My Truth: Finding Freedom

ok ok here goes… I know I was bordering avoidance. I know I teased you guys a few posts ago about doing something that took a lot of strength. The strength was this… I had to tell the truth! Seems so simple right, but expressing truth is one of the hardest things for people to do. To fully own themselves, good and bad.

“If you are in any way keeping a secret, or if you are in any way pretending to be something that you are not, you will never ever become all that you were meant to be. It just cannot happen.”  -Oprah

A while ago, I had discovered the one most powerful thing I wanted was to have as much freedom as I could get. Freedom from this man made prison built within my own mind. Well Freedom = Truth. So to grasp freedom, one has to learn how to grasp truth. Based on how much our ego runs the show, it’s hard for many of us to even recognize what our real truth is. We have who we are, and who our ego wants us to be. Ego likes to think we are all seperate, therefore it is CONSTANTLY comparing us to others as better or worse. In reality, to our soul, we are all the same. Learning to recognize this one concept will help you discover what your truth is. One of my goals with this blog is to question and test my beliefs and be able to share what I experience by doing so. All those great quotes and articles we read and share …yes they make sense, they sound right, but how often do we test them to see how they relate to us.

When you express your truth, you know that those attracted to your life are there because they accept you for who you are. What I consider to be the highest form of relationships, is that built off of truth. I’m sure in your head you are saying, “of course Barista… we all want relationships based this” or maybe you’re even saying, “I don’t know about you, but I already have relationships based on truth”. My response to you is “Yes you say that, but do you really?”

Try to think about all the restrictions you have in your life put on by you or others. Is it possible to have freedom with restrictions? And I’m not talking about restrictions like rules and laws you have to follow in society, but restrictions placed on your need of expression. To express how you feel, what you want, who you are. What are some reasons people are afraid to express themselves? Fear of hurting someone, fear of losing someone, fear of not being accepted… common theme is FEAR. This fear makes us hide what we think…what we feel…who we are. When we are hiding even a piece of who we are, we are then pretending to be something we are not. When you are pretending to be something you are not, then how can you ever be who you are suppose to be. Like Oprah said, it’s IMPOSSIBLE!   

 Back in March I had read Oprah’s quote above, and it resonated with me instantly. But still I was convinced that I could get over telling the truth by just becoming a better person and moving forward. If I was going to be a better person then what good was the truth to know. See that’s the thing. There is no change without truth. There were plenty of lessons being taught in this one experience and that was one of them I was ignoring. What happens when we don’t learn the lesson? It keeps coming back in different form until we decide to get to finally get it. I couldn’t just stop and be a better person if I couldnt be truthful. So guess what? All the times I thought I could just stop and move forward, I couldn’t…because people don’t make change by avoiding the truth, they change by confronting the truth.

I recently had to reveal myself to a friend which meant not only did I have to tell the truth, but I had to be vulnerable. Vulnerability = Truth. My truth was that I was going through some pain and insecurities and to mask that I was “acting out” in ways to prove my insecurities and pain right. I knew this acting out wasn’t who I was and I felt shame for it so I then was hiding how I was acting out. I felt restricted from being able to express my insecurities and what I was going through out of  fear of not being understood. But do you see how I created this prison for myself. I didn’t KNOW if I was going to be accepted or not. I just feared it. And through this fear I created shame. And through this shame I was punishing myself for something that wasn’t even true.  When you act out in order to mask your true self, it’s usually a temporary feel good but in the long term you end up feeling bad. When you feel bad, all that means is that you aren’t aligned with whats in your heart. I didn’t like the person I was “acting out” as so I became dedicated to figuring out how to heal the real fear and pains. How on earth do I EVER expect to build relationships and expect people to accept my truth and share with me theirs if I wasn’t accepting it myself?

Every time you lie, big or small, you are hiding a piece of who you are and how you feel. By telling the truth I understood were ways my friend could react to it. Was I afraid? Of course I was. I was so afraid that just thinking about telling the truth made my heart beat fast, my palms get sweaty and I practically had an anxiety attack. That’s how I knew I had to do it…because I was uncomfortable. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is the best way to learn though and if I wanted to learn truth I had to live truth.  If I wanted someone to accept me for who I was, I had to reveal who I was. I learned who I AM was not who I was being. Suddenly hiding and lying was no longer an option. Instead of it coming down to, is this person going to accept me or not, it came down to do I accept myself? As long as I accept myself then those that dont accept me dont deserve to be in my life in the first place. There was a sense of peace in accepting my truth and placing that first. How did I know if this other person was or wasnt going to accept who I was if I didn’t just admit who I was. So there I was, on the edge of the cliff…. I could stand there staring down scared of what would happen or I could jump into the arms of freedom. You can’t learn to fly if you don’t jump first.

