The Conscious Parent: Is Your Child Growing You Up?

So not sure if you know this about me yet, but I love reading and when I read good books, which is usually every book I read it feels like, I love to share the information in them. When I read, I usually highlight along the way all the good points, which in most cases ends up being every other line. It’s hard to get through pages without wanting to post quotes on Facebook. Sometimes to finish reading effectively, I have to put the highlighter down and just read so I can get through it. Well now is not one of those times. I had to stop and get online and post a part that I like out of the book I am currently reading called The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

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I watched this awesome woman on Oprah’s Lifeclass and her theories around Conscious Parenting. It coincides exactly with what I learn in school. That when we are disturbed, instead of blaming or trying to control outside people or situations, we must look within to see what is being triggered inside of us and work on healing that instead. As parents, our children are here to mirror to us deep healing opportunities…if we are aware of that. Most of the time, instead, we try to control our children into being what we want them to be and act how we want them to act. We use manipulation and control tactics and this way of parenting can cause us to hinder their true spirit and purpose in this world. So this book takes us on a journey letting us look at our own ego and seeing where we can heal and let go in order to foster the true essence of our children’s spirit.

“Especially in the early years, parents function as mirrors for their children. Consequently, if you are unable to access your joy, you will be unable to be a mirror of your children’s joy. Thus they are barred from access  to an essential aspect of their being. How sad for a child not to be able to enjoy their spontaneously joyous essence!

 

Our consciousness and unconsciousness are transmitted not only by our overt pain, but also in the energy we exude just by our presence, even when we say and do nothing. Thus our children pick up a great deal from how we embrace them each morning, how we react when they break our favorite vase, how we handle ourselves in traffic accidents, how we sit and talk to them, whether we really look at what they show us, and whether we take an interest in what they say. They notice when we intrude on their life with unwarranted questions and demands, and they feel it when we withdraw from them or utter reprimands. They are moved by how we praise their successes, but wounded when we put them down for their failures. They are aware of how it feels to be in our presence when we sit in silence with them, and the energy field of acceptance or rejection they experience around us. Each of these moment-by-moment exchanges transmits either consciousness or unconsciousness.

 

How can you give to your children unless you first allow yourself to be filled from your own well? Unless you are fulfilled, you will use your children to complete you. You will teach them how to live with your unacknowledged fears, your rejected emptiness, your forgotten lies – all while unaware you are doing so. Such is the power of unacknowledged lostness.”

– Dr. Shefali Tsabary (The Conscious Parent p57-58)

The reason this quote stuck out to me is because it’s a huge reminder for why I am even reading the book. Our children can feel everything and they are perceiving our actions and internalizing them constantly. What is it that you want your child to internalize? Your own unresolved issues or the power of their own essence? It’s time to wake up and become more conscious of our lives. It’s time to  wake up to the power of our own essence to mirror to our children the strength that resides in them. I see this information not only good for our relationship with our children but also our relationships in general. How often do we try to control others or situations around us instead of going inward to heal that which is being triggered? What would it look like to learn how to not only accept others for who they are, but learn how to let their true essence shine? How can we mirror the goodness in everyone else? It starts but looking in the mirror at ourselves FIRST.

A month or so ago, I posted about being addicted to Facebook and the need to be more present. I’ll still save my journey for another post (at some point) but to sum it up quickly, although I feel like I’ve been getting BETTER, I am not in the ideal place I would like to be. I will give myself credit though for my efforts and my willingness to acknowledge where I am at and where I want to be. This journey is about being more present not only for myself but for my kids and my relationships. I want to be a more conscious parent and person and I have faith I will get there. I am becoming more aware, and even if it takes time, it’s the awareness that will lead me to where I want to be. This book is an awesome support in that goal.

I highly recommend The Conscious Parent to ALL parents and to ALL people wanting kids. It can actually be extremely helpful to those without kids because how awesome is it to get the opportunity to learn and gain perspective before your child is born instead of when they are already 5 or 16 years old. It’s never too early OR too late.

What is something you want to do (or stop doing) to be more Present in your life?

