Are You Suffocating Your Flame?

One day a couple of months ago I started thinking about the possibility of going back to school. I have been interested in going back for a couple of years now but had wandered from niche to niche trying to discover what I was most passionate about. I received my Bachelor’s in Psychology back in 2006 and have not really done anything with it since.

After graduating I decided I wanted to take a year from school and just live and enjoy myself without any added pressure for once in my life. I swore I was not going to be one of those people who said they were going to take a year and never come back… I felt really determined that going back to school was my goal and I was going to return. Well a year has turned into 7 years.

After years and years of entering job after job, starting but never finishing venture after venture, I have come to discover that I have been subconsciously scared of my success. Sounds kinda silly huh? But it’s actually quite common for many people.  Especially the closer you get to achieving your goals. Most people can relate to feeling scared of failure but I believe the two definitely go hand in hand. As much as some of us are afraid of not being good enough, we can also be afraid to shine our light bright. But why?

We feel we don’t deserve it. We are scared of change. We feel guilty because others around us aren’t achieving. We feel like once we reach success, we don’t be able to sustain it. We want to avoid being seen as show-offs or conceited. There is fear that others will envy or hate us, which in turn will leave us lonely and unloved. . The thing is, we witness things like envy and hate on others everyday, sometimes we’re even the ones judging. 

I know that change creates more change and I worry that if I change, the relationships around me can’t help but change as well. The fear comes from not knowing how and this fear creates a sort of suffering. The thing is I feel like once we have experienced growth and witnessed miracles, we create more suffering by NOT changing. The light is lit inside but we spend so much energy covering it or hiding it, afraid that it’ll be put out, that we are doing nothing but suffocating it, stealing the oxygen it needs to grow, in return slowly putting it out ourselves.  

As with everything, there is always a pay-off we are receiving that keeps us continuing the path we do, even if they act is a bad one. What is my pay-off for remaining powerless? “At least I can control the situation more” “I can’t lose if I don’t try” “No worry about obtaining success and not knowing what to do with it” “I can save my money instead of risk losing it” “My relationships with people can stay the same” and one of the biggest pay-offs being, “I am comfortable and don’t have to feel vulnerable”.

Once you identify your fears, you can start to work through them and surrender to the outcome.  I looked into the University of Santa Monica back in June of this year. I attended an introduction into their program of Spiritual Psychology. I had never been so amazed in my life that a program like theirs exists. It was RIGHT up my alley. Everything I believe in, work towards, want to achieve,..all taught and mastered through their Masters Program. And what?? I can get a Masters too?!?!? Sounded so good to be true. I immediately knew that it was something I had to go through with. I have never felt so alive and motivated upon leaving that meeting. I just KNEW that school was for me. I even was mad I had not found or heard of it sooner. (BUT I also know if I had, I wouldn’t have been in the place I am in now to appreciate it).

I came home and couldn’t stop smiling, knowing that I had discovered my next step.  Hmmmm, now to take it. THAT was the challenge. I started my registration form and then all the fears come creeping into my head. “How am I going to pay for this?” “What if I can’t get three letters of recommendation?” “Will I be able to do this, work, get married, have more kids, and maintain the home at the same time?” “What if I don’t get in?” “What if I commit and then can’t continue” “Is this really reasonable?” I’ll admit some of those fears were powered by fear of failure, but because of how powerful I felt in my heart about this program, I realized more of it was coming out of my fear of actually coming to a successful place along my path.

I have had a lot of ideas over the years, started a lot of ventures of my own, but never fully following through with any of them. Over the last 3 months I saw this going down the same road.  Having been immersed in the things I love and continuing to grow over the years, witness the miracles that happen to others that are conquering their fears, even being a huge part of that very process in others lives. I have become nothing but more and more passionate about what I want to be doing with my life. I KNOW that I don’t want to settle. And I have come to truly believe that once you know this TRUTH, there is no looking back. There is no giving up. There is no backing down. As much as you try to cover that light, your passion becomes its gasoline and if you don’t move your hands, it will burn you eventually, forcing you to get out of your own way, until it can do nothing less than SHINE the way it’s meant to.

