Guest Blog: An Ode to The Power of Self-Love

It is a Friday night and I’m home alone. I don’t mind being home on a Friday night, as I’m very much and introvert. But because I’m not use to being alone too long and get a little freaked.

The other night I fell asleep a little teary eyed because I knew hubby would be leaving for his annual boys snowboarding trip. At this point my husband and I have been married for almost 9 months and together for 3 years. We are very much in the honeymoon phase and even more entwined because we have both been working from home for the past three weeks.

We’ve been in such a honeymoon phase that I was resisting being away from him. Taking care of my son and catching up on work with no distractions kept me occupied for the first couple days. I just tried to slip into single mom mode again. Then today knowing that my son (from a previous relationship) would be with his dad this weekend I totally shifted my energy.

I did things my way, cleaned my way, played my music full blast, etc. I got bored for a moment eating my dinner of frozen pizza and ice cream by myself and then I decided that it was time to dance. I danced for a full hour, got a good sweat going and got to move my body without any little boy or big boy eyes on me. I kept dancing as I showered, singing along to Lorde.

Now I’m sitting here doing a very pampering and nourishing steam and listening to my favorite songs with only the Himalayan salt lamp and lava lamp lit. It is totally luxurious and decadent. As I hit play on VV Brown’s song ‘I Love You’ I remembered how I would do this type of stuff for myself weekly when I was single. I would take myself on an ‘artist date’ and sing myself love songs. It may sound totally narcissistic, but I’m a Leo, it is my job to teach people how to love oneself like the royal, majestic beings that we all are.

It is no coincidence that when I developed this practice then, and only then did a lover come into my life that could match the standard of love that I yearned and wished for. This is what self-love looks like. I share this and I will continue sharing things like this because I’ve been exposed to too many women (and men) who complain about crappy relationship after crappy relationship. When I tell them that it starts with practices like this they are timid to actually do the work. You will only attract what you are willing to give out…. to give to yourself. When you can dance around on a Friday night alone totally in love with just fully being you this is when the magic starts to happen.

Not many people know this but I was in a very abusive (emotionally, verbally) relationship for so many years. I was depressed and suicidal whenever we broke up which was often, because my self-esteem was so damn low. I didn’t think that anyone else could love me, so I put up with someone who was my complete opposite and we literally could not communicate. To see how far I have come in this area of my life motivates and lights me up so much. When I boast about my husband it is not to make anyone jealous or to brag, but to show people how joyous love and life can be. It is a victory chant from the little girl in me that was so deeply hurt and so scared for so long. It is me saying to that suicidal girl ‘hey I’m still here and life is freaking awesome, thanks for not giving up’.

Please love yourself first, and keep doing it. Even if you are in a relationship, never stop caring for yourself. You need to nourish yourself before you can nourish anyone else. This is why I will always over share. This is why I share even when I know certain people think I’m weird or nutty. I know that someone needs to hear this and I will not silence myself in fear. Let us shift the way we love and start to raise the bar for self-love. I encourage you to make your self-love a priority and to share your wins with the world. May we all have a relationship that feels like a victory dance.

Disa Jean-Pierre is a Spiritual Mentor based in Los Angeles, California. Disa is a mother, wife and healer. She is a certified Reiki Master and Success Coach whose goal is to help people love bigger and shine brighter. You can connect with her on GlowInTheHeart.com or watch her latest video on YouTube.com/GlowDisa.

 

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May Cause Miracles: Week 6 Part 2

imagesCAQRU0YXI know its been a little while since I wrote my last May Cause Miracles post. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to work on following through. I have noticed that when something is coming to an end, procrastination sets in big time and it takes me forever to actually finish, if at all. This happens a lot especially when reading books.

Day 39 was about Gratitude to the World. My favorite quote from this chapter is “when you stop trying to make the world serve you, then you can serve the world”.  Gratitude is very important in these processes because it becomes very easy to focus on the negative things around you versus the good things you are thankful for. “I am grateful for my new perceptions  of the world”.

For this evening exercise I had to write a gratitude letter to someone who has greatly affected my life. “By charing your gratitude with others, you inspire them to carry on their sacred path. Shining light on the accomplishments of others brings more light to the world”.

