My Truth: How I Learned To Honor Myself

So it’s 10:30pm and I’ve figured out that this might be the time I have to write posts for the time being. AFTER the baby goes to bed. Hopefully I can get back to writing more frequently.  I don’t like waiting so long before talking to you.

So this last month has been extraordinary for me in so many ways. It all started with my classes last month. It was a very powerful weekend for many people and things have just been shifting a lot for me and others. Everything that weekend flowed together so perfectly. My whole path started to make sense and things just really hit home for me.  It started at the Friday night class on May 2nd.

We had to do a trio conversation in which we talked about what the hardest thing  has been for us during the program so far. I talked about how I have had a hard time “DOING” the work. Implementing the practices. Practicing the skills. Really learning how to walk that talk. I mean this is one of the main reasons I decided to go to USM. To have the experiential practice that would catapult me forward on this path I have been on during the last 6 years. And here I was learning all of this amazing stuff, and I would come home on a peace high for a few days but then I would dump my folders and books to the side until it was time to prepare for school again 3 weeks later. Not really staying mindful daily about how to keep the work going.

Reading books and blogs and going to seminars had only worked so much for me. I have been able to develop a huge  passion for my spirituality and purpose but really felt lack in the “DOING” area. Sometimes I would feel really motivated and empowered to stand in my integrity but most of the time, I can admit, I was just intellectualizing it all and not really connecting on an emotional level for myself. Helping others was great but doing the work myself was a lot more challenging. Going through months and months of class and witnessing people’s lives changing right in front of me was starting to make me jealous. Started making me wonder if I was ever going to change or keep wasting time by not “DOING” the work.

In one of the next trios I had acknowledge myself. I acknowledged myself for sitting in the chair. For being in that classroom. Sometimes I would be in class and it would just hit me that “I’M HERE”. I’m doing it. I had heard of USM three separate times before I decided to check it out. When I looked it up online it was in perfect timing because there was an intro meeting THAT week. I thought of a couple of excuses of why I wouldn’t be able to go but I felt the fear and went anyways. I immediately felt the connection and knew this was the place for me because it was exactly everything that I am passionate about. It was the opportunity to really get pushed into DOING. And get my Masters in the process. What a bonus!

I then made a million excuses for why I might not be able to go. I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford it. Plus a million others. BUT I went through with it. I felt the fear and I did it anyways. I had to really acknowledge myself for that. Usually fear makes me turn the other way but this time I dove straight in and it all has worked out perfectly.

After 5 years of wanting to go back to school, here I was. And not just any school. School how I always imagined it would be. I love this school so much that I was in class the weekend of my due date. I was having contractions in class and STILL participating in trios (until of course they got too painful and I had to leave to give birth). THAT’S how dedicated I am to becoming a better version of myself to serve the world.  I almost took that weekend off until I realized there was no place else I would rather be. What beauty to have the loving energy of my classroom surrounding my child right before his debut into the world.

During the Sunday class is when everything just hit home. There was a surprise waiting for us as we entered. I can’t spoil it for when anyone reading this decides they want to attend USM in the future (which I promise it’s the BEST thing you can ever do for yourself). But what I will say is that this SURPRISE was absolutely amazing and so so powerful. I was moved to tears and it really just hit home that I AM HERE! I am right where I need to be. It hit me that Year 1 is only the beginning.

Year 1 is the preparation for the best yet to come. Year 1 is where my hands are supposed to get dirty. Where I am supposed to go through a ton of emotions. Get mad at myself. Get mad at my process. Get mad at my ego. Get mad at my job and my friends and my family. I dont doubt this will continue to happen, probably more intensified, in Year 2 but its so I could learn how to love and appreciate it all. The process is the beauty of it all. I was realizing that Year 2 was where it was really going to begin and I was perfectly in a space of being able to trust my process and timing.

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After our surprise the next trio we had to express gratitude to those who have helped us on our path. The first person that came to mind was my boyfriend. If you personally know me and are really close to me, then you know that I have on and off again issues with my boyfriend. If you are in my class at USM and have done a trio with me, you know that I have on and off again issues with my boyfriend. I am not going to cookie cut it for the sake of looking good, we have had issues for a really long time and so many times I have wanted to call  it quits or have tried to only get back together again and repeat the process over again.

