The Conscious Parent: Is Your Child Growing You Up?

So not sure if you know this about me yet, but I love reading and when I read good books, which is usually every book I read it feels like, I love to share the information in them. When I read, I usually highlight along the way all the good points, which in most cases ends up being every other line. It’s hard to get through pages without wanting to post quotes on Facebook. Sometimes to finish reading effectively, I have to put the highlighter down and just read so I can get through it. Well now is not one of those times. I had to stop and get online and post a part that I like out of the book I am currently reading called The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

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I watched this awesome woman on Oprah’s Lifeclass and her theories around Conscious Parenting. It coincides exactly with what I learn in school. That when we are disturbed, instead of blaming or trying to control outside people or situations, we must look within to see what is being triggered inside of us and work on healing that instead. As parents, our children are here to mirror to us deep healing opportunities…if we are aware of that. Most of the time, instead, we try to control our children into being what we want them to be and act how we want them to act. We use manipulation and control tactics and this way of parenting can cause us to hinder their true spirit and purpose in this world. So this book takes us on a journey letting us look at our own ego and seeing where we can heal and let go in order to foster the true essence of our children’s spirit.

“Especially in the early years, parents function as mirrors for their children. Consequently, if you are unable to access your joy, you will be unable to be a mirror of your children’s joy. Thus they are barred from access  to an essential aspect of their being. How sad for a child not to be able to enjoy their spontaneously joyous essence!

 

Our consciousness and unconsciousness are transmitted not only by our overt pain, but also in the energy we exude just by our presence, even when we say and do nothing. Thus our children pick up a great deal from how we embrace them each morning, how we react when they break our favorite vase, how we handle ourselves in traffic accidents, how we sit and talk to them, whether we really look at what they show us, and whether we take an interest in what they say. They notice when we intrude on their life with unwarranted questions and demands, and they feel it when we withdraw from them or utter reprimands. They are moved by how we praise their successes, but wounded when we put them down for their failures. They are aware of how it feels to be in our presence when we sit in silence with them, and the energy field of acceptance or rejection they experience around us. Each of these moment-by-moment exchanges transmits either consciousness or unconsciousness.

 

How can you give to your children unless you first allow yourself to be filled from your own well? Unless you are fulfilled, you will use your children to complete you. You will teach them how to live with your unacknowledged fears, your rejected emptiness, your forgotten lies – all while unaware you are doing so. Such is the power of unacknowledged lostness.”

– Dr. Shefali Tsabary (The Conscious Parent p57-58)

The reason this quote stuck out to me is because it’s a huge reminder for why I am even reading the book. Our children can feel everything and they are perceiving our actions and internalizing them constantly. What is it that you want your child to internalize? Your own unresolved issues or the power of their own essence? It’s time to wake up and become more conscious of our lives. It’s time to  wake up to the power of our own essence to mirror to our children the strength that resides in them. I see this information not only good for our relationship with our children but also our relationships in general. How often do we try to control others or situations around us instead of going inward to heal that which is being triggered? What would it look like to learn how to not only accept others for who they are, but learn how to let their true essence shine? How can we mirror the goodness in everyone else? It starts but looking in the mirror at ourselves FIRST.

A month or so ago, I posted about being addicted to Facebook and the need to be more present. I’ll still save my journey for another post (at some point) but to sum it up quickly, although I feel like I’ve been getting BETTER, I am not in the ideal place I would like to be. I will give myself credit though for my efforts and my willingness to acknowledge where I am at and where I want to be. This journey is about being more present not only for myself but for my kids and my relationships. I want to be a more conscious parent and person and I have faith I will get there. I am becoming more aware, and even if it takes time, it’s the awareness that will lead me to where I want to be. This book is an awesome support in that goal.

I highly recommend The Conscious Parent to ALL parents and to ALL people wanting kids. It can actually be extremely helpful to those without kids because how awesome is it to get the opportunity to learn and gain perspective before your child is born instead of when they are already 5 or 16 years old. It’s never too early OR too late.

What is something you want to do (or stop doing) to be more Present in your life?

 

xoxo,

barista

 

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Things Fall Apart So New Things Can Be Built

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“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but  enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but  less wellness. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve conquered the atom, but not the prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce; fancier houses but broken homes. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.”

Soon this will be a time of the past. A world we once knew. Have you noticed more and more people around you are emerging with a new perspective? At times I thought maybe I was just at that age where my peers and I start to question our lives, but it seems people of ALL ages are starting to do the same. 6 year olds are creating non profits these days to help in the creative ways they can to create solutions to the problems they see around them. We are realizing that the ideas we once had set aren’t working anymore. We are realizing there HAS to be more to life then how rich you can get, what kind of car you drive, how many titles you can obtain, and how good you look. We are realizing that THOSE things aren’t fulfilling, and acquiring the biggest and baddest just doesn’t lead to peace and happiness.

