Wise New Year Words From Dr. Wayne Dyer

Via Dr. Wayne Dyer’s Facebook Page:

Today is the dawn of the New Year. So you’re probably working on a list of things that you’d like to get done in 2015. Well, I’d like to ask you to forget about making these resolutions. Forget about deciding on the first day of January how you will be conducting your life in September, some nine months later. Any resolution that involves making decisions about future behaviors is a waste of time. It also reinforces the self-defeating notion of living in the future.

For 2015, wouldn’t you rather live in the present moment?

This day that you’re living right now is the only day you get. Period. You can resolve to be skinny when next July rolls around, or to quit smoking next month, or to write that book you’ve been meaning to, or to embark on your overdue exercise program by the end of this year. You can go about resolving until the cows come home, and you still have to live your life just like everyone else on the planet: One day at a time.

You can only live minute to minute. You can certainly use up your present moments thinking about what you’ll be doing in the future, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can only live in the now. The important question to be asking yourself is:

How am I going to live in the present moment this year?

Will I waste these moments reviewing the way I used to behave? Will I waste these moments reviewing how I would like to behave in the future rather than resolving to live each day to the fullest?

The New Year is a good time to initiate a plan so you can make some changes and help live your life to the fullest. See if you can practice thinking differently. Decide very specifically what it is that you would like to change about yourself in 2015. If you have some goals in mind, vow to work on them day by day rather than making them a year-long project.

When you set up day-to-day goals for yourself, you can begin living this way for the rest of your life. Remember this little piece of advice, which will be extremely helpful to you if you can incorporate it into your life: When you go for one entire day without eating sugar (or not smoking, or being assertive, or any other new behavior), you are a totally different person at the end of that day. What you must learn to do is let that totally different person decide on the second day whether to do it again on this new day, rather than letting the same old person decide today that it is going to be difficult in a couple of days anyhow, so what’s the use. Always let the New You make the decision, and then you’ll be living your present moments.

Remember, you are in control of all thoughts in your head. When you are using up your present moments to worry about the future, constantly reviewing the past to come up with how you should have done it differently, or contemplating disaster, remind yourself that you are wasting this particular present moment.

Practice cancelling out negative thoughts for a few minutes at a time. Vow to enjoy the next five minutes regardless of what has previously transpired or what you think is about to happen. Remind yourself of the folly of wasting your present moments on mental activity that focuses exclusively on your past or imagined future. All of your thoughts about what you should have done, or how terrible things were in the past will not change one tiny slice of the past.

live in the moment

As you celebrate this New Year and each precious present moment, here are 10 reminders to help you live in the Now:

1. Remember that habits are changed by practicing new behavior. By practicing new thinking every five minutes, you’ll soon begin to master the art of present-moment living.
2. Do an honest assessment of your “problems.” You’ll very likely discover that almost all of your problems are really in your head and not located in reality.
3. Take time to be mindful of everything around you. Begin to look at your entire surroundings in a new light. Observe every detail on every face, every building and every object. If you do this often enough it will become a habit that will facilitate your being alive in every moment of the year.
4. Change your attitude. Begin an attitude-redevelopment plan. That means practice enjoying everything you do.
5. Be specific about what you want and take action. Decide on one thing that you would like to work on and do it today. Work at it daily, rather than making it a long-range objective.
6. Create a self-improvement agenda for yourself. Put on your agenda whatever activities you’ve always thought about but never had time to do. Do them now.
7. Rid yourself of mundane chores that are not really that important. Spend more time making your life a pleasure.
8. Eliminate procrastination as a lifestyle. Instead of talking to yourself about what you are going to do next week or even tomorrow, use this time to start a new task.
9. Don’t give up control of your life to others. You cannot enjoy the present moment if you are busy trying to make everyone else like you. People respect you more when you operate from a position of strength and self-reliance.
10. Feel good about yourself. You are a magnificent human being. Always feel good about that self that you are always with.

For 2015, as I have for many other years, I vow to be fully alive and see the world the way Walt Whitman described it to be many years ago: “To me…every cubic inch of space is a miracle.” I really believe that.

I wish you a New Year filled with many miracles. May you live a long and productive life—one present moment at a time.

Love,
I AM,
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

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TRUE LOVE CHECKLIST: Is It Love Or Something Else?

