Fuck It, Its My Birthday!

imageToday is my birthday. YAY!!! I took off work today and had a plan to just spoil myself all day. After all my Good Deed of the Day is to Treat Myself.

Originally my plan was to wake up and do some sort of exercise, maybe go hiking or activate my Dailey Method Living Social Coupon I bought. Then I envisioned going to Lake Shrine and doing some meditation and reading. Followed my coming home and taking a nice bath. After getting ready and maybe getting my hair blow dried at the Drybar followed by a mani/pedi before dinner with my friends tonight. Sounds great huh?

Well I woke up this morning, looked outside and saw nothing but fog. I felt like it instantly made me start to feel lazy as if I didn’t want to start what I was planning on doing. “But it’s gonna be so cold outside” my mind was telling me as my heart just wanted to enjoy the calm of the day. I started listening to my mind which didn’t put me in such a great mood.

I got up, went downstairs where my fiance was making me breakfast and my son was writing on my birthday cards. The energy was off so of course Law of Attraction was doing its job, as always, and the fiance and I started bickering all morning. GREAT! Originally I wanted to blame him for putting me in a not so good mood but I take responsibility for the energy I was putting into the universe. According to my calendar verse today, based on my favorite book Ask and It is Given,

“It is not possible for anyone else to create your reality”. Damn Right.

I drank my healthy veggie/fruit smoothie, ate some eggs and tater tots (my fav), said goodbye to everyone as they headed to work and school, went back upstairs and laid back in bed. My friend was texting me asking me what I was doing today and I was telling her my plans but also my fear that I was going to end up doing nothing that I wanted and waste time being lazy in bed. The whole time just looking outside at the fog feeling that same fog in my body. Looking at my clock, I started feeling miserable as if I was wasting time. It was already 8:30am.

“If I’m going to go hiking, I should go now, but I really want to take a warm bath, it’s so cold outside…. but is it a waste of time to take a bath BEFORE I exercise and get sweaty?…should i go hiking now or later. I havent been in a while, what if I can’t make it all the way. Ok maybe I’ll go to the gym. Or Dailey Method. But will people stare at me because I’m taking the class pregnant? I know pregnant women do it but I’m an out of shape pregnant woman…Ok ill go exercise then while I’m out go get my hair done then take a bath….wait will the bath ruin my newly done hair? Ok maybe I should skip the exercise, take a bath now then go do the other stuff. Wait but what if there’s traffic to get to Lake Shrine and back? hmm is there somewhere else peaceful but closer I can go to. Oh maybe I’ll walk around the lake…. but it’s soooo cold. I’m just wasting time now. I definitely won’t fit everything in now. Damn I bet I’m just gonna end up doing NOTHING that I want to do and just lay in this damn bed all day. Fuck the cold weather.”

All of this was consistently going through my head causing me to lose motivation and of course not feel good about myself. Then my friend text me and writes “Just do what feels good. You don’t have to think about it if you don’t want to.” and it letting those words sink in that gave me instant results. I said “U are right” and I got up and started running myself a warm bath. Something that I havent done in FOREVER!!! and now being pregnant is something that has been very much needed for myself.

“Fuck it if I don’t exercise today. Fuck it if I have to take a bath twice. Fuck it if it doesn’t go as planned. Right now I’m cold and a bath sounds nice so I’m gonna take one.” were the new thoughts going through my head. So I got in the bath, but on my SONGS FOR THE SOUL playlist and enjoyed it for an hour. While I was in the bath I get a text from my fiance telling me that I had a pregnancy massage, pregnancy bath, manicure and pedicure booked at 1:15pm at Burke Williams. Ask and It Is Given.

See, the second I listened to my heart and let go of the fear, my resistance wall went down. My new positive energy was set free into the Universe which in return, I was given EXACTLY what I wanted today. I hadn’t even told my fiance any of my plans. Maybe I won’t exercise today, I won’t get to Lake Shrine, but guess what, I’m taking responsibility of my reality , soooo…. FUCK IT! I’m filling my day with other things that make me feel good, including writing to you and that my friend is a TREAT!

