My Truth: Overcoming Denial

So sometime last week I read this amazing article from Hands Free Momma called “How to Miss a Childhood”. It made me wanna cry. The website was started by this mother whom decided that she had missing out on the important things in life because of daily distractions. So she committed to going “Hands Free” and was going to admit to one daily distraction a day that she was going to overcome to live the life she wanted. This particular article was about people’s relationships to their cell phones compared to their relationship to their kids. How easy it is to miss a childhood, or even other important relationships, when you are too involved in other distractions.

For this mother to be able to start her website she first had to overcome a harsh reality she was feeling. This reality for her was that she was doing stuff that was causing her to miss out on the most important parts of her life. She had to overcome the denial. She had to sit in her darkness. If you can not sit in your darkness, you will NOT be able to heal properly. You will NOT be able to change. You will NOT be able to grow.

There are three types of denial. Simple Denial, Minimization, and Projection. When using Simple Denial it is hard for you to actually see the problem all together. One can point it out to you but you denial the problem even exists at all. Minimization is when you recognize the problem but minimize the seriousness of the problem. This is paired with rationalization. And Projection is when you can identify the problem, admit the seriousness of it, but fail to take full responsibilty for it. In most cases, trying to push, aka project,  the cause of the problem on other people.

My Story: This article hit me really hard on the head because it was really close to home. I have a problem, not only with my cell phone, but with technology in general. My addiction to these things have also been causing me to miss out on a childhood. That of my son.  I remember when my son was about 6 months old and I had been living with my mother for about three months at the time and I was searching for a job. I remember I would sit my son in his jumper, turn on cartoons,  and sit on the computer practically ALL day. My excuse was that I had to look and apply for jobs. Which yes I was indeed doing but I was also doing a lot of other things that were just wasting time and distracting me. I remember for a short moment one time looking at my son and thinking that I was a bad mother because I was sitting at home every day on the computer while I just sat him in front of the TV and that I couldn’t continue to do this everyday BUT at the same time I really did have to look for a job, while also facebook/myspcae, download music, make CDs, write in my blog, etc. I wasnt taking advantage of the time I had not working to actually spend more time with my baby and playing with him and taking in his growth. I got a job but then shortly after had moved to LA leaving me again without a job. So back to the old drawing board. Sitting my son in front of a TV while I sat on the computer all day “looking for a job”.  This lasted about another two months. I got another glimpse of what was going on caused me to join a mother’s group in order to get out of the house and start meeting people and take my son out to make and play with other kids. This was great as long as I was out of the house, but again, every time I was home I was back on the computer. I had used the work excuse so much that even when I wasn’t working my son thought. I then got another job and my son was back in daycare. When I would come home from work, my son and my boyfriend would be home and I would sit on the computer while my boyfriend watched TV and my son would be in another room watching cartoons. This went on for a long time. I remember “knowing” the problem but I had spent so long minimizing it that I just continued to do so. I remember one day literally thinking about how when he was 6 months I had thought I need to pay more attention to him and here he was now 3 years old and I am thinking the same thing. MY SON WAS ALREADY 3 YEARS OLD. I then moved in projection. I knew the problem, I knew the seriousness, but I denied the responsibility. I started projecting my issue my boyfriend for not being a good enough dad. I mean although I was on the computer all day, HE was also not paying attention. He was the one watching TV all day. HE wasn’t playing with him either. I’M not being a bad mother, HE was being a bad dad. I mean after all, I was “working” on the computer. Editing pictures for clients while he was just watching sports. Therefore I was justified.

Do you think that projecting the problem on to him was changing the problem? No!!! Was it changing the fear of how I was feeling about myself? NO!!! I was taking responsibility off of me but the problem continued to exist. Maybe we both did have a problem with the TV and computer, but how was focusing on HIS problem changing THE problem. The real problem was that my son wasn’t getting enough attention he deserved from both of us. The real problem was that I was feeling like a bad mother. The real problem is that I was escaping some part of my reality with my addiction to these things. Regardless of the justifications on my part, there was a darkness I was trying to avoid. 

