Ending Year One and Remembering What Has Always Been

thumbnailI remember when I was a really small child, maybe 5 or 6, and having an “Inner Body Experience” as I would like to call it. I could stare at my hand for a few seconds and all of a sudden feel myself as a soul inside of my body. It was as if I was watching a movie or a play and watching my thoughts and watching life happen in front of me. I would trip out a bit thinking about how I am a person with a body and this is all real yet having this knowing that I and everyone else was much more than what I could see or comprehend at the time.

Having this experience was almost like a high for me. I remember the first time I did it, i felt weird and didn’t really know what was happening but after a few times of having this experience, I was able to control it and all I had to do was look at my hand and I would disappear into this Inner Body Experience. I could look into the mirror, look at my face and know that I was not my body or my thoughts. I was a soul. I was the Universe. I knew that I was Love.

As I got older and started identifying more with myself as my ego, the Inner Body Experiences happened less and less until they didn’t happen at all anymore. Not that they couldn’t, but as experiences happened, I simply started to forget who I was. I identified with my body, with my thoughts, with my behaviors. It wasn’t until recently that I even remembered the Inner Body Experiences ever happening at all.

After going through a really depressing stage in my life, probably one of the worst times ever, back when I was 23 years old and pregnant with my first son, I started to rediscover my Self.

“A certain desperation is usually necessary before we’re ready for God… Until your knees finally hit the floor, you’re just playing at life, and on some level you’re scared because you know you’re just playing. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins”
-Marianne Williamson

It felt like I had dove head first into a never ending well and couldn’t stop. I was taking seminars, and reading books, and watching movies, and learning a bunch of things that resonated with every single thing I felt I ever believed in during all the years before. My “knowing” and my inner feelings were being expressed through these things in ways that I could never express outside myself. The best part was that none of this felt like I was “learning” anything but rather was “remembering” it all.

I would open a book and everything I read was like something I already knew inside and I was getting validation for my previous thoughts and beliefs. It was the learning how to BE these things that became the hard part. After living years and years in my ego, forgetting what I felt and knew when I was 5 and 6 years old, living this more conscious lifestyle wasn’t so easy. Especially because the ego will do anything it can to make sure you hold on to it.

When I discovered the University of Santa Monica, the school for Spiritual Psychology, my heart almost fell out of my chest. To take classes and get hands on experience in learning how to break down the barriers that are preventing me from living the full expression of my soul, seemed like I had stepped into a miracle. Everything I had ever connected so deeply with, was being taught in an experiential way through this school. So not only was I going to further the “remembering” but I was going to get practice in learning how to “walk the talk”.

This last 9 months of school has been nothing short of amazing. There was not a moment that I felt I didn’t want to be in class. I craved the environment we all created and the loving energy that existed by stepping foot into the classroom, even being pregnant. It was safe, and accepting. Loving and vulnerable. I had connected so profoundly and deeply with almost every single person I ever talked to in that classroom. I had seen myself as them when they spoke and I knew they saw themselves as me when I spoke. The feeling of unity and oneness was experienced every weekend that I had class (which was one weekend a month). It became impossible to look at anyone in my class and not just love the shit out of them. It was impossible!!!

We had a 6 day lab as the last week of school; It was the chance to really go deeper into our experience of healing and resolving. We set intentions about what we wanted to get out of the lab. Most people wanted to go where they were afraid to go before. To touch on the things they were afraid to touch on before. To jump off the ledge and prove to themselves that they indeed knew how to fly.

I learned the true power of intention during this time. The true power in following through with what you intend. One after one, all week, people were healing and growing and loving and knowing. Including myself. Everyone just seemed so beautiful and light filled. It was intense and nothing I had experienced before.

As I woke up on the last day of class, I felt like my heart was on fire. I felt like it was the end of something even though class would start again in 3 short months. Through out the year I had judged my process so much, and this time I finally felt like my heart was just opening. As I stepped into the classroom and saw all the beautiful faces of my classmates, I felt so overcome with love that I just wanted to cry uncontrollably. Every person I saw, I saw past their body, I saw past their thoughts, their behaviors, their personalities. I saw right into their loving essence.

My intention for that last class was just to remember WHO I AM. That morning I remembered how when I was 6 I would look at my hand and have my Inner Body Experiences. I started to talk about who I am as a Soul and my Authentic being, my truth.