So I did it. I jumped. I told the truth. At that moment I was jumping into my freedom and into my expression and into being myself.

I knew in that moment of truth that I was owning who I had been and what I did.  Did that make the lying and hiding ok? Absolutely not but I was taking responsibility for whatever the outcome. These lies and hiding had nothing to do with any other people and ALL to do with ME. I know the lies and hiding and my “acting out” wasn’t who I was destined to be. I had to deal with accepting what I was going through and confronting the truth.  These lies weren’t something to be proud of and was hurtful towards another person but when I revealed them I immediately felt free. Not because I didn’t care about the other persons feelings, but because in that moment I was speaking my truth and the truth will set you free. Guess what? They accepted me! So all those fears weren’t even true in the first place. Imagine that 😉

My challenge to you is to figuring out what you are hiding.  What piece of yourself are you keeping locked up?  How are you restricted? What are your fears about expressing your truth?  How can you test those fears unless you be yourself and see what happens? When you lie, notice what you are avoiding? Every time you feel fear its your soul begging for truth. I dare you to jump and experience how it feels to fly!!! We all make mistakes, its the only way to learn. You owe it to yourself to love all of you, mistakes and all. You are owe yourself the truth. You owe yourself freedom. You owe it yourself to be all you are meant to be. When love your truth, someone else will too!

xoxo,

Authenticity

AUTHENTICITY is a daily practice.

Chasing Authenticity means cultivating the COURAGE to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Exercising the COMPASSION that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit. Nurturing the CONNECTION and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.

Authenticity demands WHOLEHEARTED living and loving. Even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it.

Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite GRACE, JOY, and GRATITUDE into our lives.

-Brene Brown Ph.D

We Need Each Other

I snagged this article from Tiny Buddha. It list Reasons We Need Each Other. I think this is powerful because when you REALLLLY think about it and are open, you can experience that we are all one. We all are going through the same shit. Yes we might have different experiences but under all those stories all  of our lives are living the same themes. We all want to feel love. We all want to feel good enough. That is what it comes down to. Could you imagine if we all could just give the love that we want to receive? THAT my friend is what WORLD PEACE would feel like.

I mean it just seems so simple and it’s in all of us but for some reason we prefer to continue to hold on these stories that most of us made up when we were toddlers. We make up some story about ourselves and our importance and then we add on and create our entire lives on this story and then because of the way we feel about ourselves we then will act in a way (of course most of the time subconsciously) that will cause our children to make up a story and the cycle continues.

One of the greatest experiences is the one of being able to feel connected to another person. However big or small the occurrence, that feeling of “Oh, they are just like me” tends to give us this warm feeling inside. A feeling of comfort. This is how come in most seminars, retreats, etc the most important part is the sharing by others. It is important because when someone else is sharing their story its seems SO easy as an outsider to see what is going on with them and we have the advice we would give them. This is because we can see a piece of ourselves in them and through contemplating their story we can then begin to contemplate and dissect our own.

NOW…. now that we’ve realized that we are all the same, here are some reasons we need each other:

The Power of Community

Here are 6 powerful reasons not to go it alone: (as written by Jen Waak via Tiny Buddha)

1. Collective wisdom. No one person ever has all of the answers, and regardless of the amount of Google-fu you may have, consulting with experts is always going to give you better information.

2. Pushing our limits. When working alone, it’s oftentimes too easy to give up when things get hard. By surrounding yourself with others working toward a similar goal or objective, you’ll get motivation, support, and friendly competition to push yourself just a bit further than you would have done on your own.

3. Support and belief. Some days those big goals just seem impossible. On those days when you most want to give up, you need to lean on your community the most. They believe in you—probably more than you belief in yourself.

4. New ideas. I truly believe that when you are working within a community of like-minded people that the wisdom of crowds is considerably greater than any one person working alone. Our divergent world views and lenses mean that we all approach the exact same problem slightly differently.

5. Borrowed motivation. Even on those days when your belief in yourself isn’t waning, doing what needs to get done can seem overwhelming. Look around your community and be inspired!

6. Accountability. If you’re an uber-responsible person, you may not want to admit to people you care about who are pulling for you that something didn’t get done. There’s nothing like having to be accountable to others to up your game.

