Are You Suffocating Your Flame?

One day a couple of months ago I started thinking about the possibility of going back to school. I have been interested in going back for a couple of years now but had wandered from niche to niche trying to discover what I was most passionate about. I received my Bachelor’s in Psychology back in 2006 and have not really done anything with it since.

After graduating I decided I wanted to take a year from school and just live and enjoy myself without any added pressure for once in my life. I swore I was not going to be one of those people who said they were going to take a year and never come back… I felt really determined that going back to school was my goal and I was going to return. Well a year has turned into 7 years.

After years and years of entering job after job, starting but never finishing venture after venture, I have come to discover that I have been subconsciously scared of my success. Sounds kinda silly huh? But it’s actually quite common for many people.  Especially the closer you get to achieving your goals. Most people can relate to feeling scared of failure but I believe the two definitely go hand in hand. As much as some of us are afraid of not being good enough, we can also be afraid to shine our light bright. But why?

We feel we don’t deserve it. We are scared of change. We feel guilty because others around us aren’t achieving. We feel like once we reach success, we don’t be able to sustain it. We want to avoid being seen as show-offs or conceited. There is fear that others will envy or hate us, which in turn will leave us lonely and unloved. . The thing is, we witness things like envy and hate on others everyday, sometimes we’re even the ones judging. 

I know that change creates more change and I worry that if I change, the relationships around me can’t help but change as well. The fear comes from not knowing how and this fear creates a sort of suffering. The thing is I feel like once we have experienced growth and witnessed miracles, we create more suffering by NOT changing. The light is lit inside but we spend so much energy covering it or hiding it, afraid that it’ll be put out, that we are doing nothing but suffocating it, stealing the oxygen it needs to grow, in return slowly putting it out ourselves.  

As with everything, there is always a pay-off we are receiving that keeps us continuing the path we do, even if they act is a bad one. What is my pay-off for remaining powerless? “At least I can control the situation more” “I can’t lose if I don’t try” “No worry about obtaining success and not knowing what to do with it” “I can save my money instead of risk losing it” “My relationships with people can stay the same” and one of the biggest pay-offs being, “I am comfortable and don’t have to feel vulnerable”.

Once you identify your fears, you can start to work through them and surrender to the outcome.  I looked into the University of Santa Monica back in June of this year. I attended an introduction into their program of Spiritual Psychology. I had never been so amazed in my life that a program like theirs exists. It was RIGHT up my alley. Everything I believe in, work towards, want to achieve,..all taught and mastered through their Masters Program. And what?? I can get a Masters too?!?!? Sounded so good to be true. I immediately knew that it was something I had to go through with. I have never felt so alive and motivated upon leaving that meeting. I just KNEW that school was for me. I even was mad I had not found or heard of it sooner. (BUT I also know if I had, I wouldn’t have been in the place I am in now to appreciate it).

I came home and couldn’t stop smiling, knowing that I had discovered my next step.  Hmmmm, now to take it. THAT was the challenge. I started my registration form and then all the fears come creeping into my head. “How am I going to pay for this?” “What if I can’t get three letters of recommendation?” “Will I be able to do this, work, get married, have more kids, and maintain the home at the same time?” “What if I don’t get in?” “What if I commit and then can’t continue” “Is this really reasonable?” I’ll admit some of those fears were powered by fear of failure, but because of how powerful I felt in my heart about this program, I realized more of it was coming out of my fear of actually coming to a successful place along my path.

I have had a lot of ideas over the years, started a lot of ventures of my own, but never fully following through with any of them. Over the last 3 months I saw this going down the same road.  Having been immersed in the things I love and continuing to grow over the years, witness the miracles that happen to others that are conquering their fears, even being a huge part of that very process in others lives. I have become nothing but more and more passionate about what I want to be doing with my life. I KNOW that I don’t want to settle. And I have come to truly believe that once you know this TRUTH, there is no looking back. There is no giving up. There is no backing down. As much as you try to cover that light, your passion becomes its gasoline and if you don’t move your hands, it will burn you eventually, forcing you to get out of your own way, until it can do nothing less than SHINE the way it’s meant to.