 I was always afraid to admit to my counselor that we push our kid into the room to watch TV all night. I didn’t want her to think I was a bad mom. I didn’t want her to judge me. So instead I spent some of my time complaining about how much my boyfriend wasn’t a good dad and judging him. Finally one day, after opening the fear about other things, I had finally admitted that I felt like a bad mom. Something I  never wanted to admit before. The darkness I had avoided. I began to take responsibility for the issue I was causing. All this time I was blaming my boyfriend for being a bad dad, I felt like I was being a bad mom. Does this mean that my boyfriend TV watching wasnt also an issue when it came to the lack of attention to my son? NO I still thought it was an issue, but focusing on him only delayed what I needed to do to fix my part and heal the part of me I needed to heal. I had to utter the ugly words that I was a bad mom and that I had missed my son grow up. I had to admit that I wasn’t giving him the attention he deserved. I had to see that he had been literally begging me for attention these years. I had to stop justifying the problem. I had to SIT with the bad ugly feelings I had tried to push down. I had to really be vulnerable.

By finally admitting that my fears about being a bad mother and the ways my issue were having negative effects on my son, it was only then that I was able to start dissecting not only the causes of my addiction, which im learning is the unhappiness of my life,  but work effectively on ways to become better and feel better. I am now able to more actively pay attention to when the issue is taking effect and begin to commit to making the changes necessary to be the mom I want to be. Guess what happens when I start to focus on my problems, I can then inspire a change in my boyfriend as well. For the record, we have both discussed that we both have this issue and through recognizing and changing our own behaviors we in fact inspire each other.

The first step towards any type of healing is to get your head out of the sand. Denial. This is true for healing after a death, healing from an illness, healing from addiction, healing from pain of a past relationship. We ALL live in denial every single day of our lives. It has become a natural defense mechanism when one is faced with a truth that is too uncomfortable to accept. Sitting in the darkness will allow you to see the light. We all spend time trying to ditch the darkness because we can’t see the beauty in it. The first thing we want to do when entering a dark room is to turn on a light. What happens when you actually just sit in the dark? Your eyes begin to adjust and you start to see the natural light. That light bulb you turn is only temporary. When you turn it off what are you still left with? Darkness. When you learn you can see without the light bulb, you realize you don’t need it anymore. Now although true, I am only using this as a metaphor. I don’t expect everyone to start throwing away all their light bulbs and walking around in the dark. In this circumstance, the lightbulb = your denial.

It is time to face your fears about yourself. It is time to become vulnerable. What are those ugly, scary, thoughts about yourself that you fear saying aloud? I am hurting, I am not a good friend, I want to be loved, I am not good enough, I am scandalous, I am a cheater, I am afraid, I am a liar, I am an abuser, I am a jerk!!  Remember just because you say them and feel them don’t mean they are THE TRUTH. Just because you can act a certain way doesn’t mean you ARE that way. The light that you begin to see after sitting with this darkness is the truth. But you wont be able to see the truth without facing your fears and overcoming the denial.

We all have ugly, scary thoughts about ourselves. We constantly live in denial about these issues. We justify why they aren’t problems. We project our fears and issues on to others. SO the question is, how do we recognize something if we are in denial about it? Well pay attention to what is going on around you. Pay attention to negative emotions. Sadness, grief, anger, stress. Pay attention to your thinking about yourself and others. Judgement, criticism, incessant thinking. Pay attention to your addictions. Watching TV, eating, drinking, sex, overworking. These things are an alarm. Every time you ignore them you push the snooze button. It might let you sleep a little longer but eventually, if you want to live a fulfilled life, you need to wake up. Until you recognize the reason the alarm is going off, you won’t want to turn it off. Do you want to wake up? One of the best things you discover from sitting in your darkness, is realizing that other people have their own darkness/fears as well and with understanding and relating to yourself you can then begin to understand and relate to others making all your relationships better.

My challenge for you is to pay attention to times in which you feel you NEED to justify something or the times you are projecting negative feelings towards someone else’s actions. Then take an HONEST look at what’s really going on. What are you covering up? Don’t punish yourself for feeling and acting a certain way, use this discovery and admittance as a push in the direction you need to go in to become a better you. Face it, without overcoming denial you will never be able to be the best you. Let me know what you discover!?

xoxo,

Mini Goal Monday: Are You Ready?

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

So today is a good Monday for me. You know why? I lost 6lbs this last week. I worked hard to do it too so I am very excited. It seems like a lot but I packed on a good amount of weight the previous weekend from going crazy on the junk food so I think it was a little easier to lose so much. We are down to the wire though so I have worked EXTRA hard to meet my goals. I hate very healthy last week, yes i had a few cheats of candy but it was VERY minimal, I did the workout videos in the mornings, and I went to the gym 4 times and did a lot of cardio. And guess what, it allll paid off very nicely and was the motivation I needed to keep going this week.