I will admit, my relationship is also another reason I am at USM. As I said, I want to become a better person to better serve the world and in that includes being able to better serve ALL my relationships, the one with my boyfriend being most important. I also knew though that learning everything I am learning, and by really stepping into my true authentic self, I was also risking the relationship. I was risking the possibility that we wouldn’t make it through. I was risking the possibility that I could lose him. And as I write this, maybe that’s been the hard part about the DOING. I had been afraid of losing what I was used to. I had been afraid of being uncomfortable. But trust me, If you really want to step into your true authentic self, you can NOT be afraid of losing anything. What you have to gain is so much more powerful.

Looking at my relationship though from a place of gratitude, especially having gone through the feelings I was going through from the weekend, gave me a VERY different perspective of my path. I won’t go into the connections I saw in past relationships but what I will say is that over the years, most intensly in the last two, I have had a VERY strong calling to honor my Self (Self with a capital S meaning my Soul)  and step into my truth. Two of the qualities I am working on are Vulnerability and Authentic Expression. I had a hard time being vulnerable, especially with my boyfriend, and a hard time authentically expressing myself because of the fear of getting into an argument (which happened a lot with us).

I have done multiple meditations and insights that always have led me to the same answer of “BE VULNERABLE, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. CHOOSE LOVE”. I have had ample opportunity to do so and almost always I chose to ignore. Let me tell you, you can only ignore the whispers for so long before it becomes a yell. Over the last two years that is what happened. HONOR YOUR SELF. HONOR YOUR TRUTH. HONOR YOUR VULNERABILITY. HONOR YOUR AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION. CHOOSE LOVE. I’ve heard it over and over and over.

The first time I remember hearing this whisper was during my last long-term relationship ten years ago. I had been unhappy for a long time but instead of honoring my feelings and expressing myself, I waited for things to get bad so I could just leave without feeling guilty. And  it worked. I have tried to do that in this relationship a bunch of times but the beauty in this situation is that we have kids together. The Universe wasn’t giving me the easy way out this time. THIS is the time the lesson is going to be learned. I would want to leave but every time I couldn’t leave because I KNEW I hadn’t expressed myself. I knew I hadn’t been DOING the work. I knew that there was a possibility that things could be different if I would just HONOR MY SELF. But I also knew there was also a possibility of loss.

Thinking about this in my trio, about this guidance being yelled at me over and over for the last two years, I realized that if it were not for my boyfriend and how he is, or how I perceive him to be I should say, If it weren’t for how we act and react with each other, I wouldn’t be in a place to where I am being called to honor my Self. I wouldn’t be in a place of opportunity to step into my true Self. To step into my vulnerability. To step into my Authentic Expression. To step into the LOVE that resides in me. Its because of that, that he is perfect for me.

I would get mad at myself a lot for how I would respond and react in certain situations. I wanted so badly to change but had felt like there were no results. If it weren’t for my boyfriend, and all the boyfriends before him, ALL the relationships in my life, and how I perceive it all to be, the issues that come up for me, how I respond and react I wouldn’t be called to change. I wouldn’t be called to really step into my full Self. So really, I thank everyone.

I was REALLY realizing that everything has happened the way it has because THAT is the way I would learn how to become the real me. Issues were mosy present in my boyfriend because he was the closest to me. He mirrored myself perfectly. We all learn in different ways and we attract to us the situations that aid in our learning of lessons and this was my way. So what had come from that realization was nothing but pure and honest gratitude. Gratitude for my boyfriend for being who he was and being with me the way I was. If it weren’t for our relationship, I could not say that I would be where I am right now and for that I am grateful.

Gratitude helped me shift my view. Everything came together in that moment. I realized that yes here I am at USM and I have this great opportunity to learn so much about myself and others, I need to DO USM. This is the chance I have longed for. Take advantage and DO the work. DO the skills. DO the practices. I outlined my ideal relationship and now it was time to DO the steps that would take me on my way. I felt more empowered then I had ever felt before to HONOR MY SELF.