Classes start in the beginning of October. “Maybe next year will work out better” “Next year will only come with different excuses”. The fears that were stopping me from moving forwards were slowly becoming trumped by my fears of how I will feel if I don’t move forward. I came to an epiphany that the ONLY thing in my way was myself. It wasn’t money, it wasn’t support, it wasn’t time. It was just me and my limiting thoughts. And I CONTROL that. FEAR isn’t real. Grasping that thought is one of the most powerful realizations one can have. I have seen over and over miracles happen through the faith of letting go and surrendering. Why would it be different with me in this instance? How will I know if I don’t try? I believe things will work out exactly how they are supposed to. If anything, I needed this space to realize how powerful I truly am. I’ll take it!

This week I am finishing up with the application process. I got my transcripts sent, 2 of 3 letters of recommendations sent so far, finishing up my essay, and paying for my deposit. I felt the fear and I’m doing it anyway. The pure intentions are there, the flame of passion is burning, now all I have to do is SHOW UP!  This is it!!!! This is the moment, yet again, where changes will take place and life will open up. IM READY!!!

I leave you with a favorite quote:

 MarianneWilliamsom-Quote

Are you suffocating your light? What can you do to let it shine today?

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments section below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

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I’m Baaaaaack!

So I have been a little M.I.A (and no that’s not Miami) for the last month or so. So many changes have happened and truthfully I just didn’t make time for the blog. I beat myself up for it a bit but then realized that it’s ok to take a break! Sometimes when you take a break and sit out for a bit you can come back refreshed and brand new.

So upon starting this little post I decided that I want to really give my true authentic self. I know I have said this over and over andddd over again but it’s the part I struggle with when it comes to this blog. I worry so much about readers and followers that I don’t focus much on just allowing my inside to shine out. No expectations. When you have no expectations is when you can allow yourself to receive the highest results and most times that can come in ways we NEVER expected.

I decided it’s about time for me to start a routine to have that time to myself in order to touch on the feelings that are usually pushed aside. I realized that as in tuned with my SELF as I am, I am just as much out of tune. Ever get asked, “How are you feeling?” and your typical answer is “Good” or “I’m okay”. Do you even know that means to you? Do you REALLY know how you’re feeling? Can you accurately describe your feelings? How do you know you feel that way? What in your body is telling you so? These are questions most of us don’t even think about before uttering the expected “I’d doing good”. If you don’t know the answers then how do you know that how you describe to be feeling is even accurate to whats really going on? The only way to find out is to start investigating the truth behind the words.

As mentioned in my very first blog, I am an avoider. I avoid FEELING. So as part of my routine I want to start to meditate and sit with my feelings and write from my heart and from what I feel. This way it can come from a pure place, even if painful, instead of a place in which I need validation or recognition. I used to get so scared about writing… “what if I’m not good enough” but if I allow myself to write about whatever comes up I can do no wrong because that is what needs to be dealt with at that time.

I just finished my first mediation partially guided by a small script in Gabrielle Bernstein’s book “Add more -ing to your life”.  I downloaded some relaxing meditation music and just focused on breathing. I sat on my couch, put my hands to my side and took deep breaths in. I worked on focusing where the pain was coming from. At first I thought my stomach and I was trying to breathe through the pain. Then as I was doing that I started thinking “well why would it come from my stomach, shouldnt it be my heart or something”. There’s that expectation again. I wasn’t even sure if anything was really coming from my stomach either at that point.

After taking a few deep breaths, my head started to feel like it was floating and it started moving what felt very slowly but uncontrollably. It fell back against the couch and slowly was moving up and down , left and right. I immediately thought about “Ask and It Is Given” when Abraham got Esther’s attention and of course I then started trying to figure out if my head was making letters. Yup expectation again! When I caught myself I re-focused back on breathing and just allowing whatever was happening to just happen. It almost felt like a masseuse was guiding my head in circles trying to loosen it up and get my to just relax and let it in.

Maybe that was my answer… Maybe that is where my pain is located. In my head. Maybe in all my expectations. I will have to touch on that more but it was an enlightening experience none the less and led me to start up this post and come back to My Mornin Coffee. So here we go, with intention to let the expectations go, starting with this blog. This is not a “normal” post for me…there is no “message” but some times maybe there doesn’t need to be. Some times the words just need to be free with nothing in mind but to glide. And I will allow that to be ok.

Thanks for having me back!

xoxo,

My Truth: Finding Freedom

ok ok here goes… I know I was bordering avoidance. I know I teased you guys a few posts ago about doing something that took a lot of strength. The strength was this… I had to tell the truth! Seems so simple right, but expressing truth is one of the hardest things for people to do. To fully own themselves, good and bad.

