Are You Staying True to Your Inner Moral Beliefs?

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“With the self as a focal point, you sustain the illusion that you are your body, which is a completely separate entity from all others. This sense of separateness leads you to compete rather then cooperate with everyone else” – Wayne Dyer

Being that it was Martin Luther King Jr. Day yesterday, I thought today was perfect day for this post. MLK represented a man you was very connected to his intention and Source. He consciously chose to act out of his loving instead of his ego, even through the hardest of times, which lead him to making great connection with many people on many levels.

I hear and read so many people, myself many times included, that have the intention of being and acting one way (kind, love thy neighbor, accepting, compassionate, empathetic) yet many times have a hard time staying connected to that intention and can end up acting in a way that can be quite the opposite (judgemental, mean, rejecting, jealous). I know sometimes I can feel so passionate about something I perceive as negative that I also respond in a negative manner. In reality, this is making me no different then the source that caused my reaction. As Dr. King has said “Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that”. So how can we learn to stay connected to our inner most intentions and project light onto all situations?

Integrity

One of my goals for myself is to continue to discover and define my inner moral code and consciously, with intention, chose to live by that code during all situations. One of the things that gets in the way of that intention is my ego. We all have one and in respect we all NEED one. The ego can be very successful at helping us achieve the things we want in life with its goal minded orientation, but it can also harm us in many ways, especially when it comes to continuously acting out of our Authentic Self. The Self that wants to maintain our intentions and inner moral code.

In observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day yesterday, I would like to quote a section from Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention, in his words. May we all strive to live a life of personal integrity and stay true to the person we have the intentions of being.

Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You

1. Stop being offended. The behavior of others isn’t a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them at every turn. This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is. You can’t reach the power of intention by being offended. By all means, act to eradicate the horrors of the world, which emanate from massive ego, but stay in peace. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to attack, counterattack, and war.

2. Let go of your need to win. Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time – Someone out there will always be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter – and back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant. You are not your winnings or victories. There are no losers in a world where we all share the same energy source. Let go of your needing to win by not agreeing that the opposite of winning is losing. Be at peace, and match up with the energy of intention. And ironically, although you’ll hardly notice it, more of those victories will show up in your life as you pursue them less.

3. Let go of your need to be right. Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you’re hostile, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and your relationships is like saying to the ego, I’m not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I’m going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying she is right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth. When you let go of the need to be right, you’re able to strengthen your connection to the power of intention. Keep in mind, the ego is a determined combatant. I’ve seen people willing to die rather than let go of the need to be right.

4. Let go of your need to be superior. True nobility isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be. Stay focused on your growth, with a constant awareness that no one on this planet is any better than anyone else. We all emanate from the same creative life force. Let go of your need to feel superior by seeing an unfolding of God in everyone. When you project feelings of superiority, that’s what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostile feelings.

5. Let go of your need to have more. The mantra of the ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, you’re ego will insist that it isn’t enough. You’ll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of ever arriving. Yet in reality, you’ve already arrived, and how you chose to use this present moment  of your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Since you’re detached from the need of it, you’ll find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied or at peace.

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements. This may be a difficult concept if you think you are your achievements. I can  hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless stayed tuned to this idea. All emanates from Source! You’re not this body and its accomplishments. You are the observer. Notice it all; and be grateful for the abilities you’ve been given, the motivation to achieve, and the stuff you’ve accumulated. The less you need to take credit for your achievements and the more connected you stay to the faces of intention, the more you’re free to achieve, and the more will show up for you.

7. Let go of your reputation. Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you have 30 reputations. Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you’re overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by everyone, then you’ve disconnected yourself from intention and allowed opinion of others to guide you. This is your ego at work. It’s an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention. Leave your reputation for others to debate, it has nothing to do with you.

When I think of Martin Luther King Jr. and the type of man I have learned he was, I conclude that he succeeded in these seven steps. He and others with the loving centered heart like his (Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Jesus, Buddha) are the epitome of what living with personal integrity and intention are about.

Overcoming the ego is what allows people to stand out and stay remembered in a good manner. They connect with the masses and they exert a light into the darkness of others. The lift you up and they stay true to that inner voice directing them in ALL circumstances.

Let us all see this and use it to become a better version of ourselves. To emanate the purpose of our existence. Don’t let the darkness take control. Spread love and light to the world! Live a life of intention!