I wanted to make a follow up post to go along with my last post about the misconception that Love Hurts. We discussed that Love is and always will be Love. We also discussed how if it’s not love that hurts then it must be fear. Mistaking  something else for love is not an uncommon problem.  When we have been betrayed, we think it is love that brings us pain, but really the pain was caused by deceit. “How could she do this to me, I love her.”  When we go through a loss, we think it is Love that brings us pain, but really the pain is caused by our attachment. “But I love him.”  When we go through a conflict we think that it is love that brings us pain, but really it is an unmet need.  “She doesn’t love me like I love her”. It’s misidentification like these that allow us to buy into the  belief that it is Love that is hurting us. That someone else is hurting us. If we never loved in the first place, we would be safe. WRONG! It is not how someone else is being that hurts, it is how you are being that does.

“What hurts is not love itself, but rather our unloving actions or reactions, the conditions we place on love, the fear that we are not loved, our resistance to being loved, and even out lack of faith in love… You experience pain when you are thinking, feeling, or behaving in a way that is not loving.” – Robert Holden

Love is a state of BEING. To BE Loving is a choice we must make. And if we aren’t in our loving, we are in fear. Remember, We can not be in both states at the same time. True love never dies. It is unconditional and everlasting. When there is a change in dynamic or even a loss, TRUE love still remains.  If in examples like the ones above can lead you to misidentify what love is, in what other ways may you be mistaking true love? What fearful reasons are really the root of your pain?

In Robert Holden’s book, Loveability, he has a TRUE LOVE CHECKLIST to help you “be aware of any mistakes you are making , recognize the real cause of pain, learn any unlearned lessons, and most of all, choose a better way”. 

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TRUE LOVE CHECKLIST: (the following has been copied directly from the book)

1. Is this love or fear?
“The basic fear ‘I am unloveable’ is the primary cause to suffering. When you identify with this fear, it causes many tears to fall. The fear is not true, but if you believe it, you will turn away from yourself. Feeling unloveable causes you to reject your internal loveliness…When you believe ‘I am not loveable”, it causes you to contract inside, to defend yourself, and to behave in unloving ways that add to your pain. You also experience pain when fear appears to triumph over love: for example when it looks like love is not present, that love changes, that love is being withheld, that love is not enough, and that love dies. In deep pain, the fear is that love has forsaken you. In other words, love has rejected you, too. The temptation here is to reject love. However, when you stop loving, it hurts you even more. Only by loving can you begin to face fear, heal the pain, and walk out of hell. ”

2. Is this love or dependency?
“Many psychologist view dependency as a major source of pain in love. They counsel you against needing anything from anyone, lest you get hurt. One way to counteract this fear of dependency is to be totally independent of others. Unfortunately this causes just as much pain. Independence looks like freedom, but really it is a dead end. It shuts you off to the whole creation. Imagine if you had no relationships in your life. The truth is, we depend on relationships for our growth and evolution. Relationships are how we learn to love and be loved.

Health dependency allows you to ask for help, to be open to inspiration, to cooperate with others, and not to try to do life by yourself. Unhealthy dependency arises when you feel unloveable and see others as the source of your love. You believe it is their job to make you feel whole, secure, and connected to the world, to heal your wounds, and to validate you. Inevitably, though, when you make someone your source of love, they will also be your source of pain. No one does a very good job making someone feel lovevable, mostly because it’s an impossible task.”

People can encourage you to feel loveable, but they can’t make you feel loveable. Making sure you feel loveable is YOUR job, not someone else’s. 

3. Is this love or attachment?
“Can you feel the difference between feeling connected with and feeling attached to someone? When you love someone, you feel a connection that defies all physical laws. You feel connected from the moment you first recognize each other. Your friendship is timeless. You feel connected even if you live ten thousand miles apart. Your friendship knows no distance. You feel connected even when you haven’t spoken in ages. Your friendship is beyond words. You feel connected even if one of you is in heaven and the other is still here on earth. Your friendship is beyond all form. Your love for each other serves as a memory of your true nature, and somehow you know that your connection will continue long after you have forgotten about your visit to this world.

