My Truth: How I Learned To Honor Myself

So it’s 10:30pm and I’ve figured out that this might be the time I have to write posts for the time being. AFTER the baby goes to bed. Hopefully I can get back to writing more frequently.  I don’t like waiting so long before talking to you.

So this last month has been extraordinary for me in so many ways. It all started with my classes last month. It was a very powerful weekend for many people and things have just been shifting a lot for me and others. Everything that weekend flowed together so perfectly. My whole path started to make sense and things just really hit home for me.  It started at the Friday night class on May 2nd.

We had to do a trio conversation in which we talked about what the hardest thing  has been for us during the program so far. I talked about how I have had a hard time “DOING” the work. Implementing the practices. Practicing the skills. Really learning how to walk that talk. I mean this is one of the main reasons I decided to go to USM. To have the experiential practice that would catapult me forward on this path I have been on during the last 6 years. And here I was learning all of this amazing stuff, and I would come home on a peace high for a few days but then I would dump my folders and books to the side until it was time to prepare for school again 3 weeks later. Not really staying mindful daily about how to keep the work going.

Reading books and blogs and going to seminars had only worked so much for me. I have been able to develop a huge  passion for my spirituality and purpose but really felt lack in the “DOING” area. Sometimes I would feel really motivated and empowered to stand in my integrity but most of the time, I can admit, I was just intellectualizing it all and not really connecting on an emotional level for myself. Helping others was great but doing the work myself was a lot more challenging. Going through months and months of class and witnessing people’s lives changing right in front of me was starting to make me jealous. Started making me wonder if I was ever going to change or keep wasting time by not “DOING” the work.

In one of the next trios I had acknowledge myself. I acknowledged myself for sitting in the chair. For being in that classroom. Sometimes I would be in class and it would just hit me that “I’M HERE”. I’m doing it. I had heard of USM three separate times before I decided to check it out. When I looked it up online it was in perfect timing because there was an intro meeting THAT week. I thought of a couple of excuses of why I wouldn’t be able to go but I felt the fear and went anyways. I immediately felt the connection and knew this was the place for me because it was exactly everything that I am passionate about. It was the opportunity to really get pushed into DOING. And get my Masters in the process. What a bonus!

I then made a million excuses for why I might not be able to go. I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford it. Plus a million others. BUT I went through with it. I felt the fear and I did it anyways. I had to really acknowledge myself for that. Usually fear makes me turn the other way but this time I dove straight in and it all has worked out perfectly.

After 5 years of wanting to go back to school, here I was. And not just any school. School how I always imagined it would be. I love this school so much that I was in class the weekend of my due date. I was having contractions in class and STILL participating in trios (until of course they got too painful and I had to leave to give birth). THAT’S how dedicated I am to becoming a better version of myself to serve the world.  I almost took that weekend off until I realized there was no place else I would rather be. What beauty to have the loving energy of my classroom surrounding my child right before his debut into the world.

During the Sunday class is when everything just hit home. There was a surprise waiting for us as we entered. I can’t spoil it for when anyone reading this decides they want to attend USM in the future (which I promise it’s the BEST thing you can ever do for yourself). But what I will say is that this SURPRISE was absolutely amazing and so so powerful. I was moved to tears and it really just hit home that I AM HERE! I am right where I need to be. It hit me that Year 1 is only the beginning.

Year 1 is the preparation for the best yet to come. Year 1 is where my hands are supposed to get dirty. Where I am supposed to go through a ton of emotions. Get mad at myself. Get mad at my process. Get mad at my ego. Get mad at my job and my friends and my family. I dont doubt this will continue to happen, probably more intensified, in Year 2 but its so I could learn how to love and appreciate it all. The process is the beauty of it all. I was realizing that Year 2 was where it was really going to begin and I was perfectly in a space of being able to trust my process and timing.

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After our surprise the next trio we had to express gratitude to those who have helped us on our path. The first person that came to mind was my boyfriend. If you personally know me and are really close to me, then you know that I have on and off again issues with my boyfriend. If you are in my class at USM and have done a trio with me, you know that I have on and off again issues with my boyfriend. I am not going to cookie cut it for the sake of looking good, we have had issues for a really long time and so many times I have wanted to call  it quits or have tried to only get back together again and repeat the process over again.