 

xoxo,

barista

 

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The Golden Buddha Within

The last chapter of May Cause Miracles started with a beautiful story about a Golden Buddha. I thought it was worth sharing: images

In 1957, a group  of Tibetan monks was informed that they would have to move their sacred shrine because a highway was being built on that land. A focal point of their inhabitance was a huge clay Buddha, which also had to be relocated. Moving the Buddha was no small feat. The monks arranged to have a crane move the Buddha to their new location. The moment they started lifting the Buddha on the crane, the clay began to crack. To make matters worse, rain was pattering down, deepening and widening the cracks. To protect the Buddha from further damage after it had been moved, the monks covered it with tarps overnight. During the evening, the head monk went under the tarps with a flashlight to check on the clay Buddha. Upon shining light on the Buddha the monk noticed golden shimmers of light radiating from the cracks. He brought back his chisel and hammer to chip away at the clay and uncover the shimmer from within the Buddha’s frame. As the monk chipped away at the clay Buddha, he realized that it was not clay after all– the Buddha was made of gold. Surprised by his discovery, the monks were eager to determine the heritage of the Buddha. They learned that many centuries earlier, their predecessors worshiped the Buddha in its golden form. These ancestral monks got word that the Burmese army was coming to destroy their community and attack them, so they covered the Buddha in clay to protect it. The monks were killed in the attack, but the army placed no value on the clay Buddha and therefor left it unharmed.

reason for this story… “Inside we are all Golden Buddha’s, but we grew to believe we were made of clay. Our ego’s false perceptions led us to grow into a belief system that covered our inner light. We’ve spent years, maybe decades, masking our truth. Now it’s time to embrace our light and reconnect with our Golden Buddha within.” – Gabrielle Bernstein

 

xoxo,

barista

May Cause Miracles: Week 6 Part 2

imagesCAQRU0YXI know its been a little while since I wrote my last May Cause Miracles post. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to work on following through. I have noticed that when something is coming to an end, procrastination sets in big time and it takes me forever to actually finish, if at all. This happens a lot especially when reading books.

Day 39 was about Gratitude to the World. My favorite quote from this chapter is “when you stop trying to make the world serve you, then you can serve the world”.  Gratitude is very important in these processes because it becomes very easy to focus on the negative things around you versus the good things you are thankful for. “I am grateful for my new perceptions  of the world”.

For this evening exercise I had to write a gratitude letter to someone who has greatly affected my life. “By charing your gratitude with others, you inspire them to carry on their sacred path. Shining light on the accomplishments of others brings more light to the world”.

My letter was to my fiance, Justin. I can admit, and I’m sure he could tell you, I don’t do enough focusing on the great things he does for our relationships. So I wanted to take the opportunity to do so. I wasn’t going to share it, but here goes (also will be his first time reading):

Dear Justin,
I just wanted to let you know because I don’t express it enough….Thank You! Thank you for loving me. For always thinking of me. For being thoughtful and always there. For listening to the things I like and love and showing up. For always planning amazing stuff and surprising me. Even though I don’t like surprises I appreciate the effort behind them. For keeping a spark alive even when I don’t give back like I should. Thank you for loving me even when I’m crazy, when I wake up with wild hair, and can be annoying. Thank you for even the hard times because it’s those moments that are making me grow. Forcing me to grow even though you may not realize it. Sometimes I don’t realize it either. I know I don’t always give back in the same ways you give to me but I want you to know I do notice it, and I DO appreciate it. I love you for being that guy. I’m trying and focusing on being the best I can be so in return I can be the best for the relationship. Thank you for the patience. I love you!
Love, Ashley

After gratitude day comes the day for forgiveness. Forgiveness is always huge because it allows you to let go of things that can hindering the possibility to effectively move forward. It’s a huge cause of fear and leads to resistance when it comes to choosing the love path.

“I forgive the false projections I have placed on the world” was the affirmation for Day 40. On this evening I had to write another letter, this time one of forgiveness to a person or organization I have been resenting. It’s interesting because my letters of gratitude and forgiveness were to the same person. This one is a little more personal to both parties involved so I will not be sharing it, but it was a little enlightening to write the things I had held on to. To look at how those fears have held me back.