I am not my body, I am not my thought. I am not my behaviors or personality.

I AM ACCEPTANCE, I AM JOY, I AM PEACE, I AM VULNERABILITY, I BRAVE, I AM COURAGEOUS, I AM FREEDOM,  I AM THE UNIVERSE, I AM LOVE!!!!!!

I AM EVERY SINGLE THING I SEE IN EVERYONE ELSE. This means that All the great awesome qualities I was seeing in my classmates, I Am those things too. I AM! All I have to do is remember that. I was finally getting it.

I left my last class feeling the best I had felt in a very long time. I was finally remembering it all. I was finally returning to love. My heart was burning with what had always existed inside.

The one thing that trips me out is that I started class 4 months pregnant. I grew a human being inside of my body during 5 months of the year. Class was the last place I was before going to the hospital and giving birth to my baby boy. They say your consciousness exists in every cell of your body, so to think of the consciousness my child entered this world with blows my mind. He’s he happiest baby I’ve ever seen. Crazy thing is that, when I started this journey at 23, I was pregnant then too and I was going through an intense spiritual growth period. My son that was born then was always super happy and chill. I’m convinced that this awakening has a lot to do with it. People ask me now how did I get so lucky, my reply is “USM!”. 🙂

The journey has not ended by any means, there is still a lot of work to do, but I have clear intentions on what I see for my life. How I want to serve others, and I can’t serve others without honoring my SELF. This first year was only the beginning! I am returning to Love.

Here’s to the end of a miraculous year. To all the classmates I met and connected with, and even the ones I never got to talk to,  you are beautiful. You are loved!!!

Can’t wait for year two! watch out world, WE’RE COMING!

xoxo,

barista

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Be Thankful

Good Afternoon and Happy Thanksgiving!

BeThankful

Did you know that the fastest highway to feeling good is to feel Thankful? When you are in a state of Thankfulness/Gratitude/Appreciation, you are in your highest alignment, which allows you to feel the most connected to your Source. The more you find to be thankful for, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more you want to do it. You then begin to enter this cycle of positive thoughts and feelings becoming more and more connected to that of your True Self.

Take a look around you right now, wherever you may be reading this post. Notice something that pleases you and hold your attention on this object/person. Think of all the reasons you are thankful for it. Focus on how useful it is. How beautiful it is. How wonderful it is. The longer you focus on this object or person, your feelings of gratitude will become stronger.

As I type I am noticing my perfume in front of me. It is my favorite perfume. I just sprayed some on my arm. The smell is so sweet and soft. It makes me feel gentle and pretty. It was hard for me to find, so its presence makes me happy. I get compliments when I wear it and it feels nice knowing that its smell makes other people feel nice too. I’m remembering the time when I first sampled it and shared it with someone and they loved it like I did.

Something as simple as the perfume in front of me just brought me to a place of feeling good. It brought forth good memories I have about wearing it and it currently raised my thought vibrations to that of Love, Joy, and Optimism. Qualities that are centered in my core being. I just picked something in front of me to experiment with. I won’t lie, at first it felt silly wondering how perfume would make me feel better than I already was, but the longer I focused on it, the more things came to mind and the higher I felt my vibrations rise.

 

Now look around and choose something else to focus on and continue the process. You will notice after time, it gets easier and easier to appreciate all that is around you. The more you feel good about things, the more good things will flow to you allowing you to continually feel grateful and stay in alignment with your Source and those same qualities that are in your core being.

Sometimes we can hold this space of resistance when thinking about what we want present on our lives. Resistance is that place in which you doubt your power and ability to co-create the life you wish to have. It’s that resistance that blocks what you want from coming to you. The resistance that you hold brings forth thoughts and feelings of frustration, impatience, blame, and unworthiness. All qualities on the opposite realm of what I assume you want to be feeling. But guess what, while you are thinking and feeling those things, you’re just asking the Universe for more of it.

This practice of appreciating allows you to lessen the resistance you hold in your life by allowing you to focus on the Present. You aren’t trying to change or fix something. You aren’t thinking about what you don’t have. You aren’t resisting what you want in the future. You are simply creating thoughts and feelings of Love and Joy for what you have right now, in turn asking the Universe for more of those thoughts and feelings. This will end up lessening your overall resistance because as you become accustomed to feeling good, you’ll then be able to recognize when your vibration changes to thoughts and feelings of resistance and/or feeling bad giving you the opportunity to choose the vibration you WANT to feel. The more you practice and the longer you stay in this feel good place, the faster and faster your awareness will become.