Something funny I did last week that FORCED me into the gym was a checked-in to the gym on my Facebook and I wrote “I give permission for anyone to slap me if you do not see me check in to the gym 4 times this week” and I can promise you, THIS is the main reason I made sure I was at the gym 4 times. When I wrote that I had the days I was gonna go planned out but forgot I was going out of town. Well I had to make sure when I was out of town to get to the gym for check in #4. I really did feel accountable and worried that someone would have come up and slapped me 🙂

Last weeks Mini Goal Monday was about the difference between people who believe their goals will happen and people who have doubt their goals can happen. I later read an article that was amazing about it needing to be the right time to kick habits. If it’s not the right time, you won’t kick it and not only that you will continue to down yourself for not doing so. The article was called “Don’t Kick the Habit”  written by Lissa Rankin and it was featured on my ultimate favorite website The Daily Love. If you are a fan of my Facebook page you may have already read this, if not I suggest you do now.

Here is what she writes:

Don’t try to stop smoking. Don’t give up booze. Don’t throw out your pot. Don’t ditch the donuts.

While you’re at it, don’t join the gym.  Don’t try to meditate every day.  Don’t promise to get over your money issues. Don’t resolve to lose twenty pounds.

Don’t quit the job you hate. Don’t leave your deadbeat boyfriend.  Don’t try to be a better mother/ daughter/ friend. Don’t give up internet porn.

Don’t finish that novel. Don’t sign up for that art class. Don’t declutter your house. Don’t get out of debt.

When you make promises to yourself before you’re ready to make big change, you just prove to yourself what you’ve suspected all along – that you don’t have the willpower, you’re not trustworthy and you never follow through on your word.

You pay big bucks to Jenny Craig, but you never follow the program. You sign up for the art class, but you don’t start painting. You look at your computer, but you don’t write your novel. You look up 12 step programs but then you never go. You sign up for that green juice cleanse and then you never cleanse. You pay the $99 every month, but you don’t actually go to the gym. You make a budget but then you don’t follow it. You break up with your boyfriend and two days later, you sleep with him. You try to quit your job until they offer you a raise and you get sucked in again.

Every time you make a promise to yourself that you don’t keep, you feel like shit. And when you feel like shit, what do you do? You smoke that cigarette/ eat that ice cream/ start jonesing for that drug or that sex or your couch potato lifestyle. When you make promises to yourself that you don’t keep, you make the habit worse.

Instead, wait until you’ve decided it’s really time.

Draw the line in the sand.

Refuse to accept anything less than 100% recovery.

Know that this time, it’s for real. And mean it.

Trust that once you decide you’re really ready, it will be easy. You’ll break the habit in a blink. You’ll never look back.

But until you’re 1000% on board with your decision, don’t kick the habit. Give yourself permission to buy that pack of cigarettes or that bottle of wine or that blunt. Love yourself as you smoke or drink or get high. Love yourself as you lounge on the sofa and binge on potato chips. Love yourself as you overspend, overindulge, oversex, overgive, overprocrastinate. Cancel the gym membership. Drop out of the art class. Close your computer.  Get off the scale. Inhale all the way.

And love yourself just as you are, for every little flaw that makes you who you are, for better or for worse.

When you do, something magical will happen. At some point, when you least expect it, in the midst of this love-fest, a spark will catch fire. The flame will grow. The light will outshine the darkness. The darkness will no longer be able to resist the light.

When you love yourself so much, in spite of your imperfections, you will hit a point on some future day, and it will come when you least expect it. It won’t be a resolution or a promise or anything they make you do in rehab. It will come from within, and it will be easy – and it will be permanent.

One day, you will love yourself so much that you will decide you’re done with the habit, you’re ready to accomplish the goal, and the time is now.

It will happen effortlessly, and you will never look back.

If that time isn’t here yet, you will never succeed in quitting, no matter how much you try to convince yourself you want to quit. Your failure will be guaranteed, and then you will prove to yourself – once again – what a loser you are.

But you’re not a loser, my love. You just haven’t decided yet. And that’s okay. I forgive you, so please forgive yourself.