I will admit, my relationship is also another reason I am at USM. As I said, I want to become a better person to better serve the world and in that includes being able to better serve ALL my relationships, the one with my boyfriend being most important. I also knew though that learning everything I am learning, and by really stepping into my true authentic self, I was also risking the relationship. I was risking the possibility that we wouldn’t make it through. I was risking the possibility that I could lose him. And as I write this, maybe that’s been the hard part about the DOING. I had been afraid of losing what I was used to. I had been afraid of being uncomfortable. But trust me, If you really want to step into your true authentic self, you can NOT be afraid of losing anything. What you have to gain is so much more powerful.

Looking at my relationship though from a place of gratitude, especially having gone through the feelings I was going through from the weekend, gave me a VERY different perspective of my path. I won’t go into the connections I saw in past relationships but what I will say is that over the years, most intensly in the last two, I have had a VERY strong calling to honor my Self (Self with a capital S meaning my Soul)  and step into my truth. Two of the qualities I am working on are Vulnerability and Authentic Expression. I had a hard time being vulnerable, especially with my boyfriend, and a hard time authentically expressing myself because of the fear of getting into an argument (which happened a lot with us).

I have done multiple meditations and insights that always have led me to the same answer of “BE VULNERABLE, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. CHOOSE LOVE”. I have had ample opportunity to do so and almost always I chose to ignore. Let me tell you, you can only ignore the whispers for so long before it becomes a yell. Over the last two years that is what happened. HONOR YOUR SELF. HONOR YOUR TRUTH. HONOR YOUR VULNERABILITY. HONOR YOUR AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION. CHOOSE LOVE. I’ve heard it over and over and over.

The first time I remember hearing this whisper was during my last long-term relationship ten years ago. I had been unhappy for a long time but instead of honoring my feelings and expressing myself, I waited for things to get bad so I could just leave without feeling guilty. And  it worked. I have tried to do that in this relationship a bunch of times but the beauty in this situation is that we have kids together. The Universe wasn’t giving me the easy way out this time. THIS is the time the lesson is going to be learned. I would want to leave but every time I couldn’t leave because I KNEW I hadn’t expressed myself. I knew I hadn’t been DOING the work. I knew that there was a possibility that things could be different if I would just HONOR MY SELF. But I also knew there was also a possibility of loss.

Thinking about this in my trio, about this guidance being yelled at me over and over for the last two years, I realized that if it were not for my boyfriend and how he is, or how I perceive him to be I should say, If it weren’t for how we act and react with each other, I wouldn’t be in a place to where I am being called to honor my Self. I wouldn’t be in a place of opportunity to step into my true Self. To step into my vulnerability. To step into my Authentic Expression. To step into the LOVE that resides in me. Its because of that, that he is perfect for me.

I would get mad at myself a lot for how I would respond and react in certain situations. I wanted so badly to change but had felt like there were no results. If it weren’t for my boyfriend, and all the boyfriends before him, ALL the relationships in my life, and how I perceive it all to be, the issues that come up for me, how I respond and react I wouldn’t be called to change. I wouldn’t be called to really step into my full Self. So really, I thank everyone.

I was REALLY realizing that everything has happened the way it has because THAT is the way I would learn how to become the real me. Issues were mosy present in my boyfriend because he was the closest to me. He mirrored myself perfectly. We all learn in different ways and we attract to us the situations that aid in our learning of lessons and this was my way. So what had come from that realization was nothing but pure and honest gratitude. Gratitude for my boyfriend for being who he was and being with me the way I was. If it weren’t for our relationship, I could not say that I would be where I am right now and for that I am grateful.

Gratitude helped me shift my view. Everything came together in that moment. I realized that yes here I am at USM and I have this great opportunity to learn so much about myself and others, I need to DO USM. This is the chance I have longed for. Take advantage and DO the work. DO the skills. DO the practices. I outlined my ideal relationship and now it was time to DO the steps that would take me on my way. I felt more empowered then I had ever felt before to HONOR MY SELF.

That weekend my boyfriend and I had argued (such perfect setup by the Universe) and usually when we argue, it feels very vulnerable expressing myself to him, especially in any loving type of way. Until then, Vulnerability had not been my strong suit. That Sunday I got the urge to call him just to tell him I Love You. Sounds silly and maybe so simple for others, but to do that in the midst of an argument, especially when I was feeling defensive, was a very big deal. I felt the fear but I also saw the opportunity for me to step into that vulnerability and authentic expression. So I got out my phone called him and said “uhhh so ummmm i just called ummm because, umm i just wanted to tell you that I love you”. Of course he responded very lovingly and it was THAT phone call that changed our relationship.