This practice of being Thankful and finding things to appreciate is one that you exercise daily. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want you to make it your objection to go through the day noticing all around you and thinking about what you appreciate. Once this practice becomes your intention you will notice that your day will be FILLED with things to appreciate. As the day moves forth, your thoughts of gratitude will start to flow through you naturally. By the end of the day just witness how happy you will be.

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If you do find yourself feeling defensive throughout the day from an outside source, just remember you have stepped out of that feeling of appreciation and let the feelings of defense take over. You have no control over what energy is being directed AT you, only the energy you are directing outward. If you start to feeling defensive or angry, you have begun to direct that energy outward. The positive thing is that when you are in a state of feeling what you do not want, then it allows you to become more clear of those feelings you do want which allows you to refocus that energy and bringing gratitude back into your awareness.

As I end this post, I just want you to know, I am thankful for YOU! I am thankful for the time it took you to read this post. I am thankful for the posts you have read in the past. I am thankful for the being that you are EXACTLY how you are right now. I am thankful for the moments that led me to you and you to me. I am thankful for your life and contribution to the world by being who you are. I am thankful for the person you are intended to be. I am thankful for the feelings you feel, the thoughts you think, the experiences you experience. Without those things how they were back then and how they are right now, you wouldn’t be you. You are on a road back to Love, back to your Source, and it takes everything you’ve been through, everything you’re going through, to get there on time. I am thankful for the ever-loving beautiful essence that I know resides within. Without YOU there would be no ME! We are one!

One love.

xoxo,

barista

A Person Of Intention

A couple of years ago I started reading the “Power of Intention” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I got maybe a little less than half way through and then never really finished it…yea yea I already admitted how bad I am at that. Well I have been very interested in finishing so I actually decided to start it all over from the beginning again. My brain can be mush sometimes, so although I remember a lot of it, its nice to be refreshed.

In the beginning of the book he actually suggest the reader read the last chapter first to get an idea of how the book can effect you if you apply the ideas. The last chapter is called “A Portrait of a Person Connected to the Field of Intention”. It’s a little long but as I was reading it I was underlining some parts that were important to me and after reading I found this chapter to be very inspiring and like to think of it as a guide for the type of person I strive towards being more like. Which in essence is what I believe to be part of our TRUE selves anyways, it’s just covered up with a bunch of fear. So I guess it’s a guide into teaching ME to how to become more ME. You can not seek that of which you already are right?

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First off though I wanted to share how Dr. Dyer defines the word Intention. It can mean different things to different people so it’d be nice to have a common meaning so you know how to relate it to this portrait. He started by saying through his research Intention was defined as “strong purpose or aim, accompanied by a determination to produce a desired result”. People with strong intentions have “a never-give up attitude combined with an internal picture that propels you towards fulfilling your dreams”. I dunno about you, but for me this sounds pretty damn on point with exactly how I defined “intention” for myself. For a textbook definition it sounds great but how about thinking about intention on a soulful  level.

Carlos Castaneda said:

“Intent is a force that exists in the universe. When sorcerers (those who live of the Source) beckon intent, it comes to them and sets up the path for attainment, which means that sorcerers always accomplish what they set out to do”

After reading this quote in a book, Dr Dyer started to think of intent on a whole other plane. What if intention is a force that exists in the universe as an invisible energy field? It’s not something you DO but something that IS. He goes on to explain that intention is something that  exists in everything and has always been there even before we were conceived. It’s what intended us to be born. I know this dude gets deep right?!

But he believes that “Intention is a field of energy that flows invisibly beyond the reach of our normal everyday habitual patterns…We have the means to attract this energy to us and experience life in an exciting new way“.

So basically how I am understanding, as I have talked about before, we are creatures of habit! Half the things we do, the way we conceptualize, the meaning we put to things, our perceptions…are typically built and based off of habit. But what if we started to Intend things to happen. How could life be different? What could we create? This thought changes us from being a person of which things just happen to, to a person whom CREATES what happens to them. When we can reach BEYOND our normal everyday habits , we become CREATORS!

So here are some key ideas I took from the last chapter in “Power of Intention” By Dr. Wayne Dyer. As you read, simply imagine what it would be like to be this person that is described. How would your life be different?

