Mini Goal Monday: Listen to your Excuses

So it is Mini Goal Monday again!!! How did you all do on your goals?? Did you meet them?  Did you cheat a little? Did you not attempt at all?

So let’s see my goal was to go to the gym at least 3 times this week and lose 1.5 lbs. So I went to the gym on Monday when I said I would. I went to the gym on Wednesday the day I said I would, and on Friday a last-minute playdate came up with my son that I went to instead of the gym. I knew a few days before so I had already planned to still go to the gym afterwards. Well the playdate lasted a long time and then it was the Mega Lotto drawing, in which I had a lot of tickets for, so I did not end up going on Friday. I then was gonna go on Saturday but it rained , and then Sunday I had a birthday party, a photo shoot, and dinner to go to.

Did you just hear ALLLL those excuses I just made on why I failed to meet my goal??? That’s what happens when we fail at something we said we would do right. We immediately have to back ourselves up with the great, or not so great, reasons we couldn’t follow through. The funny part is that it feels like we HAVE to give a reason/excuse just to feel understood instead of simply taking responsibility for not doing what we said we’d do.

Have you ever been late to meet someone and when you finally talk to them or get there you have the excuse, real or not. “i lost my keys”, “There was so much traffic”, “I was running late”. There has to be SOMETHING! How often do you ever just say “I’m late, sorry!” or “I’m late because I didn’t prepare better”.  It’s a way to try to dodge the responsibility. It feels better when we put it on something, or someone, else.  I could have just said, “I didn’t go Friday” and left it at that but instead felt compelled to explain the reasons why so you could understand that I had no choice. Did I really have no choice though? Of course I did, I always do.  I could have went late night on Friday. I could have went on Saturday regardless of the rain and I could have went early Sunday morning. There WERE chances for me to go to the gym a third time but I CHOSE not to. How powerful is that. Owning my choice! So I even could have just said “I chose not to go to the gym on Friday, or the rest of the weekend” because in reality THAT is what happened.

I mean this even happens when we don’t even make promises, just when we flat out don’t want to do something. When you get invited to a party you dont want to go to. When you get asked to do something you don’t want to do. How many times do you either say you will do it, or will go and come up with an excuse later OR come up with an excuse right away?  What’s wrong with just saying “No, I not going to come” or “No, I don’t want to do that”?

I didn’t lose 1.5 lbs either. I chose not to! I chose to eat badly all weekend. I chose the easier route this time. Now could I be hard on myself for not meeting my mini goal this week. Of course I could and I could give up while I’m at it thinking im never gonna make it there. But ya know what the best thing to do when you can’t follow-up on a goal, or a promise, or something you said?? Move on, make another goal/promise and follow through on the new one.  We can’t go back and change what already happened {or didnt happen} but we can choose to continue and follow through the next time. Start restoring your integrity!

So my mini goal this week :
*Monday workout at home with weights 7:30, Tuesday go to Bikram Yoga 8:15, Wednesday go to TKB at the gym 8:00, and Friday go to the gym 3:30
*Lose 2lbs this week
and I’ll add a new one.
*Get out of my bed at 7am instead of 7:30/8:00am to start getting ready for work

what are your goals this week gonna be?

And I challenge you this….next time you aren’t able to follow-up on what you said you would or simply get asked to do something you don’t want to do, just NOTICE the excuses you make. FEEL how compelled you are to have to make them. TRY not to make any excuse and simply just TAKE responsibility. Once you start doing this, you can begin to see how responsible for your life you really are.  You will also ALWAYS notice the excuses other people make and their stories on why things just aren’t their fault. I’ll admit it starts to get annoying…. but REALIZE that this is how you sound when you make them too!

Check in next Monday!

xoxo

What You Feed Will Grow

So today I heard two people ask about relationships and ask along the lines “how come relationships start wonderful and then turn to crap?”. Then I randomly read an article today called “Make People in Your World President” which goes on to answer just a tad of this question… and I thought maybe that was a sign I should hop on board and try to extend the answer a bit.

