Here’s How We Are Creating An Unfulfilled Life

“For me and for many of us , our first  waking thought of the day is ‘I didn’t get enough sleep’. The next one is ‘I don’t have enough time’. Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours of the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of…. We don’t have enough exercise. We don’t have enough work. We don’t have enough profits. We don’t have enough power. We don’t have enough wilderness. We don’t have enough weekends. Or course we don’t have enough money…EVER.

We’re not thin enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not pretty enough or fit enough or educated or successful enough, or rich enough….EVER. Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to the reverie of lack…What begins as a simple expression of the hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life.”

-Brene Brown “The Gifts of Imperfection”

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HOW EFFIN TRUE IS THAT? I’m pretty sure the first thought out of my head every morning is how tired I am and how I didn’t get much sleep. And then throughout the morning, rushing because I don’t have enough time to get ready efficiently.

Gosh to imagine how the tone is being set for the rest of the day. No wonder the world is obsessed with LACK! Obsessed with comparing our lives with others who do nothing but feel lack as well. Spiraling down into this web of not enough. Thinking about all the things I think throughout the day, all the things my friends and people around me think throughout the day…it makes me feel tired just thinking about it. The number one way to CREATE a unfulfilled life. The question then becomes…how do we exit this horrible reality of scarcity that we have created?

To have a mind of sufficiency. According to Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she describes sufficiency as “It is a consciousness, an attention, an intentional choosing of the way we think about our circumstances”. We have to start getting intentional with our lives. Intention is one of the most un-actualized powers we have. We have the power to CREATE fulfilled meaning, to create joy, to create happiness, to create abundance, to HAVE AND BE ENOUGH. Instead of choosing to lose everyday we need to turn around and choose to win. Lack creates more lack. Knowing you already have enough creates space to receive the joys of the universe.

I’m thinking of ways I can start my day with power and intention. I think of the movie The Secret and it makes me want to  have a Gratitude rock. So when I wake up every morning, I can grab this rock and name 5 reasons I am and have enough already!

How do you start your mornings? Full of lack or full of gratitude? Do you have any morning rituals that help you start your day on a good note? I would love to hear new ideas so please share in the comment section below.

Leaving you with a quote from Marianne Williamson “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are”

5 Reasons I Am/Have Enough Right NOW
1. I woke up
2. I am in good health
3. I have a comfortable bed
4. I took a warm shower
5. I have something to wake up for

and if i didn’t have these things I would STILL be enough, these are just the things I appreciate about my life as it is right now!

Dont forget to leave a comment 😉

xoxo,

barista

 

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My Truth: Return Of The Louboutins

Khloe Kardashian Shoe Closet

Khloe Kardashian Shoe Closet

The other day I was looking in my closet and realized I never told the story about the Return of the Louboutins.

SO… If you remember, my birthday was back in January. My fiance (I’m gonna call him J from now on) gave me tons of wonderful goodies that I truly appreciated. This included our trip to Bali, flowers to my work, packages of bath goodies, homemade candlelit dinner, and then dun dun dun……Christian Louboutins. Now many of you probably have heard of Louboutins before but some of you are like “What…he gave you another man?” haha. Not exactly… Just another man’s shoe.

Now let me explain, Christian Louboutin is a guy who designs shoes. Yes shoes. VERY expensive, mainly very unique…shoes. Oh yea and they have a red sole. This red sole has become important because it allows you to tell when someone else is wearing them, distinguishing them from “other” shoes instantly. They are very big in the celebrity world, you’ll see almost every high-profile woman wearing them, especially at events.The first thing that comes to mind when I see someone wearing them is “That bitch is rich”.

Just to give you an idea of how expensive these shoes are, a few months before my birthday J and I were in Vegas celebrating a friend’s birthday. We were in the Caesars Palace mall and happened see a Christian Louboutin shoe store. I had never been in his shoe store and I wanted to see what was so grand…and just how expensive they really were. They had all different types of shoes. I grabbed a shoe that caught my eye, a turquoise pump covered in rhinestone, and I was nervous to check out the price tag. Guess how much they were. They were $6000. Yes SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. That’s a 6 with 3 zeros after it. WHAT?!?!?!?! The funny thing is, I wasn’t really surprised because I KNEW they were expensive but it was a little weird holding that much money in my hand  in the form of a shoe. J however wanted to stop breathing. Especially when I told him there are Louboutins that cost waaaaay more than that one. Hard to imagine. The average high heel pump cost anywhere from $800-$1000.