My letter was to my fiance, Justin. I can admit, and I’m sure he could tell you, I don’t do enough focusing on the great things he does for our relationships. So I wanted to take the opportunity to do so. I wasn’t going to share it, but here goes (also will be his first time reading):

Dear Justin,
I just wanted to let you know because I don’t express it enough….Thank You! Thank you for loving me. For always thinking of me. For being thoughtful and always there. For listening to the things I like and love and showing up. For always planning amazing stuff and surprising me. Even though I don’t like surprises I appreciate the effort behind them. For keeping a spark alive even when I don’t give back like I should. Thank you for loving me even when I’m crazy, when I wake up with wild hair, and can be annoying. Thank you for even the hard times because it’s those moments that are making me grow. Forcing me to grow even though you may not realize it. Sometimes I don’t realize it either. I know I don’t always give back in the same ways you give to me but I want you to know I do notice it, and I DO appreciate it. I love you for being that guy. I’m trying and focusing on being the best I can be so in return I can be the best for the relationship. Thank you for the patience. I love you!
Love, Ashley

After gratitude day comes the day for forgiveness. Forgiveness is always huge because it allows you to let go of things that can hindering the possibility to effectively move forward. It’s a huge cause of fear and leads to resistance when it comes to choosing the love path.

“I forgive the false projections I have placed on the world” was the affirmation for Day 40. On this evening I had to write another letter, this time one of forgiveness to a person or organization I have been resenting. It’s interesting because my letters of gratitude and forgiveness were to the same person. This one is a little more personal to both parties involved so I will not be sharing it, but it was a little enlightening to write the things I had held on to. To look at how those fears have held me back.

The biggest thing was to choose to see love instead of the false projections. The false projections are the surface of the behaviors I was resenting whereas love is what’s deeper inside. The truth I know is there and was empowering to commit to see the truth versus the fears. Something I have to continue to remind myself, especially when shit seems to hit the fan 🙂

The book is a “40 day” guidebook but to complete the week there is actually 42 days. Day 41 is about fully taking in that I AM A MIRACLE WORKER! “I am here to be truly helpful”. It’s all about remembering that this is what we are here for. Gabrielle stated that one of her resolutions was to measure her success by how much fun she is having. I was then to look at the areas we focused on in the book and see how I could inject more fun into those areas.

Here are some of the questions that were asked. Take a look and see how you can apply these to your life.

Self Love: In what ways can I have more fun on my own in my everyday life?

Miracle of the Body: How can I enjoy he process of physical activity? What innovative and challenging workouts can I try? How can I enjoy the process of eating healthy foods?

Holy Relationships: How can I bring more fun into my relationships? What thoughts, conversations, actions, activities can I bring into all of my relationships?

Miracle of Abundance: How can I bring more fun into my career or place of work? Hoe can I have fun while I am creating abundance?

Miracle Worker of the World: How can I bring more fun into the world?

As Gabrielle suggests, challenge yourself into incorporating more fun into each of these areas of life every month. “If you intend to have fun, you will have a fun life”.

Wrapping up Day 42….THE LAST DAY!!! I will share this last day as well as some insight from the final chapter, in a later post. Although I am done with my 42 days of practice, the real work has only begun!!!

I would love to know if you have been reading May Cause Miracles though as well as your experiences if so. Feel free to share in the comments below.

xoxo,

 barista

 

If you have not picked up the book yet, Gabby will be having a 6-week ONLINE course for May Cause Miracles. It focuses directly on the book and provides you with guidance as you read along. There will be videos and audio versions as well as her guided mediations. It’s an awesome way to experience the book. Check out and sign up HERE

May Cause Miracles: Week 3

How about some afternoon coffee today? Good Afternoon!!!

So as you can see, I spent a few extra days on week 3. I just finished yesterday, Day 21, which was reflection day.  I’m going to try to sum it all up in one post instead of the usual two. This week was all about  BODY IMAGE. The focus was trying to see your body as spiritual and not physical. You ever heard that phrase

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience”?