Happy Tuesday

xoxo,

barista

I Am Light

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“I Am Light”

By: India.Arie

I am light, I am light
I am light, I am light
 
I am not the things my family did
I am not the voices in my head
I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside

I am light, I am light
I am light, I am light

I’m not the mistakes that I have made or any of the things that caused me pain
I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind

I am light, I am light
I am light, I am light

I am not the color of my eyes
I am not the skin on the outside
I am not my age, I am not my race, my soul inside is all light

All light, all light
I am light, I am light

I am divinity defined
I am the God on the inside
I am a star, a piece of it all
I am light

 

12/21/12 : The Threshold to a New Beginning.

well well well, today is December 21, 2012. The apocalypse every one has waited for. I assume if you are reading this, we are still alive or you are the one of few that survived. Or maybe this is the year 3026 and someone found my computer under dirt. Just messing.

Anyways… so everyone thought the world is going to end today. But guess what? we’re still here as I’m sure you can tell. The Mayan calendar couldn’t go on to infinity ya know. And of course there’s those patterns of all the ages…prehistoric, dark, ice, etc that all end in some catastrophe. Well guess what, I believe this all to be true.

I wrote a note on Facebook a while back talking about how maybe the world IS going to end. Since you are still reading this, maybe your perspective on what END means has to change and in that is the foreshadow to what lies ahead. A massive shift in perception. One meaning of the word END means “the last part or extremity”. Instead of a physical end or the end to humanity, maybe this is just the end to an era we have lived in. I think we are leaving an era of sleep and awakening to the dawn of a new day.

We awaken to see the potential of the new era awaiting our arrival. December 2012 is thought to be the closing of a chapter and now we are shifting into the power of consciousness.

Some people who believe in astrology believe that the dates 12/12/12 and 12/21/12 are closely related. That 12/12/12 is the opening of a gateway with 12/21/12 being the final walk-through. Supposedly we should have been aware of what was happening with us on 12/12/12 as it if a foreshadow of where you are headed as you cross the threshold. Dang, wish I knew this ahead of time! There are now new possibilities seeded within and from this day forward you will never be the same. Anyone experience a big change or something interesting happen between these dates? I would love to hear about it if so!

Welcome to the era of Enlightenment. Remember to wear your sunglasses.
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The “Golden Age” has begun. Our awareness is being expanded as you read. We are now entering a world in which we will come closer to our true being. We start to connect with our high source and understand our purpose here. It is said that throughout this transformation, eventually, everything negative will be forgotten about and instead the new world will be filled with love, peace, and happiness. We probably wont live to see this perfect world, and our children may never either, but as our lineage extends on and on they will come closer and closer to this time. Isn’t it amazing to think that it all starts with US.

When we are born, we are born with the energy of Love. It is as natural as the breath we take. But over time we learned to love ourselves less and less. Some even eventually were led to believe love is dangerous. Well that is coming to an end. We are coming to experience that love is NOT dangerous. We are burning all we “thought” to be true and welcoming all we KNOW to be true. Love is the ANSWER not the problem. It starts with the love for ourselves.

We are alive today during this time period for a reason. We are the beginning of a new chapter. The fifth dimension. I don’t know about you but this is awesome. There is a lot of power in our hands now. The threshold is here and LOVE is the password. We will re-learn to love ourselves. And through that, teach and inspire our children who will then continue to pass the great gift. And although we may not be around to witness the human race collectively living in a world of peace, love, and happiness, we can make sure that we INDIVIDUALLY can witness peace, love, and happiness before our end. The world IS our perception anyways right?

I mean havent you noticed more and more people becoming attracted to some sort of consciousness. How many positive quotes do you see/read daily? How many blogs have you come across? How many conversations have you had? More people interested in changing the world. More people interested in yoga and meditating. More people becoming more spiritual and less religious. It seems like more and more people are going through a process of discovering their purpose. It’s more than just a fad.

Going back to the pure heart we once knew is probably one of the hardest things to do because through that journey we must go through a great deal. In order for lessons to be learned we must suffer. Be ready… all your shit is about to come up! But don’t worry because you will pass through these times, you will learn the lessons faster and faster, and in the end you will become a greater being for the sake of humanity.