Classes start in the beginning of October. “Maybe next year will work out better” “Next year will only come with different excuses”. The fears that were stopping me from moving forwards were slowly becoming trumped by my fears of how I will feel if I don’t move forward. I came to an epiphany that the ONLY thing in my way was myself. It wasn’t money, it wasn’t support, it wasn’t time. It was just me and my limiting thoughts. And I CONTROL that. FEAR isn’t real. Grasping that thought is one of the most powerful realizations one can have. I have seen over and over miracles happen through the faith of letting go and surrendering. Why would it be different with me in this instance? How will I know if I don’t try? I believe things will work out exactly how they are supposed to. If anything, I needed this space to realize how powerful I truly am. I’ll take it!

This week I am finishing up with the application process. I got my transcripts sent, 2 of 3 letters of recommendations sent so far, finishing up my essay, and paying for my deposit. I felt the fear and I’m doing it anyway. The pure intentions are there, the flame of passion is burning, now all I have to do is SHOW UP!  This is it!!!! This is the moment, yet again, where changes will take place and life will open up. IM READY!!!

I leave you with a favorite quote:

 MarianneWilliamsom-Quote

Are you suffocating your light? What can you do to let it shine today?

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments section below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

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Marie Forleo – How To Get Anything You Want

I wish I could post the actual video on here, but I can only share the link. It’s Marie Forleo’s (creator of B-School) video about “How To Get Anything You Want”.

It’s worth watching!!! check it out and her other videos… she’s awesome

http://www.marieforleo.com/htgayw/

xoxo,

barista

 

 

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Creating “Miracles” from Juicing

After 93 hours of juice fasting, I had my first full meal on Friday night. I went into the fast with the “I’ll TRY” attitude and never really intended to make it through 7 days. Hell I never though I’d make it far past 1 day but I did a whole heck of a lot better than I imagined. I also feel like I learned so much in the time period I did it.

1

The first two days for me were soooooo incredibly hard. You already read how the first day went, well day 2 went pretty similar. I had the same typical obsessive thoughts about food and relating the WANT to taste and chew something to the thought of starvation. More headache and a little light-headedness. I started the morning sipping a juice and had another smoothie at lunchtime which held me over the rest of the work day. I then came home and got ready for the gym. This time I was able to get into a Zumba class so I didn’t have to worry so much about doing boring cardio and thinking about food the whole time.

My son had come to the gym with me and afterwards he wanted some food from Chick-Fil-A. They do have some of the best chicken nuggets I’ve tasted so I knew this was going to be hard. While in the line I was thinking “Maybe I’ll just get the three-piece chicken tenders”. I ordered his food and the attendant ask the closing question, “Would you like anything else?”. As much as I wanted to order me some tenders, I replied “No, that’s it”. I was proud of myself for not giving in. Or as I like to say, telling my “fuck it” brain to fuck off!

He was eating in the back seat and by the time he got home he said he was done. I put him to bed and went back downstairs to check out the left over food. There was one chicken nugget and some french fries. I wanted to throw it all away but my mind got the best of me and I ate the chicken nugget. Knowing that I was going against what I had wanted, I took the french fries and fed them to the dogs. I then went upstairs and went to bed. The funniest thing happened next

I was asking my boyfriend how he was doing with the fast, he said he was fine. I asked him if he had any food at all. He said no at first and then I was telling him how someone had eaten the nuts that were in the pantry. He then broke down and said “Ok, I ate some”. I laughed and said “Oh, so you lied to me”. He answered saying that he was lying to himself. Isnt that something familiar? I’m pretty sure we all try to lie to ourselves about certain things. We act as if we can believe the lie then maybe whatever it is didn’t really happen or exist. We try to make ourselves feel better, not by accepting the truth, but trying to believe a lie.

It was funny because the next thing I said was “OK FINE, I had one of the chicken nuggets”. It was like we both wanted to lie, but honestly it felt so good to tell the truth. It was so funny at the same time because here we are both admitting to eating very small portions of food as if it were bad and we didn’t want to go to hell. There was no judging, we laughed about it and went to sleep.

After I made it past day 1 and 2, I was figuring day 3 was my goal. I wanted to make it through 3 days and see how I felt. Day 3 was a breeze. I hadn’t really thought much about eating at all. I felt like I had the most energy I’ve had in the earlier 2 days and my “starvation” had gone away. I heard usually  after 2-3 days the hunger goes away and I wanted to know if that was true and how not being “hungry” after 3 days of not really eating anything felt.  I felt awesome I and I felt like I had reached my point of satisfaction.