Well if you read the article, Dr. Samantha Sutton says:

“We sit back and make people prove to us that they are great. We criticize and eye roll and bemoan the fact that they aren’t being their best selves. And wish we had chosen someone else….  the first few months were grand as I discovered all the new and beautiful aspects of my partner. But then, six months into the relationship, when the newness had worn off, I would start to evaluate my partner. I would criticize his friends, his failures, his personality “flaws” and wonder if he really was worth it….All the while paying far less attention to his dreams, what was important to him, who he was striving to be and where he wanted to go….We give strength to what we focus on, and so had I been supporting and strengthening his dreams and efforts at greatness, who knows how he, or the relationship, would have been different. Of course, this not to say that I should have stayed with any of those partners, or that some people truly aren’t a good fit together. My point is that you, by choosing which partner you will cheer for, the best version or the worst version, can help that version win. Then you get to enjoy being with that version”

I think this is a really important part of what makes a relationship strong versus weak. Does this mean that any and every relationship will work out… like she said, NO, some people just are not meant to be together, but if you figure out that you guys just mutually don’t click versus because the other person sucks, then most likely you should have a mature adultlike closure rather than a dramatic I hate your guts horror story.

If you love your partner as a friend, which I  suggest you should if you romantically involved with them and want a future, then you should want the best for them as a friend would. Think about your really good friendships for a moment…. are your friends always perfect? do you fight with them sometimes? do you always love all their decisions? in the end do you still want the best for them and will be there when they need you? Of course!!! Your romantic relationship will the same way if you love them like a friend first. Better life for your partner means better life for both of you if you plan on being with them for a long time. You should want that.

What you feed is what will grow.  Do you think that flags werent shown upfront about the now enemy of yours when you guys started dating? Of course they were there but you chose to ignore them because all those wonderful great things were shining brighter. Did that person change? maybe a bit because the impression stage wore off, but  a lot of people show themselves even when they try to hide. This is just simple proof that the things you choose to pay attention to is what manifests. If you pay attention to all their flaws than those will become the most prevalent. Also remember, when you point the finger at someone 4 point back at you…so how are you being any different then you say they are when you are constantly nagging  and complaining too? Instead of choosing to focus on all the things your partner isn’t doing, or the ways they aren’t being, try to start over again and pay attention how they are as a person and the core qualities they have. If they have appeared to change drastically maybe you should pay more attention to your “picking skills”. This is the main reason I don’t like to play games because games lead to getting played. If you are 100% upfront about what you are looking for, the easier you can weed out those that aren’t it for you. Be real if you want real. And become clear about what you really need in someone.

Figure out what exactly it is that made you want to be with this person in the first place and decipher if it’s core qualities versus a way they were being. Did you like them because they were nice, honest, and caring or did you like them because you like the same music. What’s funny is that sometimes people are initially attracted for negative reasons but then are surprised when the person really is that way.  If you feel in love with strong core qualities, most likely they still embody those but maybe they just need someone who inspires them to be their best. How can you inspire?? By being the way you want them to be. By communication, opening up, being vulnerable, sharing dreams and goals. If you want someone to be vulnerable with you, be vulnerable with them. If you want someone to understand your feelings and thoughts, be understanding to theirs. You want someone who brings out the best in you right? So bring out the best in them too!

If you realize you fell for them for ways they were being/acting but you don’t see they hold any good core qualities than of course its time to re-evaluate whats important to you and what you really want in a partner. It takes two to make a relationship work and if you have been open and expressed your true wants/needs and openly understood their and they are not being the same way with you, you have to realize is this really what you want in a partner? If not maybe its just time to move on. Nothing against the other person. When you are in a solid mature friendship with someone, then even if it does not work out romantically you can end on a good note, even if you are the only one with no hard feelings. And trust me, that leaves YOU more free.

I can tell you this though, if the relationship does not work, do not let them stop you from being vulnerable again to another. Sooner you will find the person that will be your cheerleader too. The reason it hurts is because you want it so bad…If you close down, you will never find the person you are looking for. Every time you come across things you don’t want, the more clear you are able to get about the things you do want and the faster you will be able to spot that in others. That should be exciting! Also the more qualities you can strive for in yourself. So if not anything else, take that lesson from it.

When we criticize another person for not being their best self, by doing so we in turn are not being our best selves. So like said, be your BEST and inspire someone else. And at the least, a seed will be planted. Solid relationships take work sometimes and you can go through ups and downs with that person. The real question is who are you willing to go through that with and can you be there to bring each other back up when the lows hit. When you are real, vulnerable, honest, and communicative with someone, you WILL find someone who is there for you too!

xoxo,

Mini Goal Mondays!!!