Until you decide the time is now, you might as well give yourself permission to enjoy that cigarette, to breathe it in, to breathe it out, and to throw your arms out as you do…

Is now the time?

Loving you just the way you are

I think this article is awesome is makes VERY good points. Everyone has their own time and the perfect time can only be figured out by them. If there is something in your life that you want to change, only you have the power to make it happen and if you are not ready, you will not change. So the power then lies in understanding yourself and knowing yourself enough to know when you are ready. In many people’s lives will come the turning point of when you face “Do I want to continue my life this way?” or “I want my life to be better, I deserve better”. For some people it can be when they are 14 years old for others it can be at 60 years old. Sadly for some it may never happen. This is your changing point and when you hit it, you will know it and you will go full force. So the question now becomes “ARE YOU READY?”

 

Mini Goals:
*Continue with my workout/eating regimen
*Do some itinerary planning for my trip to  New York next week
*Finish editing pictures from my mini sessions for clients to see by Sunday
*HAVE A GOOD WEEK!!! 

xoxo,

If you wanna be HAPPY you have to GIVE UP.

I know, I know…I’ve been laggin on the post lately. I promise I will get to something juicy soon. But for now I was reading a post from Purpose Fairy and I thought it was pretty convienant given conversations I’ve had with friends over the last few days. The post was called “15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy”.

Happiness is the purpose of life. If you aren’t happy, you aren’t doing it right. Humans are creatures of habit. We create certain habits for the purpose of many different things. The outcome can give us pleasure, can give someone else pleasure, protect us… Some of these habits developed wayyyyy when you were a little kid. Now do you think its logical that what was best at the time for a 2 year old is best for a 30 year old? Even a 14 year old and a 30 year old? Most likely not. When things have been habit for so long though, years upon years,  it can hard to recognize what just isn’t doing you any service anymore. It is time to free yourself.

Well in the article I read they list 15 things that one has to give up if they want to start being happy. Pure and LASTING happiness always starts from inside. Here are the ideas:

1. Give up your need to always be right

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
 Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Which of these steps are you guilty of? How is it working out for you? How much happiness has it ended up costing you? There comes a time when you have to weigh your options and realize your happiness is important, and in the end, what we all strive for. If you aren’t happy NOW in the present, when are you going to be happy? The present is ALLLL you’ve got. So do what makes you happy NOW and I promise it will lead to actions that will cause you to be happy in the future. If that leads you to somewhere off the path of what you’re plans were, let it, at least you know it’ll lead you to somewhere you want to be.

My challenge is to be mindful in the steps above and how you contribute to them…where they take you…and try to let them go and just EXPERIENCE the difference and how it works out for you. 🙂 When you can be happy inside, you can them start to fully accept happiness from others and better yet, spread happiness to others. Your happiness is in the palm of YOUR hand.

xoxo,

Mini-Goal Monday: Mindset

Here we are again at Monday. How did everyone’s goals go? I can tell you how mine went didn’t go. They did not go as planned at all…again! I started thinking about what is holding me back and it started becoming clear that it was my mindset. I can’t sit here and lie and say that my mindset is 100% focus on that I can complete my weight loss challenge. I mean I can count many times in the past in which I have said “This summer is going to be the summer”. I’m pretty sure it’s at least been the last 4… ever since I had my son. Then every summer passes me by and yet again I don’t meet my goals. I started thinking, maybe I’m just not THAT person that is meant to lose weight. Maybe only certain people have that motivation it takes to go to the gym all the time, eat healthy, stay fit. I am not one of those.

Could you see how having those thoughts in the back of my head could prevent me from ever reaching my goal. My mindset is that I am not worthy of the results that I want. If your beliefs determine your behavior then it is NO FAIL that I won’t meet me goals.

Last January I started a weight loss contest in which if I made it, I would have gotten $5,000. I didn’t have to “WIN” the contest I just had to lose 30lbs. I had even spent two weeks gaining 8lbs, which was oh-so-very FUN, just so I could have 30lbs to lose in the first place. I thought that money was a VERY good motivator in finally being able to reach the goal. The end date was Memorial Weekend which was perfect because it’s the kick-off to summer. So it’s not a coincidence that’s the same goal this year.