That weekend my boyfriend and I had argued (such perfect setup by the Universe) and usually when we argue, it feels very vulnerable expressing myself to him, especially in any loving type of way. Until then, Vulnerability had not been my strong suit. That Sunday I got the urge to call him just to tell him I Love You. Sounds silly and maybe so simple for others, but to do that in the midst of an argument, especially when I was feeling defensive, was a very big deal. I felt the fear but I also saw the opportunity for me to step into that vulnerability and authentic expression. So I got out my phone called him and said “uhhh so ummmm i just called ummm because, umm i just wanted to tell you that I love you”. Of course he responded very lovingly and it was THAT phone call that changed our relationship.

We started talking about our argument, I listened with my heart instead of getting defensive. I HEARD him and I empathized with his feelings. This led us to stay in a very loving place when I came home which then led us to a very open and honest conversation about our relationship. Where it was and where we want it to be. It led for more opportunities for me to be vulnerable and express my truth and HONOR MY SELF.

My teacher has always said something along the likes of, “If your calling is to be courageous, you won’t wake up one day all of a sudden courageous. The Universe will provide you with opportunities in which you can choose to display courage.” This time instead of running away, I chose to step into it and the response was wonderful. I chose to be vulnerable. Let me just say we have just made it a whole month without fighting. If you really know us, you know that’s a miracle. There have been little spats here and there but nothing like they once were. And when there have been little spats, we have been really quick to enter our loving and dissolve them. I have to continue to chose vulnerability and authentic expression. Most importantly I am aware of my self judgements and compassionately forgiving myself for them. Now instead of asking myself “Why am I still in this relationship?” every time I feel uncomfortable, I now ask myself “What opportunity is my soul presenting to me?” and let me tell you, it makes the world of difference.

You see, it all started with GRATITUDE! If it weren’t for EVERY SINGLE THING that has happened in your life, you would not be the YOU that you are today. And YOU are a wonderful, powerful, being of love. GIVE THANKS to all that has presented itself in your path. You can have the life of your dreams, give thanks and DO the work.

I want to hear from you. What is something you want to DO that has challenged you? What quality would it take for you to step into your greatness? How has the universe given you the opportunity to step into that quality? How can you acknowledge yourself RIGHT NOW? Who can you give thanks to in aiding you on your path?

Leave me your comments in the section below.

You are loved.

xoxo,

barista

 

 

 

Are You Staying True to Your Inner Moral Beliefs?

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“With the self as a focal point, you sustain the illusion that you are your body, which is a completely separate entity from all others. This sense of separateness leads you to compete rather then cooperate with everyone else” – Wayne Dyer

Being that it was Martin Luther King Jr. Day yesterday, I thought today was perfect day for this post. MLK represented a man you was very connected to his intention and Source. He consciously chose to act out of his loving instead of his ego, even through the hardest of times, which lead him to making great connection with many people on many levels.

I hear and read so many people, myself many times included, that have the intention of being and acting one way (kind, love thy neighbor, accepting, compassionate, empathetic) yet many times have a hard time staying connected to that intention and can end up acting in a way that can be quite the opposite (judgemental, mean, rejecting, jealous). I know sometimes I can feel so passionate about something I perceive as negative that I also respond in a negative manner. In reality, this is making me no different then the source that caused my reaction. As Dr. King has said “Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that”. So how can we learn to stay connected to our inner most intentions and project light onto all situations?

Integrity

One of my goals for myself is to continue to discover and define my inner moral code and consciously, with intention, chose to live by that code during all situations. One of the things that gets in the way of that intention is my ego. We all have one and in respect we all NEED one. The ego can be very successful at helping us achieve the things we want in life with its goal minded orientation, but it can also harm us in many ways, especially when it comes to continuously acting out of our Authentic Self. The Self that wants to maintain our intentions and inner moral code.

In observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day yesterday, I would like to quote a section from Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention, in his words. May we all strive to live a life of personal integrity and stay true to the person we have the intentions of being.

Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You

1. Stop being offended. The behavior of others isn’t a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them at every turn. This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is. You can’t reach the power of intention by being offended. By all means, act to eradicate the horrors of the world, which emanate from massive ego, but stay in peace. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to attack, counterattack, and war.

2. Let go of your need to win. Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time – Someone out there will always be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter – and back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant. You are not your winnings or victories. There are no losers in a world where we all share the same energy source. Let go of your needing to win by not agreeing that the opposite of winning is losing. Be at peace, and match up with the energy of intention. And ironically, although you’ll hardly notice it, more of those victories will show up in your life as you pursue them less.

3. Let go of your need to be right. Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you’re hostile, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and your relationships is like saying to the ego, I’m not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I’m going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying she is right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth. When you let go of the need to be right, you’re able to strengthen your connection to the power of intention. Keep in mind, the ego is a determined combatant. I’ve seen people willing to die rather than let go of the need to be right.

4. Let go of your need to be superior. True nobility isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be. Stay focused on your growth, with a constant awareness that no one on this planet is any better than anyone else. We all emanate from the same creative life force. Let go of your need to feel superior by seeing an unfolding of God in everyone. When you project feelings of superiority, that’s what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostile feelings.

5. Let go of your need to have more. The mantra of the ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, you’re ego will insist that it isn’t enough. You’ll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of ever arriving. Yet in reality, you’ve already arrived, and how you chose to use this present moment  of your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Since you’re detached from the need of it, you’ll find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied or at peace.

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements. This may be a difficult concept if you think you are your achievements. I can  hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless stayed tuned to this idea. All emanates from Source! You’re not this body and its accomplishments. You are the observer. Notice it all; and be grateful for the abilities you’ve been given, the motivation to achieve, and the stuff you’ve accumulated. The less you need to take credit for your achievements and the more connected you stay to the faces of intention, the more you’re free to achieve, and the more will show up for you.

7. Let go of your reputation. Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you have 30 reputations. Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you’re overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by everyone, then you’ve disconnected yourself from intention and allowed opinion of others to guide you. This is your ego at work. It’s an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention. Leave your reputation for others to debate, it has nothing to do with you.

When I think of Martin Luther King Jr. and the type of man I have learned he was, I conclude that he succeeded in these seven steps. He and others with the loving centered heart like his (Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Jesus, Buddha) are the epitome of what living with personal integrity and intention are about.

Overcoming the ego is what allows people to stand out and stay remembered in a good manner. They connect with the masses and they exert a light into the darkness of others. The lift you up and they stay true to that inner voice directing them in ALL circumstances.

Let us all see this and use it to become a better version of ourselves. To emanate the purpose of our existence. Don’t let the darkness take control. Spread love and light to the world! Live a life of intention!

Happy Tuesday

xoxo,

barista

Learn The Risk That Is Always Worth Taking

badge-DaringGreatly-165x165[1]So it’s kind of funny… My very last post was about how I was starting over with reading The Power of Intention by: Dr Wayne Dyer. Well within the last week I had had a couple of conversation with a few friends, some about me and what I’m going through, some about them and their journeys. One of the words that kept coming up quite often was VULNERABILITY. Either me telling someone they needed to be more vulnerable and express themselves OR someone telling me I need to be more vulnerable and express myself.

SoOoOoooo I decided instead of reading The Power of Intention now I was going to pick a book about vulnerability. I had heard about the book Power the Vulnerability recently and was thinking if it was anything as intense as Power of Intention that it was something I needed. As I kept telling my friend that I wanted that book, she kept mentioning Daring Greatly.

I was convinced I was going to get the book I wanted, so I went on Amazon and searched. All I could find was the audio version though. Being that I love actual books, reading them, smelling them, holding them, turning the pages, tuning into them… an audio version just wasn’t going to cut it. Well as I am looking, one of the other books that was showing up was….wait for it….. DARING GREATLY. How’d ya guess? I searched a couple more times for a book version of Power on Vulnerability, thinking maybe I just wasn’t looking hard enough but every page I went on all  I noticed was the colorful cover of Daring Greatly. Soooo I decided to go for it. All of a sudden I realized BOTH books were by the same author anyhow. Now I really may as well!