That’s the jest of this chapter. To see our body as a vehicle in which we are able to express love. How can we use the body to express love.

mad3_character_large_332x363_chimpsImmediately one of the pictures I got in my head was when you see in a cartoon or something, little monkeys standing on top of each other under human clothing pretending to be a human.

We are a soul inside of a body and we are using this body as an outlet so the voice and actions of love can be heard, seen, and felt. Our purpose is not to compare ourselves to other spiritual beings yet that’s what we are CONSTANTLY doing.

It’s funny because as I check my Facebook lately I see tons of pictures and updates of people “getting ready” for summer. Some of whom  main focus is their body and how it’s going to look at the beach or at the pool. We view our body as being either more special or less special than someone elses.

Now I’m not against getting in shape, we all know I want to do so but this last week I also have become more aware of my reasoning for wanting it so badly. The focus in this chapter showed me that when we can see our body from a different perspective and recognize its true purpose, which is a way to express love, we will innately want to take care of it in the ways it needs. Eating good, stretching, drinking water, getting exercise, rest, etc. In return we will get the results we need but without the added pressure of just trying to look good. Even aside from that aspect, your thoughts alone have such a big impact on your body including addictions, illnesses, and energy levels to name a few.

On Day 15 I realized I have some very fearful projections of my body while answering some of the questions in the book.

*My ego’s fearful beliefs are that my body isn’t in shape enough. My skin isn’t clear enough. I’m not good enough.
*My energy is really low sometimes and I just want to sleep all day. I have a hard time getting out of bed.
*Other bodies are more special if they don;t have stretch marks or extra skin or saddle bags. People that are in shape are better to look at.
*I fill my loneliness with food, the computer/internet, “working” or doing stuff I “need” to do.
*sometimes I feel like having a good body is not something that is meant for me. I think I will never get the body I want.
*My ego has convinced me that my body is always two steps from being good enough in some way. My body is bigger than some but smaller than others. Sometimes I can see someone with a bigger body and still think it’s better than mine because they don’t have stretch marks on their stomachs or their legs may be smaller. It makes me feel like I’m in a lose/lose situation.

Those are some ways I have recognized my ego takes control over my thoughts about my body. The affirmation of the day was “My false perceptions of my body are an attack. Today I choose love instead of my ego’s perceptions”

The thing I love about this book is that it really gets you to pay attention to the fact that your fearful thoughts are not real. Day 16 was again the willingness to let go of your fearful thoughts with “I turn my perception of my body over to my inner guide. Show me what you got” and Day 17 focusing on knowing that I am not my body. I am free”.

Now let’s skip to Day 18. This day was good ‘ol Gratitude day. Letting go of seeing your body as separate and focusing on seeing it as just as special as all other bodies. “I am grateful for my body” was the affirmation of the day. I tried to remember to say this as often as needed. When you let this affirmation sink in, you will really start to take care of your body. Some examples the book listed was while you’re at the gym, say the affirmation and take the time to stretch a little more. While eating lunch, take the time to TASTE your food. Savor the flavors. Chew slowly. Can you see how stopping to actually pay attention to all the things your body can do, and be grateful, you will want to take care of it?

 F. ALSE  E.VIDENCE  A.PPEARING  R.EAL

The evening exercise was to see how fear’s projections affects your perception of your body. I had to write some of my fearful projections of my body and then let my inner guide lead me with a mindful loving response. Ex:

Fearful thought: My stretch marks on my stomach are ugly. People will looked at them and be grossed out or talk about them (can you tell I have a huge insecurity will my stretch marks?)
Mindful Response: I recognize this as a fear and that I do not know what people think. I surrender to letting my inner guide take over.

Fearful Thought: I can’t stay on a healthy diet or lifestyle because I am lazy
Mindful Response:  My laziness is a product of my fearful thoughts. Once I am able to surrender that fear and I will be fueled and guided by love.

These were true answers given to me by my inner guide… What’s even more powerful that when writing my fearful thoughts down, I saw how SILLY and UNREAL they are. FEAR IS A BITCH!!!!