“If you are in any way keeping a secret, or if you are in any way pretending to be something that you are not, you will never ever become all that you were meant to be. It just cannot happen.”  -Oprah

A while ago, I had discovered the one most powerful thing I wanted was to have as much freedom as I could get. Freedom from this man made prison built within my own mind. Well Freedom = Truth. So to grasp freedom, one has to learn how to grasp truth. Based on how much our ego runs the show, it’s hard for many of us to even recognize what our real truth is. We have who we are, and who our ego wants us to be. Ego likes to think we are all seperate, therefore it is CONSTANTLY comparing us to others as better or worse. In reality, to our soul, we are all the same. Learning to recognize this one concept will help you discover what your truth is. One of my goals with this blog is to question and test my beliefs and be able to share what I experience by doing so. All those great quotes and articles we read and share …yes they make sense, they sound right, but how often do we test them to see how they relate to us.

When you express your truth, you know that those attracted to your life are there because they accept you for who you are. What I consider to be the highest form of relationships, is that built off of truth. I’m sure in your head you are saying, “of course Barista… we all want relationships based this” or maybe you’re even saying, “I don’t know about you, but I already have relationships based on truth”. My response to you is “Yes you say that, but do you really?”

Try to think about all the restrictions you have in your life put on by you or others. Is it possible to have freedom with restrictions? And I’m not talking about restrictions like rules and laws you have to follow in society, but restrictions placed on your need of expression. To express how you feel, what you want, who you are. What are some reasons people are afraid to express themselves? Fear of hurting someone, fear of losing someone, fear of not being accepted… common theme is FEAR. This fear makes us hide what we think…what we feel…who we are. When we are hiding even a piece of who we are, we are then pretending to be something we are not. When you are pretending to be something you are not, then how can you ever be who you are suppose to be. Like Oprah said, it’s IMPOSSIBLE!   

 Back in March I had read Oprah’s quote above, and it resonated with me instantly. But still I was convinced that I could get over telling the truth by just becoming a better person and moving forward. If I was going to be a better person then what good was the truth to know. See that’s the thing. There is no change without truth. There were plenty of lessons being taught in this one experience and that was one of them I was ignoring. What happens when we don’t learn the lesson? It keeps coming back in different form until we decide to get to finally get it. I couldn’t just stop and be a better person if I couldnt be truthful. So guess what? All the times I thought I could just stop and move forward, I couldn’t…because people don’t make change by avoiding the truth, they change by confronting the truth.

I recently had to reveal myself to a friend which meant not only did I have to tell the truth, but I had to be vulnerable. Vulnerability = Truth. My truth was that I was going through some pain and insecurities and to mask that I was “acting out” in ways to prove my insecurities and pain right. I knew this acting out wasn’t who I was and I felt shame for it so I then was hiding how I was acting out. I felt restricted from being able to express my insecurities and what I was going through out of  fear of not being understood. But do you see how I created this prison for myself. I didn’t KNOW if I was going to be accepted or not. I just feared it. And through this fear I created shame. And through this shame I was punishing myself for something that wasn’t even true.  When you act out in order to mask your true self, it’s usually a temporary feel good but in the long term you end up feeling bad. When you feel bad, all that means is that you aren’t aligned with whats in your heart. I didn’t like the person I was “acting out” as so I became dedicated to figuring out how to heal the real fear and pains. How on earth do I EVER expect to build relationships and expect people to accept my truth and share with me theirs if I wasn’t accepting it myself?

Every time you lie, big or small, you are hiding a piece of who you are and how you feel. By telling the truth I understood were ways my friend could react to it. Was I afraid? Of course I was. I was so afraid that just thinking about telling the truth made my heart beat fast, my palms get sweaty and I practically had an anxiety attack. That’s how I knew I had to do it…because I was uncomfortable. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is the best way to learn though and if I wanted to learn truth I had to live truth.  If I wanted someone to accept me for who I was, I had to reveal who I was. I learned who I AM was not who I was being. Suddenly hiding and lying was no longer an option. Instead of it coming down to, is this person going to accept me or not, it came down to do I accept myself? As long as I accept myself then those that dont accept me dont deserve to be in my life in the first place. There was a sense of peace in accepting my truth and placing that first. How did I know if this other person was or wasnt going to accept who I was if I didn’t just admit who I was. So there I was, on the edge of the cliff…. I could stand there staring down scared of what would happen or I could jump into the arms of freedom. You can’t learn to fly if you don’t jump first.