When you are attached to someone, it is still possible to feel that love connects you, but mostly what you feel is fear, anxiety, and pain. Attachments are contracts based on form. Pain arises when the conditions of attachment are not met…Pain also arises when the form of the relationship changes. Children grow up and leave home. Parent divorce and leave home. Our best friend gets married. We get married and divorced. People we love die. We grieve the loss of form, and understandably so. But, in truth, there is no loss in love, not when you allow yourself to feel your genuine connection to each other. ”

4. Is this love or do I have an agenda?
“What do you expect from your mother? What do you expect from your lover? What do you expect from your child? from the world? Whenever your expectations are not met, you will know it, because you will feel disappointed, let down, angry, and hurt. What is the difference between an expectation and a demand? Nothing much actually. Expectations look innocent enough, but they carry an agenda, a plan, and a demand to get something. Each expectation is set on a timer, and if you don’t get what you want in time, the bomb goes off.

Expectations are fear based. They are an effort to grab what you want instead of letting it come to you. The more afraid you are of not getting what you want, the more expectations you have on your list. Expectations are frustrating because they arise from an attitude of getting that blocks receptivity. They create an agenda that acts like a wall between you and the other person. Love doesn’t have an agenda, because an attitude of love is really based on BEING rather than getting or receiving…Love helps you to BE what you want to give and receive.”

Common Expectations That Cause Hurt in Relationships:
* I expect to be loved by everybody
* I expect people I love to love me, too
* I expect people I love to love me more than others
* I expect others to know how I need to be loved
* I expect others to love me the way I love them
* I expect people I love to know that I love them
* I expect others to love me without making mistakes
* I expect others to love me all the time.

5. Is this love or am I trying to get something?
“You can’t feel hurt unless you are giving to take”, says Chuck Spezzano. When you give love in order to get love, it ends in tears, either right away or eventually. Love is not something to get. You can’t get love from people like you get a bottle of soda from a vending machine. If you did a naked dance in front of them, you could probably get their attention, some approval, and even a wild applause. This might feel pretty good, but it wouldn’t be love. If you give love in order to get love, you will end up feeling disappointed and resentful. “Look what I did for you”, you yell. “I even did a naked dance for you,” you cry. When you give love freely, you feel the love you give and you feel loveable NO MATTER WHAT the return.”

6. Is this love or am I in sacrifice?
“There are two types of sacrifice: unhealthy sacrifice and health sacrifice. One is based on fear and the other on love. Knowing the difference is the key to knowing how to love and be loved. Unhealthy sacrifice may appear to work at first, but love and dishonesty are not good bedfellows. Lovers try to play small in a relationship in order to heal power struggles and avoid rejection. Children get ill in a desperate attempt to heal their parents relationship. Business leaders nearly kill themselves for their cause. Unhealthy sacrifice is often well intentioned, but it doesn’t work, because it’s based on fear not love.

Healthy sacrifice is a different story. To be happy in a relationship, you have to be willing to sacrifice your fear for love, independence for intimacy, resentment for forgiveness, and old wounds for new beginnings. Above all, you have to stop giving yourself away and learn how to give more of yourself. You give yourself away when you are not true to yourself, when you play a role, when you don’t speak up, when you don’t ask for what you want, when you don’t listen to yourself, and when you don’t allow yourself to receive.”

7. Is this love or am I in a role?
“Two people in a relationship will play out a number of roles together. When you are happy, you barely notice these roles exist. However, when things are not okay, the roles are more fixed and rigid. They are your position and your point of view in the relationship. They affect your capacity to give and receive. They can cause you to polarize and to oppose each other. This is painful, as you no longer feel like you are on the same team. The perceived separation can cause a power struggle and more conflict.

Roles that are fixed and rigid cause hurt and pain. These roles usually begin in childhood, born of fear that you are not loveable or that there is not enough love to go around…When there is a problem in the relationship, your homework is to find out what role you are playing and also consider what good things could happen if you stopped playing this role. Here are some good examples of roles that cause polarity:”

* Am I loving this person or am I playing the role of a martyr?
* Am I loving this person or am I playing the independent role or the dependent role?
* Am I loving this person or am I playing the role of the parent or the child?
*Am I loving this person or am I playing the role of the rescuer or the victim?
*Am I loving this person or am I trying to be positive or be contrary?

8. Is this love or am  I trying to change the person I love?
“Have you tried to change your partner recently? How did it go? Were they suitably appreciative? I imagine you didn’t get a thank you note for your efforts. Have you tried to change your children? Were they receptive? Did it work this time? Children are willing learners, except when they don’t feel loved. Have you tried to change your parents? After all, they’re getting older now and so they should be weaker and less able to resist your campaign. Has anyone tried to change you recently? How did you feel about that? Did you feel more loved? Are you feeling even more love for that person who wants to change you?