Day 19 again is the F word. Forgiveness! I had to write a letter to my inner guide exposing all my secret fearful thoughts and forgive myself for them and ask my inner guide to take over. By exposing the secrets I give them less power.  “Forgiveness restores my perception of my body back to love”. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAnd on to Day 20 which tied it all together for me!!! “I accept my body’s true function, I accept I am a messenger for love”. This was the affirmation of the day as well as the meditation focus of the evening. I meditated on this phrase and let my inner guide take over to write.

As I was meditating I saw myself standing on the edge of the spa at my house. We were having people over and I was in my bathing suit. Well since we have lived in our new place for the last 4 months, I have not been in our spa. Aside from the weather being cold, I have had opportunities but won’t do it with friends over because I am majorly insecure about my body and you guessed it, my stretch marks or extra skin (from having a baby). During this image I felt free. I radiated confidence and love for myself and through that my friends felt it.

Now the part that hit me is I DO strongly believe I am a messenger for love. Its obvious in my conversations, my blog, my advice etc. I DO feel my purpose is to spread love. This means that I have to BE love. I have to embody LOVE.

How can I be a messenger for Love if I don’t Love the body in which that message is being projected? I show through loving myself and my body what Love is. LOVE accepts all things as they are. I HAVE to accept all things as they are, including my body, until then, I am not accurately and fully expressing the message!

WOW what a revelation!!!

before i end this post, just want to say thank you for getting this far. I know it was a lot.

…and on to week 4… RELATIONSHIPS!!! wooo hoo 😉

xoxo,

barista

 

 

 

“Dont forget to sign up for Gabrielle’s FREE virtual seminar starting March 25th based on “May Cause Miracles”. SIGN UP HERE

 

 

May Cause Miracles: Week 2 Part 1

So week 2 of “May Cause Miracles” is coming to an end and I feel like i have had some pretty outstanding miracles occur. Its pretty exciting to witness. This week was all about building a new SELF perception and I can say that it’s a week I really needed. I know that I can be pretty dang hard on myself. I also tend to stress out when thinking about the future.

IMG_0609

I am entering day 14 and this day is pretty much reflecting how the week went and what I have discovered. I think a lot happened this week that I do want to touch on but maybe too much for one post, so like week 1 I want to split it into two parts again. In this particular part I want to touch on day 8 and 9 but focus mostly on day 10 because I feel like I had a deep evening exercise that night.

I love the part in the book where Gabrielle explains: “When we release our ego’s false perception of who we are or who we need to be, we can surrender to the truth, which is that we are love.”

It’s true. Our ego usually tend to run the show ALL day EVERY day. Constantly comparing and competing. Judging, bringing down, attacking ourself and/or others. When we can just learn to let all that stuff go, we can become clear with our true selves.

Day 8 started off like Day 1 where I had to witness my self-inflicted fear. I noticed I tend to criticize myself a lot especially when it comes to my looks. I feel like I have played small by making excuses and not feeling like I am good enough to do the things I want to do or have the things I want to have. Even when good things come to me, I like to think by way of Karma, I can still have a hard time accepting it because of this mindset. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough because of how I grew up. I did not grow up with a lot of money like most of my friends and peers and had to be very money conscious. That very much still effects how I live my life today. I can be afraid to let go some times and feel like I actually deserve to spend money on myself or have others spend money on me.

“I am responsible for what I see” helps really put into perspective the power I truly have over my thoughts and the actions caused by these thoughts. I AM RESPONSIBLE!!

On Day 9 “I am willing to let go of my self-doubt. I surrender to self-love” was  the affirmation. The evening exercise was very nice because it involved doing something nice for yourself as well as getting into a praying position as to surrender to your Inner Guide.

mirror-love-handThen there’s Day 10 which was very powerful night for me. It was about actively choosing to love myself. “I AM LOVE” was the affirmation of the day and I know I said this one a lot. I tried to continuously imagine, what does love look like, sound like, feel like, acted out in the energy of myself, and BE that. For the evening I had to look at myself in a mirror and say “I love you” a few times and stare directly at myself in the mirror.

