My Truth: I Yell and Fight In Front Of My Kids

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pic from idiva.com

I am a mother that yells at the father of her children when we argue…. in front of our children! I feel like I’m at an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, but for people that can’t control their anger, and I needed to make that confession for the world to know. I feared writing that sentence because I think about how J will feel about me sharing this piece of our relationship, but I’m here to be more raw and transparent, so it is what it is I guess.

I remember one situation when I was really young, maybe around 3 or 4 ish, watching my parents arguing and screaming at each other and me sitting on the couch crying and screaming at them just hoping they would stop. Now here I am doing the same thing in front of my kids and I just don’t know how to stop.

My son cried Saturday because when mommy and daddy yell at each other and are mean to each other, it scares him. My heart beats deep because for the last few years, if there were one thing I would change over anything else in the world, it would be this.

I remember when I found out I was having a boy over 6 years ago, the one thing I thought about was how I have this chance to raise a wonderful, caring, sensitive, compassionate, kind, and loving man. I have the chance to raise a MAN! And although I know he is going to be all of those things, I fear that he will get into a relationship and him and his future partner will be yelling at each other in front of their kids and he’ll remember when his mommy and daddy used to do that too.

I notice how this has been a cycle for me. During a point in life, my relationship with my mother shifted and I spent a majority of my teenage and young adult years constantly yelling and arguing with my mother. Maybe that’s just how it is with teenagers but I knew, even back then, that I always wanted things to be different.

My last two serious relationships, this one included, consisted of yelling and screaming at each other during disagreements pretty often. I feel like for the last 15 years of my life, during the time where I have been growing a lot mentally, I have been consistently involved in arguments that include yelling and screaming and sometimes berating each other. It’s what I’ve learned about communication when it comes to disagreements. I’ve learned to defend myself by raising my voice. Before, it was just something I did and how things were. Now, it is something I want to change and learn how to stop.

The crazy thing is, I am not this way in my other relationships at all. At least not to this level. Just sometimes with my mother and most of the times with my boyfriend. The people that are the closest to me of course. I have actually gotten a lot better with my mother over the years but it could be a result of not living in her house anymore.

Because I have been in these relationships where both parties are mutually defensive during arguments to the point of yelling and screaming, I know that if I want to change, I have to teach myself. When I get into arguments like this, it’s with people who reflect the same attitude. I really believe I keep attracting this for the sake of learning the lesson. The time is now!

Over the past few years, my reaction afterwards would always be to run. I always wanted to just leave the relationship because I couldn’t handle fighting this way anymore in front of my son. When I was pregnant I even gave back my engagement ring because I just couldn’t do it anymore (although I do think I was ultra hormonal at the time). Now, especially more lately, I have been trying so hard to use these situations as teachers. To show me what I need to work on. To bring up the places that need healing. I have been trying so hard to control myself. To let down the defense. To be the one that stays calm. To communicate in an open and loving manner. To share when I am feeling unsafe. And for the last two months I have had great effects when approaching situations in that manner. But then once again, the defense strikes full force.

There’s something underneath there that is unresolved and unhealed and I need to figure out how to deal with it…. fast! Having two sons now, this is not what I want them to see and grow up with. It already kills my heart knowing my oldest is already six and seeing it effect him more and more each time. I don’t want him thinking this is the way we should handle our anger or disagreements.

Already I see him get really frustrated and yell and scream at us when he’s mad. I’ve seen some real anger in his face. Telling him that yelling and screaming when he’s mad is not a good way to release his emotions becomes hard when that’s what he’s learning from mommy and daddy. So it’s really up to us to start demonstrating that things should and can be different. I want to stop the cycle. I want to show him more about what LOVE is and how LOVE works.

I know parents have disagreements and they argue and it’s normal for your kids to see that sometimes. And I know that it’s healthy for kids to see you make up and love each other afterwards. But I don’t want to yell and scream and berate anymore. I don’t. I want to show my kids how to handle our emotions effectively. Especially the negative ones. It’s especially healthy to show them LOVING actions versus FiGHTING actions. Because if I have learned anything it’s that fighting just creates more fighting. How parents handle conflict becomes the teacher for how kids will handle conflict.

