Well I am finally done with week 5. I spent a good 2 weeks there. I got really busy and found myself not focusing so much on the week as I wanted to so I decided to stay in the week longer, I even actually started it all over when I was half way through because I had missed a few days.
This week was about MONEY. How your SELF WORTH determines your NET WORTH. I know I had a huge issue with money and really spent some time noticing all my fears these last two weeks surrounding money. Money does have a bit of control over me as I am constantly worried about spending too much, not having enough, or trying to avoid debt. I also have become more aware of where my money issues started (when I was young) and how I am already effecting my son and his feelings revolving money.
I grew up in a suburban city called Pleasanton where most people are pretty well off. I lived with my single mother and we were probably on the lower end of the spectrum when it came to our status. I would say she was middle class as, especially now looking back, you somewhat had to be to be able to afford to live there. I grew up having a lot of friends that had a lot more than me and it would be hard sometimes not being able to afford the same things or do the same things as they did. Because of this, when I think about my childhood and how I grew up in relation to money, I know a lot of issues especially involving my self-esteem came from not feeling comparable to my peers.
I remember an experience that stuck out for me was the first time tried out for soccer team. I made the traveling team which usually costs a lot more than the regular team. I remember begging my mom to let me play and I we just couldn’t afford it so I had to turn down the opportunity. I had made the team a few times after that and once was almost allowed to play but then still couldn’t because of money. I remember just feeling super bummed because it wasn’t even that I wasn’t good enough, I made the team but just couldn’t afford to play. I was pretty good at soccer while I played but always used to wonder what it would have been like if I had been able to play on the traveling team and learned the skill-set they are taught. If I could have been a lot better and even gotten a scholarship or something.
I love “May Cause Miracles” version of the ego’s false perceptions when it comes to financial fears because I know we all can relate to these:
*The ego has a lack mentality
“I can’t possibly get a raise in this recession” “I will never afford that”
*The ego believes that passion has no purpose when it comes to making money
It convinces us that we can’t have it both ways when it comes to earning – “I can’t make money doing what I love”
*The ego has a get mentality rather than a give mentality
“we believe we need to get more to be happy”
*The ego creates addictive patterns around money
“money addiction, gambling addiction, debt addiction- we become powerless over money”
*The ego uses money to deepen belief in separation
“equates wealthy people as happy people and emphasizes the importance in external power – if you have money, the ego makes you more special”
*The ego is uncreative when it comes to money
“Ego convinces us to think linear, limited way- focusing on manipulative action to get more”
*There’s never enough for the ego
“Once the ego achieves a certain goal, it always needs more”
Day 29 was all about becoming aware of what my fears surrounding money are and know that “I am not my lack mentality”. This was a fun day because I spend several times a day speaking about “not having enough money” or “that costs too much”. I liked this day because I was reminded not to attach thoughts about myself with my fears. My main financial fears surround lack of money and not being smart with my money.
Day 30 was about my willingness to change my thoughts. In order to do that I had to dig deeper into my ego’s power. “I am willing to change my inner dialogue about my finances”. I remember when I bought my first car, the dealer told me that I had very great credit and that above everything I should make sure I keep it that way. So it has been an internal thought of mine constantly and I have huge fear of getting into debt and bringing down my credit score. Not having enough in my savings for the things I want in the future or in case of an emergency. Instead of having an addiction to spending, I think I have an addiction to saving. I have a lot of money in my savings account and I get joy out of adding money to my account when I can or at least seeing it stay the same. I have always had a fear of not making enough money doing what I love, and even though now I have more faith in following the direction of what I love, I still have a fear of being good enough at what I love. I try to have a give mentality when I can but sometimes I compare myself to people who make more than me, especially my fiance and claim that I can’t give as much because I don’t make as much. I have placed external power in money by thinking that if you have money you can do more and you don’t have to worry about anything. My thoughts and my actions reinforce my lack mentality because I have become afraid to spend money and have a hard time letting go. It stops me from taking risks or making investments.
I think this chapter has helped me a lot. I notice my thoughts a lot more, and although they are frequent, I try to create a feeling of abundance in moments in which I initially feel lack. For today I want you to just try to notice your lack mentality and how often you think about money… it may be a lot more than you think. let me know.
Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow!!