I ask you, from this point forward, pay attention! notice the shifts happening around you. Pay attention to what comes up for you in your life. What you can learn. Pay attention to this things brought you way and the love you attract. Pay attention to the conversations you see or have. Pay attention to the shifts you go through. Lastly, Pay attention to your intuition! As that is your higher self speaking to you. LISTEN!!! Because after today, your world as you know it will never be the same.

xoxo,

barista

My Truth: Overcoming Denial

So sometime last week I read this amazing article from Hands Free Momma called “How to Miss a Childhood”. It made me wanna cry. The website was started by this mother whom decided that she had missing out on the important things in life because of daily distractions. So she committed to going “Hands Free” and was going to admit to one daily distraction a day that she was going to overcome to live the life she wanted. This particular article was about people’s relationships to their cell phones compared to their relationship to their kids. How easy it is to miss a childhood, or even other important relationships, when you are too involved in other distractions.

For this mother to be able to start her website she first had to overcome a harsh reality she was feeling. This reality for her was that she was doing stuff that was causing her to miss out on the most important parts of her life. She had to overcome the denial. She had to sit in her darkness. If you can not sit in your darkness, you will NOT be able to heal properly. You will NOT be able to change. You will NOT be able to grow.

There are three types of denial. Simple Denial, Minimization, and Projection. When using Simple Denial it is hard for you to actually see the problem all together. One can point it out to you but you denial the problem even exists at all. Minimization is when you recognize the problem but minimize the seriousness of the problem. This is paired with rationalization. And Projection is when you can identify the problem, admit the seriousness of it, but fail to take full responsibilty for it. In most cases, trying to push, aka project,  the cause of the problem on other people.

My Story: This article hit me really hard on the head because it was really close to home. I have a problem, not only with my cell phone, but with technology in general. My addiction to these things have also been causing me to miss out on a childhood. That of my son.  I remember when my son was about 6 months old and I had been living with my mother for about three months at the time and I was searching for a job. I remember I would sit my son in his jumper, turn on cartoons,  and sit on the computer practically ALL day. My excuse was that I had to look and apply for jobs. Which yes I was indeed doing but I was also doing a lot of other things that were just wasting time and distracting me. I remember for a short moment one time looking at my son and thinking that I was a bad mother because I was sitting at home every day on the computer while I just sat him in front of the TV and that I couldn’t continue to do this everyday BUT at the same time I really did have to look for a job, while also facebook/myspcae, download music, make CDs, write in my blog, etc. I wasnt taking advantage of the time I had not working to actually spend more time with my baby and playing with him and taking in his growth. I got a job but then shortly after had moved to LA leaving me again without a job. So back to the old drawing board. Sitting my son in front of a TV while I sat on the computer all day “looking for a job”.  This lasted about another two months. I got another glimpse of what was going on caused me to join a mother’s group in order to get out of the house and start meeting people and take my son out to make and play with other kids. This was great as long as I was out of the house, but again, every time I was home I was back on the computer. I had used the work excuse so much that even when I wasn’t working my son thought. I then got another job and my son was back in daycare. When I would come home from work, my son and my boyfriend would be home and I would sit on the computer while my boyfriend watched TV and my son would be in another room watching cartoons. This went on for a long time. I remember “knowing” the problem but I had spent so long minimizing it that I just continued to do so. I remember one day literally thinking about how when he was 6 months I had thought I need to pay more attention to him and here he was now 3 years old and I am thinking the same thing. MY SON WAS ALREADY 3 YEARS OLD. I then moved in projection. I knew the problem, I knew the seriousness, but I denied the responsibility. I started projecting my issue my boyfriend for not being a good enough dad. I mean although I was on the computer all day, HE was also not paying attention. He was the one watching TV all day. HE wasn’t playing with him either. I’M not being a bad mother, HE was being a bad dad. I mean after all, I was “working” on the computer. Editing pictures for clients while he was just watching sports. Therefore I was justified.

Do you think that projecting the problem on to him was changing the problem? No!!! Was it changing the fear of how I was feeling about myself? NO!!! I was taking responsibility off of me but the problem continued to exist. Maybe we both did have a problem with the TV and computer, but how was focusing on HIS problem changing THE problem. The real problem was that my son wasn’t getting enough attention he deserved from both of us. The real problem was that I was feeling like a bad mother. The real problem is that I was escaping some part of my reality with my addiction to these things. Regardless of the justifications on my part, there was a darkness I was trying to avoid. 

