Guest Blog: An Ode to The Power of Self-Love

It is a Friday night and I’m home alone. I don’t mind being home on a Friday night, as I’m very much and introvert. But because I’m not use to being alone too long and get a little freaked.

The other night I fell asleep a little teary eyed because I knew hubby would be leaving for his annual boys snowboarding trip. At this point my husband and I have been married for almost 9 months and together for 3 years. We are very much in the honeymoon phase and even more entwined because we have both been working from home for the past three weeks.

We’ve been in such a honeymoon phase that I was resisting being away from him. Taking care of my son and catching up on work with no distractions kept me occupied for the first couple days. I just tried to slip into single mom mode again. Then today knowing that my son (from a previous relationship) would be with his dad this weekend I totally shifted my energy.

I did things my way, cleaned my way, played my music full blast, etc. I got bored for a moment eating my dinner of frozen pizza and ice cream by myself and then I decided that it was time to dance. I danced for a full hour, got a good sweat going and got to move my body without any little boy or big boy eyes on me. I kept dancing as I showered, singing along to Lorde.

Now I’m sitting here doing a very pampering and nourishing steam and listening to my favorite songs with only the Himalayan salt lamp and lava lamp lit. It is totally luxurious and decadent. As I hit play on VV Brown’s song ‘I Love You’ I remembered how I would do this type of stuff for myself weekly when I was single. I would take myself on an ‘artist date’ and sing myself love songs. It may sound totally narcissistic, but I’m a Leo, it is my job to teach people how to love oneself like the royal, majestic beings that we all are.

It is no coincidence that when I developed this practice then, and only then did a lover come into my life that could match the standard of love that I yearned and wished for. This is what self-love looks like. I share this and I will continue sharing things like this because I’ve been exposed to too many women (and men) who complain about crappy relationship after crappy relationship. When I tell them that it starts with practices like this they are timid to actually do the work. You will only attract what you are willing to give out…. to give to yourself. When you can dance around on a Friday night alone totally in love with just fully being you this is when the magic starts to happen.

Not many people know this but I was in a very abusive (emotionally, verbally) relationship for so many years. I was depressed and suicidal whenever we broke up which was often, because my self-esteem was so damn low. I didn’t think that anyone else could love me, so I put up with someone who was my complete opposite and we literally could not communicate. To see how far I have come in this area of my life motivates and lights me up so much. When I boast about my husband it is not to make anyone jealous or to brag, but to show people how joyous love and life can be. It is a victory chant from the little girl in me that was so deeply hurt and so scared for so long. It is me saying to that suicidal girl ‘hey I’m still here and life is freaking awesome, thanks for not giving up’.

Please love yourself first, and keep doing it. Even if you are in a relationship, never stop caring for yourself. You need to nourish yourself before you can nourish anyone else. This is why I will always over share. This is why I share even when I know certain people think I’m weird or nutty. I know that someone needs to hear this and I will not silence myself in fear. Let us shift the way we love and start to raise the bar for self-love. I encourage you to make your self-love a priority and to share your wins with the world. May we all have a relationship that feels like a victory dance.

Disa Jean-Pierre is a Spiritual Mentor based in Los Angeles, California. Disa is a mother, wife and healer. She is a certified Reiki Master and Success Coach whose goal is to help people love bigger and shine brighter. You can connect with her on GlowInTheHeart.com or watch her latest video on YouTube.com/GlowDisa.

 

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Tiny Buddha: 5 Ways You Attract Great People When You Like Yourself More

By Paul Sanders via Tiny Buddha

Picture from: hungryforchange.tv

Picture from: hungryforchange.tv

“By accepting yourself and being fully what you are, your presence can make others happy.” ~Jane Roberts

Several years ago, I was so unhappy with my harsh loneliness that I decided that I was going to try anything under the sun to build a social life and have friends that cared about me.I read all the books I could find and tried all the techniques they shared, but I still had to make a lot of effort to build friendships and hold my social life together.Then I started to learn and apply the principles of self-esteem.I used to think that I needed to be as extroverted as possible. It was exhausting, and people could see that it wasn’t really how I wanted to present myself.As a celebration of my uniqueness, I started behaving a little more like who I am—a little calmer and more interested in the depth of things.While I became less gregarious-sounding, I actually started making more friends, and more genuine ones; and the relationships with them were more solid.I was amazed at those results; I knew that self-esteem would contribute to my happiness, but never thought that being less of a gregarious person would improve my social life.When I met new people, I no longer talked about the trendy subjects that everyone was raving about. I talked about what I wanted to talk about. I expressed my unique perspective.People responded well; it gave them the chance to meet a human being who’s not afraid to express his genuine thoughts and opinions.Self-esteem completely shifted the way I interacted with people and made my social much easier to hold and develop.