The need to be vulnerable is a commonality with most people I talk to as well as what I know I need to practice the most. Here’s the problem, being afraid to be vulnerable is also the commonality. Let’s look at the definition of Vulnerable:

vul·ner·a·ble [vuhl-ner-uh-buhl]; 

— adj

1.

capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

2.

open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc

3.

liable or exposed to disease, disaster, etc

Let’s look at that very first definition. “Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt”. Well no wonder why we are all so afraid. We spend a hell of a lot of energy trying to avoid being wounded or hurt, by all means necessary, so why would we intentionally put our guards down?

Why? Because our SELF depends on it, that’s WHY. Who we truly are lies in our vulnerability. We can not fully come to be ourselves if we can not be vulnerable. Part of being vulnerable is being Authentic. According to the dictionary, being authentic means “not false or copied, genuine, real”. When you are being authentic you are being yourself. NOT FALSE OR COPIED, GENUINE, REAL! That’s sharing yourself and your feelings even if in that moment its hurt, anger, or sadness. So why is being authentic vulnerable? Because we have the opportunity to feel rejected. Feeling rejected sucks! So we avoid that feeling.

Just think about it now…. what kinds of things do we do to avoid being hurt? We lie, we pretend, we hide, we blame, we stay quiet. Not one of those things leads us into being who we really are. None of those things are genuine and real. What’s ironic is all of those things end up doing nothing but eventually hurt us anyways.

I have a hard time being vulnerable particularly because I am strongly attached to the myth that vulnerability shows weakness. Putting your guard down is weak. It does nothing but leaves you open to be killed. We are taught that we have to fight and killing those that have their guards down equals power. The thing is being vulnerable is one of the hardest things we can do. Therefore truth is, it’s a strength right? The greatest power doesn’t come from killing the most people, the greatest power comes from connecting with most people. Think of some of the most powerful leaders. They were powerful because they connected with the masses. And guess what? We connect the most with those whom are authentic and vulnerable. Why? because inside we are all dying to be vulnerable, we are all dying to be our true selves and we can see the strength it takes when someone else shows us it’s possible. That when you let your guard down you get rewarded ten times more. Now THAT’s power.

vulnerability

I’ve stated in this blog over and over how I need to be more vulnerable. How I want to share more. This need isn’t only for my blog, it’s to improve my life in all areas. I need to be more vulnerable in my relationships, my career, my parenting….everything! And as much as I knew what it took to be vulnerable, there are things that still make me afraid. So I am willing to open up into learning more and doing what I can to educate myself about it.  I am fully at that point in my life where my purpose is in turbo speed. I feel as though nothing can stop me. Not even the risk it takes of getting hurt. That is how you know you are on the right path. Because even if you don’t know where the journey is gonna take you, you know you need to continue and nothing can get in your way. This is about taking a stand for WHO I AM!

Pain only makes us even stronger anyways right. Think about it, those who turn away from us or hurt us while our guard is down aren’t the people worth having in our lives. This means they aren’t ready to accept us for who we truly are. In the end, we all want to be accepted right. The only way to know that is to first accept ourselves without rejection and second TAKE THE RISK!

I know I am meant to make a difference in this world and I can’t do that without strengthening the thing that will give me that power of connection. Vulnerability! The risk ALWAYS worth taking.

So here’s goes to stepping into greatness!

xoxo,

barista

My List!

So remember the other day I wanted you all to make a list of things you wanted to do/change. My main goals are to take care of myself. Mind, body, and soul. I want to naturally just feel better and learn to love myself more. I want to be a better mother. Spend more quality time with my son and cherish every moment. I want to become a better partner for my fiance. Choose love first. I want to be a better friend. Be supportive and present. Be a better daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, etc. A better person for myself and all around and involved in my life. This is being a great contributor to society. Learn from others and inspire others to  learn from me. Live in my truth and become more and more my authentic self. That’s what it’s about. Figuring out who you are and living your word.