I remember my cousin telling me last year…. “All kids need to see is that their parents Love and Respect each other… even if they’re not together”.That’s what I want to show our kids. The one thing I don’t want, is them to relate love to unhappiness and hurt. I know sometimes they see love, but because of the frequency in arguments and our inability to express disagreements in other ways, it worries me what their really picking up. Truthfully sometimes I don’t know which way our relationship will go but either way we still need to learn how to love and respect each other, so we need to do that now.

I know there are things I can do to start creating change, so instead of going to a place of habit of wanting to run away and being down on myself, I can focus on what I do know and what I can do. Being that I am in school learning all these awesome tips and skills for loving myself and others, I do have a huge responsibility to be a teacher by my actions.

Although when it happens, I can feel really hopeless and scared, I am still working on self compassionate forgiveness and trying not to judge myself. I know, how I relate to the issue plays the biggest role in what the issue really is.

In these last few days I can really see that how I feel about the situation and myself reflects the size of my faith in God. I want to release the power I give this and let it go to God. I want to be open enough to receive the guidance that I can receive from my higher power. Maybe that means falling to my knees and really surrendering my ego.

I want to learn how to slow down. We don’t give ourselves enough space to breathe and think and that lack of space creates reacting to fast which is the cause of yelling and defending and feeling I have no control over what’s happening. If I can learn to give myself more space between what is happening and reacting, I will be in a better place to choice a better route. Slowing down in other areas can probably influence here too

I can also have open honest talks with our son and see how he feeling. Comfort him and love him. Talk to him about how mommy and daddy are still learning because we weren’t taught. Express the truth and understanding his perception. Letting him know we want to change and showing him its possible. I remember my counselor asking me a while ago “What do you wish would have happened to make you feel better when that was happening with your parents?” and I said “I wish someone would have talked to me and comforted me and helped make me feel better“. I need to do that with my son and I need to do that with the little girl inside of me too.

I’m working on it! and it’s HARD! but I know I can do this. Just send me some light and love please. I need  it!

This was a really hard post for me to write and put out there. Admitting the problem is the first step to change. If you are or have gone through this, please let me know how you are handling in the comments below…

 

xoxo,

barista

 

How To Free Up Your Energy and Enjoy The Present.

Do you sometimes find yourself wondering where all your energy has gone? A couple of months ago I found myself in that place and had no idea why I had been so tired and drained. I thought maybe something was wrong with my health, so I went to the doctors and they took a bunch of blood test, (when I say a bunch, think about 20 viles worth) and like I feared, besides being a bit low on vitamin D, everything seemed fine. I say feared because it’s like I wanted to see if there was SOMETHING wrong so I could then have an answer as to why I was feeling the way I did. When everything came back fine, then I was back at square one not knowing the answer or how to reach a solution.

I know there are many things that could affect our energy, such as our diet, or simply maybe we’re just doing too much. Sometimes it can even be more obvious than that though. What about just the things we SAID we would do but never get around to. How does that take a toll on our energy levels? Do you have those books you bought that you keep meaning to read but don’t seem to find the time? What about cleaning the garage like you said you would a few months ago? Maybe just buying that plant for your living room that you keep forgetting about?

Living in the world we live in now, where we have so much stimuli going on around us and busy seems to mean we’re important, we get into the habit of over committing or putting too much on our plate. Doing too much at the same time or in each day. Since when did busy mean better?

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Some people juggle getting kids ready for school, working a full shift, running a few errands, making time for the gym, taking kids to practice, making dinner for the family, catching up on a side business when everyone is asleep, and finally getting to bed, all in one days work just to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. Then the weekend comes where it would seem to be rest time, and here comes birthday parties, and taking kids to sports or activities, tending to the backyard and cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc. and before you know it, it’s back to Monday. Oh Monday! If this is you, I could imagine how you are tired and where your energy is going. Look at all those areas where your energy is being expended.

Now add on top of that, remembering all those unread books, or that dirty garage, or that corner of the room with the missing the plant. All those internal commitments use energy too and although is seems like it can’t be taking too much energy, it may be taking more energy then some of the things you are actually doing. So even those of you that don’t have a “busy” day like the one I played through above, you still could find yourself lacking energy because it’s geared towards all the unfulfilled commitments you have yet to do. Every time we say we are going to do something and we do not get around to it, that is good energy that we are just mortgaging, unable to use elsewhere.