A common mistake in relationships is the belief that your love will change a person, eventually. You can’t love someone and want him or her to change. For a start, when you try to change people, they do not feel loved by you. If anything, they feel judged and rejected. Love does not seek to change people, because love does not find any fault in a person’s true essence. Love can help a person grow and to bring out the best in him or her; but you will not see any of this of you do not love the person unconditionally in the first place. The paradox for love is that when you stop wanting each other to change, you are changed, and this change enables you to love each other more. “Ask yourself:

* Am I loving this person or am I trying t o fix him?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to improve her?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to save him?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to heal her?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to get him enlightened?

9. Is this love or am I trying to control this person?
“Every relationship experiences what is commonly called a power struggle. This is not just in marriage, but also in relationships between parents and children, between in-laws, and between siblings. In a power struggle, both people have to learn to give up trying to control each other so as to experience true friendship and love. When a power struggle is healed, it helps both people feel more equal, more connected, and more loved.

Control is a form of fear. When you are tempted to control the relationship, it’s because you are afraid that you are unloveable and that you might lose someone’s love. Unfortunately, the more you try to control a relationship, the less loving it feels. Too much control makes the other person passive or passive aggressive. The more you control someone, the less attractive and interesting the person is to you. Control stunts growth, it kills aliveness. Here are some points to consider:

* Am I loving this person or am I playing it safe?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to protect him?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to protect myself?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to keep the peace?
* Am I loving this person or am I trying to hold on to her?

10. Is this love or am I trying not to get hurt?
If you believe that love hurts, you will be afraid to love and be loved. This fear of love makes you want to protect yourself against love. Your ego creates an arsenal of defenses that stop you, for instance, from loving too much or loving too easily. You employ these defenses to feel safe, in control, and emotionally insured against any injury. And still you get hurt. And hurt again. Eventually, by some act of grace, you consider the possibility that these defenses are the cause of your hurt. And so it is, because defenses are made of fear and fear keeps you stuck in the experience you are trying to escape.

Until you realize that love doesn’t hurt, love will always seem to hurt you. That will be your story anyway. If you are willing to let go of your story, even for just a moment, you can start to have a different experience of love. As you begin to  dismantle some of your old defenses, you notice the love course runs more smoothly. Eventually, your defenselessness opens you up to experience pure love.”

 

If you are feeling pain or loss of love in any moment, stop and ask ask yourself, is this true love or is this something else?  It isn’t until you discover what it REALLY is, that you can start to heal and return to loving.

What are some ways you mistake pain for love? In what ways can you think, feel, and BE more loving? Leave your answers in the comment section below.

xoxo,

barista

What I Learned From My First Day of School

I officially finished my first evening of class at the University of Santa Monica. I have to admit I was quite nervous and had no idea what to expect. As I got to the University though, it immediately felt welcoming by staff and other students. I expect it from staff but I wasn’t sure what to expect from everyone else. It felt though like everyone was so eager to meet others which was a very comforting feeling.

Upon class starting I just kept sitting there thinking… “I did it, I’m HERE”. It was somewhat of a surreal experience to look around and see all the different faces from all walks of life, all areas of the Country as well as some people traveling from other countries. After talking to a few people before school started, I felt the connective energy like we were all feeling the same. Unsure about exactly what to expect, nervous to start digging deep into our unhealed subconscious, but ready with excitement to start becoming better versions of ourselves. My first evening went amazing and I have a feeling you will get a lot out from me on these weekends that I  have school being that I come out with new experiences and feelings fresh in mind.

Today we learned two basic skills. “Seeing the Loving Essence” and Heart-Centered Listening”. Two very important skills when learning to experience oneself as a soul having a human experience. Two VERY important skills that were great starters because it will help us throughout our experience at school to learn to see people as one and really grasp the truth of being souls having a human experience. The Professor called it, “seeing and hearing with Soul-centered eyes and ears”. 

To sum up Seeing the Loving Essence, it is “not about solving people’s ‘problems’ nor is it about ‘fixing’ them. It is about how you will ‘be’ with them. In my own words I connected that it is about “SEEING” someone as another soul and connecting with them on that level versus the physical form that they seem to be. Connecting through the energy of LOVE. It is important because as we begin to connect more with ourselves as spiritual beings comes the ability to connect with others as spiritual beings. It leaves a space open for us to be accepting to others as they are in their truth rather than what their personality or ego may be projecting. A lot of times we like to hold on so much to the personality or ego because we use that to protect ourselves but it separates us and gives us excuses as to why we are different. We have to remember that personality and ego are just outside layers covering the truth of someone and underneath we really are all the same. 