Here are 35 things that are on my list and it’ll continue to grow throughout the year:
(in no particular order)

1. Spend at least 5 minutes a day deep breathing

2. Juice every morning

3. Stop drinking alcohol for a year

4. Eventually Blog every day

5. Find consistent guest bloggers

6. Read more books (and finish them)

7. Be kind and affirming to myself (and everyone for that matter)

8. Work out 3 times a week or more

9. Go hiking at least once a month

10. Play more games with my son

11. Do a 24 hour water/juice fast once a month

12. Take my son to the park  more or have more playdates

13. drink at least 64oz of water a day

14. Eat siginficantly less amount of processed sugar and foods in general

15. Stretch in the morning

16. Tell the truth

17. Give up being right

18. Learn to meditate better and do it everyday

19. Try Kundalini Yoga

20. Call my mother at least 4-5 times a week

21. Get a facial and/or massage once a month

22. Be more supportive to my fiance

23. Keep my hair curly and enjoy it

24. Create more love, peace, abundance, happiness within myself.

25. Photograph 2 or more weddings

26. Keep a gratitude rock

27. Discover Los Angeles . Visit all the different places I can. Lived here on and off since 2004 and barely been anywhere.

28. Eat at different unique places.

29. Spend at least 1-2 days a week without watching TV

30. Start mentoring through “The Daily Love”

31. Volunteer for an organization

32. Run 3 miles without stopping

33. Send my friends/family birthday cards

34. Wake up at 6am to start my day during the week, by 9am on weekends

35. Surround myself with more positively inspiring people

 

What are 5 things that you want to do/change/become better at?? It’s time to get clear!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

xoxo,

barista

I’m Baaaaaack!

So I have been a little M.I.A (and no that’s not Miami) for the last month or so. So many changes have happened and truthfully I just didn’t make time for the blog. I beat myself up for it a bit but then realized that it’s ok to take a break! Sometimes when you take a break and sit out for a bit you can come back refreshed and brand new.

So upon starting this little post I decided that I want to really give my true authentic self. I know I have said this over and over andddd over again but it’s the part I struggle with when it comes to this blog. I worry so much about readers and followers that I don’t focus much on just allowing my inside to shine out. No expectations. When you have no expectations is when you can allow yourself to receive the highest results and most times that can come in ways we NEVER expected.

I decided it’s about time for me to start a routine to have that time to myself in order to touch on the feelings that are usually pushed aside. I realized that as in tuned with my SELF as I am, I am just as much out of tune. Ever get asked, “How are you feeling?” and your typical answer is “Good” or “I’m okay”. Do you even know that means to you? Do you REALLY know how you’re feeling? Can you accurately describe your feelings? How do you know you feel that way? What in your body is telling you so? These are questions most of us don’t even think about before uttering the expected “I’d doing good”. If you don’t know the answers then how do you know that how you describe to be feeling is even accurate to whats really going on? The only way to find out is to start investigating the truth behind the words.

As mentioned in my very first blog, I am an avoider. I avoid FEELING. So as part of my routine I want to start to meditate and sit with my feelings and write from my heart and from what I feel. This way it can come from a pure place, even if painful, instead of a place in which I need validation or recognition. I used to get so scared about writing… “what if I’m not good enough” but if I allow myself to write about whatever comes up I can do no wrong because that is what needs to be dealt with at that time.

I just finished my first mediation partially guided by a small script in Gabrielle Bernstein’s book “Add more -ing to your life”.  I downloaded some relaxing meditation music and just focused on breathing. I sat on my couch, put my hands to my side and took deep breaths in. I worked on focusing where the pain was coming from. At first I thought my stomach and I was trying to breathe through the pain. Then as I was doing that I started thinking “well why would it come from my stomach, shouldnt it be my heart or something”. There’s that expectation again. I wasn’t even sure if anything was really coming from my stomach either at that point.