As I was looking in my makeup drawer right before I started to write this blog, I randomly found some birthday cards from last year along with a piece of paper I had written some notes on, I assume from maybe an online seminar I had listened to. One of the notes said:

“No matter how much we work on the physical body, that doesn’t lead us to having the right mindset and consciousness of LOVE. It can actually promote the opposite. Your perception has to change first. If we see ourselves as perfect as we are then we use our positive thoughts to transform us vs the other way around.” Damn right 🙂

Today, in honor of my birthday, I would like you to just say “FUCK IT”. Don’t buy into the negative thoughts in your head. Think good, and do what makes you feel good. Let go of the fear, welcome the sounds of the heart, break the resistance wall with a sledgehammer and watch the Law of Attraction do it’s job, returning you with the ever flowing manifestations of your powerful self.

Most importantly TREAT YOURSELF today!

Gotta jet to the Spa now and get pampered. I’m not even re-reading this before I post. Fuck It! Happy Birthday to Me!

xoxo,

barista

I Got In, I Got In!

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SoOoOoOooo I Got In!!! Found out on Tuesday (yes, it’s taken me this long to share) that my application to the University Of Santa Monica application was accepted. I am on my way towards getting my Masters in Spiritual Psychology. Woooohoooo! Well guess what… as happy as I am, I still feel scared.

“I haven’t been to school for so long”, “Am I sure I’m gonna be able to pay for this?”, “Will I really be able to finish the two, maybe three, years?”, “How will I make it through the long weekends?”, “Maybe I’m putting too much on my plate?”, “School starts NEXT WEEK….am I ready?”

Ya know what, I DUNNO!! some of those questions, I’m just not sure of the answer. The thing I have come to discover over the last few days though is I have a choice. I can choose to let the fear of the unknown deter me away from my path (like I have done many a time in the past) OR I can use the fear of unknown to give me the strength and faith needed to continue forward. It’s like that saying that I love (that I might butcher), “Imagine driving in a car somewhere at night…with your headlights, as long as you continue to move forward, you only need to see a little in front of you at a time to eventually reach your destination”. That’s how this feels. With only little light leading my way, little by little I’m continuing to move forward along this path of my dreams.

The journey of USM started with me checking it out online and noticing there was an informational meeting that very same week. Being that, to get to this meeting meant I had to travel down the 405 (traffic nightmare) right after work at 6pm AND find a babysitter from 6-10pm on a Wednesday so my fiance could come with me, some people may have skipped the meeting. Not having a clue what to expect, I took a step forward. After the meeting I was excited but nervous about the financial aspect as that’s the thing that worries most people about situations like these. Wondering if I was moving too fast, what if I wasn’t looking at all my options. It took 3 months, but I did what I needed to do to apply. Scared about if I could handle it, yet another step forward. Now here I am filling out my enrollment forms after being accepted, still scared “what the hell is going on?” but STILL another step forward. I expect many more moments to come along like this, that leave me with the choice to stop or take another step forward and I’m coming to slowly learn that as long as I KEEP MOVING FORWARD, my goals will be met.

I’m finally coming to know what FEEL THE FEAR, AND DO IT ANYWAYS is all about. I posted this quote on my Facebook page a couple of weeks ago when I was finishing up my application, and it’s the thing I now start to think about when I get scared. It’s slowly becoming my motto for creating an exceptional life. I have felt the fear in other ways and areas of my life and continued along with stuff, this isn’t my first shebang, but I always felt like when it came to my career goals/dreams, when I got too scared I would give up. Whenever I felt a tad discouraged I would run away. SO this just feel like a BIG step for me to actually get something big started that I know I will follow through with, coming out a new and improved version of myself.

I have a lot of fears but I know once my first day comes, they will start to subside. Underneath it all I feel really good about everything going on in my life and the lives around me. I have learned a lot of things over the years, read a lot of books, given a lot of advice, had plenty of conversations and motivational talks with others to help them get through their fears, but through all that I’ve always been scared to trust my OWN heart. I knew there was a big part of me that hasn’t been walking my talk. And now I feel like I’m getting a taste of what that feels like.

Literally two seconds ago, I just text my friend with “Your head is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo filling your thoughts with fear, your heart knows the truth and just wishes you would trust it”. Stuff like that comes out of my mouth constantly to other people ALLLL the time but its a whole other story to feel and trust that myself. That’s all our soul wants from us, is to trust OURSELVES over the fears that are constantly being strung through our brain at lightening speed a million times all day. You get an intuition about something and almost immediately following are the thousand of fears challenging that intuition. The key is to listen to that intuitive thought.