I started off great, lost 6lbs the first week. Of course probably part of the weight I had gained for fun but it still made me very excited. In the back of my head I was thinking though “This is just the extra weight, I’ll believe it when I get under 140lbs”, because this seemed to have been my stable weight since I had stopped playing sports. We had to send in a picture every sunday along with our current weight. At ANY time during the contest we could be asked for photo proof of our weight (picture of us standing on scale) and at ANY time we could be kicked out for not consistently losing weight. Yet another good motivator. Every week I was losing an average of 1.5lbs a week. One day I got to 137 and I couldn’t believe it. Literally. Then sirens were really starting to sound “Ok I’m probably not going to get less than this” . Since I had not been less than 140lbs for years, this belief was ruling my head. Discounting how hard I actually worked to lose the 18lbs I had just lost.  Guess what? After I reached 137lbs, I didn’t lose a single pound after that. I was going to the gym at 5 times a week and went down to 3 times. I had stopped counting my calories on my phone app. Basically whatever was working for me before, I had stopped. For three weeks I was the same weight. And then…. I got kicked out of the contest. After that it was over and I hadn’t lost weight since. I had actually went back up to the magical 140lbs and for the  most part I had stayed the same for a long time, which was REALLY good that I didn’t gain all 18lbs back but still again I was unable to reach my goal and discouraged for the rest of the summer year.

When you think back to any times where you goals were unmet, can you remember what your mindset was? Do you remember having doubt that you could fulfill it? Could you see how that doubt, even if FAR back in your brain, could determine your behavior?

All those people who are reaching their goals aren’t supernatural. The only difference between them and you is that they believe they can make it to the end. Their brains work in positive mode not doubtful or negative mode. This weekend someone told me, “Good things happen to good people” and although I agree with this, I believe good things happen to those that believe they will. There are plenty of good people who don’t have good things happen, and there are plenty of not-so-good people whom have good things happen to them. Now how long these good things last, we will leave up to Karma! This is the secret though people. You can create WHATEVER life you want if you have the correct mindset. The people who are reaching their goals and getting where they want in life believe this.

The real goal is to KNOW that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. My challenge to you is to pick one of the hardest things it has been for you to complete, mine is reaching my goal weight, and BELIEVE that you will get there. Commit to making it to the end, even if you have to extend it a bit, and GET THERE. I promise, if you can complete your hardest goal, your life will FOREVER change. Your motivation towards life and all things you want will increase because you will know that you can get it. There aren’t people out there that are more or less deserving then you, we ALL deserve the things we want in life. There is enough abundance in this world to make everyone happy. It is all in your mindset. If you KNOW you can have it, it’s simple….YOU WILL!!! When you catch yourself thinking or saying “It’s not going to happen”, STOP YOURSELF and say “YES IT WILL”

So what is your hardest goal to complete??

 

xoxo,

Mini Goal Monday: Keep Going

HAPPY MONDAY!!! I hope everyone had a fantastic week and weekend. Mine was very full and I am still tired so my post today is going to be short. Here we are at check-in once again, how did you do with meeting your mini goals? Mine went eh, I did pretty good at accomplishing them until the weekend hit. I went out of town and the goals I had set had this in mind but I did not commit to them as much as I needed to to lose the weight I wanted to. I don’t need to go into great detail but let’s say I didn’t meet ALL my goals and I did not lose 2lbs this week.

Now last week at check in I had met all my mini goals plus lost the weight I needed to do. Therefor I know my previous plans, when met, will get me to where I want to be. So as of now, as far as my weight loss and getting in shape goes, I have done all the steps in order to have a successful plan. Where I am lacking is the “doing” part of the plan. So really, it’s about re-evaluating how much I really want my bigger goal maybe going back to step one and building that deep desire for reaching it. This also brings me back to the topic of Integrity and doing what I need to do specifically because I said I would.

Now the only option I see from this point for me is to not fret about what I did not do last week but to instead focus more on what I need to do this week. The past is in the past and I can’t go back. I can only look forward.

Whatever your goals are I hope you are doing great. If not, keep going!!! Evaluate how you are using the 6 steps. So by now I think we all get the point of what my weight loss mini goals are for the next few weeks so I am not going to continuously state them on here. Right now I am going to make some new goals for this week.

