“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love. If a person loves only one other person and is in different to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism. Yet, most people“If one wants to become a master of any art, one’s whole life must be devoted to it, or at least related to believe that love is constituted by the object, not by the faculty. In fact, they even believe that it is a proof of the intensity of their love when they do not love anybody except the “loved” person. This is the same fallacy which we have already mentioned above. Because one does not see that love is an activity, a power of the soul, one believes that all that is necessary to find is the right object–and that everything goes by itself afterward. This attitude can be compared to that of a man who wants to paint but who, instead of learning the art, claims that he has just to wait for the right object, and that he will paint beautifully when he finds it. If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, “I love you,” I must be able to say, “I love in you everybody, I love through you the world, I love in you also myself.” ~ Erich Fromm from The Art of Loving
My friend Vanessa emailed this to me the other day and I immediately fell in LOVE with the power and beauty that it holds. We are so trained to think that love originates from outside of ourselves. It comes from a person or an object. That outside thing is what makes us feel love. Therefore when that outside thing is gone, we think the love leaves with it. We are then left sometimes feeling empty, hurt and sad, often tricking us into thinking that the person or object is the cause of that sadness.
To think about Love as “an attitude, Love an orientation of character” changes the game. Step outside of our ego and see love as, not something you receive from another, not as something separate, but something you already are. It allows you to see that this ever flowing energy lives inside of YOU and has no boundaries. It flows through you as easily as your breath. It can not be given or taken away by anyone else but you.
When you feel this love inside, when you birth its energy within you, then you are able to see it in ALL that’s around. When it comes from within, it is your reality. It is what you see, what you feel, what you know, when you look out into the world. It’s reflected back to you, not just in a certain person or object but through all things. You experience that “Loving Essence” in all. What is in you is them. What is in them in you.
What you see and how you relate to the world and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING in it, is the true measure showing you if you experience TRUE love as who you are or if this “love” is just a symbiotic attachment stemming from your ego which is an illusion of who you are. We aren’t separate, we are all connected through this character of LOVE
Challenge: Think of someone who, without a doubt and with no fail, you love overwhelmingly. Grandparents, children, a pet, anything. Close your eyes and think about them. Feel that love. Feel it in your heart, your stomach, you mind. Notice how you created that. You chose that attitude now.
You don’t need to wait for love, nor proclaim it, nor profess it, nor deny it. If you want love, create it within and reflect it upon ALL that you see.
It’s who you are.