ok ok here goes… I know I was bordering avoidance. I know I teased you guys a few posts ago about doing something that took a lot of strength. The strength was this… I had to tell the truth! Seems so simple right, but expressing truth is one of the hardest things for people to do. To fully own themselves, good and bad.
“If you are in any way keeping a secret, or if you are in any way pretending to be something that you are not, you will never ever become all that you were meant to be. It just cannot happen.” -Oprah
A while ago, I had discovered the one most powerful thing I wanted was to have as much freedom as I could get. Freedom from this man made prison built within my own mind. Well Freedom = Truth. So to grasp freedom, one has to learn how to grasp truth. Based on how much our ego runs the show, it’s hard for many of us to even recognize what our real truth is. We have who we are, and who our ego wants us to be. Ego likes to think we are all seperate, therefore it is CONSTANTLY comparing us to others as better or worse. In reality, to our soul, we are all the same. Learning to recognize this one concept will help you discover what your truth is. One of my goals with this blog is to question and test my beliefs and be able to share what I experience by doing so. All those great quotes and articles we read and share …yes they make sense, they sound right, but how often do we test them to see how they relate to us.
When you express your truth, you know that those attracted to your life are there because they accept you for who you are. What I consider to be the highest form of relationships, is that built off of truth. I’m sure in your head you are saying, “of course Barista… we all want relationships based this” or maybe you’re even saying, “I don’t know about you, but I already have relationships based on truth”. My response to you is “Yes you say that, but do you really?”
Try to think about all the restrictions you have in your life put on by you or others. Is it possible to have freedom with restrictions? And I’m not talking about restrictions like rules and laws you have to follow in society, but restrictions placed on your need of expression. To express how you feel, what you want, who you are. What are some reasons people are afraid to express themselves? Fear of hurting someone, fear of losing someone, fear of not being accepted… common theme is FEAR. This fear makes us hide what we think…what we feel…who we are. When we are hiding even a piece of who we are, we are then pretending to be something we are not. When you are pretending to be something you are not, then how can you ever be who you are suppose to be. Like Oprah said, it’s IMPOSSIBLE!
Back in March I had read Oprah’s quote above, and it resonated with me instantly. But still I was convinced that I could get over telling the truth by just becoming a better person and moving forward. If I was going to be a better person then what good was the truth to know. See that’s the thing. There is no change without truth. There were plenty of lessons being taught in this one experience and that was one of them I was ignoring. What happens when we don’t learn the lesson? It keeps coming back in different form until we decide to get to finally get it. I couldn’t just stop and be a better person if I couldnt be truthful. So guess what? All the times I thought I could just stop and move forward, I couldn’t…because people don’t make change by avoiding the truth, they change by confronting the truth.
I recently had to reveal myself to a friend which meant not only did I have to tell the truth, but I had to be vulnerable. Vulnerability = Truth. My truth was that I was going through some pain and insecurities and to mask that I was “acting out” in ways to prove my insecurities and pain right. I knew this acting out wasn’t who I was and I felt shame for it so I then was hiding how I was acting out. I felt restricted from being able to express my insecurities and what I was going through out of fear of not being understood. But do you see how I created this prison for myself. I didn’t KNOW if I was going to be accepted or not. I just feared it. And through this fear I created shame. And through this shame I was punishing myself for something that wasn’t even true. When you act out in order to mask your true self, it’s usually a temporary feel good but in the long term you end up feeling bad. When you feel bad, all that means is that you aren’t aligned with whats in your heart. I didn’t like the person I was “acting out” as so I became dedicated to figuring out how to heal the real fear and pains. How on earth do I EVER expect to build relationships and expect people to accept my truth and share with me theirs if I wasn’t accepting it myself?
Every time you lie, big or small, you are hiding a piece of who you are and how you feel. By telling the truth I understood were ways my friend could react to it. Was I afraid? Of course I was. I was so afraid that just thinking about telling the truth made my heart beat fast, my palms get sweaty and I practically had an anxiety attack. That’s how I knew I had to do it…because I was uncomfortable. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is the best way to learn though and if I wanted to learn truth I had to live truth. If I wanted someone to accept me for who I was, I had to reveal who I was. I learned who I AM was not who I was being. Suddenly hiding and lying was no longer an option. Instead of it coming down to, is this person going to accept me or not, it came down to do I accept myself? As long as I accept myself then those that dont accept me dont deserve to be in my life in the first place. There was a sense of peace in accepting my truth and placing that first. How did I know if this other person was or wasnt going to accept who I was if I didn’t just admit who I was. So there I was, on the edge of the cliff…. I could stand there staring down scared of what would happen or I could jump into the arms of freedom. You can’t learn to fly if you don’t jump first.
So I did it. I jumped. I told the truth. At that moment I was jumping into my freedom and into my expression and into being myself.
I knew in that moment of truth that I was owning who I had been and what I did. Did that make the lying and hiding ok? Absolutely not but I was taking responsibility for whatever the outcome. These lies and hiding had nothing to do with any other people and ALL to do with ME. I know the lies and hiding and my “acting out” wasn’t who I was destined to be. I had to deal with accepting what I was going through and confronting the truth. These lies weren’t something to be proud of and was hurtful towards another person but when I revealed them I immediately felt free. Not because I didn’t care about the other persons feelings, but because in that moment I was speaking my truth and the truth will set you free. Guess what? They accepted me! So all those fears weren’t even true in the first place. Imagine that 😉
My challenge to you is to figuring out what you are hiding. What piece of yourself are you keeping locked up? How are you restricted? What are your fears about expressing your truth? How can you test those fears unless you be yourself and see what happens? When you lie, notice what you are avoiding? Every time you feel fear its your soul begging for truth. I dare you to jump and experience how it feels to fly!!! We all make mistakes, its the only way to learn. You owe it to yourself to love all of you, mistakes and all. You are owe yourself the truth. You owe yourself freedom. You owe it yourself to be all you are meant to be. When love your truth, someone else will too!