I am a VERY big shoe fan. I LOVE shoes. Then again, what woman doesn’t. I had to actually cut back on my Shoedazzle purchases because I realized I hadn’t worn the last 3 pairs of shoes I had gotten because I don’t really go out that often. So one could only imagine my excitement and shock when I opened up my last present to find a box with the name Christian Louboutin written across it. I opened the box and there sat the sexiest pair of blue shoes I’ve seen. (Not the turquoise rhinestone ones from Las Vegas, my man aint that crazy).

I had a mix of emotions I’ll admit. I grew up not always getting everything I wanted, let alone very expensive things. So my mindframe around money can be VERY frugal. I have a really hard time spending a lot of money from a fear of lack. I was excited because they were freakin Loubs but very uneasy at the same time because they were freakin Loubs. That meant they cost a LEAST one or two extra zeros then what I normally spend on shoes.

It was funny because the first thing I wanted to do was show off about how my man just bought me Louboutins but at the same time felt this sort of shame for having them. But of course, being that I don’t usually care nor wear high-end stuff, the need to show them off was stronger. So I posted them on my Facebook of course with the desire to see the response. (Thats what both Facebook and Louboutins are for right?).

Upon uploading the guilt was already starting to set in along with a whirlwind of emotions. Why couldn’t I just accept this oh-so-generous gift that J had gotten me? Was it wrong to feel bad about a gift? After all, it was a gift. Why couldn’t I just suck it up and take em. Was it rude to want to return them? Do I have a problem with feeling worthy enough?

louboutins

I got a few comments on my FB picture…”omg you’re so lucky” “Christian Louboutins…f*cking amazing”. I even got a call from a good friend “omg you have red bottoms, im so jealous”. I explained to her how I was thinking about how I couldn’t keep them because they cost too much. She says “It doesn’t matter they are freakin red bottoms… I’m so jealous of your life”. Right then it kind of hit me more than all the other thoughts before. They are shoes… They aren’t my life! They have nothing to do with the quality of my life.

It got me to start thinking WHY do these shoes portray a fabulous life? Because we have come to associate the quality of our lives, and the lives of others by the material things we posses. Period! Red bottoms = money = status = importance… on and on and on. They are probably the Ferrari of shoes right now. It’s become so wired that most of us haven’t even seen a Christian Louboutin in person, let alone tried one on, YET we are trained to love it so much, to admire and desire it…simply because it has a red sole. Think about that! Hey, maybe that’s just my view but judging by the reaction of other people to my gift I know I’m not the only one.

It was coming to that conclusion that I finalized my decision. Being that I am on my path of self growth, part of that is toning the ego down. Trying not to compare myself to others, not defining the quality of my life by the things I possess. I’m in the process of discovering my importance INSIDE not by the value of outside factors.

Did a part of me want to just take the shoes, HELL YES but a bigger part of me knew that it just wasn’t me. Never has been. I knew at  least in this moment that by keeping that shoe it would have been more about what they portrayed and less about the actual shoe. I thanked J, let me know my deepest appreciation for his efforts, explained to him how I felt, he understood and we returned the shoes. (cue in screams of women everywhere)

I’m not knocking Christian Louboutins nor am I knocking anyone that adores them. They are very well made, sexy, unique brand of shoe. I am currently just not in the place to wear the price of someones rent on my feet, just because the soles are red. Maybe I should have accepted the present and switched my thoughts to abundance?….maybe I shouldn’t fear money so much?…i dunno? One day I can change my thoughts and definition of “expensive” but all I know is now, aside from my fears over money, I simply value my dollar and that money was better spent on numerous other things. One day I’ll be able to freely have it all. But until then, I feel like i was being true to myself and I didn’t have to define the quality of my life by a red bottom.

I’m curious… sometimes its hard to see outside of ourselves…what are your thoughts? Should I have just accepted the gift? Being that I didn’t pay for it myself, do you think this had to do with me not feeling worthy enough to accept something nice? OR are these shoes, and similar items clearly just about status versus the actual value of the item? How could I have kept it without feeling guilty, esp thinking about all the other things I want but cant afford yet?  Leave your thoughts belows. THANKS

xoxo,

barista