If Trust is Risky, Why Put Yourself On The Line?

Do you find that you have a hard time trusting? Do you wish you could trust more, but you have been so hurt in the past that you don’t know how? If Trust is so risky, why take the chance? Because distrust leads to far worse scenario then trusting ever will. By not trusting, you close the door from anything great happening.

trust

There is one thing I can think of off the top of my head that people have the hardest time placing their trust in. The Future. What could, should, or would happen to us in the future because of some person, place, or thing. We will literally drive ourselves stir crazy wondering “WHAT IF…” about other people and what they can or might do, think, or say to us if we let our guard down (or even when it’s up) and what will happen to us in the future and if something will prevent us from receiving what we want.

Fear is the foundation for distrust. When we distrust we become overly consumed with more fear. We want to keep our guard tower manned with maximum security, making sure we know exactly what’s going on at all times, controlling the situation AT ALL COST. Even if that cost is our own peace and sanity.

That person is not going to get over on me“, “I can’t let that happen to me“, or “what can i do to make sure that ______ never happens to me?”, we tell ourselves. We begin to question ourselves over an over looking for the solution that will finally give us comfort. Yet what we don’t understand is that looking for a solution through the same fearful energy that brought us to this place is near impossible. Whatever solution we come up with, will never be enough because, it too, is produced through fear. We then find ourselves in a cycle of pretending everything is okay yet constantly questioning if it really is. Distrusting doesn’t sound very fun does it?

Ironically, by distrusting, we are trying to prevent something that could potentially hurt us. Yet  the fear that we engulf ourselves in through distrust is doing nothing BUT hurting us. Causing us to feel unsafe which is what we are trying to prevent all along. Distrusting can cause destruction because we are holding on too tight. It closes the door for any other possibility. Trusting on the other hand allows us to let go, and relax. It opens the door for multiple possibilities and better solutions.

Do we remember what gets us to the place of distrusting in the first place? [it’s okay, you can scroll back up if you need to check]. Yes! It’s FEAR. Have you ever really thought about what TRUST entails though? Trusting is like gambling in a way. Even when we think we have 100% chance of winning, do we ever really? Do we ever really know EXACTLY what’s going to happen? Can we control EVERY outside factor to make sure it plays in our favor only? The answer to all three of those question is…. you guessed it, NO! Outside factors in the one thing we DO NOT have control over. We do not have control over other people, places, or things, therefor as much as we would like to predict what the future will bring, we never know that something is going to happen until it happens.

Even if we can predict that something has a 99.9% chance of happening, we still have to save room for that slim chance that it won’t happen the way we think, if at all. It’s that 0.1% chance that will still be attached to fear. But that’s what trusting is. It’s knowing that something MAY not work out in the way we would like it to, but betting on it anyways. Trust takes courage, especially if in the past we may have lost a time or two.

“Whether we are aware of it or not, every act of trust carries with it a shiver of fear. A favorable situation can become dangerous. Deep down we know that life is insecure and precarious. However, if we do trust, the shiver carries with it a philosophical optimism: Life, with all its traps and horrors,  is good… The bet is implicit in trust itself. If we could be sure of everyone and everything, trust would have no value – like money, if it were suddenly limitless, or sunshine, if there were always fine weather, or life, if we were to live forever”
– Piero Ferrucci (The Power Of Kindness)

When you are someone that has a difficult time placing trust in the future, then the second you feel that shiver of fear, you’re alarm goes off telling you that something is wrong. The distrusting begins producing nothing but MORE fear. Remember though, Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Unless it’s a life threatening situation (which is not the situations we are talking about here), it does nothing but hold our energy and our action hostage.

So what’s the alternative then? How can you choose to trust instead? When we surrender to the idea that we can’t control everything. Through this surrendering, we come to the conclusion that we are MORE than capable of handling all that life brings our way. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge that trust will ALWAYS carry a little bit of fear, we can become more aware of when we are actively choosing to be in a place of trusting. This can allow us to reroute our alarm system. This time when you witness that shiver of fear arise, instead of the fear multiplying, it is now giving you knowledge that you ARE in a place of trusting and accepting that this ounce of fear just comes with the job. You will be aware that you are trusting because you CHOOSE to trust, and if the worst case scenario happens to take place, we can continue to trust that it’s for our highest good and continue moving forward.

We have the choice to trust or distrust. While we are in a place of distrust, it’s like we are constantly waiting for the bomb to drop. A bomb that may NEVER drop. We spend our time and energy trying to prevent the bomb from dropping. The thing is, if the bomb is meant to drop, it will drop, and you have no more control over it then you do of gravity. So instead of worrying so much about what COULD happen in the future, why not just enjoy your present. And if the bomb ends up dropping, you deal with it then and at least you enjoyed the ride to that point…then you get on another ride. If it never drops, then you continue enjoying that ride wherever it takes you. What’s the point of the ride if you can’t enjoy it? What’s the point of life, if you don’t live?