As much as some things appear to be falling apart now in this country and around the world, we have to remember for new things to emerge, for new ideas and perspectives to be birthed….old ways HAVE to die. A caterpillar has to go through pain, struggle and die to be born again as a butterfly. This is true on all scales of life. We are seeing it in our personal lives and on bigger scales such as whats going on with our government. Although the chaos seems to be getting worse, people are fearing the downfall, but this death of the current way necessary. IT HAS TO FALL APART. It’s creating space for NEW WAYS to be born. 

When chaos prevails, the old way is looking for someone or something to blame. Our parents, our partners, our bosses, our President. Our music, our teachers, our neighbors, our religion. Our circumstances, our birth order, our status, our government. Chaos is part of evolution and growth. It promotes change. There is no one to blame. The new way is to let go of blame and take on responsibility. We are finding out more and more that responsibility is what leads to change while blame only keeps things how they are. Individually we are responsible and WE can make differences.

The physical earth didn’t end in 2012 like everyone feared, but the life as we once knew it began it’s death process. People are awakening into a new era where consciousness and purpose is becoming the priority. As scary as it feels to live in this world at this time, it’s also the most exciting. We get to live through a new birth. We get to witness the changes that are coming. We have the potential to grow into our true selves and live our purpose and instill these new ideas into our children who then will pass it on. WE ARE A PART OF HISTORY right now. We will be a part of it all.

Yes scholars, visionaries, and intellects have always been around but we get to live in a time where more and more and coming forth and we realize that we have just as much potential to be one of those people the makes a profound statement in this world no matter what level . I love seeing more and more of my friends and people I know making conscious steps to let go of the path of that’s safe but not fulfilling in order to step into the unknown and finding the courage to do what they LOVE and what contributes to society. We are learning through our own struggles and lifting people up, helping them get through theirs. It’s becoming less of ME and more of WE. For this to happen successfully, we have to open up and accept the death of the old ways. Let go of the past. Let go of what’s not working anymore. Let go of everything we once knew and create space and wait with open arms for the things that matter the most. Take fear head on, challenge, grow, perservere, and enter into the peace that awaits for you

“Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “What is my life’s purpose?” “How can I live a fulfilling life?” “How can I make a meaningful contribution in my world?”

If you’ve asked yourself these questions…. don’t worry, you’re on the right track.

With MUCH  love, light, and happiness this morning!

xoxo

barista

Tiny Buddha: 7 Steps To Hear Your Own Inner Wisdom

I have been talking to a close friend of mine a lot over the last couple of weeks and this spiritual self-growth path is something she’s become more interested in over the last couple of months. A question she asked me recently was “How can I learn to listen to my inner self?”. I was thinking “GOOD QUESTION” because after 5 years of reading books, seminars, blogs, etc it’s been something I have been focusing on more then I have before. Especially since I have been reading “May Cause Miracles”.

Listening to your Inner Self is, I think, one of the most important things you can learn to do on The Path to reach your highest potential. YOU have all the answers you need right there in that heart of yours. We often seek advice from others be it friends, family, teachers, counselors etc and we want THEM to give us answers and tell us what to do. Why? Because we don’t take the risk or responsibility for the outcome. Some of us become so used to ignoring that little whispers of our hearts that we just don’t think it even exists. But it does and I found this awesome article on Tiny Buddha that explains ways you can start to HEAR it better.

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7 Steps To Hear Your Own Inner Wisdom  By: Lindsey Lewis

“I don’t know what to do.” “I can’t figure it out.” “How do I know which choice to make?” “Which one is right for me?”

Sound like someone you know? Here’s one thing I know for sure: You’ve got the power. You’ve got the love.

You’ve got the innate talent—you gorgeous, loveable soul—to know without a doubt what is right for you. You’ve got the power to know what to do, to figure it out, to know which choice to make. Your soul is calling. And all you need to do is listen.

At one time not so long ago my innate talent was ignoring my soul. I had developed an acute ability for lasering ahead no matter what my essential self was saying—even when it was “Wrong way!”

I set goals and made plans and went for it no matter what—and soon I was a stressed-out, exhausted insomniac. So that was fun.

In fact, fun was exactly what was missing from my life. I put external touchstones ahead of inner happiness. I let my ego tell me what to do, based on what I thought the standards for success were.

I bought into the mantra: Work, work, work and then work more. You can enjoy your life when you’re retired. It was no wonder my entire system went into revolt; it’s no wonder our systems do that. They’re designed to tell us when we’re off track.

They’re designed to tell us when we’re on track, too. It’s like magic—except scientifically-proven. The verbal part of our brain processes about forty bits of information per second. That’s pretty impressive.

The non-verbal part of our brain processes about eight to eleven million bits of information per second. Eight to eleven million!

