The Conscious Parent: Is Your Child Growing You Up?

So not sure if you know this about me yet, but I love reading and when I read good books, which is usually every book I read it feels like, I love to share the information in them. When I read, I usually highlight along the way all the good points, which in most cases ends up being every other line. It’s hard to get through pages without wanting to post quotes on Facebook. Sometimes to finish reading effectively, I have to put the highlighter down and just read so I can get through it. Well now is not one of those times. I had to stop and get online and post a part that I like out of the book I am currently reading called The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

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I watched this awesome woman on Oprah’s Lifeclass and her theories around Conscious Parenting. It coincides exactly with what I learn in school. That when we are disturbed, instead of blaming or trying to control outside people or situations, we must look within to see what is being triggered inside of us and work on healing that instead. As parents, our children are here to mirror to us deep healing opportunities…if we are aware of that. Most of the time, instead, we try to control our children into being what we want them to be and act how we want them to act. We use manipulation and control tactics and this way of parenting can cause us to hinder their true spirit and purpose in this world. So this book takes us on a journey letting us look at our own ego and seeing where we can heal and let go in order to foster the true essence of our children’s spirit.

“Especially in the early years, parents function as mirrors for their children. Consequently, if you are unable to access your joy, you will be unable to be a mirror of your children’s joy. Thus they are barred from access  to an essential aspect of their being. How sad for a child not to be able to enjoy their spontaneously joyous essence!

 

Our consciousness and unconsciousness are transmitted not only by our overt pain, but also in the energy we exude just by our presence, even when we say and do nothing. Thus our children pick up a great deal from how we embrace them each morning, how we react when they break our favorite vase, how we handle ourselves in traffic accidents, how we sit and talk to them, whether we really look at what they show us, and whether we take an interest in what they say. They notice when we intrude on their life with unwarranted questions and demands, and they feel it when we withdraw from them or utter reprimands. They are moved by how we praise their successes, but wounded when we put them down for their failures. They are aware of how it feels to be in our presence when we sit in silence with them, and the energy field of acceptance or rejection they experience around us. Each of these moment-by-moment exchanges transmits either consciousness or unconsciousness.

 

How can you give to your children unless you first allow yourself to be filled from your own well? Unless you are fulfilled, you will use your children to complete you. You will teach them how to live with your unacknowledged fears, your rejected emptiness, your forgotten lies – all while unaware you are doing so. Such is the power of unacknowledged lostness.”

– Dr. Shefali Tsabary (The Conscious Parent p57-58)

The reason this quote stuck out to me is because it’s a huge reminder for why I am even reading the book. Our children can feel everything and they are perceiving our actions and internalizing them constantly. What is it that you want your child to internalize? Your own unresolved issues or the power of their own essence? It’s time to wake up and become more conscious of our lives. It’s time to  wake up to the power of our own essence to mirror to our children the strength that resides in them. I see this information not only good for our relationship with our children but also our relationships in general. How often do we try to control others or situations around us instead of going inward to heal that which is being triggered? What would it look like to learn how to not only accept others for who they are, but learn how to let their true essence shine? How can we mirror the goodness in everyone else? It starts but looking in the mirror at ourselves FIRST.

A month or so ago, I posted about being addicted to Facebook and the need to be more present. I’ll still save my journey for another post (at some point) but to sum it up quickly, although I feel like I’ve been getting BETTER, I am not in the ideal place I would like to be. I will give myself credit though for my efforts and my willingness to acknowledge where I am at and where I want to be. This journey is about being more present not only for myself but for my kids and my relationships. I want to be a more conscious parent and person and I have faith I will get there. I am becoming more aware, and even if it takes time, it’s the awareness that will lead me to where I want to be. This book is an awesome support in that goal.

I highly recommend The Conscious Parent to ALL parents and to ALL people wanting kids. It can actually be extremely helpful to those without kids because how awesome is it to get the opportunity to learn and gain perspective before your child is born instead of when they are already 5 or 16 years old. It’s never too early OR too late.

