So week 2 of “May Cause Miracles” is coming to an end and I feel like i have had some pretty outstanding miracles occur. Its pretty exciting to witness. This week was all about building a new SELF perception and I can say that it’s a week I really needed. I know that I can be pretty dang hard on myself. I also tend to stress out when thinking about the future.
I am entering day 14 and this day is pretty much reflecting how the week went and what I have discovered. I think a lot happened this week that I do want to touch on but maybe too much for one post, so like week 1 I want to split it into two parts again. In this particular part I want to touch on day 8 and 9 but focus mostly on day 10 because I feel like I had a deep evening exercise that night.
I love the part in the book where Gabrielle explains: “When we release our ego’s false perception of who we are or who we need to be, we can surrender to the truth, which is that we are love.”
It’s true. Our ego usually tend to run the show ALL day EVERY day. Constantly comparing and competing. Judging, bringing down, attacking ourself and/or others. When we can just learn to let all that stuff go, we can become clear with our true selves.
Day 8 started off like Day 1 where I had to witness my self-inflicted fear. I noticed I tend to criticize myself a lot especially when it comes to my looks. I feel like I have played small by making excuses and not feeling like I am good enough to do the things I want to do or have the things I want to have. Even when good things come to me, I like to think by way of Karma, I can still have a hard time accepting it because of this mindset. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough because of how I grew up. I did not grow up with a lot of money like most of my friends and peers and had to be very money conscious. That very much still effects how I live my life today. I can be afraid to let go some times and feel like I actually deserve to spend money on myself or have others spend money on me.
“I am responsible for what I see” helps really put into perspective the power I truly have over my thoughts and the actions caused by these thoughts. I AM RESPONSIBLE!!
On Day 9 “I am willing to let go of my self-doubt. I surrender to self-love” was the affirmation. The evening exercise was very nice because it involved doing something nice for yourself as well as getting into a praying position as to surrender to your Inner Guide.
Then there’s Day 10 which was very powerful night for me. It was about actively choosing to love myself. “I AM LOVE” was the affirmation of the day and I know I said this one a lot. I tried to continuously imagine, what does love look like, sound like, feel like, acted out in the energy of myself, and BE that. For the evening I had to look at myself in a mirror and say “I love you” a few times and stare directly at myself in the mirror.
The first thing I actually started doing upon looking in the mirror was picking at everything wrong. The exact opposite of the point. I then remembered the point and began with the words. It seemed like something so simple but when I was staring at myself, almost simultaneously picking myself apart and loving myself at the same time, it was like I could see my whole life through my eyes. I saw all the pain bundled up from when I was younger until now. Everything that built me up into who I was in that moment. All the parts of me that yearned to hear those words. The little girl in me.
I Love You to the 5 year old little girl that was always called “white girl” by family members. Who thought she wasn’t good enough because her skin was too light.
I Love You to the 7 year old little girl that was called the “N” word for the first time she could remember after moving to a better neighborhood. Who thought she wasn’t good enough because her skin was too dark.
I Love You to the the 8 year old little girl that woke up one night at a sleepover to her “friends” talking about her. Who didn’t understand why they all seemed to pretend to like her.
I Love You to the 9 year old little girl that didn’t want to join girl scouts because she heard they had a daddy daughter dance. Who didn’t want to be embarrassed that her daddy didn’t live with her or wouldn’t be around.
I Love You to the 12 year old little girl who wanted to play on the traveling soccer team but her mom couldn’t afford it. Who couldn’t understand why and thought it wasn’t fair because she actually made the team.
I Love You to the 15 year old little girl who got dumped by her first boyfriend, her first love, her first everything, and couldn’t understand why. Who hurt so deeply because he continued to have sex with her but didn’t want to date her.
I Love You to the 17 year old little girl who kept having sex with guys that didn’t want to date her. Who didn’t know why she just wasn’t good enough.
I Love You to the 19 year old little girl who sometimes just wanted to have a mom she could talk to about all her pain. Who didn’t understand why their relationship was so rough.
I Love You to the 21 year old little girl who never really dated anyone. Who saw all her friends have boyfriend after boyfriend but had no clue why she only ever had two.
I Love You to the 24 year old little girl who had to figure out and go through her whole pregnancy alone. Who didn’t understand how that guy she loved so much could just treat her like a stranger.
I Love You to the 27 year old little girl who was so confused and scared about her future that she did almost anything to sabotage it’s coming. Who felt like she would never have the love she wanted.
I Love You to the 29 year old little girl who feels like her body isn’t skinny enough, her hair isn’t long enough, her skin isn’t clear enough, her motivation isn’t strong enough. Who doesn’t understand why she feels the way she does.
Even though she is surrounded it by it every single day, I LOVE YOU TO THE LITTLE GIRL WHO FEELS UNLOVED!
I realized in that moment staring in that mirror, which ended up being like 10 minutes, going over all those memories, trying to love that little girl that needed to hear those words in those moments, that not enough praise and love matter if I don’t feel that love from myself. “I LOVE YOU”. 3 single words could change so much!
The whole next day which was actually the last post I wrote, I felt a passion in my chest. I looked up the heart chakra and found it represents our ability to love. One article I read said that “learning to love yourself is the first step to securing a healthy 4th chakra. The “wounded” child resides in the heart chakra”.
This part amazed me because of what I had just gone through the night before. It made me believe that much more in the power of our minds and the energy within. My heart chakra was LIT UP that day.
Newho, this was a huge step for me. Some things I hadn’t been conscious of in years. It was nice to give myself the love I had needed for so long.
Tomorrow I will go over the rest of the lovely week.