Lately I find myself talking about Love a lot. Ok fine, always!! Love is all we need right? The one thing that took me some time to realize was my misconceptions about what Love is.
I think most people think that Love is an emotion or a feeling. A Noun. Something we can find, have, or keep. I used to. “He loves me because _______” or even better “He doesn’t love me because _______”. We narrow love down to an “it”. Yet “it” can mean something different to everyone.
What I am continuing to come to realize is that the more experience I have with Love and the more I understand Love, the more exact Love becomes yet the indescribable and undefinable all the same.
One thing I do know for sure now is that Love is and ALWAYS will be Love. There is only ONE Love. Love is NOT different depending on the person. It all comes from one place. Your heart, your soul, your existence. Love knows no boundaries, no comparisons, no conditions, no separation. Although Love knows many expressions, it is all the same Love.
Love is the ONLY thing that is real. Everything else is an illusion. Love is always available, even when we think it’s long gone. When all you can see is pain, Love will sit there patiently waiting for you to return and welcome you with open arms when you do.
“Love always loves you, even when you can’t or won’t love yourself.” – Robert Holden
The second thing I know for sure is that LOVE DOES NOT HURT, even when you undoubtedly think it does. That is probably the biggest misconception of them all. That loving in the first place is the problem.
If Love hurt, how could it be Love? Love is nothing but itself. Is and ALWAYS will be. If Love does not hurt, then what does? That’s easy. Fear does! But don’t get it twisted… fear may seem like an enemy to love but in reality fear is there to show you where love needs to be. Love sees no enemy, it ONLY sees Love. So where is the Love in fear?
In Robert Holden’s Book, Loveability, he discusses the obsession with “falling in love”. He goes on to tell a story about his five-year old daughter and a boy she liked from school. He mentions that it would be wonderful if “children were introduced to their own eternal loveliness before they started obsessing about falling in love”.
He states that:
“The early obsession with falling love is a sign that we have already started to doubt our own Loveability. By falling in love with someone, we hope we will remember how loveable we are. We hope someone will catch our fall, in the fall from grace, and thereby save us from the basic fear that ‘I am not loveable’. Much of the desire to fall in love is about being loved rather than being loving.”
He then goes on to quote J. Krishnamurti. “You want to be loved because you do not love; but the moment you love, it is finished, you are no longer inquiring whether or not somebody loves you”.
One concept that I am exceptionally fond of, is the concept that we have two basic choices in life. A choice between Love and fear. Although expressed in thousands of ways, there is only one love and there is only one fear. “Love is the mind of the real Self, and fear is the mind of your self-image or ego.” We are constantly choosing between Love and Fear. Worthy and unworthy. Loveable and Unloveable. Whichever you choose to identify with, is the one that you give power. If Love is the only thing that is real, then the idea that you can be unloveable is not real. LOVE IS YOUR EXISTENCE. If your source were not that of Love, you would not be here.
The fear that you are unloveable is the extension to all other fears. It’s the fear the hurts. Not Love. Love is what heals!
In Holden’s chapter “Love and Fear” he states that:
“Love brings up everything unlike itself for the purpose of healing. Love and fear have the opposite effect on you. The principle effect of fear is that it prevents you from seeing where love is present, whereas love helps you to see where you are afraid. Love makes you conscious. It switches a light on in your mind. This light brings everything into view… Love does not judge, so nothing is hidden. Love does not condemn, so there is no deception. Love does not censure, so all is revealed. Love exposes the fears you identify with, the secret shame you haven’t forgiven, the old wounds not yet released, and every other unloving thought that blocks the awareness of love’s prescence… Love shows you what you think of yourself and also how you relate to yourself. Love and fear cannot co-exist…Love brings fear into full view so that you can see if there is a message for you, a lesson for you, or even a gift for you. This is how Love heals fear. This is how love helps you to be fully present, undefended, and open to your life. Love brings up everything unlike itself so that you can let go of fear and be the loving person that you are.”
Love is the energy that runs ALL things. Underneath anger is Love. Underneath sadness is love. Underneath control is Love. Underneath judgement is love. If Love did not exist there, we simply would not care. Love is never really the problem though… Love is the solution that lies UNDER the problem. Love is who you ARE! .The problem is simply not knowing your own Loveability.
So when you find yourself angry, sad, controlling, or judgmental…. ask yourself where you need healing and just apply a little love. Remember you are loveable. Remember your existence. Turn off the fear and Turn on the LOVE! Your wound will begin to heal.
What are some ways you choose love when fear is present? Leave a comment, you may just help someone out.