The biggest thing was to choose to see love instead of the false projections. The false projections are the surface of the behaviors I was resenting whereas love is what’s deeper inside. The truth I know is there and was empowering to commit to see the truth versus the fears. Something I have to continue to remind myself, especially when shit seems to hit the fan 🙂

The book is a “40 day” guidebook but to complete the week there is actually 42 days. Day 41 is about fully taking in that I AM A MIRACLE WORKER! “I am here to be truly helpful”. It’s all about remembering that this is what we are here for. Gabrielle stated that one of her resolutions was to measure her success by how much fun she is having. I was then to look at the areas we focused on in the book and see how I could inject more fun into those areas.

Here are some of the questions that were asked. Take a look and see how you can apply these to your life.

Self Love: In what ways can I have more fun on my own in my everyday life?

Miracle of the Body: How can I enjoy he process of physical activity? What innovative and challenging workouts can I try? How can I enjoy the process of eating healthy foods?

Holy Relationships: How can I bring more fun into my relationships? What thoughts, conversations, actions, activities can I bring into all of my relationships?

Miracle of Abundance: How can I bring more fun into my career or place of work? Hoe can I have fun while I am creating abundance?

Miracle Worker of the World: How can I bring more fun into the world?

As Gabrielle suggests, challenge yourself into incorporating more fun into each of these areas of life every month. “If you intend to have fun, you will have a fun life”.

Wrapping up Day 42….THE LAST DAY!!! I will share this last day as well as some insight from the final chapter, in a later post. Although I am done with my 42 days of practice, the real work has only begun!!!

I would love to know if you have been reading May Cause Miracles though as well as your experiences if so. Feel free to share in the comments below.

xoxo,

 barista

 

If you have not picked up the book yet, Gabby will be having a 6-week ONLINE course for May Cause Miracles. It focuses directly on the book and provides you with guidance as you read along. There will be videos and audio versions as well as her guided mediations. It’s an awesome way to experience the book. Check out and sign up HERE

May Cause Miracles: Week 4

You guys are probably wondering how long I have been on week 4 in my “May Cause Miracles” book. I spent a few extra days there. 3-4 days on day 25 because I kept forgetting to do the evening exercise. It’s funny because soooo many times I was just going to skip it and continue on with the next day like I wanted to back on earlier in the book. All I kept thinking was that “If I want to see what results I get by following her techniques, I have to actually do them”.

Week 4 was all about relationships. Not just intimate ones you have with a partner but ALL relationships you have with people in general. It follows from Week 3, which was about Body Image, in where we learn that:

“The ego uses the body to create more separation in our relationships to others. When you perceive yourself as a separate body, inevitably you’ve projected yourself to be better than or less than someone else.”

One quote I love that she says from the book “A Course in Miracles” is “judging others is the same as judging yourself”. I mean think about that for a second… When you judge someone else it only means that you are comparing them to yourself in some way or another which means there is no way possible to judge someone else WITHOUT judging yourself.

Day 22 started as all first days of the weeks start, which is with recognizing how y

ou think about others. How do I make people more or less special than me? “Today I am the witness to my ego’s false perceptions of others”. With this affirmation I definitely could see how judging others only meant judging myself.

I judge others and myself off looks, friends, popularity, conversations, responses, etc. I attack others by pushing my ideas onto them, convince people that they just don’t understand me, and this can start arguments. I tend to make people special whom are in a place that I want to be in or have what I want. Especially people that I admire in the self-growth field. I turn around and make myself my special by thinking I know more than others or can understand certain stuff that the average person doesn’t. I sometimes tend to believe I have this special awareness and some people aren’t “there” just yet. I compare myself to others according to looks, job, happiness, activeness, etc. I then asked my Inner Guide to heal me of these fearful ways and for guidance towards oneness.

Love_Everyone_by_Oakmi

Day 23 was all about surrender. “Inner Guide, I ask that you help me see everyone as equal”. The book said I would use this affirmation a lot throughout the day and boy did I. Man oh man do I judge. It definitely will be a constant work in progress. “the more you call on love, the more love you will see”. I had to go back through all the ways I judge others, attack others, how I’ve made others and myself more special, and how I compare myself to others and choose to be willing to see love instead.  There was a nice meditation this night that allowed to breath in my willingness and breath out what I am ready to do.

