How Are You Buying Into The Illusion?

island-beautiful-boat-courttio-Favim.com-573018Hey you,

It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. I apologize for that. My year 2 has started for school and booooooooy is it gonna be a full year. Fulfilling as well. My blog here has been put on the back-burner for the most part, but as always, I will continue to express as and when I can.

Something I want to discuss today is the idea of the comfort zone and what stepping outside of it means.

This year in class we are being pushed to excellence and although it’s going to be a very exciting journey, it also is very scary. It’s scary because in order to reach excellence, it calls for us to step outside of our comfort zone. It calls for us to grow beyond where we stand right now. It calls for us to step into this space that can be very uncomfortable to say the least. It calls for us to deal with ALLLLLL the reasons we aren’t there right now.

The space between the comfort zone and excellence is that space of uncomfortableness. A space we can refer to as the Divine Unknowing. In order to reach excellence, we have to willingly choose to navigate the path of the unknown. The one thing about that is, when we begin to navigate that path there is a natural inclination to want to move back into the comfort zone. We often let fear get the best of us and we move back into what we feel is safe, secure, and what is already known.

If you are ok with your life as it is right now, wonderful…stay in your comfort zone. But if you want to live the life of your dreams, learn and grow, become the best you can be, experience true freedom, and rise to excellence as you are here to do, then it calls that you take a risk. It means that you must choose to be uncomfortable. Yes I said it, you have to CHOOSE to be uncomfortable. You must get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

What are your dreams? Are you still looking for that dream job, that dream mate, that dream place to call home? What stops you from going for it? I’ve had a lot of talks the last few days that have to do with being in this place of fear. I like to call it “What If” Island.

Imagine you just landed on this mysterious Island in which you didn’t know anything about. You weren’t sure what kind of animals lived there, if there were other people, the weather, what food to eat. How do you go about navigating this Island?

Well most of us suffer from the “What Ifs”. Hence I said SUFFER. What if there are scary animals that will eat me? What if the people don’t like me? What if I can’t find anything to eat?

Now let’s move these What Ifs off the Island and into your real life. What if I make this move and then something else comes along? What if I don’t like it? What if he doesn’t want to date me? What if I run out of money? What if I don’t get this job? What if they like someone else better? What if I don’t have enough experience? What if they say no? What if I’m not good enough?

We can sit there and list a MILLION reasons as to why something MIGHT not work out for us. A BILLION reasons. I have a few questions though. What If the animals are friendly? What if the people do like you? What if you do like it? What if he does want to date you? What if you make even more money? What if you do get this job? What if you get the life you’ve always dreamed of? What if that island is filled with the most loving, accepting, fun people, with the most beautiful wildlife, and most amazing food?Why is it so hard to think about how GREAT your life can be?

What is the number one reason people like to stay in the comfort zone?

Yes, you guessed it…. CONTROL. We like to feel like we have some control over our lives and our surroundings. But guess what. Control is just an illusion of the ego. Think about it. Do you ever REALLY have control? You could walk outside and get hit by a bus tomorrow. Do you control that? You walk around every single day not really knowing what’s going to happen next. You don’t have any more control in your comfort zone than you do outside of it. Yet guess what. You THINK you do. You buy into the illusion. And because of that you feel safe, and secure, and a knowing. And because of that, you try hard to control the next steps, you try hard to know the answers, you try hard to make SURE you know the results. Because of that, you stay in the same life with nothing really changing and never really growing. Because of that, you suffer. Your life suffers.

Remember you must CHOOSE to live the life of your dreams. You must CHOOSE to step outside your comfort zone. You must CHOOSE to reside in the Divine Unknowing. It’s in your choice, where most of the growth comes from. On your way to Excellence, you must risk not knowing. Simple as that. Not only must you risk it, you must be ok with not knowing. Hell, you need to LOVE not knowing.