So I did it. I jumped. I told the truth. At that moment I was jumping into my freedom and into my expression and into being myself.

I knew in that moment of truth that I was owning who I had been and what I did.  Did that make the lying and hiding ok? Absolutely not but I was taking responsibility for whatever the outcome. These lies and hiding had nothing to do with any other people and ALL to do with ME. I know the lies and hiding and my “acting out” wasn’t who I was destined to be. I had to deal with accepting what I was going through and confronting the truth.  These lies weren’t something to be proud of and was hurtful towards another person but when I revealed them I immediately felt free. Not because I didn’t care about the other persons feelings, but because in that moment I was speaking my truth and the truth will set you free. Guess what? They accepted me! So all those fears weren’t even true in the first place. Imagine that 😉

My challenge to you is to figuring out what you are hiding.  What piece of yourself are you keeping locked up?  How are you restricted? What are your fears about expressing your truth?  How can you test those fears unless you be yourself and see what happens? When you lie, notice what you are avoiding? Every time you feel fear its your soul begging for truth. I dare you to jump and experience how it feels to fly!!! We all make mistakes, its the only way to learn. You owe it to yourself to love all of you, mistakes and all. You are owe yourself the truth. You owe yourself freedom. You owe it yourself to be all you are meant to be. When love your truth, someone else will too!

xoxo,

If you want to HEAL it you have to FEEL it!

 
By Kute Blackson via The Daily Love

All of your feelings are a gift.

Yet we often judge feelings as good or bad. We often try to eliminate the bad ones and feel only the good ones. However, in doing so, you end up disconnecting from the full range of your heart, self-expression and power.

To the degree that you suppress what you might think of as the negative feelings is to the degree that you also disconnect from your capacity to fully experience the positive feelings.

Ultimately, there are no good or bad feelings. Feelings are just energy moving through your body. Every feeling is a signal, which if you pay attention to will point you in the direction of something that you actually need to deal with, a part of you that needs loving compassion or needs to be released. Even the feelings you label as bad are simply a signal. They are like a fire alarm trying to get you to pay attention to a part of yourself. If you don’t listen, the signal gets louder and louder until you do. If you keep suppressing, the feelings end up coming out anyway most likely in a not so gracious way (AKA -You lose it, or have a meltdown and explode)!

When you suppress your authentic feelings, those feelings simply remain incomplete buried deep within you. You often end up recreating situations and relationships in your life based on those old incomplete feelings, as there is a deep impulse within us to complete what is incomplete.

What you might call “bad” feelings show you the parts of yourself that need your love and healing. Healing is applying love to the parts of yourself that are hurting. When you hold a space of compassion for yourself and the full range of your feelings without any judgment, this compassion has a transformative effect.

As children we learn to disconnect from our authentic feelings. We disconnect as a way to avoid pain, hurt, rejection, shame etc.  And it becomes a survival mechanism in order to function and protect ourselves.  That way of being may have “worked” for us as children to survive, but take this way of being into our adulthood and end up recreating those same incomplete childhood patterns over and over, it only creates suffering.

What feelings are you suppressing?

What feelings are you disconnecting from?

What feelings are you afraid of feeling and acknowledging within your self?

Take an honest look.

The feelings that you suppress, or are unwilling to acknowledge and embrace, will run you!

The feelings that you are unable to have will end up having you.

When you suppress your real feelings, whether anger, sadness or hurt – over time, you might end up finding yourself feeling depressed, heavy, irritated and lacking aliveness. The heaviness is a sign that you are suppressing and ends up clouding your ability to now feel joy in the present moment.

No feelings last forever. But we are sometimes afraid to feel the feelings we think are bad because we are worried we will stay stuck there. Know this: all feelings pass. None are permanent. To the degree you can feel them, you will let them go and feel more alive.

So do not resist the negative feelings, feel them fully with total awareness whilst connecting to the sensations in your body. They will move through you and dissolve.

Similarly, no positive feelings will last forever either. So when you feel a positive feeling, simply feel it fully with total awareness, without trying to make it stay, and you might find yourself experiencing it longer. What often happens is in an effort to keep the “good” feelings we try to make it stay, which creates a contraction. In doing so we start to lose the positive feeling even more quickly!