When you start to trust  your heart and notice that it knows its shit, it can get addicting. You realize that it was right all along, even if at first it can be the scariest decision you make, and you’ll want to keep doing it. It takes many times of choosing your fears first and learning the lessons that go with them, but with practice you become stronger and less afraid. The goal is to eventually listen to ONLY my heart and tell my fearful thoughts to “suck it” (in the kindest way possible of course).

It’s funny because the one thing that got me to actually turn in my application was listening to one of my friends talk about how she had just registered for a certification class she was interested in so she could get her dream job. It motivated me because I remember her discovering what it was she wanted to do and within a few weeks she was making moves and putting down money. She was scared too but she was doing it anyways. I was just sitting there thinking “Here I am taking three months, scaring myself further away from my dream while she is just going for it”. The next day I started completing my application. I told her this the other day when I got accepted that her moves had motivated me and the ironic thing is, she told me I was the one that motivated HER. I told her if she moved forward and did it, MAGIC would happen. Well who knew, that magic would be for both of us.

Listen to your heart and MAGIC does happen. I believe that and now is time to start following through. Has there been a time where you have decided to listen to your heart over your head? I would love to know how that worked out for you. Share below!

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments section below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

PS: People have been asking me “What is Spiritual Psychology?”. Below is a video from the EXACT informational meeting I attended explaining what Spiritual Psychology is and what USM is all about. You’ll see why I am so excited to go. PPS: This school isn’t for those only interested in Psychology, as Im not trying to become a Psychologist, many different people attend that have many different backgrounds and careers, 1/3 of the students even travel from all over to attend the one weekend a month. So you may be interested and maybe I’ll even see you there next year 🙂 xoxo

LOA: Attracting Kundalini

GOOD Early Afternoon Fellow Readers,

First off I want to touch on where I am at in “May Cause Miracles” if you are wondering. I am still on week 5. Day 31 AGAIN to be exact. I actually had started last week got to Day 34 and then had not read the book for a few days so I decided to start the week all over again this week at Day 29. This week is all about Money and Finances and I KNOW I have huge issues surrounding money, and my fear over money can definitely run my life so I want to really focus well on this week.

Aside from that, I also realized I really have to start writing here more because I feel like I’m having so much more to write now and I’ve tended to skip all together which I don’t want to do. I have B-School that I have been doing and want to write about, my “May Cause Miracles” journey that I want to touch on more often, I did Oprah and Deepak’s meditation challenge that I never spoke about, along with just day-to-day life going on. I never even wrote about my trip to Bali at all. SHAME ON ME!!! I promise I will get to that soon though.

Ok so for today…. if you read my blog then you might know that I am a huge fan the Law of Attraction and being able to co-create your life and experiences. I have studied it and witnessed it again and again over these last few years within myself and others close to me.

If you are not sure what the Law of Attraction is, the basics are that you attract whatever vibrations/energy you put out into the Universe back to you. I have had some fun and testing this recently and it just blows my mind how it has worked. I will share some more stories later but now my recent story has to do with Kundalini yoga, my friend Siri Shakti Kaur, and Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love.

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So I first heard of Kundalini yoga via Mastin. He had mentioned it on his blog and how he loved doing it. I had never even heard about it before but after hearing him speak about it, along with some of his other blogger friends,  it started to spark my interest.

A few months ago, I think around December some time, I had reached out to an old friend of mine, Siri Shakti. I saw that she had moved down to Southern California and I was in a moment of wanting to make more friends and start connecting more with like-minded people (those of spiritual path and growth) especially those with kids. I had connected with her through FB and we started writing back and forth. Well suddenly we are talking and she asks me if I ever had tried Kundalini yoga (sign #1) . My mind was a little blown because here I had recently just heard about it and she’s asking me if I had ever tried it. I told her no but  I was interested because of The Daily Love. So she mentioned a place in North Hollywood that she likes to go to and we had tried to plan something towards the end of January before I was going to Bali. Not gonna lie, I did have a slight wonder if it was maybe the place Mastin went to because how AWESOME would that be to try it with him considering he’s one of my biggest inspirations.

During the month of January of cousin Tiara was staying with me during her trip to Los Angeles. During one of her first weekends here we had gone to Agape Spiritual Center for the first time. During the session a random girl had sat next to my cousin and towards the end they started talking about how they wanted to check out this seminar that was being held a few hours later. We were walking out and talking to this girl and she sees this guy she knew and starts talking to him. She introduces him to us and says that he is a Kundalini yoga teacher (sign #2). That is when I finally mentioned that I felt like it was being presented in my path. I go from never hearing about it before to it being brought to my attention more than once now, within a few weeks.