To get a clear picture of this, I want you to make two lists. One of your current scene, that lists all the things/activites you have going on in which you are physically extending energy to. You can get detailed or just straight forward

example of some things on my list (very straight forward)
*Relationship
*Child
*Job
*Photography
*School
*Son’s Sports
*Reading books for school
*Homework
*Blog
*Planning a party
*Hanging out with friends
*An argument with a family member

you get the point. Any and everything that your energy is currently going to.

Now, make a second list of all those things you said you would do but never seem to get around to it. When I say you never get around to it, I mean not even a little bit. Meaning you can put the gym down if you really never get to the gym, but don’t put it on the list if you only go 2 times a week instead of the 4 times that you want. That’s something that can go on the above list. Make sense? So stuff like, cleaning out your closet, throwing away old papers, etc.

Examples of stuff on my list:
*Books I’ve been meaning to read
*Organizing stuff in the garage
*Cleaning out old toys and giving them away
*Taking the toys from Tyson’s birthday (back in April) to Children’s Hospital
*Juicing again in the morning
*Buy new plants for the backyard
*Buy new bedsheets/comforter for my bed
*Editing pictures from a free photoshoot I did for a family member.
*Helping my son practice how to ride his bike without training wheels.
*Cleaning the trunk of my car

That’s already a lot of stuff and I had way more on the list. But do you get the point? There’s all this energy that is physically being used day to day and then a bunch of energy being used just thinking about all the things you committed to doing but haven’t done yet. NO WONDER WE’RE SO TIRED!!! We’re spinning 100 plates on sticks all while only being able to give each one a fraction of our attention at a time. Not only is that energy drained, but half ass work getting done. Plates will eventually start to fall and now you’ve just added mess to clean up to your To-Do list.  

So how do we clean this up? How do we get our energy back? Well for starters, let’s work on actually completing some of the things on list #2. How about we just remove some plates. Maybe seems a little crazy to basically add on to list #1 BUT most likely the things on list #2 are things that once complete, it’s complete. It’s not ongoing like a relationship or job would be. So why not make all that mortgaged energy useful and then available for your everyday life. All those things you need to do in the future, let em go. You just took some plates off, relax! Remember the goal is to stay present and not drain ourselves by the shoulda/woulda/couldas. Then we can work on completing some of the stuff on our first list leaving us not only more energy but more time to just enjoy what is.

To start this process right now, I want you to write one more list. Make a list of things you know you can ABSOLUTELY without a doubt complete this month. We want to take baby steps here to avoid not over committing again. Not only will fulfilling these commitments free up your energy but it will always make you FEEL good for following through with what you said you were going to do. If it’s only one or two things that is totally fine. I want you to win!! If it’s reading a book you haven’t gotten to, something as simple as skimming through the entire book in a few minutes can be helpful. If going to the gym is on your list, just getting there, swiping your card and leaving could make a difference.

Some things on my list I will complete in the next month:
*Go outside with Tyson at least once so he can ride his bike
*Buy new plants for the backyard
*Workout at least 5 times
*Sign up for Oprah and Deepak meditation series.
*Make a blog post at least two times a week

Now go down that list and  enthusiastically talk about and imagine you doing it RIGHT NOW!!! The mind can’t tell the difference between you just thinking something and actually doing it and studies show that if you get in the habit of visualizing, it is more likely that you WILL actually do that thing you are imagining yourself doing. Get excited, get detailed. Go over with a friend your vision, Picture the room, the people involved, the sounds, the smells. Most importantly picture it and feel it. Just witness how much energy you free up this next week or month and only commit to things you can complete. Be truthful. It’s better to not make any commitments then to leave commitments unfulfilled. Not only will you lessen the number of spinning plates but you’ll be able to gear more love into each one, producing amazing results. Keep me updated!!!

the higher your energy level the more efficient your body the more efficient your body the better you feel copy

xoxo,

 barista

Love Is You

“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love. If a person loves only one other person and is in different to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism. Yet, most people“If one wants to become a master of any art, one’s whole life must be devoted to it, or at least related to believe that love is constituted by the object, not by the faculty. In fact, they even believe that it is a proof of the intensity of their love when they do not love anybody except the “loved” person. This is the same fallacy which we have already mentioned above. Because one does not see that love is an activity, a power of the soul, one believes that all that is necessary to find is the right object–and that everything goes by itself afterward. This attitude can be compared to that of a man who wants to paint but who, instead of learning the art, claims that he has just to wait for the right object, and that he will paint beautifully when he finds it. If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, “I love you,” I must be able to say, “I love in you everybody, I love through you the world, I love in you also myself.” ~ Erich Fromm from The Art of Loving

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My friend Vanessa emailed this to me the other day and I immediately fell in LOVE with the power and beauty that it holds. We are so trained to think that love originates from outside of ourselves. It comes from a person or an object. That outside thing is what makes us feel love. Therefore when that outside thing is gone, we think the love leaves with it. We are then left sometimes feeling empty, hurt and sad, often tricking us into thinking that the person or object is the cause of that sadness.