When you are willing to embrace and love the dark in you, you are then able to more fully embrace your light. However, let me be clear, it is NOT about wallowing in your negativity and dark feelings using that as an excuse. Feeling authentically isn’t wallowing or indulging. It is simply about acknowledging and integrating what your feelings have to share with you and allowing them to move through you in a healthy way.

Ultimately you are not your feelings, whether good or bad. You are beyond them all. Your relationship with your feelings is as important as the feelings themselves. No need to be afraid or run away from them.

Your feelings are a portal into a deeper dimension of yourself and thus a deeper dimension of your own Divinity and freedom.

Your feelings are a gift. Sometimes you just need to patiently unwrap them, so you can find the important message inside.

When you feel it, you heal it.

And when you heal it, you can be more of the real you that you are meant to be.

It is time.

Love. Now.

Kute

My Truth: Overcoming Denial

So sometime last week I read this amazing article from Hands Free Momma called “How to Miss a Childhood”. It made me wanna cry. The website was started by this mother whom decided that she had missing out on the important things in life because of daily distractions. So she committed to going “Hands Free” and was going to admit to one daily distraction a day that she was going to overcome to live the life she wanted. This particular article was about people’s relationships to their cell phones compared to their relationship to their kids. How easy it is to miss a childhood, or even other important relationships, when you are too involved in other distractions.

For this mother to be able to start her website she first had to overcome a harsh reality she was feeling. This reality for her was that she was doing stuff that was causing her to miss out on the most important parts of her life. She had to overcome the denial. She had to sit in her darkness. If you can not sit in your darkness, you will NOT be able to heal properly. You will NOT be able to change. You will NOT be able to grow.

There are three types of denial. Simple Denial, Minimization, and Projection. When using Simple Denial it is hard for you to actually see the problem all together. One can point it out to you but you denial the problem even exists at all. Minimization is when you recognize the problem but minimize the seriousness of the problem. This is paired with rationalization. And Projection is when you can identify the problem, admit the seriousness of it, but fail to take full responsibilty for it. In most cases, trying to push, aka project,  the cause of the problem on other people.

My Story: This article hit me really hard on the head because it was really close to home. I have a problem, not only with my cell phone, but with technology in general. My addiction to these things have also been causing me to miss out on a childhood. That of my son.  I remember when my son was about 6 months old and I had been living with my mother for about three months at the time and I was searching for a job. I remember I would sit my son in his jumper, turn on cartoons,  and sit on the computer practically ALL day. My excuse was that I had to look and apply for jobs. Which yes I was indeed doing but I was also doing a lot of other things that were just wasting time and distracting me. I remember for a short moment one time looking at my son and thinking that I was a bad mother because I was sitting at home every day on the computer while I just sat him in front of the TV and that I couldn’t continue to do this everyday BUT at the same time I really did have to look for a job, while also facebook/myspcae, download music, make CDs, write in my blog, etc. I wasnt taking advantage of the time I had not working to actually spend more time with my baby and playing with him and taking in his growth. I got a job but then shortly after had moved to LA leaving me again without a job. So back to the old drawing board. Sitting my son in front of a TV while I sat on the computer all day “looking for a job”.  This lasted about another two months. I got another glimpse of what was going on caused me to join a mother’s group in order to get out of the house and start meeting people and take my son out to make and play with other kids. This was great as long as I was out of the house, but again, every time I was home I was back on the computer. I had used the work excuse so much that even when I wasn’t working my son thought. I then got another job and my son was back in daycare. When I would come home from work, my son and my boyfriend would be home and I would sit on the computer while my boyfriend watched TV and my son would be in another room watching cartoons. This went on for a long time. I remember “knowing” the problem but I had spent so long minimizing it that I just continued to do so. I remember one day literally thinking about how when he was 6 months I had thought I need to pay more attention to him and here he was now 3 years old and I am thinking the same thing. MY SON WAS ALREADY 3 YEARS OLD. I then moved in projection. I knew the problem, I knew the seriousness, but I denied the responsibility. I started projecting my issue my boyfriend for not being a good enough dad. I mean although I was on the computer all day, HE was also not paying attention. He was the one watching TV all day. HE wasn’t playing with him either. I’M not being a bad mother, HE was being a bad dad. I mean after all, I was “working” on the computer. Editing pictures for clients while he was just watching sports. Therefore I was justified.

