Happy Birthday To Me

happybirthdaytomeSo Wednesday was my 29th birthday and boy did I feel special. I found myself continuously thinking “what did I do to deserve this?”, Sometimes even thinking “I don’t deserve this”. Isn’t that crazy? On my birthday of all days, I would think I didn’t deserve the love or gift that someone is offering me.

How do you react when people give you compliments? Instead of saying thank you and receiving the positive energy, many of us tend to dismiss the compliment in some way. We will minimize it or counter it. You may even say thank you but really aren’t taking it in at all. I never noticed I used to do that until someone had to blatantly point it out to me. Conversation went something like this “I love your hair, its beautiful” “Omg I hate it, it’s so thin and damaged, but thanks”. Boom a three in one!

Throughout the day on my birthday I had to consciously think sometimes “you are getting this recognition because people love you and want to express that”. I’m sure I can’t be the only one that has a hard time receiving love. Why do you think it’s so hard for us to receive love? It could be a multitude of reasons I guess but some that come to mind are because 1. We aren’t used to it 2. We fear the vulnerability 3. We don’t receive enough love from ourselves.

We Aren’t Used To It

One reason it could be hard to receive love is because you did not have a lot of positive experiences when you were younger. This lack now leads to a pain surrounding love. Maybe your parents didn’t encourage you as much as you would have liked. Not only that, maybe you saw your friends parents encourage them therefore you built this pain around the fact that you weren’t getting the same thing. In order for us to fully take in love, we have to be able to open our hearts. When you open your heart you have to touch on that bottled up pain that is there. Sadly, our human nature has been to try to avoid pain so we choose to keep our hearts closed making it hard to let the positive energy in. Paradoxically this avoidance will actually lead us to more pain down the road.

I think a good way to try to heal this part of you is to go back to the memory of that little boy or girl and give them the love you wanted. It’s even better if you have specific memories in which you clearly did not receive what you needed. If you felt your parent did not show you the love you wanted, know that it does not mean they didn’t love you. Maybe they didn’t get the loved they needed when they were younger therefore have a hard time expressing it just the same. Tell yourself “Even though I did not receive the love and encouragement I wanted, I choose to love and encourage myself”

The Fear Of Being Vulnerable

As mentioned above, to fully receive positive energy we have to be open to it. Being open can feel totally exposing. When someone would give me a compliment, it felt awkward to sit there and just accept it and say thank you. I felt naked. Someone was “seeing” me so  I had to cover up by counteracting the compliment. Whats wrong with being seen? I can’t help but hear the voice of the crocodile hunter… there’s me mate right ova there. so here’s what we do, we gotta give ye a mighty compliment aye, when ye accepts it that means ye trust us now right…well now that we have that trust there we have the opportunity to pounce on that mate there when they aren’t looking at us and eat em right up…oh yea and then spit er right out because ye taste bloody horrible! (ps: dont know if Australians say “ye” i just made it up haha

Oh yea, people can then sense your weakness then pounce when you’re not ready, and then when they can really see you they will reject you… so you MUST stay guarded at all times right? We’re not zebras in a field of hungry lions. We are humans and deep down we seek love but again we  want to avoid pain. Being open means being vulnerable which means being susceptible to pain. Well the great thing about pain is that it is a function of your own perspective. Practice being vulnerable. The fear of vulnerability often feels like you have something to hide, so start sharing stuff. Even if it’s just to yourself in the mirror for now. Let it all out…the good, bad, and ugly…and then guess what… LOVE YOURSELF!

We Don’t Love Ourselves Enough

I would say one of the number one reasons it’s hard for us to receive love is because deep down we don’t feel worthy of it. Of course we all like to think we love ourselves but think about how you show love to yourself. Is saying “ugh my hair is so thin and damaged” loving yourself? Is talking negatively about your body loving yourself? Is telling yourself you’re damaged loving yourself? If we can not receive enough love from ourselves, when someone else  is giving us love we tend to have an inner conflict. What they are saying or doing is not matching up to out internal beliefs. In this case, one of two things will happen… we will either let our own negative belief win, OR we will exchange the negative belief for the positive one. Being that we’ve been wired to take the easy route, keeping whats already there is usually what happens. So time to practice the latter fo the two. Exchanging the negative belies for positive ones. We can start by the beliefs we have about ourselves. Each morning try to say something positive about yourself. Then list reasons why this is true. Smile at yourself. Hug yourself. Dance, Sing, LOVE YOURSELF. Love yourself as if you were a friend, because in reality you should be your own friend.