 I was always afraid to admit to my counselor that we push our kid into the room to watch TV all night. I didn’t want her to think I was a bad mom. I didn’t want her to judge me. So instead I spent some of my time complaining about how much my boyfriend wasn’t a good dad and judging him. Finally one day, after opening the fear about other things, I had finally admitted that I felt like a bad mom. Something I  never wanted to admit before. The darkness I had avoided. I began to take responsibility for the issue I was causing. All this time I was blaming my boyfriend for being a bad dad, I felt like I was being a bad mom. Does this mean that my boyfriend TV watching wasnt also an issue when it came to the lack of attention to my son? NO I still thought it was an issue, but focusing on him only delayed what I needed to do to fix my part and heal the part of me I needed to heal. I had to utter the ugly words that I was a bad mom and that I had missed my son grow up. I had to admit that I wasn’t giving him the attention he deserved. I had to see that he had been literally begging me for attention these years. I had to stop justifying the problem. I had to SIT with the bad ugly feelings I had tried to push down. I had to really be vulnerable.

By finally admitting that my fears about being a bad mother and the ways my issue were having negative effects on my son, it was only then that I was able to start dissecting not only the causes of my addiction, which im learning is the unhappiness of my life,  but work effectively on ways to become better and feel better. I am now able to more actively pay attention to when the issue is taking effect and begin to commit to making the changes necessary to be the mom I want to be. Guess what happens when I start to focus on my problems, I can then inspire a change in my boyfriend as well. For the record, we have both discussed that we both have this issue and through recognizing and changing our own behaviors we in fact inspire each other.

The first step towards any type of healing is to get your head out of the sand. Denial. This is true for healing after a death, healing from an illness, healing from addiction, healing from pain of a past relationship. We ALL live in denial every single day of our lives. It has become a natural defense mechanism when one is faced with a truth that is too uncomfortable to accept. Sitting in the darkness will allow you to see the light. We all spend time trying to ditch the darkness because we can’t see the beauty in it. The first thing we want to do when entering a dark room is to turn on a light. What happens when you actually just sit in the dark? Your eyes begin to adjust and you start to see the natural light. That light bulb you turn is only temporary. When you turn it off what are you still left with? Darkness. When you learn you can see without the light bulb, you realize you don’t need it anymore. Now although true, I am only using this as a metaphor. I don’t expect everyone to start throwing away all their light bulbs and walking around in the dark. In this circumstance, the lightbulb = your denial.

It is time to face your fears about yourself. It is time to become vulnerable. What are those ugly, scary, thoughts about yourself that you fear saying aloud? I am hurting, I am not a good friend, I want to be loved, I am not good enough, I am scandalous, I am a cheater, I am afraid, I am a liar, I am an abuser, I am a jerk!!  Remember just because you say them and feel them don’t mean they are THE TRUTH. Just because you can act a certain way doesn’t mean you ARE that way. The light that you begin to see after sitting with this darkness is the truth. But you wont be able to see the truth without facing your fears and overcoming the denial.

We all have ugly, scary thoughts about ourselves. We constantly live in denial about these issues. We justify why they aren’t problems. We project our fears and issues on to others. SO the question is, how do we recognize something if we are in denial about it? Well pay attention to what is going on around you. Pay attention to negative emotions. Sadness, grief, anger, stress. Pay attention to your thinking about yourself and others. Judgement, criticism, incessant thinking. Pay attention to your addictions. Watching TV, eating, drinking, sex, overworking. These things are an alarm. Every time you ignore them you push the snooze button. It might let you sleep a little longer but eventually, if you want to live a fulfilled life, you need to wake up. Until you recognize the reason the alarm is going off, you won’t want to turn it off. Do you want to wake up? One of the best things you discover from sitting in your darkness, is realizing that other people have their own darkness/fears as well and with understanding and relating to yourself you can then begin to understand and relate to others making all your relationships better.

My challenge for you is to pay attention to times in which you feel you NEED to justify something or the times you are projecting negative feelings towards someone else’s actions. Then take an HONEST look at what’s really going on. What are you covering up? Don’t punish yourself for feeling and acting a certain way, use this discovery and admittance as a push in the direction you need to go in to become a better you. Face it, without overcoming denial you will never be able to be the best you. Let me know what you discover!?

xoxo,