We then went into talking about the importance of listening from the heart. One of the things that “pinged” my mind (I got that description from a peer in class) was when the Professor stated that “words are just reference points that help us try to communicate something”…. he went on to explain “book and libro are just words that communicate something…they are describing the same thing but both words are NOT books, they are just words…Words are not the things they represent”. This stuck out to me a lot because I think I can tend to get caught up in the words being said and my meaning of them and less connected with the feelings and expression behind the words. A question he suggested we ask ourselves when listening to others was “What is being expressed behind the words being said?” We learned how to listen from the heart while being fully present. A major part of this was listening was resisting the urge to give advice. That’s where I knew there was a learning experience for me.

I talk to a lot of friends all the time. I tend to be someone my friends feel like they can talk to about meaningful situations. The thing is, I do find myself constantly giving advice, which I learned tonight that often while doing that you are more focused on listening with the intent to fix a problem versus just listening from the heart and connecting with the person talking. We have been trained all our lives to fix problems so it’s not surprising that it is the way most people listen. Because people tend to always come back to me for conversation, I often feel like my advice is worth giving, and truthfully maybe sometimes it is worth giving WHEN ASKED FOR, but I learned tonight that listening is one of the most important parts of connective communication.

At the end of the night we got into groups of three and we practiced talking, listening, and observing. Each person got a chance to do each. It was interesting to feel the drastic change in the energy when practicing each role and experience. Not only that, just relating to each other about how each of us felt being in each seat. Every time the group started a new conversation we started with focusing upon opening up into our authentic selves, setting an intention for that conversation according to what role we were in, and asking the spirits for help assisting us with our intention. 

When I was in the “client” seat, I think this was the “hot seat” for us all, I felt how hard it can be for me to open up, be vulnerable, and speak from an authentic place deep within. I spend so much time giving advice that I often avoid being the talker. As the client We had to talk for 17 minutes about something meaningful to us. As I realized I was going to be the client for the first role, my first thoughts were “What am I going to talk to these strangers about for 17 minutes” . Because I was the only one at the time that was expected to talk and share, I was able to feel that vulnerability of feeling open and naked but was forced to work through the fears I was having at the time and open up about something that was meaningful to me. While I got to experience how it felt to share and be vulnerable, at the same time I got to feel what its like to be truly listened to and connected with. By being in this role I felt more powerful in my need to step in that fear and express myself more in the relationships that I have.

While being in the “facilitator” aka a listener’s seat,  I was to listen while assisting to helping the “client” find their own answers by asking questions without giving advice. While sitting in this seat and listening to the client speak, I found the profound difference in “listening” and “hearing”. Most of the time I do a lot of hearing but not a lot of listening. I went into that seat with the intention to listen for the expression and less for the words. To also connect instead of seeking to solve a problem. My eyes opened a lot here because I felt I was able to connect with the client on such a profound level and just realizing how much I can miss out on with others because I’m not really listening from a place of love and connection. It also made me realize why TALKING to someone is so important. I do a lot of text or typing online with people and by doing that I am missing out on the key components of how listening is really effective. Through talking to someone, even better if it can be in person, you are able to feel the energy of what is being expressed in their tone and their meaning instead of just seeing words and attaching our own meaning to and tone to them.

Next time you are in a text conversation, it is very important to remember, as much as you think you are feeling and seeing what is being expressed, without the physical tone and energy of the other person talking, you really are ONLY attaching YOUR meaning to the words and what’s inside of YOU not them. Not only that, usually while texting, we are distracted at the same time so our attention is never fully present with the other person. I’ve learned to try to avoid trying to get into important conversations through text. Tell someone “I want to be able to be fully attentive and feel and connect with what you are saying, let’s talk on the phone or meet up in person”

And finally being the observer, It was nice to see and connect fully with the relationship of two people having effective communication. Watching one be vulnerable while the other listens with their heart. To experience that from an outside view was very eye-opening and leads to more clear intentions of what I want my relationships to feel and look like. It also gave me the opportunity to purely just listen and see without the expectation or intention to be involved but just feel. 

