree)

46. The incredible beauty that surrounds us if we look. (Jeanne E. Rohen)

47. Small moments of enlightenment that show you the path towards being a more fulfilled and compassionate human being. (Jacky Casumbal)

48. Quiet time. (Gerri Mills)

49. Being at peace. (Kylie Alyce Popejoy)

50. All of you. (Dan Schoenig)

Now my challenge is to you, make a list of ways you can enjoy life that are free and instead of just making a list, take time to ENJOY LIFE!!! Look at the kids you see around you and notice how carefree they are and how they have fun. Sometimes you have to put that busy responsibility filled life of yours on hold and enjoy the breath you are breathing. Otherwise WHATS THE POINT!?

Make time with your favorite buddy, buy your favorite food and enjoy it without thinking about how fat it’ll make you, color in a coloring book, play at the park, do stuff that makes you happy and grateful that you are alive.

until next time,