 To think about Love as “an attitude, Love an orientation of character” changes the game. Step outside of our ego and see love as, not something you receive from another, not as something separate, but something you already are. It allows you to see that this ever flowing energy lives inside of YOU and has no boundaries. It flows through you as easily as your breath. It can not be given or taken away by anyone else but you.

 When you feel this love inside, when you birth its energy within you, then you are able to see it in ALL that’s around. When it comes from within, it is your reality. It is what you see, what you feel, what you know, when you look out into the world. It’s reflected back to you, not just in a certain person or object but through all things. You experience that “Loving Essence” in all. What is in you is them. What is in them in you.

What you see and how you relate to the world and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING in it, is the true measure showing you if you experience TRUE love as who you are or if this “love” is just a symbiotic attachment stemming from your ego which is an illusion of who you are. We aren’t separate, we are all connected through this character of LOVE

Challenge: Think of someone who, without a doubt and with no fail, you love overwhelmingly. Grandparents, children, a pet, anything. Close your eyes and think about them. Feel that love. Feel it in your heart, your stomach, you mind.  Notice how you created that. You chose that attitude now.

You don’t need to wait for love, nor proclaim it, nor profess it, nor deny it. If you want love, create it within and reflect it upon ALL that you see.

It’s who you are.

xoxo,

barista

The Strength of REMAINING Vulnerable.

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Sooooo this being vulnerable thing… it’s kinda hard! You know what’s harder…. remaining vulnerable. As I explained a few posts ago, vulnerability is opening your self up to the risk of being hurt. So what happens when you take that risk and you ARE hurt? Do you shut down with this “I told ya so” attitude, or do you keep moving forward promising to being vulnerable yet AGAIN?

I’ve practiced being more vulnerable this last couple weeks and I can tell ya, getting to that point where I knock the little devil off my shoulder and open myself up has been hard. For me, and I’m sure you too, one of the hardest areas to be vulnerable is when it comes to expressing how things make me FEEL. I emphasize the word FEEL because a lot of the times when we are asked how we feel about something we ignore our internal feelings and we express according to the outside factors.

I go to counseling once a week and she is constantly asking me “So how did that make you feel?”. For the longest time I would unknowingly skip over the question going off into some jibber jabber sounding sorta like this, “Well I felt like he didn’t care about my feelings”, “I feel like I am doing a good job”, “I feel like he is just so inconsiderate” “I feel like he was really thoughtful” ….  and then continuing on with some long winded story totally distracting her from the fact that I never answered the question….you know how it can be!

None of that describe my internal feelings. Did I express sadness, excitement, isolation, caring? Not at all. When I became more aware that this was what I was doing, I started to realize that it’s soooo much easier expressing our “feelings” about outside factors then it is to express what’s going on inside. It’s easier to judge or attack someone/something or even just hold in my feelings all together, assuming they don’t matter, then to expose myself leaving me open for possible attack or rejection.

One of the things I have realized over the years is that I want to develop deep meaningful connections with people. How else to do that then be vulnerable? Attacking, judging, staying silent, and assuming aren’t leading me closer to those connections though. It only takes me further away.

Relationships are about making connections. There’s no stronger connection then to be able to fully show up for each other. Here’s the thing though, how can you allow someone to show up for you if you aren’t exposing your true self? How can you show up for others if you aren’t expressing appreciation to their vulnerability. Just because we are vulnerable doesn’t mean the other person WILL in fact show up for us but at least through that we will know once and for all. If there is no connection we can then can conclude how the relationship is truly serving us. Or not serving us.

I am not used to this being vulnerable thing. Remember, I came to view it as a weakness. I became an assumer and assumed that my feelings didn’t matter or that someone else should know how I feel without me saying it. I became an attacker and attacked others for how I was feeling or got angry because I was letting them get to me. I became a judger and judged myself the most because if I felt rejected, I was “stupid” for opening up in the first place. But realizing that I want deep connections, I know that there is no other way than through my vulnerability. Being vulnerable is one of the beginning steps but REMAINING vulnerable is the key to success.