“In trusting, we let ourselves go. We know that all kinds of unexpected events may come our way. Our tension eases, our mind and our hearts open spontaneously to be possibilities. It is an ever new state of mind, in the present moment, because we have detached from all we know. But it is also a feeling as old as can be, because, before all betrayals and all disappointments, there was a time in which trusting another was the very substance of our life.” – Piero Ferrucci.

Do you have the courage to place the bet?

xoxo,

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Learn The Risk That Is Always Worth Taking

badge-DaringGreatly-165x165[1]So it’s kind of funny… My very last post was about how I was starting over with reading The Power of Intention by: Dr Wayne Dyer. Well within the last week I had had a couple of conversation with a few friends, some about me and what I’m going through, some about them and their journeys. One of the words that kept coming up quite often was VULNERABILITY. Either me telling someone they needed to be more vulnerable and express themselves OR someone telling me I need to be more vulnerable and express myself.

SoOoOoooo I decided instead of reading The Power of Intention now I was going to pick a book about vulnerability. I had heard about the book Power the Vulnerability recently and was thinking if it was anything as intense as Power of Intention that it was something I needed. As I kept telling my friend that I wanted that book, she kept mentioning Daring Greatly.

I was convinced I was going to get the book I wanted, so I went on Amazon and searched. All I could find was the audio version though. Being that I love actual books, reading them, smelling them, holding them, turning the pages, tuning into them… an audio version just wasn’t going to cut it. Well as I am looking, one of the other books that was showing up was….wait for it….. DARING GREATLY. How’d ya guess? I searched a couple more times for a book version of Power on Vulnerability, thinking maybe I just wasn’t looking hard enough but every page I went on all  I noticed was the colorful cover of Daring Greatly. Soooo I decided to go for it. All of a sudden I realized BOTH books were by the same author anyhow. Now I really may as well!

The need to be vulnerable is a commonality with most people I talk to as well as what I know I need to practice the most. Here’s the problem, being afraid to be vulnerable is also the commonality. Let’s look at the definition of Vulnerable:

vul·ner·a·ble [vuhl-ner-uh-buhl]; 

— adj

1.

capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

2.

open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc

3.

liable or exposed to disease, disaster, etc

Let’s look at that very first definition. “Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt”. Well no wonder why we are all so afraid. We spend a hell of a lot of energy trying to avoid being wounded or hurt, by all means necessary, so why would we intentionally put our guards down?

Why? Because our SELF depends on it, that’s WHY. Who we truly are lies in our vulnerability. We can not fully come to be ourselves if we can not be vulnerable. Part of being vulnerable is being Authentic. According to the dictionary, being authentic means “not false or copied, genuine, real”. When you are being authentic you are being yourself. NOT FALSE OR COPIED, GENUINE, REAL! That’s sharing yourself and your feelings even if in that moment its hurt, anger, or sadness. So why is being authentic vulnerable? Because we have the opportunity to feel rejected. Feeling rejected sucks! So we avoid that feeling.

Just think about it now…. what kinds of things do we do to avoid being hurt? We lie, we pretend, we hide, we blame, we stay quiet. Not one of those things leads us into being who we really are. None of those things are genuine and real. What’s ironic is all of those things end up doing nothing but eventually hurt us anyways.

I have a hard time being vulnerable particularly because I am strongly attached to the myth that vulnerability shows weakness. Putting your guard down is weak. It does nothing but leaves you open to be killed. We are taught that we have to fight and killing those that have their guards down equals power. The thing is being vulnerable is one of the hardest things we can do. Therefore truth is, it’s a strength right? The greatest power doesn’t come from killing the most people, the greatest power comes from connecting with most people. Think of some of the most powerful leaders. They were powerful because they connected with the masses. And guess what? We connect the most with those whom are authentic and vulnerable. Why? because inside we are all dying to be vulnerable, we are all dying to be our true selves and we can see the strength it takes when someone else shows us it’s possible. That when you let your guard down you get rewarded ten times more. Now THAT’s power.

vulnerability

I’ve stated in this blog over and over how I need to be more vulnerable. How I want to share more. This need isn’t only for my blog, it’s to improve my life in all areas. I need to be more vulnerable in my relationships, my career, my parenting….everything! And as much as I knew what it took to be vulnerable, there are things that still make me afraid. So I am willing to open up into learning more and doing what I can to educate myself about it.  I am fully at that point in my life where my purpose is in turbo speed. I feel as though nothing can stop me. Not even the risk it takes of getting hurt. That is how you know you are on the right path. Because even if you don’t know where the journey is gonna take you, you know you need to continue and nothing can get in your way. This is about taking a stand for WHO I AM!

Pain only makes us even stronger anyways right. Think about it, those who turn away from us or hurt us while our guard is down aren’t the people worth having in our lives. This means they aren’t ready to accept us for who we truly are. In the end, we all want to be accepted right. The only way to know that is to first accept ourselves without rejection and second TAKE THE RISK!

I know I am meant to make a difference in this world and I can’t do that without strengthening the thing that will give me that power of connection. Vulnerability! The risk ALWAYS worth taking.

So here’s goes to stepping into greatness!

xoxo,

barista