That means that the thoughts we hear from the verbal part of our brain actually know less than the physical sensations and emotions that we feel coming from the non-verbal part of our brain.

So if “I don’t want to make this one choice but everyone tells me I should” seems logical, but every physical sensation or emotion about it just feels so wrong, it probably is. Wrong, that is.

Wondering how to tap into your own innate talent for knowing how to live the life that’s right for you and be who you want to be? Start small.

1. Start small.

Begin with simply noticing physical sensations. Check in with your body from time to time. What physical sensations are you noticing right now?

2. Fine tune.

Once you start to check in with your body, you’ll probably also notice emotions, and associations with whether or not the emotions you’re feeling are good or bad. It’s normal—but in this case it’s not all that helpful. Keep on fine-tuning your radar until you’re paying attention to only physical sensations.

3. Benchmark your “yes.”

Make a list of times that you knew things were right for you, or felt that things were exactly as they were meant to be, really great, going well, etc. Then do a body scan: What physical sensations do you feel? Write ‘em down and then label them.

4. Benchmark your “no.”

Make a list of times that you knew things were not right for you, or felt that things were not as they were meant to be, not going great or well, etc. Then do a body scan: What physical sensations do you feel? Write ‘em down and then label them.

5. Practice.

You’ve just created your body compass. Using it is fun. Orange or apple? Imagine making each choice and then see what physical sensations come up—closer to “yes” or closer to “no”?

6. Trust.

The verbal part of your brain might come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t trust your body compass. Practicing on the little things helps to build up enough trust to use it on the big decisions.

7. Live it in the moment.

Once you’ve got your compass down pat, keep on using it. Living it in the moment is about remembering your innate talent for knowing, and using it with reckless abandon and firm intention.

What’s your inner wisdom telling you?

 

Take some time to really think about these steps and start practicing them in your daily life and decisions. Like the article said, START SMALL. I hope this helps!

xoxo,

barista

You. Are. Love!

paper-loveYou. Are. LOVE! You are. Your soul is that of a loving energy among other positive forms. I am blessed enough to have the chance to witness someone grow from the beginning of their human existence.

Think of children. Children are  literally born with such a pureness and innocence. Then over the years from learning the ways and putting meaning to what goes on around them, the ego becomes more and more alive. Through experience and the meanings we attach to those experiences about ourselves, we begin to build layers over who we TRULY are and create this very limited version of ourselves.

It can be very interesting watching my son as he is trying to figure out how stuff makes sense. The more he grows, the more and more I can see his level of consciousness shift from what he Knows to be true to what the outside world is teaching him. The ego starts to creep out more and more. The ego is very fear based. The thing is, fearful thoughts and loving thoughts can not exist at the same time so when we are living in a fear based mindset, we become more and more disconnected from that of which we truly are and how we came into this life. I visualize that there are two planes of existence. A plane in which we live and create through our ego and one in which we live and create through our heart. The crazy thing is, as much as we want to view our ego and fear as bad, BOTH planes are necessary. We wouldn’t have a human experience without them. Remember we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Choosing love over fear, which is the basis to “May Cause Miracles”,  means that each time you chose love you are tearing away the layers you spent years building and you start connecting more and more to your true self. Now think about your experience or ANYONE’S thus far. It is not JUST filled with love. Its filled with love, fear, pain, happiness, heartache, joy…ALL kinds of things. We aren’t born into human form to go through life perfectly spiritually. Otherwise, we would stay as spirits. We are born into human form with the intention to have human experiences. love, fear, pain, happiness, heartache, joy…

In this form there is no such thing as living PERFECT. Even those “special” people we believe as being spiritually perfect have an ego. In fact that ego guided them to where they needed to be, even if it was only in their thoughts. They are/were still human and were no more “special” then you or I. We all are loving spiritual human beings and we all have the same potential for greatness. How powerful is that?

I feel the more I discover and witness to be true, the more I want to reach back into that place I know resides inside. Maybe I don’t have the goal to be Mother Teresa, but I do have the goal to learn and grow more into MYSELF and I know that MYSELF is just as special. I think its important to live with that goal in mind. Each day strive to become more and more yourself. Better then you were the day before.

If you lack some belief or thought about how to learn and grow and become more love, then what is it you strive for? Money? Power? Status? At the same time, without the experience of wanting those things and the path we take to get those things, we wouldn’t find ourselves in the place to actually NEED something more. Think about it, it often takes the hardest times in our life, over and over and over, to get us to the point in which we finally stop and say “there has to be a better way”, “there has to be more”.

As big of a paradox that is, it’s also the circle of life. Like the food chain, this paradox is completely necessary for the human world to function properly. Just as if something as small as ants didn’t exist, if pain didn’t exist, it would throw off the whole Eco-system. All the “bad” things NEED to happen to help you AND others learn and grow and come to live your true purpose. 