I can admit, I had to remain pretty aware throughout the day on my birthday in order to fully receive all that was coming my way. And guess what, IT FELT GOOD!!! Could you imagine that. Receiving Love FEEL GOOD! So this barrier we’ve built around our heart to avoid pain actually has blocked love in the process. Silly us!!! My birthday present to myself was letting love in!

Try it!!! Be vulnerable, Love yourself, and Get used to it and I promise you, it will feel great!!! Happy Birthday to me.

xoxo,

barista

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Am I Making the Right Decision?

So as I think about conversations I have with friends and others either about my life or theirs, one  question always comes up and it “How do I know I am making the right decision?”. I think this is a common fear that most people have because the future is so uncertain. Today my cousin wrote “Insecurity is the root of all created circumstances that are perceived as issues” and I think this is a good thought to think about. What is the insecurity that is pushing the issue of not knowing if you are making the right decision?

Think about it this way…if someone else was making a decision for you and you weren’t sure if they were making the right one, then really you can say that you don’t trust their decisions right? So that means when YOU don’t know if YOU are making the right decision simply means YOU DON’T TRUST YOURSELF. Maybe somewhere in the past you’ve made decisions that didn’t turn out the way you liked them to, or you ended up wishing you had made a different one. Of course this can hinder your future ability to trust yourself.

So the question is, how do we get over this? Well you have to jump. You have to start trusting yourself. Of course sometimes it’s hard to keep in touch to the voice within especially when you have all the voices on the outside trying to push you in all directions as well. Your family wants you to this, your friends want you to that. Of course it’s hard to listen to yourself when all these other voices have a say as well. Everyone has different opinions and we all have the right to our own. No matter what anyone says though, even if it’s the person you trust the most, ONLY YOU know what is best for you.

In the past when you were making all those decisions you regret or that did not go the way you wanted, were those decisions you made based off of what was best or were they made off of what other people wanted from you, or even what you THOUGHT other people wanted from you? My bet is all those decisions weren’t even yours to begin with. And here you now are not trusting yourself because you were going off of what other people wanted. If anything you should learn from THAT. Learn that everyone elses decisions for you aren’t whats best for you, it’s what’s best for them. What makes it even more funny is that those people giving you advice aren’t even following it themselves even though it’s their advice.

 Everything you desire comes from within, which means the answer is ALWAYS there. There are two parts to your self. Your human mind that bases things off of ego and all the clutter going on around you, and your higher self which is connected to your source and is always working FOR YOU.

 All the clutter can cause you to disconnect from your higher self. Therefore making decisions seem harder than they are. You have to start connecting with your inner wisdom and know that it is the thing that knows what’s best for you.

How do you know when you are connected? Well when you are listening to your higher self, the messages you hear are supporting YOU. The answers aren’t worried about what other people will think or how they will feel about your decisions. How many times do you even argue with yourself because you are so worried about what others will think or feel. “Well I know I should do this BUT …”. Every time you are indecisive, you are closing off the trust towards your self. You are telling yourself that you don’t trust what your inner wisdom wants for you. Let me add this, if you are surrounded by people who love you and support you like your higher self does, they will trust you too and they will continue to be there for you. If not, you do not need them in your life. What easier way to weed people out. By making some decisions for yourself. Double whammy!!! Sounds pretty beneficial to me.