Since we are telling the truth here, ONE of the main reasons I was interested in starting the fast was to lose weight. I had gained weight and was 10 lbs heavier than normal. After spending the last couple months binge eating and eating horribly, the calories had got me. So I was excited to lose a few pounds, especially before leaving for Bali in a few days. The other reason was still true though, I wanted to challenge my discipline and get my control  back. After these last few days, became just an added bonus to what I really got out of it.

I knew that food had a hold on me. During that time period I was gaining ten pounds, I knew so many times when I had eaten stuff I knew inside I didn’t really want to eat but had given in to what I played off as a “weakness”. Its amusing when you actually notice those moments in which you have to make a decision either go towards what your inner self is aligned to or go against it. One of the most important steps in making any type of change is being able to recognize those moments. Do I continue down the path of which I am used to, or do I choose something different? Choosing the path you are used to is usually the easy choice. Usually when it’s easy, you aren’t learning. That moment you decide to choose something different then what you are used to, you have created, what Gabrielle Bernstein would call a “miracle” and you have opened the door to learn something new.

choice_preview

Throughout this process I’ve had  a few of those moments. The first 20 minutes I was in work I had this moment while staring at chocolate. In 9/10 cases I would have chosen to eat the chocolate. I debated over it in my head and I chose to do something different. I chose to stay on the path in which I wanted to follow. And guess how I knew that was the right path? Because it felt good! I didn’t regret my decision and I didn’t feel bad about it. One of the sure-fire ways to know you are aligned is…YOU FEEL GOOD! A few times I gave in and did what I would normally do. When I ate the pineapple on day 1, I was in that moment and decided to go against myself. I knew the moment right before I chose to eat it that I was eating it because I was making a “fuck it” choice. Something inside of me KNEW that I didn’t need it, that I didn’t want it, that eating it wasn’t aligned to my true choice but that part of me that is used to giving in, gave in.

During the time that I was fasting, especially after making it through day 1 and 2, I realized that I have so much more control over my choices then I give myself credit for. Even through the moments I gave in, there is something to be said about taking responsibility over those choices as well. Realizing that every moment I have a choice and taking full responsibility for my choices, even if they are against my inner self, gives me a sense of freedom. Cutting the excuses and releasing the blame can be very empowering.

Being able  to get through these few days showed me that all the excuses and blame I placed on why my eating habits were the way they were, didn’t really exist. There was no truth behind the excuses or the blame. All the excuses or blame did was made me feel powerless to the choices I was previously making. “I have a sweet tooth”, “I’ll start eating better tomorrow”, “I already fucked up so why stop”. Being able to hold a steady ground pushed those statements out the door.

The best part is, when I did decide to eat on Friday, I was at ESPNZone and there were so many bad things I could have gotten. But again, I had that moment in which I had to make a decision. Trust me, I wanted nothing more than to have some hot wings or some artichoke and spinach dip but in that moment I knew that those things weren’t aligned to my goals so I chose a chicken salad with the dressing on the side.

Now that I have tested myself and I have proof that I can stay on the path in which I want to follow, there is absolutely no excuse or blame for going the other way. If in moments I choose to go the other way, all I have to do is take  responsibility and learn from it. I believe those moments in which I “gave in” were necessary to further that lesson.

I know that I don’t have to eat a chocolate every time I see it. I know that I’m not  gonna die just because I’m not “chewing” something. I know that I don’t have to pick the most unhealthy meal just because it’s an option. I know that if I can  handle a few days of not eating food, that when I do eat it, I don’t have to go overboard. I know that  I have become more mindful to the thoughts that play out in my head and the control I was letting them have on me. I am more mindful of my actions. In that I can be more mindful to my habits and turn them into intentions.

Even though I had a meal on Friday and a meal on Saturday.  I don’t think I am done with the lessons quite yet. I am going to continue on this “juicing” journey. I will place no restrictions on myself but I will continue to pay attention to my mind and my body and listen to what it is teaching me.