We started talking about our argument, I listened with my heart instead of getting defensive. I HEARD him and I empathized with his feelings. This led us to stay in a very loving place when I came home which then led us to a very open and honest conversation about our relationship. Where it was and where we want it to be. It led for more opportunities for me to be vulnerable and express my truth and HONOR MY SELF.

My teacher has always said something along the likes of, “If your calling is to be courageous, you won’t wake up one day all of a sudden courageous. The Universe will provide you with opportunities in which you can choose to display courage.” This time instead of running away, I chose to step into it and the response was wonderful. I chose to be vulnerable. Let me just say we have just made it a whole month without fighting. If you really know us, you know that’s a miracle. There have been little spats here and there but nothing like they once were. And when there have been little spats, we have been really quick to enter our loving and dissolve them. I have to continue to chose vulnerability and authentic expression. Most importantly I am aware of my self judgements and compassionately forgiving myself for them. Now instead of asking myself “Why am I still in this relationship?” every time I feel uncomfortable, I now ask myself “What opportunity is my soul presenting to me?” and let me tell you, it makes the world of difference.

You see, it all started with GRATITUDE! If it weren’t for EVERY SINGLE THING that has happened in your life, you would not be the YOU that you are today. And YOU are a wonderful, powerful, being of love. GIVE THANKS to all that has presented itself in your path. You can have the life of your dreams, give thanks and DO the work.

I want to hear from you. What is something you want to DO that has challenged you? What quality would it take for you to step into your greatness? How has the universe given you the opportunity to step into that quality? How can you acknowledge yourself RIGHT NOW? Who can you give thanks to in aiding you on your path?

Leave me your comments in the section below.

You are loved.

xoxo,

barista

 

 

 

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How To Create A Heart-Centered Affirmation and Radically Change Your Life!

CatAndMirrorGood Afternoon,

Today I want to talk a little bit about Affirmations and how they can help change your life. If you don’t know what an affirmation is, it is a statement of intention. Something you want to affirm as being true. When we create affirmations, it is a statement we are affirming to the Universe that is expressing the direction in which we intend to move towards.

We all express lots of self talk during the day but the question is… how empowering is it? As discussed on many occasions before, our thoughts lead to our feelings. Repeated thoughts then lead to beliefs. So when you take some time to think about some of the thoughts that go through our head, especially the ones that happen continuously, what are some things you have declared to be true?

“I’m never going to lose this weight”
“They don’t care about me”
“I’m never going to find a good guy/girl”
“My relationship will never get better”
“I don’t have money or time to take a nice vacation

How many of you have thought these exact thoughts or ones that were similar? Can you see how statements like this can cause you to feel disempowered? To feel victimized, like you have no control over your life or your future. My guess is, when these thoughts come up, it doesn’t leave you feeling really good. Do you want to feel good? Do you wan to feel empowered? Do you want to feel like you do have control over your future and have a say in creating the reality that you would like? Changing “I’m never going to lose this weight” into “I am capable of losing this weight” is one thing but let’s go a little further and create a powerful Heart-Centered Affirmation that bring out the qualities that you want to share with the world. Something that gives you power and motivation that will heal and change your whole life for the better. Let’s start manifesting the person you know you are inside. C’mon let’s do it!

There are many types of Affirmations, today we are going to focus on creating a Heart-Centered one which focus on the quality or qualities you want to portray in your everyday life. These next steps are steps from a worksheet I received at school that helped me create powerful statement.

HOW TO CREATE A HEART-CENTERED AFFIRMATION

1. Pick a Quality (or Qualities)
In this step you want to think about qualities you want to strengthen in your current life. Attributes that would assist you in outwardly and inwardly calling you forward to that of your true Loving Essence. Something you want to posses more of. One thing we did in class was we sat in meditation for a few minutes focusing on the step and would pick the first quality or few qualities that would come to mind. You can also look at a list and pick one or two that bring a spark to your inner self when you read it

2. Anchor in Spirit by beginning with I AM…..
This is an important step because you are affirming that this statement is already true. You already posses these qualities.