These are powerful steps because the community we choose to interact with has a HUGE effect on how we can progress as a person. Sometimes we have to take a step back and reconsider those that are a part  of our tribe. We have no room for those that aren’t there to help make us a better person. Life is about change and progression and sometimes we can move at a little faster speed than others. And you know what, it’s ok!!! Surround yourself with those that will be there for you and build you up, esp when you are down, and move forward from those that want to keep you down. Can you still  love them? of course!!! but let them move at their own pace. Most likely when they see how awesome you are doing they will want to follow in your steps.

Who make up your community?

xoxo,

Philosophy

So do you guys know of the brand Philosophy? Its a brand of products and all the bottles and packaging have these cool little philisophical quotes on them and they are really awesome. I love this brand mainly because I love reading all the different bottles.  Even the philosophy behind their idea is great:

In case you cant read that tiny print above the first one says : ” we use children’s pictures and lowercase writing to remind us of the genuine curiousity, wisdom, and joy that exists within the childhood consciousness  in us all”

. There are hundreds of products. The cool thing is practically every single bottle say something different. Amazing Grace alone has like 4 different sayings. I cant share ALL of them but here are a few good ones :

Amazing Grace: how you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. and, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one gigantic test followed by one gigantic lesson. in the end, it all comes down to one word, grace. it is how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.

with clean hands we find our grace. only grace can wash away our anger, bitterness, sadness, or mistakes we regret that no longer serves our soul. with grace and gratitude we dry our clean hands and realize the slate can

Eternal Grace: youth is effervescent and eternal. as children we live in a perfect world full of possibility, hope and boundless prosperity. no dream is too big, and what we believe is what we become. our hearts are pure, with a limitless capacity for love. we wholeheartedly love ourselves and others without judgment or critique. beauty exists within us and flows freely from us. honesty is effortless. life’s simple pleasures bring us endless joy, as we gravitate toward one another’s innocence. delight in feeling forever young.

Falling in Love: when it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender. surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.

Inner Grace: God is love. God is peace. God is trust. God is joy. God is family. God is friendship. God is fearless. God is breath. God is life. God is wisdom. God is eternal. God speaks in whispers.

inner grace is a still, quiet voice that connects us to places that live inside our hearts and places beyond this galaxy and the next. to live in inner grace is to be embraced by the deepest, sweetest peace you will ever know.

Keep the Peace: the peace you seek is at your fingertips. you just have to be willing to reach for it. sometimes peace is taking a deep breath, calming your heart and quieting your mind.

to keep the peace is to resist the struggle and surrender to the moment

Love Sweet Love: how do you describe your hand-in-hand stroll in the park when each day seems sweeter and every memory more precious than the last, the feeling can only be described as love sweet love. you have everything to look forward to and every reason to simply live in the moment. suddenly, your number one priority is standing beside you, and all there is left to do is to take their hand and never let go.

Microdelivery (Exfoliating Wash): you are not who you appear to be on the surface. your age, beauty, wisdom and unique qualities are within. clear the debris clouding your perception, and reveal who you really are. you are positively radiant and ready to share your light with the world.

Pure Grace: one of the best tools for longevity and good health is not just taking a walk outdoors but taking a walk while holding the hand of God. when we walk in gratitude for each and every moment, we empower ourselves by empowering our spirits. when we breathe in nature through our eyes, ears and lips, we become certain that not only are our souls eternal, but that God knows how to manage our lives, our troubles, our worries and our days better than we do. so today and everyday let go and let God.

Purity: purity is natural. we come into this world with all the right instincts. we are innocent and, therefore, perceive things as they should be, rather than how they are. our conscience is clear, our hands clean and the world at large is truly beautiful. it is at this time we feel most blessed. to begin feeling young again, we must begin with the most basic step of all, the daily ritual of cleansing.

Summer Grace: summer grace is the carefree spirit of summer. the feeling of freedom as the breeze blows through your hair. the warmth of the sun’s kiss. the smell of sweet summer air and flowers blooming. the taste of juicy, sun-ripened fruits. fun daytime adventures and late summer nights. embrace your carefree spirit, and let happiness bloom.

Unconditional Love: once upon a time, there was a person who said they would love you forever. their love moved on, but your love stayed in the same place. consider the opportunity to love the greatest of all blessings, even when love doesn’t go your way. the love you give is the love you get, and it is all good no matter where love takes you. let the ability to love another belong to you forever and ever because real love stories never end.

With Gratitude: gratitude is contentment wrapped in happiness

Well Balanced: only when we give do we truly receive. when we circulate love and generosity, we live a well balanced life.

They have sets for men too!

Hope you enjoyed these. Keep a look out for these amazing products and even if you dont buy them, just read the bottle. It may lift your spirits.

xoxo,