Maybe some things you are worried about are correct. Maybe he wont like you. Maybe you won’t get that job. Maybe they will say no. The question is, what is the meaning you are putting to it all? What are you choosing to believe about the outcome? How are you letting it stop you? The thing you always have to remember is that no matter WHAT happens… you will be ok. If you believe the Universe is on your side, you will be better than ok. You know why? Because you will have had the opportunity for growth and learning, from taking the risk in the first place. And if you believe the Universe is on your side, when you get a NO, then you know that it only means something better is waiting for you. You have to risk it regardless of the possible outcome.

When you can become ok with the outcome, whatever it may be… You will be supported. It just may not always be in the way you expect. When you can let go of YOUR way and open up for A way to show up, it is then you experience TRUE freedom! It is then you can relax in the bliss of knowing the Universe is on your side. You are MEANT to reach excellence. That is what you are here for.

The cool thing about stepping outside your comfort zone is, as that as you start getting comfortable in the Divine Unknowing, your comfort level will rise. That new space will then become your new comfort zone and you will once again have a new chance to choose to go even higher than before. There is no cap for your excellence.

As we reach the edges of our comfort zone, we get scared. It’s natural. But instead of letting that fear stop you…. how are you gonna use it to move forward? What new job and meaning can you give it?

Are you tired of suffering? Are you ready to reach excellence?

It’s funny that most of us dream about Islands for get-a-ways…we seek pictures of Islands as comfort… what if that’s just your soul’s way of calling you to step into the unknown.

You deserve the life of your dreams. GO FOR IT!

xoxo,

barista

 

To Stray or Not To Stray

Ok so let’s talk about straying off our path. It happens to all of us right? No one follows a perfect path that leads straight to their destination. We all veer off the road every once in a while to visit the land of the unknown. Otherwise we wouldn’t have any life skills or any true learning experiences. The biggest obstacles teach us the biggest lessons. They are important for our survival. I could write a whole post about “The Path” but I’ll try to condense it so you can at least have a sense of what it means. To me The Path is when you want to live a life with intention. You want to have some control in CREATING your life not just watching it. People usually take The Path when they want to make a change in their life. Become a better person, lose weight, stop an addiction, have a better relationship. It takes the clear intention that whatever it is that isn’t working nor leading you down the road you want to go so you choose a different path.  The craziest thing about The Path is that in order to make these changes to lead you to the good life, you must do some of the hardest things that you can do. When you want to live a life on intention is takes effort, strength, determination, mindfulness, truth, patience, grace, faith, etc and the reward is far more worth anything gained by taking the easy road.

I stopped drinking back on New Years as my New Years resolution. I would make a small goal and every time I would reach it I would make another one. 30 days, then 60, then 100. I didn’t really have a vision of how long but I was just going as long as I could go. I chose to do this because a whole year before I found myself often saying “I need to stop drinking”. I didn’t drink a lot and I didn’t consider myself an alcoholic but my body just wasn’t handling it anymore.  I would get bad hangovers sometimes after only one beer. I have a child too so it wasnt really fair to have a hangover when he wanted to play with me. So finally after a year of ignoring the signs, I decided to pay attention to them which led me to stop. Lesson: Drink and your stomach hurts. Drink and you have no energy. Drink and you can’t play with your son the next day. Drink and you eat badly. None of these leading me towards my goals.

I stopped for 5 months which is the longest I had gone without a drink since I ever started drinking. Aside from when I was pregnant of course. Well the first drink I had was with my mom. Great excuse huh. I never get to drink with my mom. We were on girls vacation in New York and all the girls were having drinks and it took so much effort the first few times for me to pass up the chance. Then I caved. I just wanted to have a drink with the girls no biggie right. And it wasn’t. But then this opened the gateway back into the drinking world. I didn’t drink all the time but you know at least now if out to dinner and I wanted a margarita I could have one. Well I went out dancing the other night for my boyfriends birthday and decided t o have one drink too many. Spent the latter half of the night feeling sick and drunk and the next morning the god awful hangover hit me again. Oh yea, THIS is why I stopped.

We have endless choices throughout our lives. Everything we do  is a choice most of the time subconsciously. Most of us go through EVERY DAY of our lives not ever really aware of the millions of choices we are making. We just float through life on our habit rafts. Then what happens when something goes wrong? Well, we blame the outside source of course… they did it to us… we didn’t choose this! It’s their fault, not ours!