Overall, my experience of the first day was amazing and I can only imagine what the rest of the weekend, and year will feel like. As scared and nervous as I felt walking in versus how comfortable and safe as I felt walking out shows the power of a strong community of people and what a loving energy can give for someone. I can admit I had some judgement and assumptions towards the people in my group but that was immediately dissolved when I had the intention to feel their experiences. That one exercise that allowed me to feel a connection and similarity to the other two people in my group also allowed me to equally feel more connected with everyone in the room even though I had no conversation with them, and even those that I have relationships with outside of class and THAT is learning how to truly seeing the loving essence in everyone. 

I cant wait to see whats next!

Remember the last time you were in a meaningful conversation with someone. How well were you engaging in that communication? Were your intentions to fix a problem? Did you give advice? Did you feel what the person was feeling without judgement or assumptions? If you were the talker, were you able to be vulnerable and open? If not, what was stopping you?

Challenge: Next time you are in a meaningful conversation with someone in person and you are the listener, I want you to set the intention to just listen to them and feel what is being expressed behind the word. Connect and see yourself in that person. See them through the lenses of soul centered eyes. If you are the talker, open up and be vulnerable. Feel the fear and do it anyways. Notice how it feels to be listened to or NOT listened to and still connect and see yourself in that other person. Then come back and comment how having soul centered eyes and ears felt?

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments section below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

 

I Got In, I Got In!

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SoOoOoOooo I Got In!!! Found out on Tuesday (yes, it’s taken me this long to share) that my application to the University Of Santa Monica application was accepted. I am on my way towards getting my Masters in Spiritual Psychology. Woooohoooo! Well guess what… as happy as I am, I still feel scared.

“I haven’t been to school for so long”, “Am I sure I’m gonna be able to pay for this?”, “Will I really be able to finish the two, maybe three, years?”, “How will I make it through the long weekends?”, “Maybe I’m putting too much on my plate?”, “School starts NEXT WEEK….am I ready?”

Ya know what, I DUNNO!! some of those questions, I’m just not sure of the answer. The thing I have come to discover over the last few days though is I have a choice. I can choose to let the fear of the unknown deter me away from my path (like I have done many a time in the past) OR I can use the fear of unknown to give me the strength and faith needed to continue forward. It’s like that saying that I love (that I might butcher), “Imagine driving in a car somewhere at night…with your headlights, as long as you continue to move forward, you only need to see a little in front of you at a time to eventually reach your destination”. That’s how this feels. With only little light leading my way, little by little I’m continuing to move forward along this path of my dreams.

The journey of USM started with me checking it out online and noticing there was an informational meeting that very same week. Being that, to get to this meeting meant I had to travel down the 405 (traffic nightmare) right after work at 6pm AND find a babysitter from 6-10pm on a Wednesday so my fiance could come with me, some people may have skipped the meeting. Not having a clue what to expect, I took a step forward. After the meeting I was excited but nervous about the financial aspect as that’s the thing that worries most people about situations like these. Wondering if I was moving too fast, what if I wasn’t looking at all my options. It took 3 months, but I did what I needed to do to apply. Scared about if I could handle it, yet another step forward. Now here I am filling out my enrollment forms after being accepted, still scared “what the hell is going on?” but STILL another step forward. I expect many more moments to come along like this, that leave me with the choice to stop or take another step forward and I’m coming to slowly learn that as long as I KEEP MOVING FORWARD, my goals will be met.

I’m finally coming to know what FEEL THE FEAR, AND DO IT ANYWAYS is all about. I posted this quote on my Facebook page a couple of weeks ago when I was finishing up my application, and it’s the thing I now start to think about when I get scared. It’s slowly becoming my motto for creating an exceptional life. I have felt the fear in other ways and areas of my life and continued along with stuff, this isn’t my first shebang, but I always felt like when it came to my career goals/dreams, when I got too scared I would give up. Whenever I felt a tad discouraged I would run away. SO this just feel like a BIG step for me to actually get something big started that I know I will follow through with, coming out a new and improved version of myself.

I have a lot of fears but I know once my first day comes, they will start to subside. Underneath it all I feel really good about everything going on in my life and the lives around me. I have learned a lot of things over the years, read a lot of books, given a lot of advice, had plenty of conversations and motivational talks with others to help them get through their fears, but through all that I’ve always been scared to trust my OWN heart. I knew there was a big part of me that hasn’t been walking my talk. And now I feel like I’m getting a taste of what that feels like.