My challenge to you is, try to become aware of those moments in which you have a choice…. and choose differently. Even if its something small. Those small “miracles” will lead to great change!

xoxo,

barista

Passing The Test!

For the last few years a friend and I always talk about how we want to invent/create something successful. Always thinking of ideas or seeing stuff, that we thought we imagined first, already out. Well I got this magical idea (no i will not share it yet) almost two years ago, wow i cant believe its been sitting for that long already, and I am FINALLY taking the steps I need to take to make it come to life. FINALLY!!!

I mean I just realized when writing that it’s been an idea in my head for 2 years now. 2 YEARS!!! what?!?! I mean I’m not the only one this happens to. People get great ideas alllll the time and just sit on them because they are too afraid to move forward. I bet you have an idea of something you want to do RIGHT NOW. Their classic excuse is “BUT I don’t know what to do next”. Well do you think all those people out there with all their ideas just magically know what to do next? No most of them don’t. But guess what? They find out what to do next….and then they do it. That is what makes the difference between the those watch their life and those that create it. We are all here living this experience because we have talents to share yet so many of us make excuses as to why we aren’t good enough for them. All those ideas in your head, all the things you want, the life you dream…. you have absolute control over creating it ALL. Not only are you good enough, but that’s why you are here, you deserve it all.

I went through the classic excuses; “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I don’t have time”, “I don’t have money”….. I cant…I can’t… I can’t!!! What about the reasons I can or I want to. I have an idea and that ALONE is reason enough to move forward. If you want something and you are committed to it, you find out how to make it happen and you make room for it in your life. So many times I was in a certain situation and I thought about my idea and how “I really need to create it” yet so many times went by where I just talked about it and made no moves. I always dreaded the thought that if someone else created my idea it would be my worst nightmare because I did feel so passionate about it. Waiting 2 years to make a move though,  it was almost like I was waiting for someone else to do it first so I didn’t have to step outside my comfort zone.

 so FINALLY at the beginning of August I met with a guy that was more experienced at what I wanted to do and talk to him so I can FIND OUT how to move forward with my idea. The meeting went great, it ended with me needing to do a little more research about the product and competitors. While doing this I found two concepts that were a little similar to mine but they were very simple compared to what I wanted to create. I decided before I was done to try looking up the NAME that I thought of just to make sure there wasn’t something already made with the same name. AND THERE IT WAS!!! My idea was made and released just 3 days before I met with “the guy”. Not only that, it had the SAME NAME. I was devastated. I wanted to quit IMMEDIATELY!!! I felt like my worst nightmare had come true and someone already had a head start. I sulked for about a few minutes and then I realized what was going on. This was a TEST!!!

You see, life loves to throw you test to see how committed you are to what it is you say you want. This is something I REALLLLY want. I figured I can give up and let someone else make their way to glory possibly or I can keep going, think of a different name, and make my product better. I choose to keep going. I had a meeting the other day, we went over the design and how I wanted it to function and I have a meeting next week to continue to move forward.

How committed are you to that life and things you want? How many excuses have you made for why you can’t move forward? You are meant here to live and create greatness so instead of sitting and watching others create their dreams, its time for you to create yours. Follow your passions and do the things you love and want to do. Share with the world your creations. We all have something.  All it takes is your idea, your passion, and your belief!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

xoxo,

 

5 Blunders That Kill Your Happiness

This morning i got an email from The Handel Group about what kills your happiness. We all want to be happy. We all DESERVE to be happy. Being and staying happy though can be a really big challenge though. It is necessary for  us to go through hard times in order to not only recognize happiness but appreciate it.

The article goes to explain 5 different things that can stop you from being happy.
5 BLUNDERS THAT KILL YOUR HAPPINESS (written by Laurie Garber of The Handel Group)

1. YOU DONT HAVE A DREAM
As kids, most of us dream boldly and publicly. But as we notice that not all our dreams come true and that it can be embarrassing to admit to one we may fail at, we stop talking about our dreams and stop having them. But in the present moment (which is all that we have), dreams make us happy, even if they don’t come true. We start every client at Handel on a diet of dreams in all areas of their lives. Just focusing here changes everything for the better even though it can feel vulnerable and scary at first.