Do you think that projecting the problem on to him was changing the problem? No!!! Was it changing the fear of how I was feeling about myself? NO!!! I was taking responsibility off of me but the problem continued to exist. Maybe we both did have a problem with the TV and computer, but how was focusing on HIS problem changing THE problem. The real problem was that my son wasn’t getting enough attention he deserved from both of us. The real problem was that I was feeling like a bad mother. The real problem is that I was escaping some part of my reality with my addiction to these things. Regardless of the justifications on my part, there was a darkness I was trying to avoid. 

 I was always afraid to admit to my counselor that we push our kid into the room to watch TV all night. I didn’t want her to think I was a bad mom. I didn’t want her to judge me. So instead I spent some of my time complaining about how much my boyfriend wasn’t a good dad and judging him. Finally one day, after opening the fear about other things, I had finally admitted that I felt like a bad mom. Something I  never wanted to admit before. The darkness I had avoided. I began to take responsibility for the issue I was causing. All this time I was blaming my boyfriend for being a bad dad, I felt like I was being a bad mom. Does this mean that my boyfriend TV watching wasnt also an issue when it came to the lack of attention to my son? NO I still thought it was an issue, but focusing on him only delayed what I needed to do to fix my part and heal the part of me I needed to heal. I had to utter the ugly words that I was a bad mom and that I had missed my son grow up. I had to admit that I wasn’t giving him the attention he deserved. I had to see that he had been literally begging me for attention these years. I had to stop justifying the problem. I had to SIT with the bad ugly feelings I had tried to push down. I had to really be vulnerable.

By finally admitting that my fears about being a bad mother and the ways my issue were having negative effects on my son, it was only then that I was able to start dissecting not only the causes of my addiction, which im learning is the unhappiness of my life,  but work effectively on ways to become better and feel better. I am now able to more actively pay attention to when the issue is taking effect and begin to commit to making the changes necessary to be the mom I want to be. Guess what happens when I start to focus on my problems, I can then inspire a change in my boyfriend as well. For the record, we have both discussed that we both have this issue and through recognizing and changing our own behaviors we in fact inspire each other.

The first step towards any type of healing is to get your head out of the sand. Denial. This is true for healing after a death, healing from an illness, healing from addiction, healing from pain of a past relationship. We ALL live in denial every single day of our lives. It has become a natural defense mechanism when one is faced with a truth that is too uncomfortable to accept. Sitting in the darkness will allow you to see the light. We all spend time trying to ditch the darkness because we can’t see the beauty in it. The first thing we want to do when entering a dark room is to turn on a light. What happens when you actually just sit in the dark? Your eyes begin to adjust and you start to see the natural light. That light bulb you turn is only temporary. When you turn it off what are you still left with? Darkness. When you learn you can see without the light bulb, you realize you don’t need it anymore. Now although true, I am only using this as a metaphor. I don’t expect everyone to start throwing away all their light bulbs and walking around in the dark. In this circumstance, the lightbulb = your denial.

It is time to face your fears about yourself. It is time to become vulnerable. What are those ugly, scary, thoughts about yourself that you fear saying aloud? I am hurting, I am not a good friend, I want to be loved, I am not good enough, I am scandalous, I am a cheater, I am afraid, I am a liar, I am an abuser, I am a jerk!!  Remember just because you say them and feel them don’t mean they are THE TRUTH. Just because you can act a certain way doesn’t mean you ARE that way. The light that you begin to see after sitting with this darkness is the truth. But you wont be able to see the truth without facing your fears and overcoming the denial.

We all have ugly, scary thoughts about ourselves. We constantly live in denial about these issues. We justify why they aren’t problems. We project our fears and issues on to others. SO the question is, how do we recognize something if we are in denial about it? Well pay attention to what is going on around you. Pay attention to negative emotions. Sadness, grief, anger, stress. Pay attention to your thinking about yourself and others. Judgement, criticism, incessant thinking. Pay attention to your addictions. Watching TV, eating, drinking, sex, overworking. These things are an alarm. Every time you ignore them you push the snooze button. It might let you sleep a little longer but eventually, if you want to live a fulfilled life, you need to wake up. Until you recognize the reason the alarm is going off, you won’t want to turn it off. Do you want to wake up? One of the best things you discover from sitting in your darkness, is realizing that other people have their own darkness/fears as well and with understanding and relating to yourself you can then begin to understand and relate to others making all your relationships better.