Literally two seconds ago, I just text my friend with “Your head is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo filling your thoughts with fear, your heart knows the truth and just wishes you would trust it”. Stuff like that comes out of my mouth constantly to other people ALLLL the time but its a whole other story to feel and trust that myself. That’s all our soul wants from us, is to trust OURSELVES over the fears that are constantly being strung through our brain at lightening speed a million times all day. You get an intuition about something and almost immediately following are the thousand of fears challenging that intuition. The key is to listen to that intuitive thought.

When you start to trust  your heart and notice that it knows its shit, it can get addicting. You realize that it was right all along, even if at first it can be the scariest decision you make, and you’ll want to keep doing it. It takes many times of choosing your fears first and learning the lessons that go with them, but with practice you become stronger and less afraid. The goal is to eventually listen to ONLY my heart and tell my fearful thoughts to “suck it” (in the kindest way possible of course).

It’s funny because the one thing that got me to actually turn in my application was listening to one of my friends talk about how she had just registered for a certification class she was interested in so she could get her dream job. It motivated me because I remember her discovering what it was she wanted to do and within a few weeks she was making moves and putting down money. She was scared too but she was doing it anyways. I was just sitting there thinking “Here I am taking three months, scaring myself further away from my dream while she is just going for it”. The next day I started completing my application. I told her this the other day when I got accepted that her moves had motivated me and the ironic thing is, she told me I was the one that motivated HER. I told her if she moved forward and did it, MAGIC would happen. Well who knew, that magic would be for both of us.

Listen to your heart and MAGIC does happen. I believe that and now is time to start following through. Has there been a time where you have decided to listen to your heart over your head? I would love to know how that worked out for you. Share below!

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments section below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

PS: People have been asking me “What is Spiritual Psychology?”. Below is a video from the EXACT informational meeting I attended explaining what Spiritual Psychology is and what USM is all about. You’ll see why I am so excited to go. PPS: This school isn’t for those only interested in Psychology, as Im not trying to become a Psychologist, many different people attend that have many different backgrounds and careers, 1/3 of the students even travel from all over to attend the one weekend a month. So you may be interested and maybe I’ll even see you there next year 🙂 xoxo

The Butterfly

I came across the story below and thought it had simple meaning worth sharing.

You know when you hear someone else talking and sharing experiences with you and, from the outside looking in, and the solution seems so obvious. How many times do you wanna just shake people and just scream “How can you not know the answer?” Ok maybe I’m the only one that wants to get physical.

Especially when it’s someone you really care about, it can be hard not to force YOUR idea of what’s best for them. Maybe you’ve gone through a similar experience before, maybe we’ve seen them go through a similar experience before….One reason we do things like this, is because we are trying to save others from a struggle we think they can avoid… Besides we are “just trying to help”.  Truth is, no one knows what’s best for someone else. Only you know what’s best for you and they know what’s best for them.

Having open conversations, giving WANTED advice, and sharing knowledge can be very harmless but we have to know when to let go and let others go through what they need to go through. We have to trust that they will learn exactly they need to learn, to grow into exactly the person they need to become. We all have a journey.

The Story of the Butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

Butterfly
So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!
In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

Are there ways in which you can relate to the butterfly? Are there ways in which you can relate to the man? How can you can accept the struggles in your life and in others?

Vulnerability leads to connection. Connections allows us to see we aren’t alone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your thoughts or story in the comments below so that you can open the opportunity for a connection with someone else

xoxo,

barista

From Thinking to Writing/Speaking

Ever go through something in your head and know exactly what you want to write or talk about but can’t form it into words? It’s almost as if your head speaks a different language then your mouth knows. This happens to me often and the main reasons it’s so hard for me to write. My brain is very active and I am always thinking and putting things together until it makes sense to me but then when it comes to letting it out, I just can’t put it into words. It;s weird because when I am thinking it’s obviously as if I am thinking in English but then how come the words I’m thinking can’t be just transferred onto paper or come out of my mouth?

Anyone else, especially bloggers, have this problem? If so I would LOVE to hear some ideas of any things you do to help you express exactly how you feel or are thinking into words? Is there a process you go through that helps? It can be very overwhelming to feel like you have so much to say or explain, and so much going on in your head yet feel like it’s just suck in your head. Maybe I dont prepare enough before I write. Maybe I should take notes thruogh out the day. Maybe I should have a ritual. I dunno!!!

This is where I am at right now and would love to learn what other people who may have similar issues may do to make the process easier.

Thanks xoxo,

barista