That night I was having Sunday dinner with my fiance’s family and we are talking to his cousin about Bali and we started talking about yoga. I mentioned how I wanted to try Kundalini yoga and ask her if she’s heard of it. She then says that she is a certified teacher of Kundalini which I had never even knew (sign#3). Well 3rd times a charm so I now knew 100% that I must meet with Siri and try it out. This was kind of freaking me out.

Well low and behold Siri and I had to cancel because we were both really busy so we decided it would obviously be best to wait until after my Bali trip. After I came back from Bali I was browsing on The Daily Love and saw that he had created an Events tab. I checked it out and the very next event that was coming up was “Mastin Kipp presents: An Evening with Your Heart” , in Hollywood, where it was going to be a 3 hour night; one hour of Kundalini yoga instructed by Sat Siri Dougherty and 2 hours of a seminar given by Mastin. BAM!!!

I hit up my friend Siri Shakti on Facebook, mentioned to her that she should come with me. I wasn’t sure she’d be able to since it was from 7-10pm and she lived about an hour or so away but she said YES and we both signed up. So just this last Saturday I had connected with my friend Siri, after 9 years of not seeing each other, trying out Kundalini yoga for the FIRST time, and all along side the guy who I had first ever even heard about it (and in my head wanted to try it out with), Mastin Kipp! Annnnd I get to attend one of his seminars while we are at it. Talk about quadruple whammie!

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The night was amazing!!! The night started with a small speech by Mastin and a few WONDERFUL original song sung by musician Chris Assaad, contributor to TDL. This guy has such a beautiful voice, the whole time he was singing I was having the chills. Then we had a Kundalini yoga session with Sat Siri Dougherty. This particular Kundalini session had moves that was geared towards us opening the heart chakra so afterwards we went through some “Kipp Heart Therapy” with Mastin where we learned how to talk to our hearts. Distinguishing your mind’s voice from your heart’s voice.

Extremely powerful!!! I was crying, others were crying. There was an energy in this room that was just felt beyond words. I actually ran into someone I had met from B-School a few weeks earlier as well as met two other people there from B-School for the first time. I was going to explain more what the night was about but don’t want this post to get too long so maybe in another post soon. I know I’m a tease!!!

Mastin has another night just like this coming up next month on May 18th. I’m thinking about signing up again. If you live in or around the LA area, I definitely say check it out.

This story was just a small example of how the Law of Attraction has worked in my life. Just in the last week I have played around with an intention in the beginning of the day and seeing how it manifested by the end of the day and it’s been working!!! LOA is real!

I dare you today to think of something small you want to attract, think positively about it all day, and see what comes to you!!! Would love to hear any stories of how it works out for you or how it has worked in the past!!! Until next time,

xoxo,

barista

May Cause Miracles: Week 2 Part 1

So week 2 of “May Cause Miracles” is coming to an end and I feel like i have had some pretty outstanding miracles occur. Its pretty exciting to witness. This week was all about building a new SELF perception and I can say that it’s a week I really needed. I know that I can be pretty dang hard on myself. I also tend to stress out when thinking about the future.

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I am entering day 14 and this day is pretty much reflecting how the week went and what I have discovered. I think a lot happened this week that I do want to touch on but maybe too much for one post, so like week 1 I want to split it into two parts again. In this particular part I want to touch on day 8 and 9 but focus mostly on day 10 because I feel like I had a deep evening exercise that night.

I love the part in the book where Gabrielle explains: “When we release our ego’s false perception of who we are or who we need to be, we can surrender to the truth, which is that we are love.”

It’s true. Our ego usually tend to run the show ALL day EVERY day. Constantly comparing and competing. Judging, bringing down, attacking ourself and/or others. When we can just learn to let all that stuff go, we can become clear with our true selves.

Day 8 started off like Day 1 where I had to witness my self-inflicted fear. I noticed I tend to criticize myself a lot especially when it comes to my looks. I feel like I have played small by making excuses and not feeling like I am good enough to do the things I want to do or have the things I want to have. Even when good things come to me, I like to think by way of Karma, I can still have a hard time accepting it because of this mindset. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough because of how I grew up. I did not grow up with a lot of money like most of my friends and peers and had to be very money conscious. That very much still effects how I live my life today. I can be afraid to let go some times and feel like I actually deserve to spend money on myself or have others spend money on me.