The first thing I actually started doing upon looking in the mirror was picking at everything wrong. The exact opposite of the point. I then remembered the point and began with the words. It seemed like something so simple but when I was staring at myself, almost simultaneously picking myself apart and loving myself at the same time, it was like I could see my whole life through my eyes. I saw all the pain bundled up from when I was younger until now. Everything that built me up into who I was in that moment. All the parts of me that yearned to hear those words. The little girl in me.

I Love You to the 5 year old little girl that was always called “white girl” by family members. Who thought she wasn’t good enough because her skin was too light.

I Love You to the 7 year old little girl that was called the “N” word for the first time she could remember after moving to a better neighborhood. Who thought she wasn’t good enough because her skin was too dark.

I Love You to the the 8 year old little girl that woke up one night at a sleepover to her “friends” talking about her. Who didn’t understand why they all seemed to pretend to like her.

I Love You to the 9 year old little girl that didn’t want to join girl scouts because she heard they had a daddy daughter dance.  Who didn’t want to be embarrassed that her daddy didn’t live with her or wouldn’t be around.

I Love You to the 12 year old little girl who wanted to play on the traveling soccer team but her mom couldn’t afford  it. Who couldn’t understand why and thought it wasn’t fair because she actually made the team.

I Love You to the 15 year old little girl who got dumped by her first boyfriend, her first love, her first everything, and couldn’t understand why. Who hurt so deeply because he continued to have sex with her but didn’t want to date her.

I Love You to the 17 year old little girl who kept having sex with guys that didn’t want to date her. Who didn’t know why she just wasn’t good enough.

I Love You to the 19 year old little girl who sometimes just wanted to have a mom she could talk to about all her pain. Who didn’t understand why their relationship was so rough.

I Love You to the 21 year old little girl who never really dated anyone. Who saw all her friends have boyfriend after boyfriend but had no clue why she only ever had two.

I Love You to the 24 year old little girl who had to figure out and go through her whole pregnancy alone. Who didn’t understand how that guy she loved so much could just treat her like a stranger.

I Love You to the 27 year old little girl who was so confused and scared about her future that she did almost anything to sabotage it’s coming. Who felt like she would never have the love she wanted.

I Love You to the 29 year old little girl who feels like her body isn’t skinny enough, her hair isn’t long enough, her skin isn’t clear enough, her motivation isn’t strong enough. Who doesn’t understand why she feels the way she does.

Even though she is surrounded it by it every single day, I LOVE YOU TO THE LITTLE GIRL WHO FEELS UNLOVED!

I realized in that moment staring in that mirror, which ended up being like 10 minutes, going over all those memories, trying to love that little girl that needed to hear those words in those moments, that not enough praise and love matter if I  don’t feel that love from myself. “I LOVE YOU”. 3 single words could change so much!

The whole next day which was actually the last post I wrote, I felt a passion in my chest. I looked up the heart chakra and found it represents our ability to love. One article I read said that “learning to love yourself is the first step to securing a healthy 4th chakra. The “wounded” child resides in the heart chakra”.

This part amazed me because of what I had just gone through the night before. It made me believe that much more in the power of our minds and the energy within. My heart chakra was LIT UP that day.

Newho, this was a huge step for me. Some things I hadn’t been conscious of in years. It was nice to give myself the love I had needed for so long.

Tomorrow I will go over the rest of the lovely week.

xoxo,

barista

Happy Birthday To Me

happybirthdaytomeSo Wednesday was my 29th birthday and boy did I feel special. I found myself continuously thinking “what did I do to deserve this?”, Sometimes even thinking “I don’t deserve this”. Isn’t that crazy? On my birthday of all days, I would think I didn’t deserve the love or gift that someone is offering me.

How do you react when people give you compliments? Instead of saying thank you and receiving the positive energy, many of us tend to dismiss the compliment in some way. We will minimize it or counter it. You may even say thank you but really aren’t taking it in at all. I never noticed I used to do that until someone had to blatantly point it out to me. Conversation went something like this “I love your hair, its beautiful” “Omg I hate it, it’s so thin and damaged, but thanks”. Boom a three in one!