Everyone spends so much time trying to figure out the purpose of life. What if the purpose is to EXPERIENCE. Strive to experience! You would not learn good without bad. So strive for and enjoy good but also enjoy learning from the bad. What would it look like if we actually looked forward to learning from the bad? Well then all that’s “bad” would be good right. Talk about the power of perspective. Essentially we live with our ego, with fear, with pain and still cultivate peace and presence. The external stuff isn’t going to change, pain and fear will continue to be, but we can change how we view them and use them. Use it to guide you instead of control you.

Have a full experience being human. Knowing that all the bad shit is VITAL to who you are becoming. EVERYTHING you go through is 100% vital to your life. This means that RIGHT NOW, this very moment, YOU ARE PERFECT!!! Just the way you are. Having the experiences you are having, the thoughts you are having…. even 5 years ago and your thoughts and experiences then…you were just as perfect then as you are today!

Forgive yourself and know that you are RIGHT where you need to be. Thank yourself and know that you wouldn’t  be YOU without it all. Love yourself and know that You. Are. Love! When we are able to forgive, be grateful, and LOVE – you can fully be present to the human experience. That at the least, is a pretty dang good goal to work towards.

I know to my soul and I try to remind myself that without my life as it is right now, I wouldn’t have the chance to become all I’m meant to be in the future. 

We are all living the human experience and going through what we need to go through in order to get a glimpse of our full potential. No one is more or less special. Just as Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr. or anyone we’ve ever viewed as “special” used their experiences and ego to catapult them into greatness, you have the same ability.

Think, how can you view your “bad” as good today?

xoxo,

barista

How Do I Know When To Stay Or Go?

I am reposting this article written by Kute Blackson via The Daily Love  because I get into conversations like this constantly with people. He writes it perfectly!!

So many people stay in relationships when they are not even happy at all simply because they are afraid to be alone, they don’t want to feel the pain of ending it, or because they’ve been in the relationship for so long anyways. All of your relationships, friends and lovers a like, should be promoting and supporting each others growth and authenticity. A relationship, of any kind, is a connection between people and it takes all involved for it to work. If any one person stops their part, there is no point to continue. Do you have to dislike or be mean to them? No! but you certainly don’t have to be in a relationship with them either.

Here’s what Kute has to say:

We come together in relationship with another for our evolution and growth.

The people you attract are simply mirror manifestations in that moment in time that reflect who you are.

Yet who you are is constantly changing, evolving and growing.

Who you are when you first met your partner won’t necessarily be who you will be a year from now, let alone a month from now.

Relationship is really not about the duration that you stay with someone, but the degree to which you both grow, evolve and become more authentically your true Self. Staying in a relationship where you are both no longer growing simply because that is the thing to do based on societal standards, or because you made commitment 25 years ago, is not authentic.

Authenticity is to feel the depth of who you both are now, and fully be in the moment together with total honesty and love.

Then you can see if you are both still a vibrational match for each other today, not based on a commitment made years ago.

Relationship is when you come together with a commitment to serve eachother’s evolution, and grow together in a similar direction at a similar pace. The bottom-line commitment being “I commit to serving your Soul’s growth.”

Once one of you no longer has that commitment, and is clear about that, then you no longer have a relationship even if you stay together physically.

As you both serve each others evolution and keep growing together, then your relationship can keep reinventing itself to higher levels, rather than staying a stale version of what was. Your relationship becomes an ever-expanding exploration of Nowness.

But when one person stops growing or no longer has a commitment to serve the other, it begins to shift the dynamic. The question to ask is simply, “Are we both growing as Souls, becoming more expanded, loving, and authentic versions of ourselves in this relationship?”

If the answer is no, and there is no more commitment to serve each other’s growth, then your relationship is over. So long as there is a commitment to serving each other, even if it is challenging (which relationships can be) you can keep growing together.

The real success of relationship isn’t simply how many years you have been with someone, but how much you grew and realized your authentic self.

Certain people show up in your life to simply serve a function of helping you see a part of yourself that you get to reclaim or heal. It might last a few weeks, months, years or a lifetime. But you come together to learn those lessons, and once those lessons are complete, so is the relationship.

So, feel into finding the form of the relationship that allows the greatest love to be expressed. Sometimes we stay together out of obligation, but that serves no one really, simply causing us to withhold love. The truth serves all concerned, even if it might not seem that way at first. The truth will ultimately dissolve limits and cause expansion.

Sometimes breaking UP the form and finding a new way of relating with your partner simply allows you be able to love them without the limited expectations.  Staying in a relationship when you are no longer in love, growing or committed is living death.

As the form of your relationship changes either through a break up, divorc or death, let the loving remain constant.

No forms last forever.

Only Love is real.

Just because a relationship ends does not mean the LOVING needs to.

Be committed to the loving no matter what happens.

Then you are free.

The rest are just details.

Love.Now

Kute