3. Bring your process into the present (NOW)
We can do this by using action words ending in “ing” or “ly”. We can even insert our qualities right here. Example, If your quality is Acceptance then you want to use AcceptING. If your quality is Courageous then you will use CourageousLY.

4. Maintain a positive forward focus
Stay away from using phrases like I AM NOT or any words that are used in the negative.

5. Use energizing and descriptive words
This will help enliven and enrich your affirmation.

6. Include your Quality.
This seems like a no-brainer but sometimes we can get lost in the descriptive vocabulary, describing the traits of the quality that we can forget to use the actual word. If you did not use your quality in action form during Step 2 then make you don’t forget to insert it somewhere.

7. Include both Inner and Outer focus
This means focus on the intentions you want to bring forward from within and outside.

8. Include Enthusiasm.
This will help empower your process and make you feel excited when you think about or read your affirmation.

Here are some examples my teacher gave of affirmations using the guidelines above:

Quality: Trust
“I am trusting my Loving and sharing it openly”
– Inner focus “trusting my loving”
-Outer focus “sharing it openly”

Quality: Surrender
“I am surrendering to Spirit’s Love and sharing my joy with all”
-Inner Focus “surrending to Sprit’s Love”
-Outer Focus “Sharing my joy with all”

Quality: Courage. Strength of Heart. Trust. Authentic Expression.
“I am courageously standing in the Strength of my heart, gracefully trusting and following my inner guidance, authentically expressing my gifts in the world, while sharing the beauty of who I am”
-Inner Focus “courageously standing in the Strength of my heart, gracefully trusting and following my inner guidance”
-Outer Focus “authentically expressing my gifts in the world, while sharing the beauty of who I am

Once you have created an affirmation that resonates powerfully with you, you want to make sure to bring it alive within your Self. You have to know that your quality already exists within your consciousness in its full entirety. To bring overall change and healing in your life you want to engage with your affirmation on a daily basis. Speak it with heart. Write it down in multiple places so you can see it and be reminded of it often. Feel it’s presence and power inside. Hold a clear positive intention to activate and energize your quality within. Visualize yourself embodying your quality and affirmation. Lastly, use your everyday experiences as opportunities to demonstrate your quality and affirmation.

Using meaningful affirmations can have a HUGE effect on your overall life and experience of the world. They empower you to create the experiences you wish to have in your life. They allow you to shift your thinking and program new beliefs which will lead you to take action in the direction you truly desire. Sometimes it may feel weird at first, especially if you’re not used to believing it, but if it holds meaning to you, it will start to transform your overall being. You can create more than one and you can change an existing one as you see fit and as your experiences change. The key is to feel the power and let it live within, therefore to be expressed authentically.

Go ahead give it a try!!! Share your affirmation below, let me know if you need help.

My current Affirmation: “I am freely standing in my truth, sharing my soul courageously with others, thus creating Authentic Empowerment within and all around me”

live inspired!

xoxo,

barista

What I Learned From My First Day of School

I officially finished my first evening of class at the University of Santa Monica. I have to admit I was quite nervous and had no idea what to expect. As I got to the University though, it immediately felt welcoming by staff and other students. I expect it from staff but I wasn’t sure what to expect from everyone else. It felt though like everyone was so eager to meet others which was a very comforting feeling.

Upon class starting I just kept sitting there thinking… “I did it, I’m HERE”. It was somewhat of a surreal experience to look around and see all the different faces from all walks of life, all areas of the Country as well as some people traveling from other countries. After talking to a few people before school started, I felt the connective energy like we were all feeling the same. Unsure about exactly what to expect, nervous to start digging deep into our unhealed subconscious, but ready with excitement to start becoming better versions of ourselves. My first evening went amazing and I have a feeling you will get a lot out from me on these weekends that I  have school being that I come out with new experiences and feelings fresh in mind.

Today we learned two basic skills. “Seeing the Loving Essence” and Heart-Centered Listening”. Two very important skills when learning to experience oneself as a soul having a human experience. Two VERY important skills that were great starters because it will help us throughout our experience at school to learn to see people as one and really grasp the truth of being souls having a human experience. The Professor called it, “seeing and hearing with Soul-centered eyes and ears”. 