What is something you want to do (or stop doing) to be more Present in your life?

 

xoxo,

barista

 

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Tony Robbins: 5 Ways to Live a More Courageous Life

Good Morning All,

Today I snagged an article off from Oprah’s Lifeclass that I thought was an amazing read. We are probably all familiar with Tony Robbins. If not, then I recommend you become familiar. He is one of the most inspirational motivational speakers around. If you want to change your life, you listen to him!!!

Well Oprah’s Lifeclass is on tour right now and Tony Robbins is a big part of that tour. She has an article on her website right now called “Tony Robbins: 5 Ways to Live a More Courageous Life” . Below are his 5 tips to “step up during intimidating moments”

1. Don’t Turn an Excuse into an Identity
We need be careful of how we label ourselves, for example, saying “I’m an fearful person” or “I’m a weak person” or “I’m not a strong person.” Usually that label comes from your current or past behavior, but once the label becomes a part of you, it starts to control you. So what I try to get people to understand is: Hey, you’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. You don’t need a label. All you need to do is say, “I have to decide how I want to be now going forward.”

2. Develop a Habit
Courage is not the absence of fear. That idea is the biggest b.s. in the world. Fear is impossible to eradicate. If you were completely fearless, you’d be dead. People who are courageous are scared to the core—they just make themselves go forward anyway; they make themselves take some kind of action. Taking action, even though you’re afraid, is how you become courageous—because courage, like fear, is a habit. The more you do it, the more you do it, and this habit—of stepping up, of taking action—more than anything else, will move you in a different direction.

3. Let Your Body Lead the Way
Taking that action for the first time can be pretty rough. When it comes time to give the speech to the committee or snowboard down the mountain, don’t hesitate. Don’t start to analyze it. The longer you stand there, the harder it gets, because then your mind gets involved. If your challenge is mental, use your body. If it’s in the body, use your body more aggressively. At 17 years old, I was on my own, sleeping in a laundry room. I had no idea what to do. I was so depressed. Fear is physically debilitating. I had to defeat it. So I made myself run until I thought I was going to spit up blood. I got stronger in my body, which, in turn gave me mental strength.

4. Write Your List
Everyone has stages in their life when they have been courageous. It could be in a relationship or in a job. It could be as simple as negotiating with a car salesman. Write down a list of these moments, times when you acted braver than you thought you could. Some of these you may take for granted because you didn’t recognize them as courage at the time; you were merely doing what had to be done. Others may surprise you. But once you look at them all together, there’s always a pattern. You got obsessed with something you really wanted. Or you were concerned for another person. Or you knew you had the skills. You might have been scared to death, but you got up and did it. And here’s the secret: Once you see the common denominator, you start to realize, “I know what motivates me. I can do this again, in different situations.” Your use of courage ripples out. You start applying it in more and more areas of your life.

5. Remember to Stretch
If you want to live a life that’s courageous, you’ve got to stretch, and to stretch means: When I can’t, I must. Every time you say, “I can’t do it,” you’re going to immediately say, “I must do it.” This is simple idea. I heard it first at age 16 from a close family friend named Art Williams. At the time, I asked, “Does that mean if I can’t jump off the cliff, I must go ahead and jump?” He said, “You’re not a stupid person, Tony. Don’t be stupid. It means if you find yourself saying I can’t do something, but you know it in your heart of hearts that if you do it you’re going to grow, you’re going to be a better person, it’s going to contribute to your family or to your kids or to something that matters, and you keep saying I can’t do it, there is no question—you must do it. You don’t discuss it anymore. You just take immediate action. You make the phone call. You step up in front of the room. You raise your hand. You do what’s necessary.” And I said, “That’s not a very safe life.” And he said, “If you want safety, go to prison. If you want a fulfilled life, you’ve got to step up.”

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Tony-Robbins-How-to-Live-Courageously#ixzz1r5raYssn