Here, I want to dig deeper and share with you 5 reasons why self-esteem can help you have a better, more fulfilling social life. When you have high self-esteem:

1. You have healthy boundaries.

When you like yourself, you no longer have to say “yes” when you mean “no,” and don’t have to make false promises, either. People love to be friends with those who aren’t afraid to say “no.” This strength of spirit inspires them.This character makes people see you as trustworthy. Everyone wants friends they can trust.When you preserve your self-respect and stand up for yourself, you keep more of your energy and value. If you have no boundaries, you and your energy get depleted.

2. You’re naturally a giver of value.

When you like yourself, you believe you have value to offer, so you naturally start to see abundance instead of scarcity. You realize that the world is generous, there is enough for everyone, and we can create even more that didn’t exist before.People can tell that you’re not one of those people who think they have to take value from others to have more.This instantly puts you out of the selfish category. People fear that they’ll end up with selfish friends, who are only there to take whatever they can and give as little as possible. That’s not who they want in their life; they want friends that like them for who they are.Liking yourself indicates that you don’t have any neediness, and therefore, you only hang out with people because you genuinely appreciate them.

3. You know you’re not perfect, and you’re not for everyone; you appreciate your uniqueness.

When you like yourself, you appreciate your uniqueness and have no problem with some people seeing things differently than you. You therefore celebrate your unique talents and opinions.When you appreciate your uniqueness, you tend to cultivate and grow it. That is exactly what makes you an interesting person to be around.For example, if you like Southern Italian cuisine, even if no one you know else does, you start to get more and more interested in it, which means you’ll start to know more about Italian geography, history, and world views. You’ll maybe even go there on vacation.People love being around others who are passionate about something; it inspires them to get passionate about their own interests.

4. You’re cheerful and you can see the good in people.

When you like yourself, you see the good in yourself, but you also see the good in others. This is an instant charmer! People are keen to know if you’ll appreciate who they are and what they have to offer to the world.When you have that positive energy within your own life, you start to project it on to others. First, your cheerfulness catches their attention; second, they realize that you’re not only optimistic for yourself, but for them as well.

5. You’re not overly serious.

Liking yourself means that you’re realistic and can recognize your imperfections, quirks, and mistakes. You know you can improve what you want but will never be perfect, and you’re okay with that.This means you’ll have enough confidence to poke fun at yourself. Other people recognize this, and know that they can have lots of fun around you, as you don’t take yourself too seriously.This also shows a side of you that is vulnerable and completely human. People get fixated on this on the spot because they recognize the same human vulnerability in themselves.Great people reserve a special spot in their life for people who can interact and relate without masks or barriers to hide behind—and that comes from liking yourself.

Welcome to B-School

Happy Monday Coffee Readers,

what_is_bschoolI just signed up for Marie Forleo’s B-School and I absolutely could not be any more excited. I got a little newsletter in my email from Mastin Kipp of “The Daily Love” promoting B-School and how he would not be where he is without it. Being that I have witnessed TDL explode over the last couple years, I totally trust his path and recommendations. I had heard him mention it before a while back but for some reason now it’s been calling my name.

One of the things that struck me when I was watching one of her videos was that Marie described herself as a “multi-passionate entrepeneur”. She was explaining how she has been interested in many different things over the years and had pursued so many different dreams and I totally related. The reason is hit me so hard was because I always felt a sort of shame for that quality in myself. I would be mad that I just couldn’t pick a certain area to completely focus on. I did not think it was normal to be really passionate about so many different things. I went to school for Psychology and since then looked into going back to school for graphic design. Started my freelance photography. Was having meetings to start making an app. Wanted to start doing mentoring through TDL. Made custom coasters as gifts one year and wanted to start selling those. I used to want to be a teacher. A financial advisor. Have had jobs in accounting and now business management. Along with millions and millions of plans and ideas.

I’m the girl who always has some new adventure she wants to begin. The thing is, I REALLY am passionate about them all and want to do it all. But like I said, I had some shame in that as if I was SUPPOSED to just be more passionate about something specific. I felt like I was always going to feel lost if I didn’t pick one thing and I’d never be successful. Of course I cared a lot what people close to me thought. “Here she is again, excited about SOMETHING ELSE”.

After hearing her use that term I immediately felt some relief. Here is this woman who felt just like I did yet she IS successful and proud of her many passions. So I decided that YES I am multi-passionate and I’m gonna own it!

Over the last almost year, I have decided that my main dream is just to grow and learn and be happy doing whatever I am doing while inspiring and helping others do the same whether it be through some sort of mentoring or life coaching, or just expressing myself through this blog. I feel that there are just waaaay too many people out there are working for the sake of money and not following their dreams and doing what makes them HAPPY. I truly believe when you take risks and trust in yourself and your purpose that money will be attracted to you and become a plus not the goal. Its my calling to make a dent in that area and it first sells by being the example.