“I am responsible for what I see” helps really put into perspective the power I truly have over my thoughts and the actions caused by these thoughts. I AM RESPONSIBLE!!

On Day 9 “I am willing to let go of my self-doubt. I surrender to self-love” was  the affirmation. The evening exercise was very nice because it involved doing something nice for yourself as well as getting into a praying position as to surrender to your Inner Guide.

mirror-love-handThen there’s Day 10 which was very powerful night for me. It was about actively choosing to love myself. “I AM LOVE” was the affirmation of the day and I know I said this one a lot. I tried to continuously imagine, what does love look like, sound like, feel like, acted out in the energy of myself, and BE that. For the evening I had to look at myself in a mirror and say “I love you” a few times and stare directly at myself in the mirror.

The first thing I actually started doing upon looking in the mirror was picking at everything wrong. The exact opposite of the point. I then remembered the point and began with the words. It seemed like something so simple but when I was staring at myself, almost simultaneously picking myself apart and loving myself at the same time, it was like I could see my whole life through my eyes. I saw all the pain bundled up from when I was younger until now. Everything that built me up into who I was in that moment. All the parts of me that yearned to hear those words. The little girl in me.

I Love You to the 5 year old little girl that was always called “white girl” by family members. Who thought she wasn’t good enough because her skin was too light.

I Love You to the 7 year old little girl that was called the “N” word for the first time she could remember after moving to a better neighborhood. Who thought she wasn’t good enough because her skin was too dark.

I Love You to the the 8 year old little girl that woke up one night at a sleepover to her “friends” talking about her. Who didn’t understand why they all seemed to pretend to like her.

I Love You to the 9 year old little girl that didn’t want to join girl scouts because she heard they had a daddy daughter dance.  Who didn’t want to be embarrassed that her daddy didn’t live with her or wouldn’t be around.

I Love You to the 12 year old little girl who wanted to play on the traveling soccer team but her mom couldn’t afford  it. Who couldn’t understand why and thought it wasn’t fair because she actually made the team.

I Love You to the 15 year old little girl who got dumped by her first boyfriend, her first love, her first everything, and couldn’t understand why. Who hurt so deeply because he continued to have sex with her but didn’t want to date her.

I Love You to the 17 year old little girl who kept having sex with guys that didn’t want to date her. Who didn’t know why she just wasn’t good enough.

I Love You to the 19 year old little girl who sometimes just wanted to have a mom she could talk to about all her pain. Who didn’t understand why their relationship was so rough.

I Love You to the 21 year old little girl who never really dated anyone. Who saw all her friends have boyfriend after boyfriend but had no clue why she only ever had two.

I Love You to the 24 year old little girl who had to figure out and go through her whole pregnancy alone. Who didn’t understand how that guy she loved so much could just treat her like a stranger.

I Love You to the 27 year old little girl who was so confused and scared about her future that she did almost anything to sabotage it’s coming. Who felt like she would never have the love she wanted.

I Love You to the 29 year old little girl who feels like her body isn’t skinny enough, her hair isn’t long enough, her skin isn’t clear enough, her motivation isn’t strong enough. Who doesn’t understand why she feels the way she does.

Even though she is surrounded it by it every single day, I LOVE YOU TO THE LITTLE GIRL WHO FEELS UNLOVED!

I realized in that moment staring in that mirror, which ended up being like 10 minutes, going over all those memories, trying to love that little girl that needed to hear those words in those moments, that not enough praise and love matter if I  don’t feel that love from myself. “I LOVE YOU”. 3 single words could change so much!

The whole next day which was actually the last post I wrote, I felt a passion in my chest. I looked up the heart chakra and found it represents our ability to love. One article I read said that “learning to love yourself is the first step to securing a healthy 4th chakra. The “wounded” child resides in the heart chakra”.

This part amazed me because of what I had just gone through the night before. It made me believe that much more in the power of our minds and the energy within. My heart chakra was LIT UP that day.

Newho, this was a huge step for me. Some things I hadn’t been conscious of in years. It was nice to give myself the love I had needed for so long.

Tomorrow I will go over the rest of the lovely week.

xoxo,

barista