2. YOU LET FEAR AND BRATTINESS RULE YOU
What stops us from daring to dream? Brattiness and fear of disappointment. Taking action towards your dream in the face of fear or “not feeling like it” makes people happy and proud. In fact, this kind of action is the most important determiner of happiness. Most people have the misconception that it’s success that makes them happy, but moment to moment, we find that living in integrity is what actually makes people happiest. That means fighting the chicken and brat in your head, and demanding that your dreams rule and your actions align.

3. YOU’RE NOT ACCOUNTABLE
You may have a dream, and you may even be able to argue against the voices in your head. Still, actions consistent with your ideals don’t always take place. Why? You’re not accountable. The consequences of bad choices (or not taking actions toward your dream) show up over such a long stretch of time that you don’t notice or feel them until it’s too late (you’ve just had a heart attack, got divorce papers or lost your job). Get a coach or a coaching buddy to make promises with and to keep those promises in front of you, so you stay accountable to your dreams. Extra credit if that person holds you to artificial, but effective consequences when you don’t take actions in alignment with your dreams. For example, if you cheat on your diet, you have to mow your friend’s lawn. Now that’s accountability!

4. YOU DONT SPEAK UP
Once you get the hang of living in integrity (1-3 above), only a few things will kill your buzz. Having something to say and not saying it is the most common. Things you aren’t saying include: how you really feel, ‘fess-ups to wrong doings, ‘fess-ups to feeling wronged, broaching taboo topics, constructive criticism, owning up, and making requests. Make a list of all the things you know you should be talking about and put dates next to them determining by when you’ll have those difficult conversations. No matter how long it takes, making this commitment is important to your self respect. Each hard conversation you tackle will open up a sense of freedom and joy in your heart that you cannot imagine while just sitting and thinking about (and probably fearing) what will go down. Try not to predict the outcome, or control it. Just go for the ride and be proud to be someone who speaks up. Soon it will become habit and you will be a much happier, more expressed person.

5. YOU BLAME OTHERS
You forgot that YOU are the “author” of your life and that it’s good news! This doesn’t mean that everything in your life that’s not working is your fault; it means that you have power with everything. There is nothing you cannot impact in your life, if you decide to focus on it and believe in changing it. As you start to take ownership of your choices and the results in your life, you feel more self-trusting and powerful. It is as natural as breathing to look for causes outside ourselves to explain why things don’t turn out. The happy surprise will always be, when you humble yourself enough to say “maybe it’s me,” you will find you are 95% of the way to the solution along with feeling happier and more hopeful.

 

Practice working around each of these and just witness for yourself the impact they have in your life and your happiness.

xoxo,

 

Feeling Stuck?

Ok so some of you (or none of you) may have noticed that I havent been posting much in the last few weeks. Its weird bc when I started I was trying to post about 4-5 times a week even if it were just a picture or an article and it started dwindling down. It was sort of sub consciously. I was making excuses like “I’m too busy” “I don’t really have time” “I’ll post tomorrow“.  And all of a sudden I went a whole week without posting.  I kept thinking of ideas/topics of what to talk about but would talk myself out of writing because “do I really know what I am talking about?”

So I was talking to my boyfriend about how I need to write in my blog and we were going over some reasons that I havent written and of course I am totally putting myself down about it. Comparing myself to some of my favorite bloggers, wondering if I even have enough knowledge or experience on “The Path” to share with other people with any conviction, etc.  Then I magically started talking about how Mastin from The Daily Love talks about how with all the technology and social media in our lives now, we are so connected and we are used to getting all our wants and answers at the snap of a finger. We have cell phones, we can call people the second we think about it. If someone is far away, in another country, we can Skype or email and have a conversation instantly (for free). When we want to listen to the new hot song we just heard on the radio we can download on our phones and computers. When we have a question about anything, we Google it and find 100 responses.