My challenge for you is to pay attention to times in which you feel you NEED to justify something or the times you are projecting negative feelings towards someone else’s actions. Then take an HONEST look at what’s really going on. What are you covering up? Don’t punish yourself for feeling and acting a certain way, use this discovery and admittance as a push in the direction you need to go in to become a better you. Face it, without overcoming denial you will never be able to be the best you. Let me know what you discover!?

xoxo,

Mini Goal Monday: Listen to your Excuses

So it is Mini Goal Monday again!!! How did you all do on your goals?? Did you meet them?  Did you cheat a little? Did you not attempt at all?

So let’s see my goal was to go to the gym at least 3 times this week and lose 1.5 lbs. So I went to the gym on Monday when I said I would. I went to the gym on Wednesday the day I said I would, and on Friday a last-minute playdate came up with my son that I went to instead of the gym. I knew a few days before so I had already planned to still go to the gym afterwards. Well the playdate lasted a long time and then it was the Mega Lotto drawing, in which I had a lot of tickets for, so I did not end up going on Friday. I then was gonna go on Saturday but it rained , and then Sunday I had a birthday party, a photo shoot, and dinner to go to.

Did you just hear ALLLL those excuses I just made on why I failed to meet my goal??? That’s what happens when we fail at something we said we would do right. We immediately have to back ourselves up with the great, or not so great, reasons we couldn’t follow through. The funny part is that it feels like we HAVE to give a reason/excuse just to feel understood instead of simply taking responsibility for not doing what we said we’d do.

Have you ever been late to meet someone and when you finally talk to them or get there you have the excuse, real or not. “i lost my keys”, “There was so much traffic”, “I was running late”. There has to be SOMETHING! How often do you ever just say “I’m late, sorry!” or “I’m late because I didn’t prepare better”.  It’s a way to try to dodge the responsibility. It feels better when we put it on something, or someone, else.  I could have just said, “I didn’t go Friday” and left it at that but instead felt compelled to explain the reasons why so you could understand that I had no choice. Did I really have no choice though? Of course I did, I always do.  I could have went late night on Friday. I could have went on Saturday regardless of the rain and I could have went early Sunday morning. There WERE chances for me to go to the gym a third time but I CHOSE not to. How powerful is that. Owning my choice! So I even could have just said “I chose not to go to the gym on Friday, or the rest of the weekend” because in reality THAT is what happened.

I mean this even happens when we don’t even make promises, just when we flat out don’t want to do something. When you get invited to a party you dont want to go to. When you get asked to do something you don’t want to do. How many times do you either say you will do it, or will go and come up with an excuse later OR come up with an excuse right away?  What’s wrong with just saying “No, I not going to come” or “No, I don’t want to do that”?

I didn’t lose 1.5 lbs either. I chose not to! I chose to eat badly all weekend. I chose the easier route this time. Now could I be hard on myself for not meeting my mini goal this week. Of course I could and I could give up while I’m at it thinking im never gonna make it there. But ya know what the best thing to do when you can’t follow-up on a goal, or a promise, or something you said?? Move on, make another goal/promise and follow through on the new one.  We can’t go back and change what already happened {or didnt happen} but we can choose to continue and follow through the next time. Start restoring your integrity!

So my mini goal this week :
*Monday workout at home with weights 7:30, Tuesday go to Bikram Yoga 8:15, Wednesday go to TKB at the gym 8:00, and Friday go to the gym 3:30
*Lose 2lbs this week
and I’ll add a new one.
*Get out of my bed at 7am instead of 7:30/8:00am to start getting ready for work

what are your goals this week gonna be?

And I challenge you this….next time you aren’t able to follow-up on what you said you would or simply get asked to do something you don’t want to do, just NOTICE the excuses you make. FEEL how compelled you are to have to make them. TRY not to make any excuse and simply just TAKE responsibility. Once you start doing this, you can begin to see how responsible for your life you really are.  You will also ALWAYS notice the excuses other people make and their stories on why things just aren’t their fault. I’ll admit it starts to get annoying…. but REALIZE that this is how you sound when you make them too!

Check in next Monday!

xoxo