Know this too, nothing has to be permanent. The decisions you make now don’t have to be that way forever. If/when you feel that they are permanent, ask your self why? Is it because you are caring about how others will perceive your decision? What is right for you now may not be right for you in a day, a month, or even a few years. And guess what? You have the power to make a new decision then. When you trust and love your self, no one elses opinions matter. You KNOW you are making the right decision. You can look at your life and KNOW that you are responsible for the co-creation of it. And when things don’t turn out the way you think, you KNOW its becuase something better is waiting. Things will start to come easy and effortless to you because you KNOW what you want. Your decisions don’t make you a victim, it’s the decisions of others that make you feel powerless. Your decisions make you POWERFUL, They give your life MEANING, and guess what, YOU WILL BE HAPPY, YOU WILL BE FREE!

My challenge to you  is to START MAKING DECISIONS. No matter how small. Every time you come to that wonderful fork in the road, instead of sitting there not knowing which way to go and becoming a victim of “stuckness”, or having someone else tell you what to do, PICK A WAY and KNOW that it’s the right way for you. Ask your self, “Is this right for ME right now or someone else?” And even if there are obstacles, you are powerful enough to get through them. You don’t have to stop turn around and go the other way. Maybe you picked that road on purpose, so you could become stronger. What better way to get over the fear of trusting yourself then to TRUST YOUR SELF! Nike does have the best slogan… JUST DO IT!

We all have a unique purpose. We are more than our personalities, our problems, our fears, and our illnesses. We are far more than our bodies. We are all connected with everyone on the planet and with all of life. We are all spirit, light, energy, vibration, and love, and we all have the power to live our lives with purpose and meaning.” – LOUISE HAY

xoxo ,

Passing The Test!

For the last few years a friend and I always talk about how we want to invent/create something successful. Always thinking of ideas or seeing stuff, that we thought we imagined first, already out. Well I got this magical idea (no i will not share it yet) almost two years ago, wow i cant believe its been sitting for that long already, and I am FINALLY taking the steps I need to take to make it come to life. FINALLY!!!

I mean I just realized when writing that it’s been an idea in my head for 2 years now. 2 YEARS!!! what?!?! I mean I’m not the only one this happens to. People get great ideas alllll the time and just sit on them because they are too afraid to move forward. I bet you have an idea of something you want to do RIGHT NOW. Their classic excuse is “BUT I don’t know what to do next”. Well do you think all those people out there with all their ideas just magically know what to do next? No most of them don’t. But guess what? They find out what to do next….and then they do it. That is what makes the difference between the those watch their life and those that create it. We are all here living this experience because we have talents to share yet so many of us make excuses as to why we aren’t good enough for them. All those ideas in your head, all the things you want, the life you dream…. you have absolute control over creating it ALL. Not only are you good enough, but that’s why you are here, you deserve it all.

I went through the classic excuses; “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I don’t have time”, “I don’t have money”….. I cant…I can’t… I can’t!!! What about the reasons I can or I want to. I have an idea and that ALONE is reason enough to move forward. If you want something and you are committed to it, you find out how to make it happen and you make room for it in your life. So many times I was in a certain situation and I thought about my idea and how “I really need to create it” yet so many times went by where I just talked about it and made no moves. I always dreaded the thought that if someone else created my idea it would be my worst nightmare because I did feel so passionate about it. Waiting 2 years to make a move though,  it was almost like I was waiting for someone else to do it first so I didn’t have to step outside my comfort zone.

 so FINALLY at the beginning of August I met with a guy that was more experienced at what I wanted to do and talk to him so I can FIND OUT how to move forward with my idea. The meeting went great, it ended with me needing to do a little more research about the product and competitors. While doing this I found two concepts that were a little similar to mine but they were very simple compared to what I wanted to create. I decided before I was done to try looking up the NAME that I thought of just to make sure there wasn’t something already made with the same name. AND THERE IT WAS!!! My idea was made and released just 3 days before I met with “the guy”. Not only that, it had the SAME NAME. I was devastated. I wanted to quit IMMEDIATELY!!! I felt like my worst nightmare had come true and someone already had a head start. I sulked for about a few minutes and then I realized what was going on. This was a TEST!!!

You see, life loves to throw you test to see how committed you are to what it is you say you want. This is something I REALLLLY want. I figured I can give up and let someone else make their way to glory possibly or I can keep going, think of a different name, and make my product better. I choose to keep going. I had a meeting the other day, we went over the design and how I wanted it to function and I have a meeting next week to continue to move forward.