To sum up Seeing the Loving Essence, it is “not about solving people’s ‘problems’ nor is it about ‘fixing’ them. It is about how you will ‘be’ with them. In my own words I connected that it is about “SEEING” someone as another soul and connecting with them on that level versus the physical form that they seem to be. Connecting through the energy of LOVE. It is important because as we begin to connect more with ourselves as spiritual beings comes the ability to connect with others as spiritual beings. It leaves a space open for us to be accepting to others as they are in their truth rather than what their personality or ego may be projecting. A lot of times we like to hold on so much to the personality or ego because we use that to protect ourselves but it separates us and gives us excuses as to why we are different. We have to remember that personality and ego are just outside layers covering the truth of someone and underneath we really are all the same. 

We then went into talking about the importance of listening from the heart. One of the things that “pinged” my mind (I got that description from a peer in class) was when the Professor stated that “words are just reference points that help us try to communicate something”…. he went on to explain “book and libro are just words that communicate something…they are describing the same thing but both words are NOT books, they are just words…Words are not the things they represent”. This stuck out to me a lot because I think I can tend to get caught up in the words being said and my meaning of them and less connected with the feelings and expression behind the words. A question he suggested we ask ourselves when listening to others was “What is being expressed behind the words being said?” We learned how to listen from the heart while being fully present. A major part of this was listening was resisting the urge to give advice. That’s where I knew there was a learning experience for me.

I talk to a lot of friends all the time. I tend to be someone my friends feel like they can talk to about meaningful situations. The thing is, I do find myself constantly giving advice, which I learned tonight that often while doing that you are more focused on listening with the intent to fix a problem versus just listening from the heart and connecting with the person talking. We have been trained all our lives to fix problems so it’s not surprising that it is the way most people listen. Because people tend to always come back to me for conversation, I often feel like my advice is worth giving, and truthfully maybe sometimes it is worth giving WHEN ASKED FOR, but I learned tonight that listening is one of the most important parts of connective communication.

At the end of the night we got into groups of three and we practiced talking, listening, and observing. Each person got a chance to do each. It was interesting to feel the drastic change in the energy when practicing each role and experience. Not only that, just relating to each other about how each of us felt being in each seat. Every time the group started a new conversation we started with focusing upon opening up into our authentic selves, setting an intention for that conversation according to what role we were in, and asking the spirits for help assisting us with our intention. 

When I was in the “client” seat, I think this was the “hot seat” for us all, I felt how hard it can be for me to open up, be vulnerable, and speak from an authentic place deep within. I spend so much time giving advice that I often avoid being the talker. As the client We had to talk for 17 minutes about something meaningful to us. As I realized I was going to be the client for the first role, my first thoughts were “What am I going to talk to these strangers about for 17 minutes” . Because I was the only one at the time that was expected to talk and share, I was able to feel that vulnerability of feeling open and naked but was forced to work through the fears I was having at the time and open up about something that was meaningful to me. While I got to experience how it felt to share and be vulnerable, at the same time I got to feel what its like to be truly listened to and connected with. By being in this role I felt more powerful in my need to step in that fear and express myself more in the relationships that I have.

While being in the “facilitator” aka a listener’s seat,  I was to listen while assisting to helping the “client” find their own answers by asking questions without giving advice. While sitting in this seat and listening to the client speak, I found the profound difference in “listening” and “hearing”. Most of the time I do a lot of hearing but not a lot of listening. I went into that seat with the intention to listen for the expression and less for the words. To also connect instead of seeking to solve a problem. My eyes opened a lot here because I felt I was able to connect with the client on such a profound level and just realizing how much I can miss out on with others because I’m not really listening from a place of love and connection. It also made me realize why TALKING to someone is so important. I do a lot of text or typing online with people and by doing that I am missing out on the key components of how listening is really effective. Through talking to someone, even better if it can be in person, you are able to feel the energy of what is being expressed in their tone and their meaning instead of just seeing words and attaching our own meaning to and tone to them.

Next time you are in a text conversation, it is very important to remember, as much as you think you are feeling and seeing what is being expressed, without the physical tone and energy of the other person talking, you really are ONLY attaching YOUR meaning to the words and what’s inside of YOU not them. Not only that, usually while texting, we are distracted at the same time so our attention is never fully present with the other person. I’ve learned to try to avoid trying to get into important conversations through text. Tell someone “I want to be able to be fully attentive and feel and connect with what you are saying, let’s talk on the phone or meet up in person”

And finally being the observer, It was nice to see and connect fully with the relationship of two people having effective communication. Watching one be vulnerable while the other listens with their heart. To experience that from an outside view was very eye-opening and leads to more clear intentions of what I want my relationships to feel and look like. It also gave me the opportunity to purely just listen and see without the expectation or intention to be involved but just feel. 