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I still want to do photography. I still want to sell cool coasters. I still VERY much want to do the app. and I will probably come up with a ton of more ideas and passions after that. The thing I realized is that I DONT have to pick one thing and I CAN do it all.

B-School excites me because not only have i read nothing but WONDERFUL reviews for it but I know that the tools I will learn and apply to my current passions will further help me with all the future endeavors I want to be a part of.

Usually I have really bad buyer’s remorse, almost instantly. I bought my car and wanted to take it back the next day. Last year I bought a timeshare and actually returned it a week later. I just had buyers remorse in Bali after buying a dress and a t-shirt. 🙂 B-School is a bit expensive for me but I felt such a strong pull towards it that I knew I just had to go for it. Otherwise I’m sure I would have had remorse over NOT buying it. I feel not one single bit of remorse and am counting down the days till next monday.

I am eager to learn more and expand what I am already doing so why not make this investment for myself. I saw it as an investment for my dreams. There’s no better investment than that. Sometimes you just have to jump and only look forward and I’m very proud of myself for doing that. The only thing I felt was a roadblock was the money, which I’m sure for most people it is. The magical thing was, on Friday I was thinking about taxes and it hit me, I usually get around the same amount of money back in taxes as the school costs so that could cover the investment. Voila! See the Law of Attraction is always working and this time it came as a simple reminder.

I’m excited for you guys to now witness the effects of B-School and how it will work for me. Registration closes today at 3pm EST and they don’t think it’ll be open again until 2014 so if you have time to check it out and make the investment do so ASAP otherwise sit back and enjoy the show and by this time next year, we will see where I’m at.

xoxo,

FREE Virtual Conference With Gabrielle Bernstein

AWESOME NEWS FOLKS:

Are you ready to work miracles?

Gabrielle Bernstein believes that simple, consistent shifts in our thinking and actions can lead to the miraculous in all aspects of our daily lives, including our relationships, finances, bodies, and self-image.

Join us for the May Cause Miracles Virtual Conference March 25-29, 2013!

In this free online conference, based on her best-selling book, Gabrielle will be bringing together 20+ miracles workers including Marie Forleo, Kris Carr, Danielle LaPorte,  Mastin Kipp, Nick Ortner and many others who will share about releasing fear and allowing gratitude, forgiveness, and love to flow. All of which, ultimately, lead to breathtaking lives of abundance, acceptance, appreciation, and happiness.

What you need to know
Dates: March 25-29, 2013 (schedule forthcoming)
Price: FREE
Where: Sign up online HERE

I hope you will join us in getting honest about fear – letting it go – and moving into gratitude, forgiveness, love and your happiest life!

xoxo,

barista

Commencement Speech: The Earth Is Hiring

While we were taking a break at the Yoga Barn in Ubud, on the table sat this laminated copy of the commencement speech that was given in 2009 at the University of Portland by Paul Hawkin. I wanted to copy it here for all of you to read. It is amazing!

THE EARTH IS HIRING

“When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful.” No pressure there.

Let’s begin with the startling part. Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind of a mind-boggling situation… but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement. Basically, civilization needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.

“Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.”

This planet came with a set of instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them. Important rules like don’t poison the water, soil, or air, don’t let the earth get overcrowded, and don’t touch the thermostat have been broken. Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food—but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn’t bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: You are Brilliant, and the Earth is Hiring. The earth couldn’t afford to send recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here’s the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don’t be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand the data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote, “So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world.” There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen. Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done. Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement. It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers, nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students, incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say, the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

“Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.”

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true. Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, reimagine, and reconsider. “One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice,” is Mary Oliver’s description of moving away from the profane toward a deep sense of connectedness to the living world.

Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious, even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance except on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely unknown — Granville Sharp, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood — and their goal was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity. Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals, progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty. But for the first time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect benefit. And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship, non-governmental organizations, and companies who place social and environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals. The scope and scale of this effort is unparalleled in history.

The living world is not “out there” somewhere, but in your heart. What do we know about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets. We are the only species on the planet without full employment. Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy earth in real time rather than renew, restore, and sustain it. You can print money to bail out a bank but you can’t print life to bail out a planet. At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can either create assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. And dreams come true. In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe, which is exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven.”

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it, and wonder instead when this speech will end. You can feel it. It is called life. This is who you are. Second question: who is in charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life inside you, just as in all of nature. Our innate nature is to create the conditions that are conducive to life. What I want you to imagine is that collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to heal the wounds and insults of the past.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would create new religions overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead, the stars come out every night and we watch television.

This extraordinary time when we are globally aware of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened, not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation. You are graduating to the most amazing, stupefying challenge ever bequeathed to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hope only makes sense when it doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it.”