How committed are you to that life and things you want? How many excuses have you made for why you can’t move forward? You are meant here to live and create greatness so instead of sitting and watching others create their dreams, its time for you to create yours. Follow your passions and do the things you love and want to do. Share with the world your creations. We all have something.  All it takes is your idea, your passion, and your belief!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

xoxo,

 

Love and Be Loved

via Heal Your Life

Ten Tips on Loving and Being Loved: (by Tricia LaVoice)

1.LOVE BEGINS WITH YOU: Your inner voice is where your story of love begins: It is hard to feel worthy of love if someone is criticizing you all the time and especially if that someone is talking in your head. Stop self-loathing; it’s a waste of time. Stop comparing yourself to others and feeling like a victim. Dare to be proud of yourself, look for your strengths, watch for the negative talk and stop it.

2.GRATITUDE REFLECTION: Like any muscle, the heart get stronger with exercise. Gratitude reflection is a great exercise for opening the heart. Take two minutes each morning when you open your eyes and two minutes each night right before you close them to give thanks. Just go through the list of all the things you are grateful for—beginning with your ability to feel gratitude for the job that gets you out of bed each morning.

3.DECLARE LOVE: Give passion to everything in your life. Love your walks, your gardening, your age, the family you created, the weather patterns where you live. Grab onto it all as if you might lose it. See through a child’s eyes. Be thrilled and excited about life. Find miracles everywhere. Use the word love more often when describing aspects of your life.

4.LITTLE IS BIG: A big heart is full of endless possibilities to show love in little ways. Engage in small acts of kindness that cost little money, if any, and take little time. It is amazing how effective small acts of kindness are and how long they are remembered. Open doors, smile, call a friend that is hurting, put a card in the mail, pick up an extra coffee, make “just because” gestures part of your daily life. Don’t think it, do it! And yes, we all have more time for this than we know.

5.LOVE LIKE THE OCEAN: You have the ability to love like the seven seas reaching around the world and back. And like the ocean putting passion into each and every wave, all your love matters and makes a difference. We are all capable of grand love.

6.THINK HAMMER INSTEAD OF NAIL: At some time in our lives we will all experience pain and hardships. These experiences hurt and lead us to build walls around us to protect us from others. Yet, pain and hardship are great tools for opening the heart. You must have courage and strength and allow your hardships to open the flow of love in your life.

7.UNDERSTAND MOTHER NATURE: Mother Nature bestowed us with romantic love so we can reproduce, maternal/paternal love so we can care for the next generation and friendship so we can connect and protect one another. However, in addition to the bonding gift of emotional love, Mother Nature intended love to serve us in many ways. One way is by easing anxiety. The next time you find yourself in a situation with a coworker, stuck in traffic or angry at a stranger, stay in the love. Witness how calmly your body reacts and how much more you can handle in your life.

8.CUT OTHERS A BREAK: Most people are coming from a place of exhaustion and/or feeling unappreciated. People are overwhelmed and lonely, and Emotions 101 is not taught in any school. Regardless of how easy someone’s life may appear, they have their personal hardships. Simply cut them a break.

9.REMOVE THE DEBRIS: Think of a river heading home to the sea. As she voyages forward her journey is hampered if debris gets in her way and clogs her up. Anger, resentment, fear, judgment and blame are debris hampering the flow of love in your life. Self reflect, take responsibility and open your heart to love. You can find tools to release the debris by reading books, watching lectures, praying, forgiving others.

10.LET GO: Many people rarely if ever hear the words, I love you. It can be scary and awkward, but the more you say it the easier it gets. Just say: I love you to your mother, father, sister, brother, friend, anyone you love. End conversations with I love you. Just see how good it feels and how well it is accepted. Witness the love being returned to you. And remember to say, I.

By Taking Chances, We Learn To Be Brave

A Creed To Live By

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing
yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don’t set your goals by what other people
deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.
Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them
life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don’t be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don’t dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don’t run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you’ve been, but also where you’re going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored
each step of the way.

 ~ Nancye Sims ~