Overall, my experience of the first day was amazing and I can only imagine what the rest of the weekend, and year will feel like. As scared and nervous as I felt walking in versus how comfortable and safe as I felt walking out shows the power of a strong community of people and what a loving energy can give for someone. I can admit I had some judgement and assumptions towards the people in my group but that was immediately dissolved when I had the intention to feel their experiences. That one exercise that allowed me to feel a connection and similarity to the other two people in my group also allowed me to equally feel more connected with everyone in the room even though I had no conversation with them, and even those that I have relationships with outside of class and THAT is learning how to truly seeing the loving essence in everyone. 

I cant wait to see whats next!

Remember the last time you were in a meaningful conversation with someone. How well were you engaging in that communication? Were your intentions to fix a problem? Did you give advice? Did you feel what the person was feeling without judgement or assumptions? If you were the talker, were you able to be vulnerable and open? If not, what was stopping you?

Challenge: Next time you are in a meaningful conversation with someone in person and you are the listener, I want you to set the intention to just listen to them and feel what is being expressed behind the word. Connect and see yourself in that person. See them through the lenses of soul centered eyes. If you are the talker, open up and be vulnerable. Feel the fear and do it anyways. Notice how it feels to be listened to or NOT listened to and still connect and see yourself in that other person. Then come back and comment how having soul centered eyes and ears felt?

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments section below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

 

The Strength of REMAINING Vulnerable.

vulnerability

Sooooo this being vulnerable thing… it’s kinda hard! You know what’s harder…. remaining vulnerable. As I explained a few posts ago, vulnerability is opening your self up to the risk of being hurt. So what happens when you take that risk and you ARE hurt? Do you shut down with this “I told ya so” attitude, or do you keep moving forward promising to being vulnerable yet AGAIN?

I’ve practiced being more vulnerable this last couple weeks and I can tell ya, getting to that point where I knock the little devil off my shoulder and open myself up has been hard. For me, and I’m sure you too, one of the hardest areas to be vulnerable is when it comes to expressing how things make me FEEL. I emphasize the word FEEL because a lot of the times when we are asked how we feel about something we ignore our internal feelings and we express according to the outside factors.

I go to counseling once a week and she is constantly asking me “So how did that make you feel?”. For the longest time I would unknowingly skip over the question going off into some jibber jabber sounding sorta like this, “Well I felt like he didn’t care about my feelings”, “I feel like I am doing a good job”, “I feel like he is just so inconsiderate” “I feel like he was really thoughtful” ….  and then continuing on with some long winded story totally distracting her from the fact that I never answered the question….you know how it can be!

None of that describe my internal feelings. Did I express sadness, excitement, isolation, caring? Not at all. When I became more aware that this was what I was doing, I started to realize that it’s soooo much easier expressing our “feelings” about outside factors then it is to express what’s going on inside. It’s easier to judge or attack someone/something or even just hold in my feelings all together, assuming they don’t matter, then to expose myself leaving me open for possible attack or rejection.

One of the things I have realized over the years is that I want to develop deep meaningful connections with people. How else to do that then be vulnerable? Attacking, judging, staying silent, and assuming aren’t leading me closer to those connections though. It only takes me further away.

Relationships are about making connections. There’s no stronger connection then to be able to fully show up for each other. Here’s the thing though, how can you allow someone to show up for you if you aren’t exposing your true self? How can you show up for others if you aren’t expressing appreciation to their vulnerability. Just because we are vulnerable doesn’t mean the other person WILL in fact show up for us but at least through that we will know once and for all. If there is no connection we can then can conclude how the relationship is truly serving us. Or not serving us.

I am not used to this being vulnerable thing. Remember, I came to view it as a weakness. I became an assumer and assumed that my feelings didn’t matter or that someone else should know how I feel without me saying it. I became an attacker and attacked others for how I was feeling or got angry because I was letting them get to me. I became a judger and judged myself the most because if I felt rejected, I was “stupid” for opening up in the first place. But realizing that I want deep connections, I know that there is no other way than through my vulnerability. Being vulnerable is one of the beginning steps but REMAINING vulnerable is the key to success.