We have come to think that we have LIFE at our fingertips. We have been so spoiled to say the least, that when it does come to something that naturally takes TIME, we become little divas if we don’t get the results NOW.  It’s got us sped up in our own reality and we have lost the sense to  realize that some things take time and effort before getting the result and/or answer you want. It’s actually been disempowering to some of us to move forward in our lives.  We can work out and if we don’t see results the next day we give up. We can be in school but if we aren’t working our dream job at the same time we are discouraged. We can start our own business but if we aren’t rich in the first month we want to give up. Then we label this moment in our lives as STUCK. Listen, I can tell you where we are stuck!!! We are stuck in this life of reality TV and propaganda filled media. Everyone has money and is rich and seem to have best life that we are constantly comparing our lives to theirs and how come our life doesn’t seem to flow as perfectly. How come they seem to get everything done. I mean the divorce rate is so high because not only are people rushing into marriage with a person they hardly know due to this timeline of how their life should be, but they are also forgetting that they actually have to put effort into the relationship to get the results that they want. It’s not working out NOW so they give up.

It is time to slow down and realize that the things that are really worth it in life take time and take effort. We can’t discourage ourselves anymore when it comes to the things we want in life.

When I first wanted to start my blog it was supposed to be with the intentions of wanting to share MY story of MY experiences of MY life on The Path. But then I was trying to jumpstart into this fabulous blog with 1 million viewers overnight. Worried about my content, worried about if I needed to add more pages, worried about if I am saying the right thing. I was forgetting that my blog could take me  a few years before it’s at the point I eventually envision it to be. I never claimed to be some perfect creatively written author. I just wanted some sort  of relatable outlet of the what I have felt and am experiencing as a result to reading other amazing articles. I have to realize that over time I will get better and be more experienced on topics and when I am ready I will then have the expertise to build my readers and content. I’m so worried to catch a reader’s eye right away (and if I don’t im doomed) that I am focusing less on my original intentions for my blog in the first place. By expecting my end results now I have discouraged myself from putting in the effort I actually need to get off the ground in the first place. I am worry about all these issues but how much effort have I even put in to achieve such results? not enough. I’m so worried about trying to be perfect that I’ve stopped myself from even being able to move forward. The funny thing is thing is how this same theme has played out in other areas in my life as well. Isn’t it ironic that we build up our anxiety of not having results NOW and the fear that we won’t get there because it’s not NOW, that we hinder ourselves completely. When you aren’t moving forward you either moving backwards or standing still and we don’t want to do either of those.

How much more satisfying is it when you actually get something you want and you know that you worked hard to get it. When things come so easily we tend to take advantage of it and it loses value. Nothing is worth it in the end if it loses its value. When we work hard for something it will never lose value. The effort, and determination we put in to something, plus the things we gain from that can never be taken away and that is what gives it value in the first place. Sure we might be “broke” for a period of time, you might have to wake up early or go to bed late, you might have to sacrifice some things… but with hard work, determination, and of course love, you will get to your destination. It is absolutely impossible not to. Continue to move forward and you will get there wherever there may be. Your perfect love, your perfect career, your perfect life, your perfect blog. These ideas can be applied to all areas of life.

Stop labeling your life as STUCK! Stop discouraging yourself out of your dreams! Stop standing still! I may have mentioned this before but Nike’s slogan couldnt be better: JUST DO IT!

The universe is constantly giving us opportunities to fulfill our desires but it’s still up to us to put the needed effort in to what it is. If only we used as much energy as we do talking ourselves down into talking ourselves UP! I have this opportunity to eventually make my blog into something wonderful so I have to quit feeling discouraged and becoming a prisoner to my fears. I see Oprah, Tony Robbins, Mastin Kipp, guest blogging, motivational speaking, Life Coaching in my future but how do I expect to get there if I am choosing to be stuck? I need to just continue to move forward, put the needed effort in to it, and then just watch it and myselfgrow. Not only that but ENJOY THE JOURNEY. It is during the journey where all the learning and growing happens anyways right? The ability to enjoy the journey is the precursor to how the destination will feel. If you can’t enjoy now then what can you enjoy?

Yes our current technology is great. Being connected and having things at our fingertips can be awesome, and it’s only gonna get more advanced as time moves forward, but you can not afford to forget that although some things will come at the blink of an eye, not everything will and is supposed to. Focus on enjoying the effort and the journey. And even better, move forward without hindering yourself with tons of expectations. Have no expectations. JUST DO IT!!!

My challenge to you is to start thinking about: What opportunities have you been given right now? Are you putting in the correct amount of effort into it to achieve the results that you wish? If not how can you start to do that? We are all destined for greatness. now go get what you deserve!!!

xoxo,