After taking a few deep breaths, my head started to feel like it was floating and it started moving what felt very slowly but uncontrollably. It fell back against the couch and slowly was moving up and down , left and right. I immediately thought about “Ask and It Is Given” when Abraham got Esther’s attention and of course I then started trying to figure out if my head was making letters. Yup expectation again! When I caught myself I re-focused back on breathing and just allowing whatever was happening to just happen. It almost felt like a masseuse was guiding my head in circles trying to loosen it up and get my to just relax and let it in.

Maybe that was my answer… Maybe that is where my pain is located. In my head. Maybe in all my expectations. I will have to touch on that more but it was an enlightening experience none the less and led me to start up this post and come back to My Mornin Coffee. So here we go, with intention to let the expectations go, starting with this blog. This is not a “normal” post for me…there is no “message” but some times maybe there doesn’t need to be. Some times the words just need to be free with nothing in mind but to glide. And I will allow that to be ok.

Thanks for having me back!

xoxo,

How Do I Know When To Stay Or Go?

I am reposting this article written by Kute Blackson via The Daily Love  because I get into conversations like this constantly with people. He writes it perfectly!!

So many people stay in relationships when they are not even happy at all simply because they are afraid to be alone, they don’t want to feel the pain of ending it, or because they’ve been in the relationship for so long anyways. All of your relationships, friends and lovers a like, should be promoting and supporting each others growth and authenticity. A relationship, of any kind, is a connection between people and it takes all involved for it to work. If any one person stops their part, there is no point to continue. Do you have to dislike or be mean to them? No! but you certainly don’t have to be in a relationship with them either.

Here’s what Kute has to say:

We come together in relationship with another for our evolution and growth.

The people you attract are simply mirror manifestations in that moment in time that reflect who you are.

Yet who you are is constantly changing, evolving and growing.

Who you are when you first met your partner won’t necessarily be who you will be a year from now, let alone a month from now.

Relationship is really not about the duration that you stay with someone, but the degree to which you both grow, evolve and become more authentically your true Self. Staying in a relationship where you are both no longer growing simply because that is the thing to do based on societal standards, or because you made commitment 25 years ago, is not authentic.

Authenticity is to feel the depth of who you both are now, and fully be in the moment together with total honesty and love.

Then you can see if you are both still a vibrational match for each other today, not based on a commitment made years ago.

Relationship is when you come together with a commitment to serve eachother’s evolution, and grow together in a similar direction at a similar pace. The bottom-line commitment being “I commit to serving your Soul’s growth.”

Once one of you no longer has that commitment, and is clear about that, then you no longer have a relationship even if you stay together physically.

As you both serve each others evolution and keep growing together, then your relationship can keep reinventing itself to higher levels, rather than staying a stale version of what was. Your relationship becomes an ever-expanding exploration of Nowness.

But when one person stops growing or no longer has a commitment to serve the other, it begins to shift the dynamic. The question to ask is simply, “Are we both growing as Souls, becoming more expanded, loving, and authentic versions of ourselves in this relationship?”

If the answer is no, and there is no more commitment to serve each other’s growth, then your relationship is over. So long as there is a commitment to serving each other, even if it is challenging (which relationships can be) you can keep growing together.

The real success of relationship isn’t simply how many years you have been with someone, but how much you grew and realized your authentic self.

Certain people show up in your life to simply serve a function of helping you see a part of yourself that you get to reclaim or heal. It might last a few weeks, months, years or a lifetime. But you come together to learn those lessons, and once those lessons are complete, so is the relationship.

So, feel into finding the form of the relationship that allows the greatest love to be expressed. Sometimes we stay together out of obligation, but that serves no one really, simply causing us to withhold love. The truth serves all concerned, even if it might not seem that way at first. The truth will ultimately dissolve limits and cause expansion.

Sometimes breaking UP the form and finding a new way of relating with your partner simply allows you be able to love them without the limited expectations.  Staying in a relationship when you are no longer in love, growing or committed is living death.

As the form of your relationship changes either through a break up, divorc or death, let the loving remain constant.

No forms last forever.

Only Love is real.

Just because a relationship ends does not mean the LOVING needs to.

Be committed to the loving no matter what happens.

Then you are free.

The rest are just details.

Love.Now

Kute