Now when I am in counseling  and she asks me how I feel, I consciously think about how I FEEL or felt and express that instead of some long winded story. When I want to send an angry condemning text to my fiance, I’m working on replacing it with my feelings instead. When I am going through WHATEVER I’m going through, I’m working on sharing on my blog, for what it is. It’s important for me to build meaningful connections with people.

It can seem pretty easy (or course only once you actually follow through) to think “I’m gonna be vulnerable in this moment” but its can be gut-wrenching to think “I’m going to continue to be vulnerable even though I just got hurt”.  Especially when you’re trying this thing out to see where it takes you. Taking the armor off isn’t easy. It’s heavy and you can’t always do it alone but as you keep going taking off layer after layer, eventually you’ll be fully naked. One of the scariest things in the world and takes lots of strength… But know that being naked is your TRUTH and you’ll comes to be a thousand times stronger then you ever were with that heavy load of crap covering you up. Full expression is your truth. Its how you came into this world. It’s the real you without out the cover-up. Believe it or not, more often than not, people prefer you naked. 😉 When you show you aren’t afraid to be naked you make others feel comfortable with being naked too!

ok, ok enough of the naked analogy before this gets x-rated… but you get the point! So here I am, taking off more layers! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride but those are the most fun right?

My question for you…. How are you allowing others to show up for you? How are you showing up for others? Remember, relationships involve the showing up of TWO (or more) people. Can you take a step and show your vulnerability?

I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone today!

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else. :)

xoxo,

 barista

Sometimes You Have To Tell Your Mind To SHUT UP

meditationSo a few weeks ago I tried the 21-Day Meditation Challenge online with Deepak and Oprah. Although I didn’t do it every single day during this challenge, I really enjoyed my growing need to start my morning off more grounded.

I learned a few things about myself while doing the last challenge. One important thing was that I am addicted to”rushing”. I noticed that I don’t use my time wisely and every morning I go through chaos trying to get out of the house so I am not late to work. If you are familiar with the experience, you may know that this can cause a lot of stress and anxiety.

It was funny because I remember Day 1 of the last challenge and in the beginning Oprah would give a little introduction  for Deepak where he would take over, start explaining the day’s mantra as well as an affirmation to focus on. Then we would begin the actual meditation.

The first day my brain was going so crazy and I was in such a big rush that I remember thinking “can i just skip this part?” “Do I need to hear this?” “OMG this needs to hurry up, I’m gonna be late”. I then remember just laughing at myself a bit because what I was doing right there was exactly the opposite of the reason of why I wanted to meditate in the first place. Here I am, attempting to meditate in order to slow my brain down, and here it is doing its wonderful job at going crazy, and here I was letting it do that. I literally had to tell my mind to just SHUT UP!

In that moment I had to ask myself a quick question, “Do you want to do this or not?”. YES I wanted to do it. I took a deep breath and chose to just listen and follow through. At that moment I let go of the fears I had of being late and remembered why I wanted to take the challenge in the first place.

During this time, I had already been waking up to do B-School, and I had started reading “May Cause Miracles”. I had to also make the meditation a part of my morning schedule, which meant I had to use my time wiser in other areas. For me that meant I had to set a time schedule for the other things I was doing and try to stick it to. When it came to meditation time, I was able to put everything on hold for just 15 minutes, which allowed me to start my day off positive and more balanced.

 I was finding my peace in the morning and this also allowed me to become more calm through out my day. I was then even able to “meditate” while doing other things throughout the day. When I would find my mind going crazy and jumping from one thought to another and/or my leg tapping back and forth from anxiety, all I had to do was take a deep breath, tell my mind to shut  up and choose to focus 100% at the task at hand.

Last week in my email I received another 21-day meditation challenge and I couldn’t wait to share it with you guys and get started. I would love for you guys to join me in my next 21 day meditation challenge with Deva Premal & Miten.

You can sign up here through Mentors Channel. The meditation started on April 23rd but right now Day 1 is still posted so it’s not too late but hurry before they take down Day 1.

Just remember, the simple practice of setting aside 20 minutes of your morning to practice meditation will start to strengthen your ability to focus on other areas of your life as well. Who’s with me?