One key thing to know while reading this book is that these processes were created with the belief that we were all born out  of a positive loving energy and over time through fear and fear and more fear, we tend to forget the energy that still resides within, The energy in which we were created. Our Inner Guide. Our intuition. Our higher self. Our relationship with God. However you want to look at it. So on Day 24 we dig deeper into this and know that “Kindness created me kind”. If this is true and you know that is who you are then it’s safe to say that being unkind would mean to be at a disconnect with your true self. Throughout the day I actually caught myself a lot having unkind thoughts and replacing them with my affirmation. I even thought of past ways I hadn’t been kind and that made me want to be extra kind this evening.

I usually get home from work around 6:30pm and I will admit, I don’t always wanna make dinner. Over time I have noticed it get less and less. Well with the time change and it staying lighter out later, I thought it would be nice to have a nice dinner with my family outside. I stopped at the store on the way home, picked up a few things and although we didn’t make it in time to still be light out, we had a nice dinner outside at the table in the backyard together. Later after my son went to bed, my fiance wanted to get in the spa. I FINALLY got in the spa for the first time. It was nice and we got to have some alone time and have a nice talk which is something we don’t get to have often. No worries about work, no worries about blogging, catching up on TV shows, etc. We had a nice night and it started with my thought and want to be kind.

In order to learn and grow in this area I do have to recognize in which ways I have been unkind.

On this day I noticed that I have had unloving thoughts about myself, my co-workers, my fiance. When I go back and think about WHY I was having unloving thoughts, it is out of some sort of fear based thinking. The thing is that when you write it down and think of the reasoning, it almost seems silly. Being unkind didn’t make me feel good or better so if that is the case then what is the point. I then had to forgive myself for these unloving thoughts and recognize that it is not WHO I am, just me ego decision to choose fear over love. Something that stood out as important to me on this night was the quote from the book “By continuously acknowledging your unkind ego’s behavior, you will weaken the bad habit…” Like said, a constant work in progress.

The reason this week took me extra long was because I spent 4 days actively working on Day 25. I didn’t find myself putting my all into it. This day’s work was based on knowing that ALL relationships are ways in which you can learn and grow and the 4th day of each week is always gratitude so its being grateful for the lessons that come from your relationships. “All encounters are holy encounters”.  This affirmation is to remind me that every person that I met give me an opportunity. One to strengthen my practice in choosing love over fear. Especially those relationships that make me a little more ticked off or upset. Sometimes I had to just stop and ask myself, “what can I be grateful for in this situation?”. This act alone stop reactions and arguments and helped me have some more appreciation.

Day 26 was much like Day 5 in week one where the affirmation was “I could see peace instead of this”. Forgiving myself for the judgements I have had. Every encounter is a chance to see love and this affirmation is a way to forgive myself for any other thought.

Day 27 was to bring it all home and truly notice the changes that happen when making these subtle shifts. “Today I am a Miracle Worker. I choose to see Love in all”. I CHOOSE to see love in all. It’s a CHOICE I want to make. In the evening exercise I had to make a list and look at the relationships that cause my pain. The realize that these painful encounters are the ones that most allow myself to take a deeper look. Pain hurts, it hurts like HELL but guess what? Pain is the one single thing that usually leads to change. Without pain, some of us wouldn’t have reason to change and become better. And there will ALWAYS be a chance to grow and become better. I ended the night with a silent prayer for those people to be guided, protected, and healed from fear…just as I want to be.

Day 28 reflection day….and now I am on week 5.

Technically I should have started Day 29 on Wednesday but it throws me off some starting a new week in the middle of the week so I decided to actively work on Day 29 until Monday night and will begin Day 30 on Tuesday. This week  is all about how my self-worth is related to my net worth. That’s right….MONEY money money monaaaaay!!! Stay tuned

ps: I know that since I have done one whole week at a time, my posts are obviously longer… let me know if this is fine or if I should go back to breaking down the week into two parts…  I thank you in advance for your comments!!! 🙂

xoxo,

barista

PPS: Don’t forget Gabrielle’s virtual conference starts TOMORROW!!! March 25th. Sign up here to have access to her interviews with 20 Miracle Workers and get more insight about this book “MAY CAUSE MIRACLES”. The book is amazing so I know this conference is going to be nothing short of the same. SIGN UP NOW!!!

