If Trust is Risky, Why Put Yourself On The Line?

Do you find that you have a hard time trusting? Do you wish you could trust more, but you have been so hurt in the past that you don’t know how? If Trust is so risky, why take the chance? Because distrust leads to far worse scenario then trusting ever will. By not trusting, you close the door from anything great happening.

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There is one thing I can think of off the top of my head that people have the hardest time placing their trust in. The Future. What could, should, or would happen to us in the future because of some person, place, or thing. We will literally drive ourselves stir crazy wondering “WHAT IF…” about other people and what they can or might do, think, or say to us if we let our guard down (or even when it’s up) and what will happen to us in the future and if something will prevent us from receiving what we want.

Fear is the foundation for distrust. When we distrust we become overly consumed with more fear. We want to keep our guard tower manned with maximum security, making sure we know exactly what’s going on at all times, controlling the situation AT ALL COST. Even if that cost is our own peace and sanity.

That person is not going to get over on me“, “I can’t let that happen to me“, or “what can i do to make sure that ______ never happens to me?”, we tell ourselves. We begin to question ourselves over an over looking for the solution that will finally give us comfort. Yet what we don’t understand is that looking for a solution through the same fearful energy that brought us to this place is near impossible. Whatever solution we come up with, will never be enough because, it too, is produced through fear. We then find ourselves in a cycle of pretending everything is okay yet constantly questioning if it really is. Distrusting doesn’t sound very fun does it?

Ironically, by distrusting, we are trying to prevent something that could potentially hurt us. Yet  the fear that we engulf ourselves in through distrust is doing nothing BUT hurting us. Causing us to feel unsafe which is what we are trying to prevent all along. Distrusting can cause destruction because we are holding on too tight. It closes the door for any other possibility. Trusting on the other hand allows us to let go, and relax. It opens the door for multiple possibilities and better solutions.

Do we remember what gets us to the place of distrusting in the first place? [it’s okay, you can scroll back up if you need to check]. Yes! It’s FEAR. Have you ever really thought about what TRUST entails though? Trusting is like gambling in a way. Even when we think we have 100% chance of winning, do we ever really? Do we ever really know EXACTLY what’s going to happen? Can we control EVERY outside factor to make sure it plays in our favor only? The answer to all three of those question is…. you guessed it, NO! Outside factors in the one thing we DO NOT have control over. We do not have control over other people, places, or things, therefor as much as we would like to predict what the future will bring, we never know that something is going to happen until it happens.

Even if we can predict that something has a 99.9% chance of happening, we still have to save room for that slim chance that it won’t happen the way we think, if at all. It’s that 0.1% chance that will still be attached to fear. But that’s what trusting is. It’s knowing that something MAY not work out in the way we would like it to, but betting on it anyways. Trust takes courage, especially if in the past we may have lost a time or two.

“Whether we are aware of it or not, every act of trust carries with it a shiver of fear. A favorable situation can become dangerous. Deep down we know that life is insecure and precarious. However, if we do trust, the shiver carries with it a philosophical optimism: Life, with all its traps and horrors,  is good… The bet is implicit in trust itself. If we could be sure of everyone and everything, trust would have no value – like money, if it were suddenly limitless, or sunshine, if there were always fine weather, or life, if we were to live forever”
– Piero Ferrucci (The Power Of Kindness)

When you are someone that has a difficult time placing trust in the future, then the second you feel that shiver of fear, you’re alarm goes off telling you that something is wrong. The distrusting begins producing nothing but MORE fear. Remember though, Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Unless it’s a life threatening situation (which is not the situations we are talking about here), it does nothing but hold our energy and our action hostage.

So what’s the alternative then? How can you choose to trust instead? When we surrender to the idea that we can’t control everything. Through this surrendering, we come to the conclusion that we are MORE than capable of handling all that life brings our way. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge that trust will ALWAYS carry a little bit of fear, we can become more aware of when we are actively choosing to be in a place of trusting. This can allow us to reroute our alarm system. This time when you witness that shiver of fear arise, instead of the fear multiplying, it is now giving you knowledge that you ARE in a place of trusting and accepting that this ounce of fear just comes with the job. You will be aware that you are trusting because you CHOOSE to trust, and if the worst case scenario happens to take place, we can continue to trust that it’s for our highest good and continue moving forward.

We have the choice to trust or distrust. While we are in a place of distrust, it’s like we are constantly waiting for the bomb to drop. A bomb that may NEVER drop. We spend our time and energy trying to prevent the bomb from dropping. The thing is, if the bomb is meant to drop, it will drop, and you have no more control over it then you do of gravity. So instead of worrying so much about what COULD happen in the future, why not just enjoy your present. And if the bomb ends up dropping, you deal with it then and at least you enjoyed the ride to that point…then you get on another ride. If it never drops, then you continue enjoying that ride wherever it takes you. What’s the point of the ride if you can’t enjoy it? What’s the point of life, if you don’t live?