SIGN UP NOW!

xoxo,

barista

May Cause Miracles: Week 1 Part 1

gabrielle-bernstein-may-cause-miraclesI am so excited I got Gabrielle Bernsteins new book, “May Cause Miracles: A 40 Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimted Happiness” and I’m so excited to get through it. I’ve wanted to try a book like this that with some sort of challenge everyday so it’s awesome to finally have one. When I went to her seminar back in October 2012 she was mentioning her new book and it finally came out this January.

I’m going into day 4 and so far I am super pumped. I even started a small book club with some of my close friends so we can experience it together. I was afraid to begin this journey while in Bali but at the same time I was thinking “WHY WAIT?”. Being on vacation is just an excuse. If I want change and happiness I have to START NOW. I have to  make it a priority in my life. I have to put my happiness FIRST. During the 40 days plenty of excuses will come up. The weekend, a holiday, a friend’s birthday, I’m tired, I don’t have time, I’m busy. If I let all those excuses get in the way not only am I slowing down the time it’ll take for me to see this radical change but it shows me just how important this change really is to me. It’s SUPER important therefore I put it first and being in Bali doesn’t change that.  I read my days work the FIRST thing in the morning,  carry my journal with me throughout the day to take notes, and I end my reading for the specific day and do my meditation and journal before bed.

One of the reasons I love the book is because it’s SO simple. Each day is only like 4 pages long. Half of it is assignments to do at the beginning of the day with some ideas to be aware of throughout your day and the other half is an evening exercise to do before bed. If you are determined to try something new and make change in your life, it is very easy to dedicate your time to this book.

The first week is all about recognizing your fears and how they set roadblocks in your life. I like this week so far because it’s interesting to notice how many fearful thoughts I have throughout the day. Affirmation of Day 1 was “I am willing to witness my fear”

Some of the fears that went through my head on Day 1:

*If I speak up at work they will talk behind my back
*I’m not a good parent
*I’m overeating, I’m gonna be judged
*I don’t look pretty enough
*My hair is going to keep getting thinner
*I’m addicted to the computer
*I can’t fulfill his needs
*IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

I realized my fears are triggered when I am at work, when I’m at home with my family, when I argue with my boyfriend, when I see people I know, when I’m shopping. When I am in fear I feel anxious, sad, regretful, unfulfilled, unhappy. My fear affects my behavior because it makes me not want to do certain things. Sometimes I feel like I want to quit or run away. I start to feel tired or lazy and I tend to gossip or pull away. I also feel guilty or angry at myself. I mean can you see how fear can be immobilizing?

Considering the situations that trigger my fear, I live with these fears constantly everyday so you couldimagine how this has an effect on my day-to-day life. Most people don’t take the correct amount of time and mindfulness to actually notice this in their lives and when having fearful thoughts like these day-to-day, we tend to feel that’s it’s normal because it’s what we are constantly dealing with.

Day 2 had to do with noticing your fears but using the affirmation of “I Am Willing To See Love Instead”. I liked this one because when I would catch myself in a fearful thought I would stop and repeat this phrase and I wouldn’t allow myself to go further. Is my life “changed” yet? No, but its all about being mindful so that is my intention thus far. My intention is to think about the current affirmation throughout the day and that’s it. I believe with adding these up day by day it will create the bigger picture.

Day 3 was about choosing a new perspective. I had to write a letter to myself about being committed to change and transforming my fears into love. I had to put it in a place I would see everyday to remind me of my intentions. My true intentions are to create a happier life (there is always room for more happiness) and I want to dedicate my time to doing something different then what I’ve done in the past and see how it works for me. Affirmation of the day, “Love Did Not Create This”. Recognizing your fears and actively choosing a new perspective. The reason we want to be mindful is so it can  become easier to be responsible in the choices we make. We have become so used to fearful negative thoughts that they are automatic and habit. Not only that, its easy to place blame on something or someone else which in turn takes away the power we have over the fear. This day was about purposely CHOOSING something different.

Being in Bali I am 16 hours ahead of my friends in the United States which is half a day but I decided to work on their time so it doesn’t mess me up when I come home. Day 4 is all about Gratitude. Sunday will be the end of WEEK 1, I’ll get back to you in a couple of days and let you know how I’m feeling after this week.

If you are up to try something new, I definitely recommend this book. I would love to witness your changes and experiences. I’m excited to share mine with you!

xoxo,

barista