Do you find that you have a hard time trusting? Do you wish you could trust more, but you have been so hurt in the past that you don’t know how? If Trust is so risky, why take the chance? Because distrust leads to far worse scenario then trusting ever will. By not trusting, you close the door from anything great happening.
There is one thing I can think of off the top of my head that people have the hardest time placing their trust in. The Future. What could, should, or would happen to us in the future because of some person, place, or thing. We will literally drive ourselves stir crazy wondering “WHAT IF…” about other people and what they can or might do, think, or say to us if we let our guard down (or even when it’s up) and what will happen to us in the future and if something will prevent us from receiving what we want.
Fear is the foundation for distrust. When we distrust we become overly consumed with more fear. We want to keep our guard tower manned with maximum security, making sure we know exactly what’s going on at all times, controlling the situation AT ALL COST. Even if that cost is our own peace and sanity.
“That person is not going to get over on me“, “I can’t let that happen to me“, or “what can i do to make sure that ______ never happens to me?”, we tell ourselves. We begin to question ourselves over an over looking for the solution that will finally give us comfort. Yet what we don’t understand is that looking for a solution through the same fearful energy that brought us to this place is near impossible. Whatever solution we come up with, will never be enough because, it too, is produced through fear. We then find ourselves in a cycle of pretending everything is okay yet constantly questioning if it really is. Distrusting doesn’t sound very fun does it?
Ironically, by distrusting, we are trying to prevent something that could potentially hurt us. Yet the fear that we engulf ourselves in through distrust is doing nothing BUT hurting us. Causing us to feel unsafe which is what we are trying to prevent all along. Distrusting can cause destruction because we are holding on too tight. It closes the door for any other possibility. Trusting on the other hand allows us to let go, and relax. It opens the door for multiple possibilities and better solutions.
Do we remember what gets us to the place of distrusting in the first place? [it’s okay, you can scroll back up if you need to check]. Yes! It’s FEAR. Have you ever really thought about what TRUST entails though? Trusting is like gambling in a way. Even when we think we have 100% chance of winning, do we ever really? Do we ever really know EXACTLY what’s going to happen? Can we control EVERY outside factor to make sure it plays in our favor only? The answer to all three of those question is…. you guessed it, NO! Outside factors in the one thing we DO NOT have control over. We do not have control over other people, places, or things, therefor as much as we would like to predict what the future will bring, we never know that something is going to happen until it happens.
Even if we can predict that something has a 99.9% chance of happening, we still have to save room for that slim chance that it won’t happen the way we think, if at all. It’s that 0.1% chance that will still be attached to fear. But that’s what trusting is. It’s knowing that something MAY not work out in the way we would like it to, but betting on it anyways. Trust takes courage, especially if in the past we may have lost a time or two.
“Whether we are aware of it or not, every act of trust carries with it a shiver of fear. A favorable situation can become dangerous. Deep down we know that life is insecure and precarious. However, if we do trust, the shiver carries with it a philosophical optimism: Life, with all its traps and horrors, is good… The bet is implicit in trust itself. If we could be sure of everyone and everything, trust would have no value – like money, if it were suddenly limitless, or sunshine, if there were always fine weather, or life, if we were to live forever”
– Piero Ferrucci (The Power Of Kindness)
When you are someone that has a difficult time placing trust in the future, then the second you feel that shiver of fear, you’re alarm goes off telling you that something is wrong. The distrusting begins producing nothing but MORE fear. Remember though, Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Unless it’s a life threatening situation (which is not the situations we are talking about here), it does nothing but hold our energy and our action hostage.
So what’s the alternative then? How can you choose to trust instead? When we surrender to the idea that we can’t control everything. Through this surrendering, we come to the conclusion that we are MORE than capable of handling all that life brings our way. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge that trust will ALWAYS carry a little bit of fear, we can become more aware of when we are actively choosing to be in a place of trusting. This can allow us to reroute our alarm system. This time when you witness that shiver of fear arise, instead of the fear multiplying, it is now giving you knowledge that you ARE in a place of trusting and accepting that this ounce of fear just comes with the job. You will be aware that you are trusting because you CHOOSE to trust, and if the worst case scenario happens to take place, we can continue to trust that it’s for our highest good and continue moving forward.
We have the choice to trust or distrust. While we are in a place of distrust, it’s like we are constantly waiting for the bomb to drop. A bomb that may NEVER drop. We spend our time and energy trying to prevent the bomb from dropping. The thing is, if the bomb is meant to drop, it will drop, and you have no more control over it then you do of gravity. So instead of worrying so much about what COULD happen in the future, why not just enjoy your present. And if the bomb ends up dropping, you deal with it then and at least you enjoyed the ride to that point…then you get on another ride. If it never drops, then you continue enjoying that ride wherever it takes you. What’s the point of the ride if you can’t enjoy it? What’s the point of life, if you don’t live?
“In trusting, we let ourselves go. We know that all kinds of unexpected events may come our way. Our tension eases, our mind and our hearts open spontaneously to be possibilities. It is an ever new state of mind, in the present moment, because we have detached from all we know. But it is also a feeling as old as can be, because, before all betrayals and all disappointments, there was a time in which trusting another was the very substance of our life.” – Piero Ferrucci.
Do you have the courage to place the bet?