The other night I fell asleep a little teary eyed because I knew hubby would be leaving for his annual boys snowboarding trip. At this point my husband and I have been married for almost 9 months and together for 3 years. We are very much in the honeymoon phase and even more entwined because we have both been working from home for the past three weeks.
We’ve been in such a honeymoon phase that I was resisting being away from him. Taking care of my son and catching up on work with no distractions kept me occupied for the first couple days. I just tried to slip into single mom mode again. Then today knowing that my son (from a previous relationship) would be with his dad this weekend I totally shifted my energy.
I did things my way, cleaned my way, played my music full blast, etc. I got bored for a moment eating my dinner of frozen pizza and ice cream by myself and then I decided that it was time to dance. I danced for a full hour, got a good sweat going and got to move my body without any little boy or big boy eyes on me. I kept dancing as I showered, singing along to Lorde.
Now I’m sitting here doing a very pampering and nourishing steam and listening to my favorite songs with only the Himalayan salt lamp and lava lamp lit. It is totally luxurious and decadent. As I hit play on VV Brown’s song ‘I Love You’ I remembered how I would do this type of stuff for myself weekly when I was single. I would take myself on an ‘artist date’ and sing myself love songs. It may sound totally narcissistic, but I’m a Leo, it is my job to teach people how to love oneself like the royal, majestic beings that we all are.
It is no coincidence that when I developed this practice then, and only then did a lover come into my life that could match the standard of love that I yearned and wished for. This is what self-love looks like. I share this and I will continue sharing things like this because I’ve been exposed to too many women (and men) who complain about crappy relationship after crappy relationship. When I tell them that it starts with practices like this they are timid to actually do the work. You will only attract what you are willing to give out…. to give to yourself. When you can dance around on a Friday night alone totally in love with just fully being you this is when the magic starts to happen.
Not many people know this but I was in a very abusive (emotionally, verbally) relationship for so many years. I was depressed and suicidal whenever we broke up which was often, because my self-esteem was so damn low. I didn’t think that anyone else could love me, so I put up with someone who was my complete opposite and we literally could not communicate. To see how far I have come in this area of my life motivates and lights me up so much. When I boast about my husband it is not to make anyone jealous or to brag, but to show people how joyous love and life can be. It is a victory chant from the little girl in me that was so deeply hurt and so scared for so long. It is me saying to that suicidal girl ‘hey I’m still here and life is freaking awesome, thanks for not giving up’.
Please love yourself first, and keep doing it. Even if you are in a relationship, never stop caring for yourself. You need to nourish yourself before you can nourish anyone else. This is why I will always over share. This is why I share even when I know certain people think I’m weird or nutty. I know that someone needs to hear this and I will not silence myself in fear. Let us shift the way we love and start to raise the bar for self-love. I encourage you to make your self-love a priority and to share your wins with the world. May we all have a relationship that feels like a victory dance.
Disa Jean-Pierre is a Spiritual Mentor based in Los Angeles, California. Disa is a mother, wife and healer. She is a certified Reiki Master and Success Coach whose goal is to help people love bigger and shine brighter. You can connect with her on GlowInTheHeart.com or watch her latest video on YouTube.com/GlowDisa.