I thought this was a good way to start the week since I have begun my “get-in-shape-by-summertime” plan. One thing that helps me a lot when it comes to not getting scared about how far I have to still go is cutting my big goals into a bunch of mini goals. Now yes this seems like common sense but how regularly do we really do that? If it were often, then our goals would be met a lot more frequently. And with more excitement!! In order to get what we want we have to become more clear about what we want and how we want to get there. I think it also helps when you can share your mini goals with someone. While it nice to be accountable to yourself, I find it much more motivating when you have to be accountable to someone else. SOoOoOoOoooo while I will share some of my mini goals with a friend I will also share them on my blog. Another tip is BE SPECIFIC!!!

My mini goal for the week, as far as getting in shape goes, is to lose 1.5lbs and go to the gym at least 3 times. Today at 7:30, Wed at 8:00, and Friday at 3:30pm… We’ll check back in next week!! Hey maybe Mondays can be now be “Mini Goal Mondays”… I like that!!!

What are you mini goals this week? And if you want to be even more specific what are your mini goals for the day?
Feel free to leave your goals in the comments section so we can be accountable together!

20 Micro Lessons

I apologize, I have not had enough time lately to write a post from my heart. I know your life depends on it right? haha J/k!!! But really, I try to take my time and really think about what I am giving to you before whipping out just anything so hopefully I’ll get some of my own words of wisdom up soon!!! But until then, I was looking through Oprah’s Lifeclass online and found these wonder “Micro-Lessons”. Each are quotes from her different Lifeclass segments from Oprah herself. I think they are amazing quotes and definitely lessons to remember and live by.
There are 20 lessons here yet they are not numbered 1-20. They are instead numbered by which lifeclass the quote came from. Each lesson has a link to the video clip in which she says the quote followed with a tad more info so I encourage you to go to her website and check out the clips that most ask for your attention.
“What I know for sure is you can’t even begin to love yourself or even be true to yourself unless you know who you really are—separate from your ego.”
“[The ego is] an impostor, imposing on the real you, making you think that you’re something that you’re not.”
“One of the best lessons for me is learning that revenge is another way for the ego to show itself.”
“Do you believe that you are worthy of happiness? Do you believe that happiness, success abundance, comfort, fulfillment, peace, joy, love is a part of your birthright? Or do you believe something else? Because you will manifest the life that you believe.”
“If you are in any way keeping a secret, or if you are in any way pretending to be something that you are not, you will never ever become all that you were meant to be. It just cannot happen.”
“Sometimes the calling is something that was just a whisper to you and when you begin to honor that whisper and to follow that, you end up being the best that you can be.”
“When you lie about your age you are denying that part of your life. You are denying energetically the years that you have earned here on the planet Earth. …You are denying your very existence.”
“Do you know how freeing those words are? How freeing they can be for you? What it means is you don’t have to hold yourself hostage to who you used to be or anything you ever used to do.”
“If you’re sitting around waiting on somebody to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time because only you have the power to take responsibility to move your life forward.”
“When somebody has shown you who they are, believe them. Stop expecting them to be something other than who they are. Believe them. And move on.”
“Your gut is the voice of your higher self. It’s your personal GPS system to guide you and to try to keep you out of danger’s way. Out of harm’s way. That is the gift of fear.”
“Most of the arguments that you have had in your life have not been about the specific thing but they’ve been about what is behind the thing that you’re arguing about…And if you peel back the layers, what is usually behind the things that we’re arguing about is, Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? Do I matter? That’s what everybody is looking for.”
“I love that! ‘If you want something you never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.'”
“Your relationship with your spouse, with your family, with your friends all can change if you get this lesson that took me to my late 20s, probably mid-30s to actually fully realize: Love does not hurt.”
“When you trust yourself, it means you don’t tolerate being stood up more than one time. …You don’t tolerate chronic betrayal.”
“When you can trust that you love yourself, care for yourself, have enough honor and respect for yourself that you will not allow other people to harm you, then you can succeed in any relationship….It doesn’t mean that somebody won’t hurt you again. It means that when they do, you will know what to do…. You will not let that destroy you.”
“Love is truth. Love is grace, is joyful.”
“Being in the present moment—if you can learn to do that—begins to change your whole life.”
“If there are a lot of negative people in your life, don’t look at them, look at the energy that you are creating to attract them. Don’t look at them, look at yourself.”
“The only courage you ever need is the courage to fulfill the dreams of your own life.”

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahdotcom/20-Micro-Lessons-from-Season-One-of-Oprahs-Lifeclass#ixzz1pxjFe3PO