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May Cause Miracles: Week 1 Part 1

gabrielle-bernstein-may-cause-miraclesI am so excited I got Gabrielle Bernsteins new book, “May Cause Miracles: A 40 Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimted Happiness” and I’m so excited to get through it. I’ve wanted to try a book like this that with some sort of challenge everyday so it’s awesome to finally have one. When I went to her seminar back in October 2012 she was mentioning her new book and it finally came out this January.

I’m going into day 4 and so far I am super pumped. I even started a small book club with some of my close friends so we can experience it together. I was afraid to begin this journey while in Bali but at the same time I was thinking “WHY WAIT?”. Being on vacation is just an excuse. If I want change and happiness I have to START NOW. I have to  make it a priority in my life. I have to put my happiness FIRST. During the 40 days plenty of excuses will come up. The weekend, a holiday, a friend’s birthday, I’m tired, I don’t have time, I’m busy. If I let all those excuses get in the way not only am I slowing down the time it’ll take for me to see this radical change but it shows me just how important this change really is to me. It’s SUPER important therefore I put it first and being in Bali doesn’t change that.  I read my days work the FIRST thing in the morning,  carry my journal with me throughout the day to take notes, and I end my reading for the specific day and do my meditation and journal before bed.

One of the reasons I love the book is because it’s SO simple. Each day is only like 4 pages long. Half of it is assignments to do at the beginning of the day with some ideas to be aware of throughout your day and the other half is an evening exercise to do before bed. If you are determined to try something new and make change in your life, it is very easy to dedicate your time to this book.

The first week is all about recognizing your fears and how they set roadblocks in your life. I like this week so far because it’s interesting to notice how many fearful thoughts I have throughout the day. Affirmation of Day 1 was “I am willing to witness my fear”

Some of the fears that went through my head on Day 1:

*If I speak up at work they will talk behind my back
*I’m not a good parent
*I’m overeating, I’m gonna be judged
*I don’t look pretty enough
*My hair is going to keep getting thinner
*I’m addicted to the computer
*I can’t fulfill his needs
*IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

I realized my fears are triggered when I am at work, when I’m at home with my family, when I argue with my boyfriend, when I see people I know, when I’m shopping. When I am in fear I feel anxious, sad, regretful, unfulfilled, unhappy. My fear affects my behavior because it makes me not want to do certain things. Sometimes I feel like I want to quit or run away. I start to feel tired or lazy and I tend to gossip or pull away. I also feel guilty or angry at myself. I mean can you see how fear can be immobilizing?

Considering the situations that trigger my fear, I live with these fears constantly everyday so you couldimagine how this has an effect on my day-to-day life. Most people don’t take the correct amount of time and mindfulness to actually notice this in their lives and when having fearful thoughts like these day-to-day, we tend to feel that’s it’s normal because it’s what we are constantly dealing with.

Day 2 had to do with noticing your fears but using the affirmation of “I Am Willing To See Love Instead”. I liked this one because when I would catch myself in a fearful thought I would stop and repeat this phrase and I wouldn’t allow myself to go further. Is my life “changed” yet? No, but its all about being mindful so that is my intention thus far. My intention is to think about the current affirmation throughout the day and that’s it. I believe with adding these up day by day it will create the bigger picture.

Day 3 was about choosing a new perspective. I had to write a letter to myself about being committed to change and transforming my fears into love. I had to put it in a place I would see everyday to remind me of my intentions. My true intentions are to create a happier life (there is always room for more happiness) and I want to dedicate my time to doing something different then what I’ve done in the past and see how it works for me. Affirmation of the day, “Love Did Not Create This”. Recognizing your fears and actively choosing a new perspective. The reason we want to be mindful is so it can  become easier to be responsible in the choices we make. We have become so used to fearful negative thoughts that they are automatic and habit. Not only that, its easy to place blame on something or someone else which in turn takes away the power we have over the fear. This day was about purposely CHOOSING something different.

Being in Bali I am 16 hours ahead of my friends in the United States which is half a day but I decided to work on their time so it doesn’t mess me up when I come home. Day 4 is all about Gratitude. Sunday will be the end of WEEK 1, I’ll get back to you in a couple of days and let you know how I’m feeling after this week.

If you are up to try something new, I definitely recommend this book. I would love to witness your changes and experiences. I’m excited to share mine with you!

xoxo,

barista