Now when I am in counseling  and she asks me how I feel, I consciously think about how I FEEL or felt and express that instead of some long winded story. When I want to send an angry condemning text to my fiance, I’m working on replacing it with my feelings instead. When I am going through WHATEVER I’m going through, I’m working on sharing on my blog, for what it is. It’s important for me to build meaningful connections with people.

It can seem pretty easy (or course only once you actually follow through) to think “I’m gonna be vulnerable in this moment” but its can be gut-wrenching to think “I’m going to continue to be vulnerable even though I just got hurt”.  Especially when you’re trying this thing out to see where it takes you. Taking the armor off isn’t easy. It’s heavy and you can’t always do it alone but as you keep going taking off layer after layer, eventually you’ll be fully naked. One of the scariest things in the world and takes lots of strength… But know that being naked is your TRUTH and you’ll comes to be a thousand times stronger then you ever were with that heavy load of crap covering you up. Full expression is your truth. Its how you came into this world. It’s the real you without out the cover-up. Believe it or not, more often than not, people prefer you naked. 😉 When you show you aren’t afraid to be naked you make others feel comfortable with being naked too!

ok, ok enough of the naked analogy before this gets x-rated… but you get the point! So here I am, taking off more layers! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride but those are the most fun right?

My question for you…. How are you allowing others to show up for you? How are you showing up for others? Remember, relationships involve the showing up of TWO (or more) people. Can you take a step and show your vulnerability?

I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone today!

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else. :)

xoxo,

 barista

12/21/12 : The Threshold to a New Beginning.

well well well, today is December 21, 2012. The apocalypse every one has waited for. I assume if you are reading this, we are still alive or you are the one of few that survived. Or maybe this is the year 3026 and someone found my computer under dirt. Just messing.

Anyways… so everyone thought the world is going to end today. But guess what? we’re still here as I’m sure you can tell. The Mayan calendar couldn’t go on to infinity ya know. And of course there’s those patterns of all the ages…prehistoric, dark, ice, etc that all end in some catastrophe. Well guess what, I believe this all to be true.

I wrote a note on Facebook a while back talking about how maybe the world IS going to end. Since you are still reading this, maybe your perspective on what END means has to change and in that is the foreshadow to what lies ahead. A massive shift in perception. One meaning of the word END means “the last part or extremity”. Instead of a physical end or the end to humanity, maybe this is just the end to an era we have lived in. I think we are leaving an era of sleep and awakening to the dawn of a new day.

We awaken to see the potential of the new era awaiting our arrival. December 2012 is thought to be the closing of a chapter and now we are shifting into the power of consciousness.

Some people who believe in astrology believe that the dates 12/12/12 and 12/21/12 are closely related. That 12/12/12 is the opening of a gateway with 12/21/12 being the final walk-through. Supposedly we should have been aware of what was happening with us on 12/12/12 as it if a foreshadow of where you are headed as you cross the threshold. Dang, wish I knew this ahead of time! There are now new possibilities seeded within and from this day forward you will never be the same. Anyone experience a big change or something interesting happen between these dates? I would love to hear about it if so!

Welcome to the era of Enlightenment. Remember to wear your sunglasses.
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The “Golden Age” has begun. Our awareness is being expanded as you read. We are now entering a world in which we will come closer to our true being. We start to connect with our high source and understand our purpose here. It is said that throughout this transformation, eventually, everything negative will be forgotten about and instead the new world will be filled with love, peace, and happiness. We probably wont live to see this perfect world, and our children may never either, but as our lineage extends on and on they will come closer and closer to this time. Isn’t it amazing to think that it all starts with US.

When we are born, we are born with the energy of Love. It is as natural as the breath we take. But over time we learned to love ourselves less and less. Some even eventually were led to believe love is dangerous. Well that is coming to an end. We are coming to experience that love is NOT dangerous. We are burning all we “thought” to be true and welcoming all we KNOW to be true. Love is the ANSWER not the problem. It starts with the love for ourselves.

We are alive today during this time period for a reason. We are the beginning of a new chapter. The fifth dimension. I don’t know about you but this is awesome. There is a lot of power in our hands now. The threshold is here and LOVE is the password. We will re-learn to love ourselves. And through that, teach and inspire our children who will then continue to pass the great gift. And although we may not be around to witness the human race collectively living in a world of peace, love, and happiness, we can make sure that we INDIVIDUALLY can witness peace, love, and happiness before our end. The world IS our perception anyways right?