“In trusting, we let ourselves go. We know that all kinds of unexpected events may come our way. Our tension eases, our mind and our hearts open spontaneously to be possibilities. It is an ever new state of mind, in the present moment, because we have detached from all we know. But it is also a feeling as old as can be, because, before all betrayals and all disappointments, there was a time in which trusting another was the very substance of our life.” – Piero Ferrucci.

Do you have the courage to place the bet?

xoxo,

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Be Thankful

Good Afternoon and Happy Thanksgiving!

BeThankful

Did you know that the fastest highway to feeling good is to feel Thankful? When you are in a state of Thankfulness/Gratitude/Appreciation, you are in your highest alignment, which allows you to feel the most connected to your Source. The more you find to be thankful for, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more you want to do it. You then begin to enter this cycle of positive thoughts and feelings becoming more and more connected to that of your True Self.

Take a look around you right now, wherever you may be reading this post. Notice something that pleases you and hold your attention on this object/person. Think of all the reasons you are thankful for it. Focus on how useful it is. How beautiful it is. How wonderful it is. The longer you focus on this object or person, your feelings of gratitude will become stronger.

As I type I am noticing my perfume in front of me. It is my favorite perfume. I just sprayed some on my arm. The smell is so sweet and soft. It makes me feel gentle and pretty. It was hard for me to find, so its presence makes me happy. I get compliments when I wear it and it feels nice knowing that its smell makes other people feel nice too. I’m remembering the time when I first sampled it and shared it with someone and they loved it like I did.

Something as simple as the perfume in front of me just brought me to a place of feeling good. It brought forth good memories I have about wearing it and it currently raised my thought vibrations to that of Love, Joy, and Optimism. Qualities that are centered in my core being. I just picked something in front of me to experiment with. I won’t lie, at first it felt silly wondering how perfume would make me feel better than I already was, but the longer I focused on it, the more things came to mind and the higher I felt my vibrations rise.

 

Now look around and choose something else to focus on and continue the process. You will notice after time, it gets easier and easier to appreciate all that is around you. The more you feel good about things, the more good things will flow to you allowing you to continually feel grateful and stay in alignment with your Source and those same qualities that are in your core being.

Sometimes we can hold this space of resistance when thinking about what we want present on our lives. Resistance is that place in which you doubt your power and ability to co-create the life you wish to have. It’s that resistance that blocks what you want from coming to you. The resistance that you hold brings forth thoughts and feelings of frustration, impatience, blame, and unworthiness. All qualities on the opposite realm of what I assume you want to be feeling. But guess what, while you are thinking and feeling those things, you’re just asking the Universe for more of it.

This practice of appreciating allows you to lessen the resistance you hold in your life by allowing you to focus on the Present. You aren’t trying to change or fix something. You aren’t thinking about what you don’t have. You aren’t resisting what you want in the future. You are simply creating thoughts and feelings of Love and Joy for what you have right now, in turn asking the Universe for more of those thoughts and feelings. This will end up lessening your overall resistance because as you become accustomed to feeling good, you’ll then be able to recognize when your vibration changes to thoughts and feelings of resistance and/or feeling bad giving you the opportunity to choose the vibration you WANT to feel. The more you practice and the longer you stay in this feel good place, the faster and faster your awareness will become.

This practice of being Thankful and finding things to appreciate is one that you exercise daily. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want you to make it your objection to go through the day noticing all around you and thinking about what you appreciate. Once this practice becomes your intention you will notice that your day will be FILLED with things to appreciate. As the day moves forth, your thoughts of gratitude will start to flow through you naturally. By the end of the day just witness how happy you will be.

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If you do find yourself feeling defensive throughout the day from an outside source, just remember you have stepped out of that feeling of appreciation and let the feelings of defense take over. You have no control over what energy is being directed AT you, only the energy you are directing outward. If you start to feeling defensive or angry, you have begun to direct that energy outward. The positive thing is that when you are in a state of feeling what you do not want, then it allows you to become more clear of those feelings you do want which allows you to refocus that energy and bringing gratitude back into your awareness.

As I end this post, I just want you to know, I am thankful for YOU! I am thankful for the time it took you to read this post. I am thankful for the posts you have read in the past. I am thankful for the being that you are EXACTLY how you are right now. I am thankful for the moments that led me to you and you to me. I am thankful for your life and contribution to the world by being who you are. I am thankful for the person you are intended to be. I am thankful for the feelings you feel, the thoughts you think, the experiences you experience. Without those things how they were back then and how they are right now, you wouldn’t be you. You are on a road back to Love, back to your Source, and it takes everything you’ve been through, everything you’re going through, to get there on time. I am thankful for the ever-loving beautiful essence that I know resides within. Without YOU there would be no ME! We are one!

One love.

xoxo,

barista

Authenticity

AUTHENTICITY is a daily practice.

Chasing Authenticity means cultivating the COURAGE to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Exercising the COMPASSION that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit. Nurturing the CONNECTION and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.

Authenticity demands WHOLEHEARTED living and loving. Even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it.

Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite GRACE, JOY, and GRATITUDE into our lives.

-Brene Brown Ph.D