*Spend a few moments in conversation with people who are connected to the power of intention and you see how unique they are.

*It is impossible to get them to be pessimistic about achieving what they desire.

*They don’t say, With my luck things won’t work out, but instead, I intend to create this and I know it will work out. 

*They don’t relate to concepts of failure or it’s impossible.

*To a connector there are simply no accidents. Seemingly insignificant events are being orchestrated in perfect harmony. They aren’t surprised when the money to finance a project they’ve been intending mysteriously shows up.

*They know better than to place a lot of energy on arguing or being frustrated, because that attracts argumentation and frustration into their lives.

*They know in their heart that somewhere an opportunity exists in the setback, and that is what they look for in everything that shows up in their life.

*Rather then asking for something, because that seems to give power to what’s missing, they commune in a state of reverent gratitude for all that is present in their lives, knowing that this empowers their intention to manifest precisely what they need.

*They have a consciousness of oneness…it is all WE. All of us emanate from the same divine energy. They don’t separate themselves spiritually.

*They don’t brag about their good fortune but are in a perpetual state of gratitude and radical humility.

* They have trained their thoughts to move at the levels of higher vibrations and are able to deflect lower/slower vibrations

*Their peacefulness causes others to feel calm and assured.

*They are not interested in winning arguments or accumulating  allies.

*Rather than trying to persuade you to think like they do, they’re convincing through the energy they exude. 

*Connectors tell you without hesitation that they choose to feel good regardless of what’s going on around them or how others might judge them.

*They know that feeling bad is a choice and it isn’t useful for correcting unpleasant situations.

*If they feel bad in any way, they use that as an indicator that its time to change their energy level.

*They don’t allow their well-being to be contingent on anything external to themselves – not the weather, wars, political landscape, economy, and certainly not anyone else decision to be low energy.

*They think from the end. They can see what they intend to manifest as if it has already materialized. It’s so real in their thoughts that its reality.

*They have a noticeable absence of judgement towards others.

*Their power is the fact that they uplift others with their presence.

*They are never offended because their ego isn’t involved in their opinions.

*They have no need to fit in or to do things the way others expect them to.

*Whatever life sends them, they say Thank you. What can I learn and how can I grow from what I am receiving?

*This always-expanding attitude is what ultimately opens up their life to receiving all that the Source is willing to provide

These are simply small notes I underlined while reading. I suggest if you want to read the entire description, my notes give no justice, then pick up the book and check it out.

Now maybe it’s challenging to be perfectly connected ALL the time, maybe we’re not supposed to be, but doesn’t this sound like a good guideline? What do you think would happen if you just TRIED to replicate these ideas in your inner world? How would your experience of things change? How would current “challenges” fade away? What would you begin to create, KNOWING that it would come? What would you let go of,  KNOWING that whatever comes your way (or leaves your way) is to create the bigger picture for you?

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Think about that and leave your ideas below. 

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable in the comments below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo, 

barista

 

LOA: Attracting Kundalini

GOOD Early Afternoon Fellow Readers,

First off I want to touch on where I am at in “May Cause Miracles” if you are wondering. I am still on week 5. Day 31 AGAIN to be exact. I actually had started last week got to Day 34 and then had not read the book for a few days so I decided to start the week all over again this week at Day 29. This week is all about Money and Finances and I KNOW I have huge issues surrounding money, and my fear over money can definitely run my life so I want to really focus well on this week.

Aside from that, I also realized I really have to start writing here more because I feel like I’m having so much more to write now and I’ve tended to skip all together which I don’t want to do. I have B-School that I have been doing and want to write about, my “May Cause Miracles” journey that I want to touch on more often, I did Oprah and Deepak’s meditation challenge that I never spoke about, along with just day-to-day life going on. I never even wrote about my trip to Bali at all. SHAME ON ME!!! I promise I will get to that soon though.

Ok so for today…. if you read my blog then you might know that I am a huge fan the Law of Attraction and being able to co-create your life and experiences. I have studied it and witnessed it again and again over these last few years within myself and others close to me.

If you are not sure what the Law of Attraction is, the basics are that you attract whatever vibrations/energy you put out into the Universe back to you. I have had some fun and testing this recently and it just blows my mind how it has worked. I will share some more stories later but now my recent story has to do with Kundalini yoga, my friend Siri Shakti Kaur, and Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love.