I mean havent you noticed more and more people becoming attracted to some sort of consciousness. How many positive quotes do you see/read daily? How many blogs have you come across? How many conversations have you had? More people interested in changing the world. More people interested in yoga and meditating. More people becoming more spiritual and less religious. It seems like more and more people are going through a process of discovering their purpose. It’s more than just a fad.

Going back to the pure heart we once knew is probably one of the hardest things to do because through that journey we must go through a great deal. In order for lessons to be learned we must suffer. Be ready… all your shit is about to come up! But don’t worry because you will pass through these times, you will learn the lessons faster and faster, and in the end you will become a greater being for the sake of humanity.

I ask you, from this point forward, pay attention! notice the shifts happening around you. Pay attention to what comes up for you in your life. What you can learn. Pay attention to this things brought you way and the love you attract. Pay attention to the conversations you see or have. Pay attention to the shifts you go through. Lastly, Pay attention to your intuition! As that is your higher self speaking to you. LISTEN!!! Because after today, your world as you know it will never be the same.

xoxo,

barista

I’m Baaaaaack!

So I have been a little M.I.A (and no that’s not Miami) for the last month or so. So many changes have happened and truthfully I just didn’t make time for the blog. I beat myself up for it a bit but then realized that it’s ok to take a break! Sometimes when you take a break and sit out for a bit you can come back refreshed and brand new.

So upon starting this little post I decided that I want to really give my true authentic self. I know I have said this over and over andddd over again but it’s the part I struggle with when it comes to this blog. I worry so much about readers and followers that I don’t focus much on just allowing my inside to shine out. No expectations. When you have no expectations is when you can allow yourself to receive the highest results and most times that can come in ways we NEVER expected.

I decided it’s about time for me to start a routine to have that time to myself in order to touch on the feelings that are usually pushed aside. I realized that as in tuned with my SELF as I am, I am just as much out of tune. Ever get asked, “How are you feeling?” and your typical answer is “Good” or “I’m okay”. Do you even know that means to you? Do you REALLY know how you’re feeling? Can you accurately describe your feelings? How do you know you feel that way? What in your body is telling you so? These are questions most of us don’t even think about before uttering the expected “I’d doing good”. If you don’t know the answers then how do you know that how you describe to be feeling is even accurate to whats really going on? The only way to find out is to start investigating the truth behind the words.

As mentioned in my very first blog, I am an avoider. I avoid FEELING. So as part of my routine I want to start to meditate and sit with my feelings and write from my heart and from what I feel. This way it can come from a pure place, even if painful, instead of a place in which I need validation or recognition. I used to get so scared about writing… “what if I’m not good enough” but if I allow myself to write about whatever comes up I can do no wrong because that is what needs to be dealt with at that time.

I just finished my first mediation partially guided by a small script in Gabrielle Bernstein’s book “Add more -ing to your life”.  I downloaded some relaxing meditation music and just focused on breathing. I sat on my couch, put my hands to my side and took deep breaths in. I worked on focusing where the pain was coming from. At first I thought my stomach and I was trying to breathe through the pain. Then as I was doing that I started thinking “well why would it come from my stomach, shouldnt it be my heart or something”. There’s that expectation again. I wasn’t even sure if anything was really coming from my stomach either at that point.

After taking a few deep breaths, my head started to feel like it was floating and it started moving what felt very slowly but uncontrollably. It fell back against the couch and slowly was moving up and down , left and right. I immediately thought about “Ask and It Is Given” when Abraham got Esther’s attention and of course I then started trying to figure out if my head was making letters. Yup expectation again! When I caught myself I re-focused back on breathing and just allowing whatever was happening to just happen. It almost felt like a masseuse was guiding my head in circles trying to loosen it up and get my to just relax and let it in.

Maybe that was my answer… Maybe that is where my pain is located. In my head. Maybe in all my expectations. I will have to touch on that more but it was an enlightening experience none the less and led me to start up this post and come back to My Mornin Coffee. So here we go, with intention to let the expectations go, starting with this blog. This is not a “normal” post for me…there is no “message” but some times maybe there doesn’t need to be. Some times the words just need to be free with nothing in mind but to glide. And I will allow that to be ok.

Thanks for having me back!

xoxo,