Throughout the day on my birthday I had to consciously think sometimes “you are getting this recognition because people love you and want to express that”. I’m sure I can’t be the only one that has a hard time receiving love. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to receive love? It could be a multitude of reasons I guess but some that come to mind are because 1. We aren’t used to it 2. We fear the vulnerability 3. We don’t receive enough love from ourselves.

We Aren’t Used To It

One reason it could be hard to receive love is because you did not have a lot of positive experiences when you were younger. This lack now leads to a pain surrounding love. Maybe your parents didn’t encourage you as much as you would have liked. Not only that, maybe you saw your friends parents encourage them therefore you built this pain around the fact that you weren’t getting the same thing. In order for us to fully take in love, we have to be able to open our hearts. When you open your heart you have to touch on that bottled up pain that is there. Sadly, our human nature has been to try to avoid pain so we choose to keep our hearts closed making it hard to let the positive energy in. Paradoxically this avoidance will actually lead us to more pain down the road.

I think a good way to try to heal this part of you is to go back to the memory of that little boy or girl and give them the love you wanted. It’s even better if you have specific memories in which you clearly did not receive what you needed. If you felt your parent did not show you the love you wanted, know that it does not mean they didn’t love you. Maybe they didn’t get the loved they needed when they were younger therefore have a hard time expressing it just the same. Tell yourself “Even though I did not receive the love and encouragement I wanted, I choose to love and encourage myself”

The Fear Of Being Vulnerable

As mentioned above, to fully receive positive energy we have to be open to it. Being open can feel totally exposing. When someone would give me a compliment, it felt awkward to sit there and just accept it and say thank you. I felt naked. Someone was “seeing” me so  I had to cover up by counteracting the compliment. Whats wrong with being seen? I can’t help but hear the voice of the crocodile hunter… there’s me mate right ova there. so here’s what we do, we gotta give ye a mighty compliment aye, when ye accepts it that means ye trust us now right…well now that we have that trust there we have the opportunity to pounce on that mate there when they aren’t looking at us and eat em right up…oh yea and then spit er right out because ye taste bloody horrible! (ps: dont know if Australians say “ye” i just made it up haha

Oh yea, people can then sense your weakness then pounce when you’re not ready, and then when they can really see you they will reject you… so you MUST stay guarded at all times right? We’re not zebras in a field of hungry lions. We are humans and deep down we seek love but again we  want to avoid pain. Being open means being vulnerable which means being susceptible to pain. Well the great thing about pain is that it is a function of your own perspective. Practice being vulnerable. The fear of vulnerability often feels like you have something to hide, so start sharing stuff. Even if it’s just to yourself in the mirror for now. Let it all out…the good, bad, and ugly…and then guess what… LOVE YOURSELF!

We Don’t Love Ourselves Enough

I would say one of the number one reasons it’s hard for us to receive love is because deep down we don’t feel worthy of it. Of course we all like to think we love ourselves but think about how you show love to yourself. Is saying “ugh my hair is so thin and damaged” loving yourself? Is talking negatively about your body loving yourself? Is telling yourself you’re damaged loving yourself? If we can not receive enough love from ourselves, when someone else  is giving us love we tend to have an inner conflict. What they are saying or doing is not matching up to out internal beliefs. In this case, one of two things will happen… we will either let our own negative belief win, OR we will exchange the negative belief for the positive one. Being that we’ve been wired to take the easy route, keeping whats already there is usually what happens. So time to practice the latter fo the two. Exchanging the negative belies for positive ones. We can start by the beliefs we have about ourselves. Each morning try to say something positive about yourself. Then list reasons why this is true. Smile at yourself. Hug yourself. Dance, Sing, LOVE YOURSELF. Love yourself as if you were a friend, because in reality you should be your own friend.

I can admit, I had to remain pretty aware throughout the day on my birthday in order to fully receive all that was coming my way. And guess what, IT FELT GOOD!!! Could you imagine that. Receiving Love FEEL GOOD! So this barrier we’ve built around our heart to avoid pain actually has blocked love in the process. Silly us!!! My birthday present to myself was letting love in!

Try it!!! Be vulnerable, Love yourself, and Get used to it and I promise you, it will feel great!!! Happy Birthday to me.

xoxo,

barista