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So I first heard of Kundalini yoga via Mastin. He had mentioned it on his blog and how he loved doing it. I had never even heard about it before but after hearing him speak about it, along with some of his other blogger friends,  it started to spark my interest.

A few months ago, I think around December some time, I had reached out to an old friend of mine, Siri Shakti. I saw that she had moved down to Southern California and I was in a moment of wanting to make more friends and start connecting more with like-minded people (those of spiritual path and growth) especially those with kids. I had connected with her through FB and we started writing back and forth. Well suddenly we are talking and she asks me if I ever had tried Kundalini yoga (sign #1) . My mind was a little blown because here I had recently just heard about it and she’s asking me if I had ever tried it. I told her no but  I was interested because of The Daily Love. So she mentioned a place in North Hollywood that she likes to go to and we had tried to plan something towards the end of January before I was going to Bali. Not gonna lie, I did have a slight wonder if it was maybe the place Mastin went to because how AWESOME would that be to try it with him considering he’s one of my biggest inspirations.

During the month of January of cousin Tiara was staying with me during her trip to Los Angeles. During one of her first weekends here we had gone to Agape Spiritual Center for the first time. During the session a random girl had sat next to my cousin and towards the end they started talking about how they wanted to check out this seminar that was being held a few hours later. We were walking out and talking to this girl and she sees this guy she knew and starts talking to him. She introduces him to us and says that he is a Kundalini yoga teacher (sign #2). That is when I finally mentioned that I felt like it was being presented in my path. I go from never hearing about it before to it being brought to my attention more than once now, within a few weeks.

That night I was having Sunday dinner with my fiance’s family and we are talking to his cousin about Bali and we started talking about yoga. I mentioned how I wanted to try Kundalini yoga and ask her if she’s heard of it. She then says that she is a certified teacher of Kundalini which I had never even knew (sign#3). Well 3rd times a charm so I now knew 100% that I must meet with Siri and try it out. This was kind of freaking me out.

Well low and behold Siri and I had to cancel because we were both really busy so we decided it would obviously be best to wait until after my Bali trip. After I came back from Bali I was browsing on The Daily Love and saw that he had created an Events tab. I checked it out and the very next event that was coming up was “Mastin Kipp presents: An Evening with Your Heart” , in Hollywood, where it was going to be a 3 hour night; one hour of Kundalini yoga instructed by Sat Siri Dougherty and 2 hours of a seminar given by Mastin. BAM!!!

I hit up my friend Siri Shakti on Facebook, mentioned to her that she should come with me. I wasn’t sure she’d be able to since it was from 7-10pm and she lived about an hour or so away but she said YES and we both signed up. So just this last Saturday I had connected with my friend Siri, after 9 years of not seeing each other, trying out Kundalini yoga for the FIRST time, and all along side the guy who I had first ever even heard about it (and in my head wanted to try it out with), Mastin Kipp! Annnnd I get to attend one of his seminars while we are at it. Talk about quadruple whammie!

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The night was amazing!!! The night started with a small speech by Mastin and a few WONDERFUL original song sung by musician Chris Assaad, contributor to TDL. This guy has such a beautiful voice, the whole time he was singing I was having the chills. Then we had a Kundalini yoga session with Sat Siri Dougherty. This particular Kundalini session had moves that was geared towards us opening the heart chakra so afterwards we went through some “Kipp Heart Therapy” with Mastin where we learned how to talk to our hearts. Distinguishing your mind’s voice from your heart’s voice.

Extremely powerful!!! I was crying, others were crying. There was an energy in this room that was just felt beyond words. I actually ran into someone I had met from B-School a few weeks earlier as well as met two other people there from B-School for the first time. I was going to explain more what the night was about but don’t want this post to get too long so maybe in another post soon. I know I’m a tease!!!

Mastin has another night just like this coming up next month on May 18th. I’m thinking about signing up again. If you live in or around the LA area, I definitely say check it out.

This story was just a small example of how the Law of Attraction has worked in my life. Just in the last week I have played around with an intention in the beginning of the day and seeing how it manifested by the end of the day and it’s been working!!! LOA is real!

I dare you today to think of something small you want to attract, think positively about it all day, and see what comes to you!!! Would love to hear any stories of how it works out for you or how it has worked in the past!!! Until next time,

xoxo,

barista