Mini Goals:
* Have a successful blog
-write at least 3 posts this week (every other day) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday all before bed the previous night.
*Have a fun birthday party for my son
-Get invitations out to my son’s school friends on Tuesday morning regarding his birthday party
*Have good turn out for jewlery party at my house
-Get more invitations out to my friends tonight
*Run a successful photography business
-Finishing editing pictures from a photo shoot I did last week by Friday
-Send out Client CD and Print Tuesday Morning in mail
-Send client invoice today by 3:00pm and get her CD in mail Tuesday
*Be a good friend
-Call and catch up with two friends on the phone after work on Monday.
*Be Happy
-HAVE A GOOD DAY!

You can see I have other goals in my life so I briefly stated what they were and what I can do this week to work towards those bigger goals. Feel free to leave your “To-do” list below!!!

xoxo,

Tony Robbins: 5 Ways to Live a More Courageous Life

Good Morning All,

Today I snagged an article off from Oprah’s Lifeclass that I thought was an amazing read. We are probably all familiar with Tony Robbins. If not, then I recommend you become familiar. He is one of the most inspirational motivational speakers around. If you want to change your life, you listen to him!!!

Well Oprah’s Lifeclass is on tour right now and Tony Robbins is a big part of that tour. She has an article on her website right now called “Tony Robbins: 5 Ways to Live a More Courageous Life” . Below are his 5 tips to “step up during intimidating moments”

1. Don’t Turn an Excuse into an Identity
We need be careful of how we label ourselves, for example, saying “I’m an fearful person” or “I’m a weak person” or “I’m not a strong person.” Usually that label comes from your current or past behavior, but once the label becomes a part of you, it starts to control you. So what I try to get people to understand is: Hey, you’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. You don’t need a label. All you need to do is say, “I have to decide how I want to be now going forward.”

2. Develop a Habit
Courage is not the absence of fear. That idea is the biggest b.s. in the world. Fear is impossible to eradicate. If you were completely fearless, you’d be dead. People who are courageous are scared to the core—they just make themselves go forward anyway; they make themselves take some kind of action. Taking action, even though you’re afraid, is how you become courageous—because courage, like fear, is a habit. The more you do it, the more you do it, and this habit—of stepping up, of taking action—more than anything else, will move you in a different direction.

3. Let Your Body Lead the Way
Taking that action for the first time can be pretty rough. When it comes time to give the speech to the committee or snowboard down the mountain, don’t hesitate. Don’t start to analyze it. The longer you stand there, the harder it gets, because then your mind gets involved. If your challenge is mental, use your body. If it’s in the body, use your body more aggressively. At 17 years old, I was on my own, sleeping in a laundry room. I had no idea what to do. I was so depressed. Fear is physically debilitating. I had to defeat it. So I made myself run until I thought I was going to spit up blood. I got stronger in my body, which, in turn gave me mental strength.

4. Write Your List
Everyone has stages in their life when they have been courageous. It could be in a relationship or in a job. It could be as simple as negotiating with a car salesman. Write down a list of these moments, times when you acted braver than you thought you could. Some of these you may take for granted because you didn’t recognize them as courage at the time; you were merely doing what had to be done. Others may surprise you. But once you look at them all together, there’s always a pattern. You got obsessed with something you really wanted. Or you were concerned for another person. Or you knew you had the skills. You might have been scared to death, but you got up and did it. And here’s the secret: Once you see the common denominator, you start to realize, “I know what motivates me. I can do this again, in different situations.” Your use of courage ripples out. You start applying it in more and more areas of your life.

5. Remember to Stretch
If you want to live a life that’s courageous, you’ve got to stretch, and to stretch means: When I can’t, I must. Every time you say, “I can’t do it,” you’re going to immediately say, “I must do it.” This is simple idea. I heard it first at age 16 from a close family friend named Art Williams. At the time, I asked, “Does that mean if I can’t jump off the cliff, I must go ahead and jump?” He said, “You’re not a stupid person, Tony. Don’t be stupid. It means if you find yourself saying I can’t do something, but you know it in your heart of hearts that if you do it you’re going to grow, you’re going to be a better person, it’s going to contribute to your family or to your kids or to something that matters, and you keep saying I can’t do it, there is no question—you must do it. You don’t discuss it anymore. You just take immediate action. You make the phone call. You step up in front of the room. You raise your hand. You do what’s necessary.” And I said, “That’s not a very safe life.” And he said, “If you want safety, go to prison. If you want a fulfilled life, you’ve got to step up.”

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Tony-Robbins-How-to-Live-Courageously#ixzz1r5raYssn