The biggest thing is once we realize that we have responsibility in all our choices therefore taking responsibility in our circumstances we start to think more about them. We start to choose more wisely.  We balance our pros and cons and choose which fits best. The hard part about being human though is that we are like machines. We go years through life picking what is easiest. I mean take a look at advanced technology. The things that are most successful are the things that make something easier for us. It’s just become natural. In most cases though, if it’s easy it usually ain’t right for us. Sometimes we want things to be easy so we stray back into that temporary bliss. Here is the thing though. Your higher self is always on your side. Deep down under alllll the junk you’ve piled on top of your self, your heart, your God, your source, the universe,whatever you want to call IT,…IT knows the right thing to do. IT gives you signs constantly. Whether IT fills your stomach with anxiety, give you a hangover, places a circumstance in your way. IT is giving you a clue, or an omen, that if you listen you will make the decision that leads you back towards your purpose. And yes we all have one! The thing about when you are on The Path, GOOD things happen to you. These thing happen not only because you deserve them but as proof that you are going the right way and when you stray you now have things to lose. When I stopped drinking my relationship with my boyfriend got better, my health got better, I was a better mother, I had more energy, i felt like a better person. A time that really stood out to me was that I had gotten pulled over once coming out of a club and I was sober. The police were just looking for drunk drivers. I passed the sobriety test and was on my way. I couldn’t stop thinking about how normally I would have had a drink or two and i could have very well gotten a DUI. Man was that some proof. Now by drinking again I have the opportunity to mess up those things. Maybe you’ve always had those things but when you stray you find you appreciate them more and you WANT to go the right way. A reason straying is actually a positive thing.

Now straying from your path could have a different result for everyone. To some straying could lead to life changing experiences, while to others it may not make too big of a difference. Here’s the thing though SOMETHING IS A MILLION THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. You know why? Because, remember those clues? if you aren’t going towards your purpose doesn’t mean your higher self still doesn’t want to. It will put clues in your way to try to get you back on track. So many times we recognize clues yet we fail to give them proper meaning and pay attention. Just because you ignore them, doesn’t mean they will stop. In fact they won’t stop until the lesson is learned. They will just start coming at a bigger and bigger cost. Usually  it takes something BIG for you to really notice you have even strayed.

The deep down and only true choice we have is we can choose to suffer or choose not to suffer. Suffering is indeed a choice though. Ideally the less suffering possible, the longer we get to spend living a fulfilled life of purpose.

Now of course we cherish our straying because like said, they come with lessons. But what makes lessons important? Actually putting the knowledge you have learned to work. “Knowledge is useless unless put into action”. So this “something” that happens, big or small, it comes at an expense but we gain knowledge…we see how we have strayed and we get back on the right path. But what now. How do we apply that knowledge? Well you think another chance to stray isn’t going to happen? Of course it will!!! But NOW we get to use what we learned from the last time and apply it. We get to make a smarter choice. We still get to choose…suffer or not suffer? I mean haven’t you heard though “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results“.  If we are truly applying our knowledge then the answer is of course NOT suffer. We move on stronger and more willing. If we forget what we learned, “‘something” is bound to happen again, but we seem to not have learned so suffering it is….again! Again cherish it? Yes always but again, there comes a time when, if we want not to suffer, we will have to make the choice to use what we learned from what we’ve previously experienced. Know that every time you choose to suffer, although not right away, it is an expense. How many expenses do you really want to make?

The Path will always be within reach for you whenever you choose to follow it. There can be a time where you feel so disconnected with your source that it feels as though you are lost but there is never a time you can be completely disconnected, as your higher self is the Soul of your being. So don’t worry, no matter how far off the path you may seem, if willing, you can always find your way back. That is the best part. There is Hope found in that. Learn to listen to your body, to your circumstances, to your Self. Learn the lesson to be learned. Apply it along the way. CHOOSE the road that takes an effort. CHOOSE not to suffer. CHOOSE FULILLING YOUR PURPOSE. CHOOSE IT!

xoxo,